BRO 2 Males He and Him. Katie Hileman Two guys are sitting in a bedroom on the floor listening to music. One guy is packing a bowl. The other watches patiently. They are best friends, this is a ritual they have gone through a hundred times. Each guy hits the bowl when it s ready. Take time with this. Make it real. This happens throughout. The play begins. HIM: What the fuck bro. HE: No, really, come on. HIM: ok Like a what. What animal am I fucking? HE: I don t know like, a dog. HIM: Ugh. HE: What? HIM: I don t want to fuck a dog. HE: Okay then WHAT animal do you want to make loooooooove to? HIM: I guess, like, a monkey. HE: A monkey? HIM: Yeah, it s like a human, right? I could do that. HE: Good to know you could fuck a human. (beat) So you would do it for free? HIM: Is that what I said? What was the question? HIM: Like 10 dollars? HE: 10 dollars? HIM: Yah. HE: Bro.
HE: 10 FUCKING DOLLARS? HIM: What, I m easy. Sex is sex. HE: Sex is sex? HIM: Sex is sex. If it s a fucking monkey, it s not like I m taking it home to mom. Hell yeah, I d do it. HIM: I d actually ask for a million dollars, then it s like.. I m getting paid.. to have sex. Like, I m a prostitute, but for myself HE: What? HE: What are you talking about? HIM: I don t know. A hot ass monkey. HE: You mean, your girlfriend? HIM: Shut the fuck up man. You re just jealous. HE: Of your monkey ass girlfriend? Ok. (HIM gives a look). Do you love her? HIM: What? HE: Do you love her? Are you in love with her? (HIM is silent). So no? HIM: I don t I can t I feel nothing. I actually feel like less alive when I am with her. HIM: Don t tell her I said that, bro. HE: Mmm. HIM: It s why I smoke so much weed. HE: So wait, you wouldn t have sex with a dog?
HIM: Ew, no. What. Come on. HE: Not even for money? HIM: No, come on, bro. HE: I thought sex was sex. HIM: Sex is sex? HE: Yeah. HIM: Sex IS sex but a dog.. like.. what the fuck man. That s not right. HE: Even for money? HIM: Money? Wait. What was the question? HE: How much money would you need to be paid to have sex with a dog? HIM: I thought it was an animal HE: Answer the fucking question. HIM: Guh like do people know about it? Like are people gonna know I have sex with this dog? HE: That s up to you. (beat). HIM: Guh I can t. I can t. I don t know. It s like too close to fucking home, yknow? (heavy pause.) HE: But what if you were like really drunk? HIM: Drunk? HE: Like COMPLETELY SHITFACED? HIM: Shitfaced? HE: Yeah, and it was private. HIM: Private? HE: Yeah, and it would just be you and him?
HIM: Uhh HE: And he was nice, and good-looking, and really wanted- HIM: the fuck are we talking about here? HE: To tell you how amazing you are, and feel your lips on my lips and just forget about the world and fucking girlfriends and parents and jobs and all that shit. HIM: I thought we were talking about a dog here. HE: Aren t we. (beat). HIM: Bro you re fucking high. You need some wat- HE: I need you. (Heavy. Fucking. Pause.) HIM: Bro. HE: I can t fucking stand it anymore. I can t. HIM: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT. HE: I know it s weird but I can t. I don t. (He moves to be closer to him. Him gets up to leave). HE: Don t. Stay. I m sorry. No I m not. Don t tell me you haven t thought about it. HIM: I haven t. HE: You re lying. Don t. Lie. HIM: What do you expect me to fucking say. HE: Say you want me too. HIM: I DON T FUCK DOGS MAN. HE: But you would fuck a monkey. You said it. You like animals. $10, right? HIM: You re disgusting.
HE: I have $10, if you re serious about the price. (looks exchanged). Kidding. (silence). But, sex is sex right? (HIM can t respond. Silence.) Haven t you wanted to try it. Just to know what it would feel like. For comfort. For love. For recognition. For self esteem. For lust. TO FEEL FUCKING GOOD. Why can t I put my hands on you. Why can t hands be on hands, skin be on skin, mouths be on mouths. There is always something. An excuse. A lie. A law. A norm. A judgement. A look. Why does there always have to be something in the fucking way? What does it matter if I m a dog or a monkey or a fucking human. I m alive. I am here. I am looking at you. You are looking at me. I feel like I m going crazy. I am not crazy. I am NOT crazy. I just know what I want. I am here. I am open. I am yours. I am brave. We are two people. Who cares about anything else. Let s just do it. Stop fucking thinking so much. Why is everything only a hypothetical. Why don t we do something for real. For. Real. Just for us. No one else. We sit here. We smoke weed. We talk about nothing. We repeat. Why don t we do something that matters. Something important. Something human. Something animal. SOMETHING LIVING. (silence. Him considers this. He walks toward He. They get close are they going to kiss?). HIM: You can t pay me enough in the fucking world. (Him leaves). (He takes it in.) (He starts to pack another bowl.) END.