THE KISS by Mark Harvey Levine

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Kathleen Griffin
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1 THE KISS by Mark Harvey Levine 2005 Mark Harvey Levine 515 S. Los Robles Ave. Pasadena, CA (626)

2 The Kiss 1 S apartment, early evening. She is doing laundry and listening to music, and after a few seconds begins to dance and sing (loudly and badly). There's a knock at the door. Allison quickly stops singing and dancing. Hello? Allison, it s me... (O.S.) She opens the door. Dennis? What are you doing here? (entering) Do you have a second? I need your help... Don t you have a date with Printer Lady? Yeah, I m on my way. But first I have to ask you something... What? Well...I don t want you to take this the wrong way, but-- Can I kiss you? What?!...I need to know if I m a good kisser. (pause)...what?! I need to know if I m a good kisser! Look, you remember Sharon... The one who did the thing with--

(entering) Do you have a second? I need your help... Don t you have a date with Printer Lady? Yeah, I m on my way. But first I have to ask you something... What? Well.

3 The Kiss 2 With the bird, yes. Well, when we were breaking up...in the middle of everything...she told me I was a lousy kisser. Dennis. I know, we were breaking up, and she probably just said that to- But maybe it s true! Dennis, this is Sharon we re talking about here. I know...but I think I m going to kiss Anne tonight, and I want to know if I m doing it correctly. You re using lips, right? You know what I mean. Can you help me out here? You want to kiss me. If it s not too weird. (she gives him a look) I mean, I know it s weird, but-- You want to kiss me?! And then I want a critique. I really like Anne. If I m a bad smoocher, I need to know before tonight. Well, how would I -- I mean, it s not -- for God s sake, Dennis! Look, have you ever been kissed... really kissed, long and hard and by someone who knows how? (smiling) Well...yes, actually. And have you ever been kissed badly?

..but I think I m going to kiss Anne tonight, and I want to know if I m doing it correctly. You re using lips, right? You know what I mean. Can you help me out here? You want to kiss me.

4 The Kiss 3 Yeah, sure. Then you can tell the difference. Is this some sort of strange romantic overture? Allison... I mean, really. I just need -- (tenderly) Dennis...we ve been friends for what...five years now? If you have some feelings for me...it would be natural. But you ve got to tell me. Be honest now. (tentatively, heartfelt) Alright...well...we HAVE been friends for a long time...and you know I...care about you a lot...and I enjoy...being with you...and I was just thinking about you, and- - Okay. I thought something like this was coming. I think it s been coming for a long time. But as much as I care about you -- and I do, Dennis, you know I do -- I just don t...think about you in that way. You re such a good friend; I don t know what I would do without you. You were there for me during the whole James fiasco, and getting laid-off...but I just don t...i really just want to stay friends. Pause. Yeah, me too. Now can you just tell me how I kiss? Oh my God. I can t believe you made me say all that just so you could give me the Let s Be Friends speech.

..and you know I...care about you a lot...and I enjoy...being with you...and I was just thinking about you, and- - Okay. I thought something like this was coming.

5 The Kiss 4 You're a terrible person. I know. Kiss me. Are you sure you--? No, darling, I just like you as a friend, too. Now kiss me, you fool. (pause, exhales) Alright, fine. So what are we looking for, here? I simply want an honest, sober appraisal of how I kiss. That s all. With a what the hell sound, she moves to him. He leans in, they start to kiss, and she is shaking up and down. They part; she is laughing hysterically. (still laughing) Okay, okay...i'm sorry...i think it was the phrase sober appraisal. He moves to kiss her, she starts laughing again. (calming down) Okay. Here we go. Really kissing now. But as soon as he leans in to her she collapses in giggles. She falls face first into the couch. Look, I'm going to take my lips and go elsewhere. No, I can do this, I can do this. She shakes out her hands. After a few false starts, they kiss. They part. Wet your lips more.

He leans in, they start to kiss, and she is shaking up and down. They part; she is laughing hysterically. (still laughing) Okay, okay...i'm sorry...i think it was the phrase sober appraisal.

6 The Kiss 5 He does. They kiss. They part. Well? Well...hmmm...it's like technically you're okay...lips firm, yet yielding...making solid contact... But? But...there IS something missing... What? I m not sure... try it again. They kiss. It's fine, it's lovely, an amusing after-dinner kiss with a topnote of peppermint... I brushed my teeth about twelve times before coming over. Yet it lacks... What? Tell me! This is what I came here for!...passion. No passion? Mmmmm...no. Sorry. Okay, okay, great, now we're getting somewhere. This is what I want. Okay. Let me try to add a little more passion in the mix.

It's fine, it's lovely, an amusing after-dinner kiss with a topnote of peppermint... I brushed my teeth about twelve times before coming over.

7 The Kiss 6 He grabs her face and kisses her hard. He pulls away....ow. Ow? That wasn't passion, that was velocity. Okay, lemme try again. He kisses her again, his hand slipping to her side. Hey, woah, what was that? What was what? That was a grab. That was NOT a grab. You were trying for second base. Oh my God, we're in Junior High. You totally grabbed for my boob. I wasn't in the same time zone. Just stay away from the whole breastal area. I'm trying to add passion here. Well do it with your lips, not with your hands.

That was a grab. That was NOT a grab. You were trying for second base. Oh my God, we're in Junior High.

8 The Kiss 7 Look, I'm ready to bag this whole thing. Oh, don't be a baby. Now kiss me like you mean it. Sure you don't wanna spin a bottle first? I'm going to HIT you with a bottle if you don't-- (flustered) Whoo...now we're talking... He kisses her, very passionately. He pulls away. No, that was angry kissing. Well...You might be onto something. Can you get pissed off at Anne tonight? Sure, I ll have her give me the Let s Be Friends speech. Dennis-- Seriously, how is it every woman in the world knows that exact same speech? They hand it to us in health class. Are you mad at me now? I think you WANTED me to be in love with you, just so you can have the thrill of rejecting me. Oh, yes, I really enjoyed breaking your heart. My heart's fine. Sorry to disappoint you. Why would I be--?

..You might be onto something. Can you get pissed off at Anne tonight? Sure, I ll have her give me the Let s Be Friends speech.

9 The Kiss 8 You want me to be madly in love with you! Just like every woman wants her male friends to be in love with them, without, of course, having to actually love them back. Oh, please! It's true! Excuse me, who came over wanting to kiss whom? That's got nothing to do with-- I think YOU'RE angry because I'M not in love with YOU! Oh, yeah, right. Think about it. It's an inherent rejection! Here I am, warm, funny, beautiful! Why don't I love you? You're not that warm. Why don't I love you?! (deflating) I don't know... (tearing up) Why don't you love me? Oh Allison... He hugs her. (through tears) Why don't we love each other? I don't know... We're nice people. We're kind. We re fun. Aren t we fun?

Think about it. It's an inherent rejection! Here I am, warm, funny, beautiful! Why don't I love you? You're not that warm. Why don't I love you?! (deflating) I don't know.

10 The Kiss 9 We re huge, ten pound sacks of fun. Why don't we love each other? We do... We just-- --Don't love each other. Like you said... there's no passion. We're too comfy. No fear of rejection. Oh my God... Romance actually needs fear of rejection? Maybe. I must be the most romantical person in the world. That's why I love you. (pause) Well. I'm going to go meet Anne now. Okay. Say something discouraging... She'll hate you. Thanks. He starts to leave. But I never will.

.. Romance actually needs fear of rejection? Maybe. I must be the most romantical person in the world.

11 The Kiss 10 He pauses a moment. He goes and kisses her gently on the top of the head, and then exits. Allison stays and stares after him. LIGHTS FADE

1. BODY AND SOUL 2. ATOMIC BOMB 3. GOOD NAME

1. BODY AND SOUL 2. ATOMIC BOMB 3. GOOD NAME 1. BODY AND SOUL When I play my kind of music I m playing for your Body and Soul When I sing my kind of song I m singing for your Body and Soul If you find yourself feeling happy Better come and dance