COMEDY DUOS FOR HIGH SCHOOL

Transcription

1 COMEDY DUOS FOR HIGH SCHOOL A Collection of Five Skits Brooklyn Publishers, LLC Toll-Free Fax Web

2 Copyright 2003 All rights reserved CAUTION: Professionals & amateurs are here warned that Comedy Duos for High School is subject to a royalty. This play is fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America, Canada, the British Commonwealth and all other countries of the Copyright Union. RIGHTS RESERVED: All rights to this play are strictly reserved, including professional and amateur stage performance rights. Also reserved are: motion pictures, recitation, lecturing, public reading, radio broadcasting, television, video and the rights of translation into non-english languages. PERFORMANCE RIGHTS & ROYALTY PAYMENTS: All amateur and stock performance rights to this play are controlled exclusively Brooklyn Publishers, LLC. No amateur or stock production groups or individuals may perform this play without securing license and royalty arrangements in advance from Brooklyn Publishers, LLC. Questions concerning other rights should be addressed to Brooklyn Publishers, LLC. If necessary, we will contact the author or the author s agent. PLEASE NOTE that royalty fees for performing this play can be located online at Brooklyn Publishers, LLC website ( Royalty fees are subject to change without notice. Professional and stock fees will be set upon application in accordance with your producing circumstances. Any licensing requests and inquiries relating to amateur and stock (professional) performance rights should be addressed to Brooklyn Publishers, LLC. You will find our contact information on the following page. Royalty of the required amount must be paid, whether the play is presented for charity or profit and whether or not admission is charged. AUTHOR CREDIT: All groups or individuals receiving permission to produce this play must give the author(s) credit in any and all advertisement and publicity relating to the production of this play. The author s billing must appear directly below the title on a separate line where no other written matter appears. The name of the author(s) must be at least 50% as large as the title of the play. No person or entity may receive larger or more prominent credit than that which is given to the author(s). PUBLISHER CREDIT: Whenever this play is produced, all programs, advertisements, flyers or other printed material must include the following notice: Produced special arrangement with Brooklyn Publishers, LLC ( TRADE MARKS, PUBLIC FIGURES, & MUSICAL WORKS: This play may include references to brand names or public figures. All references are intended only as parody or other legal means of expression. This play may contain suggestions for the performance of a musical work (either in part or in whole). Brooklyn Publishers, LLC have not obtained performing rights of these works. The direction of such works is only a playwright s suggestion, and the play producer should obtain such permissions on their own. The website for the U.S. copyright office is COPYING: from the book in any form (in whole or excerpt), whether photocopying, scanning recording, videotaping, storing in a retrieval system, or any other means is strictly forbidden without consent of Brooklyn Publishers, LLC. TO PERFORM THIS PLAY 1. Royalty fees must be paid to Brooklyn Publishers, LLC before permission is granted to use and perform the playwright s work. 2. Royalty of the required amount must be paid each time the play is performed, whether the play is presented for charity or profit and whether or not admission is charged. 3. When performing one-acts or full-length plays, enough playbooks must be purchased for cast and crew. 4. Copying or duplication of any part of this script is strictly forbidden. 5. Any changes to the script are not allowed without direct authorization Brooklyn Publishers, LLC. 6. Credit to the author and publisher is required on all promotional items associated with this play s performance(s). 7. Do not break copyright laws with any of our plays. This is a very serious matter and the consequences can be quite expensive. We must protect our playwrights, who earn their living through the legal payment of script and performance royalties. 8. If you have questions concerning performance rules, contact us the various ways listed below: Toll-free: Fax: customerservice@brookpub.com Copying, rather than purchasing cast copies, and/or failure to pay royalties is a federal offense. Cheating us and our wonderful playwrights in this manner will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. Please support theatre and follow federal copyright laws.

3 COMEDY DUOS FOR HIGH SCHOOL A Collection of Five Skits TABLE OF CONTENTS 1. The Quandary... Page 7 2. Happy Anniversary... Page The Men s Club... Page Will Work for Food... Page A New Look... Page 19

4 The Quandary (Two girls sitting at desks in a classroom) BROOKE: Do you have your cell phone? JULIE: Yeah, why? BROOKE: I need to call someone. JULIE: Now? Here in class? BROOKE: I ll be quiet. JULIE: If Mr. Lindley catches you talking on the phone, you ll be in serious trouble! BROOKE: I promise to be quiet. JULIE: Okay. (takes the phone from her purse) Here. BROOKE: Thanks. (dialing) JULIE: Who are you calling? BROOKE: My boyfriend. JULIE: Why? BROOKE: Hold on JULIE: Is it ringing? BROOKE: It s ringing. Hello? Who is this? JULIE: Who is it? BROOKE: Mark? JULIE: Is it him? BROOKE: Listen, Mark, I want to break up. Why? Because! I don t have to explain why! JULIE: Tell him you ve found someone else. BROOKE: I ve found someone else. JULIE: He ll get over it. BROOKE: I don t have to tell you who it is! Don t do this! Don t cry. JULIE: He s crying? Really? BROOKE: Yes. JULIE: Can I listen? (BROOKE lets her listen.) Wow. You broke his heart. BROOKE: What should I say? JULIE: That you ll always care about him. BROOKE: (into the phone) I ll always care about you. Mark. Stop. Please stop crying. JULIE: How long did you go out with him? BROOKE: Two weeks. JULIE: Two weeks and he s crying? What did you do, cast some spell on him? BROOKE: I hate to hang up on him. What should I do? JULIE: Look out! Mr. Lindley is looking this way! BROOKE: (puts the phone down and writes furiously; after a moment, SHE picks up the phone and listens) He s still crying. (into the phone) Mark... please... it ll be all right... I ll always be your friend. JULIE: Do you want me to talk to him? BROOKE: Sure. That s a good idea. Here. (hands her the phone) JULIE: Mark, this is Julie. Look, I m sorry Brooke dumped you, but it s for the best. I know, but you don t want someone who can t be loyal and true. Someone who ll dump you over the next cute guy. What kind of girl would do that? BROOKE: What are you doing? JULIE: I m helping. (into the phone) I understand. No, I wouldn t do that. Okay, hold on. (to BROOKE) Can I see the picture of him in your notebook? BROOKE: Sure. (points to the photo) JULIE: (into the phone) Yeah, I saw it. (giggles) Yeah, I don t know. Maybe. Well, I d say I m cute. BROOKE: What is this? He s making the moves on you? JULIE: I like the sound of your voice, too. BROOKE: I can t believe this! Julie, you re not helping! JULIE: Hold on. (to BROOKE) I m not helping? I got him to stop crying! BROOKE: Oh, I get it! You re trying to make him feel better! That s a good idea! Sorry. JULIE: (into the phone) I m in Math class. Sure, I ll meet you there. (hangs up) BROOKE: Meet him where? JULIE: For lunch. BROOKE: Lunch? JULIE: Yeah. Mark seems really nice.

5 BROOKE: He is. JULIE: Then why did you break up with him? BROOKE: I met someone else, REMEMBER? JULIE: Oh, yeah. Mark seems like a really sensitive guy. BROOKE: I go for the tough guys. JULIE: And he s cute. End of free preview Happy Anniversary JOHN: I m waiting. PAM: Don t rush me! JOHN: Rush you? You re the one who had something so important to tell me. It couldn t wait, remember? PAM: Can I ask you a question first? JOHN: Sure, why not, ask away. PAM: How long have we been going steady? JOHN: Is this a trick question? PAM: How long? JOHN: A long time. I don t know. Almost a year. PAM: You don t know! JOHN: Why are you giving me a quiz? PAM: How many anniversaries have you remembered? JOHN: I don t think you have an anniversary until it s been an entire year. PAM: Remember we said we were going to celebrate each month? Remember? JOHN: Yeah, so? PAM: At first you remembered every month. I could count on a special gift or card or something from you. Then you started forgetting. And now, I have to remind you it s our anniversary. JOHN: Pam, I m sorry. Sometimes I get busy and forget. PAM: I used to be important to you. JOHN: You are still important to me. PAM: Last month you forgot my birthday. JOHN: And I said I was sorry. PAM: Then there was Valentine s. I gave you a card and some candy, but you forgot! JOHN: I told you I d make it up to you. PAM: And there was my choir program at school. You didn t attend. JOHN: Yeah, well... I forgot. I m sorry. PAM: It seems I can never count on you to remember anything that s important to me. JOHN: Guess I m just a forgetful kind of guy. PAM: So if I forgot something, you won t be mad? JOHN: No, I ll understand. PAM: Oh, good. What a relief. JOHN: Did you forget something? PAM: Yes. JOHN: What? PAM: Yesterday was our one-year anniversary. JOHN: It was? PAM: It was. JOHN: Hey, we both forgot! PAM: Yes, but it s not all I forgot. JOHN: It s not? PAM: No. JOHN: What else did you forget? PAM: That you were my boyfriend. JOHN: What? Are you joking?

6 PAM: No. Last night Eric asked me to go to a movie with him and since I had no other plans, I told him I d love to go. JOHN: You went out with Eric? PAM: Sorry. I forgot. JOHN: You forgot? What kind of excuse is that? End of free preview The Men s Club (MIKE enters with a purse over his shoulder.) ERIC: Mike, what are you doing? MIKE: Don t ask! ERIC: But Mike MIKE: Pretend you never saw me! ERIC: But MIKE: And you never saw me carrying this purse! ERIC: But I did see you. Are you... okay? MIKE: No! ERIC: Please tell me this isn t the new style. MIKE: This isn t the new style! ERIC: Then please tell me this is a joke. MIKE: Not a joke! I wish it was as joke! ERIC: Then tell me I m not seeing what I see! My buddy here is carrying a purse! Tell me I don t see this! MIKE: Okay, you don t see it. ERIC: But I do see it, Mike. What are you doing? Are you crazy? MIKE: Actually, yes! I m crazy to be walking around the school halls with a purse! ERIC: I m afraid to ask, but why? (HE sneezes.) MIKE: (opens the purse and takes out a tissue) Here. ERIC: Thanks. MIKE: I don t know how I m going to get through the day. ERIC: How about if you stuff your purse into your locker? Like right now! Then you re day will go much better. MIKE: I wish I could. ERIC: Mike, what is going on? Tell me! MIKE: Okay, I ll explain everything to you at lunch. ERIC: Lunch! Oh, no! I forgot my lunch money! MIKE: I think I have some extra cash. (looks in his purse) I do. (hands him some money) Don t worry about it. You can pay me back later. ERIC: Uh... thanks. But Mike, I don t think I can eat lunch with a guy who carries a purse. You know? MIKE: But I told you I d explain everything during lunch! ERIC: Why don t you explain now? MIKE: Hold on. (opens purse) ERIC: What are you doing? MIKE: Looking for a piece of candy. A mint or something. My mouth feels dry. It s hard to talk. ERIC: Well, maybe you need to see a doctor. Perhaps a psychologist. MIKE: No, I m okay. End of free preview

7 Will Work for Food SHARON: (holding sign which reads: WILL WORK FOR FOOD) I feel stupid. TRISH: Just think of the money. SHARON: It says food, not cash. TRISH: But no one hands out food. It s always money. SHARON: Look! All those people are staring at us! Trish, no one s stopping! TRISH: Give it time, give it time. SHARON: Look at that man pointing at us. TRISH: Hurry, look pathetic! SHARON: I m trying. TRISH: Look hungry. SHARON: I am hungry! TRISH: Good, then it ll work even better. SHARON: And the cars just keep driving while they stare at us! This is so humiliating! TRISH: I know what the problem is. SHARON: What? TRISH: Eye contact. We need to look at these people in their eyes so it ll cause them to feel guilty. SHARON: I feel guilty! We re standing on a street corner asking for food when we want money. TRISH: Money buys food. SHARON: But we re not going to buy food! We re buying tickets to the Jinx Concert! $ a ticket and we need $200.00! TRISH: Have faith. SHARON: I m hot and I m hungry. TRISH: Stop whining! SHARON: Okay, okay, sorry. I ll try this eye contact thing. (pauses as SHE stares at someone) TRISH: Look! SHARON: (smiling) They re stopping! TRISH: Don t look so happy! Look sad! SHARON: (frowning) They re stopping. TRISH: They rolled down their window. Go see what they want. (SHARON runs off, then returns carrying a small sack.) How much? SHARON: (opens sack for her to see) Two burritos. TRISH: Burritos? SHARON: They said we looked hungry. TRISH: Well, that s just great! SHARON: No, wait. The eye contact thing did work. The first time I tried it, it worked. So we got burritos, next time it ll be cash. TRISH: You re right! That s what we ll do! What are you doing? SHARON: Eating a burrito. Standing on this street corner looking hungry is really making me hungry! TRISH: Hey, let s give those old people a pathetic look! (pause as they look out) SHARON: They re stopping! This is great! Go see what they have for us! (TRISH runs off, then returns.) Well... how much cash? TRISH: We have a problem. SHARON: What problem? Where s the cash? Don t tell me they gave you food! TRISH: Not exactly. SHARON: Then what? TRISH: Well, see the house across the street, over there? SHARON: Yeah, why? End of free preview

8 A New Look (ROXANNE is sitting in a chair at the beauty shop. ROBERTO stands behind her. They stare straight ahead as if looking into the mirror.) ROBERTO: And what did we have in mind today? ROXANNE: I m not sure. I was hoping you could suggest something. ROBERTO: The ends are split. Dry, dry, dry. We should take all this off. Cut it up to here. ROXANNE: That short? ROBERTO: Darling, short is in this year. ROXANNE: I don t know. What else could you suggest? ROBERTO: The color is dull. Let s go red. ROXANNE: Red? ROBERTO: Yes, yes! We ll color it red, trim it to here, cut some bangs... Short, sassy and dynamic! You will definitely turn heads! ROXANNE: Roberto, that is just not me. I m sorry. ROBERTO: Okay, then we ll do layers with blonde streaks, shorter on the sides here and tapered down here ROXANNE: No. I want something different, but that s not it. ROBERTO: Or we can cut it according to your personality. So are you outgoing, shy, one of those intellects? ROXANNE: No, just sort of normal. In the middle. ROBERTO: (becoming frustrated) Then how about a trim? ROXANNE: But Roberto, that won t change my look. ROBERTO: Then let s whack it all off! ROXANNE: All off? ROBERTO: WHACK, WHACK, WHACK! ROXANNE: No, I want to keep my hair, but I need a new style. ROBERTO: I suggested red. ROXANNE: Not red. ROBERTO: Blonde? ROXANNE: No. ROBERTO: Black? ROXANNE: No. ROBERTO: HIGHLIGHTS? ROXANNE: No, I don t think so. ROBERTO: Okay, we ll keep the color. How about some bangs? ROXANNE: I m not really into bangs. ROBERTO: Cut it to here and NO BANGS? ROXANNE: No, I think that would look stupid. ROBERTO: Well, maybe you should keep your hair the way it is! ROXANNE: But I want a new look! ROBERTO: No you don t! You don t like anything I suggest! In fact, there s nothing else to suggest! ROXANNE: But you re the expert. Surely there s something. ROBERTO: Why don t YOU suggest something? ROXANNE: (about to cry) I don t know! ROBERTO: No, wait! I ve got it! ROXANNE: What? ROBERTO: A perm! ROXANNE: Forget it. I once had a perm and it looked terrible. That s absolutely the last thing I d ever do to my hair! ROBERTO: I give up! ROXANNE: I want something soft, a natural look. ROBERTO: It looks pretty natural right now. ROXANNE: But I m sick of this hairstyle. What would you do? If it was your hair? END OF FREE PREVIEW