Self-directed learning: managing yourself and your working relationships

Transcription

1 Self-directed learning: managing yurself and yur wrking relatinships EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE The term Emtinal Intelligence was ppularised in the 1990 s by Daniel Gleman, but the idea ges back fr centuries. Indeed Gleman begins his bk Emtinal Intelligence with a qute frm Aristtle which captures the essence f EI: Anyne can becme angry that is easy. But t be angry with the right persn, t the right degree, at the right time, fr the right purpse, and in the right way that is nt easy. As an aside, I d like t disagree with Aristtle s view that everyne finds it easy t becme angry. I think sme peple find it very, very difficult t becme r perhaps allw themself t becme angry. One f the things which the term Emtinal Intelligence itself did was t legitimise t sme extent anyway - discussin f feelings in rganisatins where the main fcus was n task and where discussins were assumed t be based n lgic and ratinal argument. Awareness and respnsibility In the chapter n caching later in the bk we shall lk at an idea that lies at the heart f caching effectively. In his bk Caching fr Perfrmance Jhn Whitmre ffers this equatin t summarise what yu are seeking t achieve when caching: Awareness + Respnsibility = Perfrmance In ther wrds, t cach effectively yu are trying t d tw things t help the ther persn t becme mre aware f what they need t d and hw t d it, and t encurage them t take respnsibility fr acting. The fundamental premise is that smene wh is aware f what t d and wh takes respnsibility will perfrm well - whatever perfrmance means in their cntext. It might be delivering excellent custmer service, leading a sales team, playing tennis, etc, etc. Yu might view the varius ideas intrduced in this and later chapters as seeking t raise yur awareness and then inviting yu t cnsider hw yu will respnd in the light f yur changed awareness. Awareness and respnsibility are key themes that will reappear thrughut the bk. Yu might recast the wrd respnsibility as respnse-ability. Once yu ve becme mre aware, the next challenge is yur ability t respnd effectively. Page 1 f 6

2 Self-directed learning: managing yurself and yur wrking relatinships A framewrk fr Emtinal Intelligence I think that the simple framewrk shwn in Figure 1.1 is a very gd summary f the essence f Emtinal Intelligence. Figure 1.1 A framewrk fr Emtinal Intelligence Others Empathy Scial skills Self Self awareness Self cntrl Awareness Respnsibility The framewrk begins with Awareness and mves n t Respnsibility. The starting pint as with s many things is self awareness. Simply nticing what emtins yu are feeling can be very useful. One thing which helps here is t have a vcabulary t name emtins. In his bk The Skilled Helper Gerard Egan writes, The wrds sad, mad, bad, and glad refer t fur f the main families f emtin, whereas cntent, quite happy, and verjyed refer t different intensities within the glad family. I smetimes imagine a palette f emtins, smewhat similar t the range f clurs yu are ffered when creating a Wrd r Pwerpint dcument. Fr example, maybe the red clurs are like different degrees f anger, and, just as there are shades f pink and f marn, s t there are anger-type emtins ranging frm irritated t incandescent. One way f naming emtins is simply t find ne wrd which cmpletes the sentence I feel.. Often when smene says I feel.. what fllws is a thught, nt a feeling. If yu can insert the wrd that after I feel withut altering the meaning, then almst certainly yu re dealing with a thught nt a feeling. Cmpare, fr example, I feel we may miss the train (a thught) with I feel anxius (a feeling). Here is an example frm an Ian McEwan nvel, The Inncent, which describes vividly a character develping self awareness as he recgnises and names the emtins he is feeling. Lenard had never in his life spken abut himself and his feelings in such a way. Nr had he even thught in this manner. Quite simply, he had never acknwledged in himself a serius emtin. He had never gne much further than saying he quite liked last night s film, r hated the taste f lukewarm milk. In fact, until nw, it was as thugh he had never Page 2 f 6

3 Self-directed learning: managing yurself and yur wrking relatinships really had any serius feelings. Only nw, as he came t name them shame, desperatin, lve culd he really claim them fr his wn and experience them. His lve fr the wman standing by his dr was brught int relief by the wrd, and sharpened the shame he felt fr assaulting her. As he gave it a name, the unhappiness f the past three weeks was clarified. He was enlarged, unburdened. Nw that he culd name the fg he had been mving thrugh, he was at last visible t himself. The ther aspect f Awareness is awareness f hw the ther persn is feeling, which is ften described as empathy. Once again the ability t put a name t an emtin is useful. Even mre imprtant is the ability t listen attentively and t bserve carefully in rder t recgnise emtins in thers. Peple dn t always r even usually tell yu hw they feel, but may cmmunicate this nn-verbally thrugh their tne f vice, the clur f their cheeks, their gestures r their mvements. When yu listen t understand anther persn, yu need t lk ut fr what s nt being said as well as the wrds that are spken. Picking up n emtins that are revealed nn-verbally is inevitably mre prvisinal r tentative than picking up n the wrds that they say. With an awareness f hw yu are feeling r hw the ther persn is feeling, yu still need t manage hw yu will respnd. Smene wh is emtinally intelligent is able t cntrl what they d with their emtins. Fr example, nticing that yu are becming angry infrms what yu say r d next. In sme cntexts it may be wise nt t shw r reveal that yu are feeling angry. In ther cntexts this might be a very pwerful thing t d. And, as Aristtle wrte, t be angry with the right persn, t the right degree isn t easy. Similarly, as yu becme aware f hw the ther persn is feeling, yu still need t chse hw t respnd. As an illustratin, at an early stage in my career in management develpment I was at times able t recgnise when the participants in a wrkshp were becming bred. But I didn t always knw what t d with this awareness. When I detect that the participants are getting bred these days, I generally get the grup t d smething active and different frm what they were ding. An emtinally intelligent persn has a range f scial skills that enable them t respnd apprpriately and successfully t a wide range f peple and situatins. Daniel Gleman s framewrk fr Emtinal Intelligence My impressin is that in his later writings Daniel Gleman includes mre r less everything ther than technical skills under the umbrella f Emtinal Intelligence, which fr me dilutes the cncept t much. Hwever, in his article What Makes a Leader? published in the Harvard Business Review in 1998 he ffers this framewrk. It is similar t the framewrk described earlier with the explicit additin f self mtivatin. Page 3 f 6

4 Self-directed learning: managing yurself and yur wrking relatinships Self awareness: the ability t recgnise and understand yur mds, emtins and drives, as well as their effect n thers Self regulatin: the ability t cntrl r regulate disruptive impulses and mds, and the prpensity t suspend judgement and think befre acting Mtivatin: a passin t wrk fr reasns that t beynd mney r status, and a prpensity t pursue gals with energy and persistence Empathy: the ability t understand the emtinal make up f ther peple, and skill in treating peple accrding t their emtinal reactins Scial skill: prficiency in managing relatinships and building netwrks, and an ability t find cmmn grund and build rapprt The benefits f Emtinal Intelligence In the curse f my career wrking in a number f large industrial cmpanies and at the University f Warwick, I have bserved emtinally intelligent managers wh were able t mtivate thers and deliver business results. I have als seen ther managers wh rse t senir levels in their rganisatin, achieved gd perfrmance, and were emtinally very unintelligent. I can think f tw types f manager wh were successful in their careers withut being emtinally intelligent. One type is the hard-driving manager wh is cncerned nly abut business results and isn t bthered abut upsetting, bullying r at times terrrising thers. The secnd type is the manager wh is very skilful at managing upwards and is able t impress thse abve them in the rganisatin but wh is disliked r even lathed by thse wh wrk under them. I guess this latter type des have sme degree f emtinal intelligence which they deply when interacting with senir peple. In the chapter n managing peple we shall argue that yu are mre likely t succeed if yu can cmbine cncern fr task achievement with cncern fr the wellbeing and success f yur peple. In ther wrds, an emtinally intelligent leader can achieve far mre thrugh their team than ne wh can nly wrk at a task level. Emtinally intelligent managers are able t empathise, cmmunicate, build relatinships and establish cnsensus. They understand what makes peple tick and can use this cnstructively t manage perfrmance and t develp capability. Daniel Gleman estimates that fr leadership psitins emtinal intelligence cmpetencies accunt fr up t 85% f what sets utstanding managers apart frm the average. A survey f managers in a UK supermarket chain fund that thse with high EI experienced less stress, enjyed better health, perfrmed better and reprted a better wrk/life balance. There are wide reaching benefits - bth fr yurself and fr thse yu manage - in being mre emtinally intelligent. Page 4 f 6

5 Self-directed learning: managing yurself and yur wrking relatinships Measuring Emtinal Intelligence While I think that the idea f emtinal intelligence is very useful and indeed I have chsen this as the verture t this bk I am sceptical abut attempts t measure emtinal intelligence. There are a number f self reprt and 360 degree feedback instruments available. I am nt familiar with all f them, but I ve nt been impressed by the nes I have lked at. There are sme fundamental prblems in measuring EI. First, if I am emtinally unintelligent and lack self awareness, then my self assessment f my emtinal intelligence will be inaccurate and hence any measurement based n my respnses t a questinnaire will be wrng. Secnd, while ther peple might usefully assess hw I impact n them, they are t a greater r lesser extent frced t guess when answering questins abut my level f self awareness. In an article Emtinal:intelligence: Extravagant hype r a damaging flly? Andrew Munr, wh is an ccupatinal psychlgist, suggests that peple wh self reprt high levels f EI prbably have lw levels f emtinal maturity. He als argues that EI measurements ffer little additinal infrmatin beynd existing measures f cgnitive ability and persnality. Issues f pr self perceptin and f faking answers bedevil all self reprt questinnaires. In the next chapter we shall lk at the Myers-Briggs Type Inventry, a self reprt persnality assessment that I think is far mre rbust and useful than any Emtinal Intelligence instruments that I have seen. Self awareness At the heart f bth emtinal intelligence and f managing thers effectively lies self awareness. Understanding yurself is fundamental. In the Emtinal Intelligence Pcketbk Margaret Chapman writes: Self-awareness is the ability t see urselves with ur wn eyes, t be aware f ur Gals, immediate and lng term Beliefs, abut urselves and thers Values, thse things we hld dear Drivers, that affect hw we wrk Rules, that we live by, the shulds, musts and ughts Self-talk, the inner vice that tells us we can r cannt d smething and the ways in which these impact n what we d and cntribute t ur map f the wrld. T develp yur emtinal intelligence and t bring int fcus what underpins yur apprach t managing peple, yu will find it very useful t spend sme time n yur wn r with smene yu trust clarifying and articulating yur gals, beliefs, values, drivers, rules and self-talk. Page 5 f 6

6 Self-directed learning: managing yurself and yur wrking relatinships Develping yur Emtinal Intelligence Whereas cnventinal intelligence as measured by IQ is mre r less given, yu can imprve yur emtinal intelligence as yu g thrugh life. Yur life experiences and hw yu handle them will be a far richer surce f emtinal develpment than any bk r curse. In my bk Grwing Peple: learning and develping frm day t day experience I described a number f ways in which yu might use yur day t day experiences t develp yur emtinal intelligence. Learn t recgnise and put a name t yur feelings. Use three wrd sentences that begin I feel.. - fr instance I feel happy r I feel angry Practise empathy develp yur active listening skills and try t pick up n the emtins as well as the facts. Explre the things that are imprtant but are nt being said. The term self talk refers t the things that we say t urselves inside ur head, as it were. Think abut the messages yu are saying t yurself. Cnsider hw yur self talk might be shaping yur behaviur. What wuld be mre useful self talk? Keep a jurnal that recrds significant events where yu felt strngly abut smething r smene. Make a nte f hw yu felt, what yu thught, what yu said r did (r what yu didn t say r d), and what the cnsequences were. Frm time t time lk back at yur jurnal and see if there are any patterns. Nte what happens next time yu are in a cnflict situatin. D yu passively withdraw r give up? D yu aggressively seek t win at the expense f the ther party? Or d yu assertively lk fr hw bth f yu can gain sme benefit a win-win utcme? Spend sme time clarifying what really matters t yu in yur life. Observe thse peple wh create psitive, nurishing relatinships with ther peple. What can yu learn frm hw they treat peple? Observe thse peple wh leave yu feeling drained r upset r smehw less psitive. What d they d that triggers this? Hw d yu cllude with them? Wh are the key peple that yu interact with at wrk and utside wrk? What really matters t each f these peple? What can yu d t make yur relatinships with each f them mre satisfying and prductive? Page 6 f 6