Identity and Belonging

Transcription

1 identity and belnging FACTSHEET: Identity and Belnging Cping with Lss and Grief When a child r yung persn mves frm their wn family int care, they may feel a deep sense f lss and grief. They have been separated frm their parents, are likely t feel cnfused and may feel angry that they have n cntrl ver what is happening t them. They ll als be impacted by the things that have happened in their past, and the events leading up t them ging int care. Every child will fllw their wn unique cycle f grief. The length f time it lasts and the way they express their grief, will be different fr everyne. Children are nt ften able t express themselves verbally, s they tend t shw their feelings and thughts by their behaviur. A child wh may have been very cperative at first but wh is nw rebellius and angry, can be experiencing different stages in the grief cycle rather than being ut f cntrl. The fllwing table utlines sme f the stages f grief, alng with ways yu can help the child r yung persn in yur care cpe as they g thrugh their grief prcess: Grief stage Prcess Strategies Hneymn Acting ut Withdrawal Adjustment The child can be verly cperative and extremely well-behaved, r indifferent and anxius. The child is testing the limits, and can be rebellius, demanding, hstile and aggressive. The child may als blame themselves, reject yu and try t negtiate a return hme. This is usually a sign f prgress, and means they are beginning t trust yu. The child can becme sad, depressed, distrustful r indifferent. The child shws signs f self cnfidence, is again able t frm relatinships and begins t shw emtins apprpriately. If faced with anther separatin r the ptential fr separatin the child may regress and exhibit behaviur frm anther stage. Use this time t intrduce gd bundaries and develp trust and a sense f security. Be cnsistent when setting bundaries and yur expectatins f the child. Listen t why they are crying r angry. Try t build up their self-esteem and cnfidence by telling them what they are gd at. Try t teach them anger management strategies, and try t take the guilt that they feel fr cming int care ff their shulders. Persevere and be hnest. Acknwledge penly what they might be feeling, fr example, "Yu are feeling angry abut what is happening t yu. It's kay t feel that way. We can wrk it ut tgether." Dn t try t cnstantly cheer them up r t ignre their feelings. Instead help them t accept and express their feelings. Yur supprt and reassurance are very imprtant. Remember the previus stages f grief are nt cnstant. There may be perids f anger and depressin after this apparent adjustment. Explain the situatin t the child as hnestly and in as much depth as apprpriate. Listen t and acknwledge their feelings.

2 As the peple wh care fr children, yu can make a huge difference during this time f uncertainty and lss. Keep letting the child knw that yu are there fr them, that they can trust yu and that they have a hme with yu fr as lng as they need it. Surce CYF Fster Care Handbk 2010 Ways t Help the Griever Acknwledge the death r lss f parents and help the child accept the reality f it. Talk t them abut what will nt change as a result f it. Never cmpare lsses. All lss is experienced at 100%. There is n such thing as half grief. This is particularly true fr children. Remember, time desn t heal-actins d. Recvery frm grief r lss is achieved by a series f small, crrect actin chices made by the griever. Listen withut speaking. Simply acknwledge the child s grief and accept their feelings. 'Sunds like yu are disappinted' r 'Sunds like yu miss yur mm' and 'I bet yu were scared.' These statements pen up mre cmmunicatin, help the child understand what has happened, and desn't pass judgment n what the child has shared Encurage children t ask questins, and answer their questins truthfully. Share the child s feelings and help them t put them int wrds. Reassure them that these feelings are nrmal and necessary. Help children t express their feelings in safe ways. Give them a jurnal and let them draw their feelings. Prvide ways fr the child t release their feelings thrugh varius physical activities like playing games, acting, etc. Help them t farewell the persn, pet, r bject lst by writing a letter, drawing a picture, r talking t them. Respect the child r yung persn s desire t be alne fr a while, if that is what they have asked. Give clear, truthful infrmatin repeatedly, and tell them realistically what will be happening t them as they grieve. Be patient and d nt frce them t say r d things they are nt ready t d. Knw nt t prmise things that cannt happen. Knw that yu dn t have the answer t why the lss ccurred; hwever, yu have the means t help a child t find their wn answer t that questin. Offer explanatins by linking things t what the children already knw. Reassure them that the death r illness is nt cntagius, r that they are in n way respnsible fr the fact that their parents cannt care fr them. Reassure them that they are still lved by their parents, in spite f what has happened. Explain t the child the different ways peple react when grieving and why their family members may be behaving differently. Let them knw that grief will surface at times in the future, such as birthdays, hlidays, etc, and that they will be understd when this happens.

3 Shw physical affectin by hugging the child if apprpriate. Shw yur willingness t help and yur genuine cncern and understanding. Prvide extra stability, rder and rutine s that the child feels safe and secure. Anticipate behaviural prblems and dn t punish the child r make negative cmments. Try t see such behaviurs as a grief respnse Supprt the child as they vercme the varius barriers t readjustment. Try hugging rather than islating. Be aware that grief has physical symptms t, such as tensin pains, fatigue, rashes, pr appetite, cld sres, etc. Be aware f negative reactins t grief such as guilt, anger r rejectin, and encurage pen expressin f these feelings. Help the child t retain a clse cnnectin t their family talk abut them, help the child t send letters updating their parents n their achievements etc Offer lts f supprt - The child will need supprt befre and after family visitatin. Prepare yurself and knw that the child may act ut with different grieving behaviurs. Start a traditin f ding smething after visitatin if pssible like getting ice cream, ging fr a walk, r taking a drive. This gives the child time t talk abut the visit and relax. Wrk n the child s life bk. Allw children t keep and talk abut phtgraphs, tys, pictures and ther bjects that are imprtant t them. Create a special place fr memries. Make a memry quilt r memry bxes t hld treasures frm hme. Remember, that what is a 'treasure' t the child may lk like a piece f trash t yu. Maybe that candy bar wrapper came frm the last gift given t the child frm their birth mum r dad. Respect the child s cultural and religius beliefs and dn t questin them. Invlve the whle family, including whanau, in supprting yu and the child during the grieving prcess. Accept supprt frm thers, and dn t be t hard n yurselves. Prbably, yu are grieving t! S make time t attend t yur wn needs. Be sensitive t yur family s grieving patterns and help yur child thrugh the prcess in rder t prevent denial ccurring. Get help frm yur scial wrkers, dctrs, district nurses, teachers, psychlgists, prfessinals, church representatives t get help n a practical and emtinal level, if the child s grief turns int depressin. If the child's grief turns int depressin it may be time t find prfessinal help. Warning signs f depressin may include: The child lses interest in daily activities and interests. Inability t sleep and lss f appetite. Acting much yunger than chrnlgical age fr an extended perid f time. Sharp drp in schl perfrmance. Get yur wn persnal supprt, as emtinal pain and suffering is catching.

4 FACILITATED DISCUSSION SHEET: Facilitatr Nte 1. The fact sheet can be used as the basis fr small grup discussins at infrmal gatherings f carers such as Fstering Kids mrning tea gatherings. 2. This discussin sheet utlines an verview f the fact sheet, learner utcmes and questins fr discussin starters. 3. Ensure that the grup nte where they may need clarificatin n any discussin pint and wh will fllw up t find ut additinal infrmatin that will help. Wh can they talk t? i.e. caregiver scial wrker, caregiver trainers. Overview This fact sheet has been written t prvide the carer with strategic ways t respnd t a child r yung persn wh is experiencing grief r lss. It is imprtant t recgnise that a child r yung persn will nt necessarily have cntrl ver their grief r lss, and it is equally imprtant the respnses during the grieving phase. In deed, the way a carer replies during this phase can create a trust bnd with the child r yung persn. The abve article is a helpful guideline fr the carer. It highlights the different stages f grief, and ways t help the griever. This additinal tl reference can be applied t help a child r yung persn deal with the grief and lss. Learner Objective By the end f this facilitated discussin carers will be able t: Identify ways t respnd t a child r yung persn dealing with grief r lss. Strengthen their understanding f the grief and lss prcess and ways t help a child r yung persn. Learner Outcme Carers will learn the different stages f grief and learn the strategies t respnd apprpriately. Carers will learn practical ways t help a child r yung persn ging thrugh grief. Suggestins fr Discussin Starters Share a time when yu encuntered a child r persn experiencing grief r lss? What actins did yu use t shw empathy? What wrds did yu use t cmfrt the griever? Can yu share a time when yu were experiencing grief r lss, and discuss a psitive respnse that helped yu during this time? Wuld yu respnd differently t an adult experiencing lss as ppse t a child r yung persn? What are sme f the ways yu culd respnd t a child experiencing grief and lss? Hw can yu reassure a child r yung persn that their feelings f grief r lss is nrmal?

5 Fr further infrmatin: Bks: Cnnlly, M and Harms, L. (2009). Scial Wrk: cntexts and practice. (2 nd editin). Oxfrd University Press: Melburne. Cnnlly, M. Crichtn-Hill, Y and Ward, T. (2006). Culture and Child Prtectin: Reflexive Respnses. Jessica Kingsley Publishers: Lndn. Crichtn-Hill, Y. (2007). Family Vilence and Cultural Cntext, Scial Wrk Nw 37 (Sept) Furness, S. (2005) Shifting sands: develping cultural cmpetence, Practice, 17(4) Hanley, J. (1999). Beynd the tip f the iceberg: Five stages tward cultural cmpetence. Reaching tday s yuth. 3(2) Ruwhiu, L. (2009). Indigenus Issues in Ateara New Zealand. In Cnnlly, M. and Harms, L. (eds), Scial Wrk: Cntext and Practice (pp ). Melburne: Oxfrd University Press. Webber-Dreadn, Emma (1999) He Tanga M Matu Tipuna (A gift handed dwn by ur ancestrs): an indigenus apprach t scial wrk supervisin. Scial Wrk Review Vl 11(4), Websites: Other Resurces: CYF Fster Care Handbk 2010 Cntact yur lcal Child, Yuth and Family r NGO Caregiver Scial Wrker