TEN WAYS TO SUPPORT YOUR MALE LOVED ONE IN RECOVERY

TEN WAYS TO SUPPORT YOUR MALE LOVED ONE IN RECOVERY

TABLE OF CONTENTS 3 5 9 12 18 21 26 28 31 33 37 INTRODUCTION UNDERSTAND ADDICTION LEARN ABOUT TREATMENT UNDERSTAND RECOVERY RECOGNIZE TRIGGERS UNDERSTAND LAPSE AND RELAPSE JOIN A SUPPORT GROUP ENGAGE IN INDIVIDUAL THERAPY CONTINUE WITH FAMILY THERAPY FACILITATE HEALTHY LIFESTYLE CHANGES STAY ON TOP OF RECOVERY

INTRODUCTION You ve spent a lot of time and energy worrying about and taking care of your addicted loved one, and now that he has made the decision to recover, scores of changes are on the horizon. It s an exciting time, maybe even a little bit terrifying. You know deep down that there s always the risk that he ll relapse, and you want to do everything in your power to support him and help ensure he stays in recovery for the long-term. A large body of research stresses the importance of family involvement in recovery. According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse, involving the family in treatment and recovery reduces the risk of relapse, and it helps keep your loved one motivated to stay on the path to sobriety. 1 Addiction is a disease that affects the whole family in fundamental ways. It causes an enormous amount of stress, damages relationships and leads to unhealthy behaviors among all family members. /// 3

REPAIRING THE FAMILY SYSTEM IS A CRUCIAL PART OF RECOVERY, AND IT REQUIRES THE PARTICIPATION OF ALL AFFECTED FAMILY MEMBERS. The National Association for Children of Alcoholics points out that families generally respond to addiction as a system, and as they lose their sense of what s normal, they often enable their loved one and exhibit codependent behaviors, causing dysfunction in the family. 2 Repairing the family system is a crucial part of recovery, and it requires the participation of all affected family members. When you support your loved one in recovery, you also are recovering from his addiction. Understanding this important fact from the beginning will help ensure that you offer the highest level of the right kind of support. Here are ten critical ways to support your loved one during his and your recovery. /// 4

UNDERSTAND ADDICTION /// 5

Understanding addiction is essential for helping your loved one recover. During treatment through a high-quality rehab program, family involvement will be encouraged. The treatment program will likely offer psychoeducational workshops in addition to family therapy. These workshops help family members understand the complexities of addiction, and they offer a wealth of essential resources for the loved ones of someone in recovery. UNDERSTANDING ADDICTION IS ESSENTIAL FOR HELPING YOUR LOVED ONE RECOVER. /// 6

ADDICTION IS COMPLEX Addiction is a complex, chronic and relapsing disease that affects thought and behavior. Characterized by the inability to stop using drugs or alcohol despite negative consequences, addiction develops as the result of changes in neurotransmitter activity and the exceptionally strong association the brain makes between using a substance and the pleasure it produces. The National Institute on Drug Abuse points out that willpower and good intentions alone are rarely enough to help someone overcome an addiction. 3 Professional help is generally essential for delving into the complex issues underlying an addiction. Self-destructive behaviors and thoughts require various types of intensive therapy administered in individual, group and family settings, and just as an addiction doesn t develop overnight, unhealthy ways of thinking and behaving don t change overnight. Recovery takes time. /// 7

Maintaining realistic expectations will be essential for helping you stay positive during your loved one s recovery. There will be challenges and setbacks, and your attitude toward these will affect how he sees them and reacts to them. If a minor setback leads him to believe he has failed, he will likely suffer a full-blown relapse. MAINTAINING REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS WILL BE ESSENTIAL FOR HELPING YOU STAY POSITIVE DURING YOUR LOVED ONE S RECOVERY. /// 8

LEARN ABOUT TREATMENT /// 9

INDIVIDUALIZED TREATMENT A high-quality treatment center will adhere to the Principles of Effective Treatment as set forth by the National Institute on Drug Abuse. 4 One of these principles is that not every type of treatment therapy will be effective for every person, and developing a highly individualized treatment plan is crucial for success. The types of therapy offered will depend on your loved one s issues, challenges and needs, but they will almost certainly include cognitive-behavioral therapy and a great deal of relapse prevention programming. Cognitive behavioral therapy will help your loved one identify and address the complex issues that led to the drug or alcohol abuse that in turn led to the addiction. These issues are generally spawned by false beliefs and selfdestructive thoughts, attitudes and behaviors. During cognitive behavioral therapy, your loved one will learn how to identify these harmful ideas and replace them with healthier thoughts. /// 10

RELAPSE PREVENTION PROGRAMMING Relapse prevention programming is at the heart of treatment, and even if a particular therapy isn t explicitly concerned with preventing relapse, it s working to help your loved one develop the skills that are necessary for coping with triggers, cravings and stress. Keeping the lines of communication open and expressing an interest in understanding what your loved one is learning about himself in therapy and what skills he is developing can help you better support him during treatment and beyond. /// 11

UNDERSTAND RECOVERY /// 12

FOUR MAJOR FACTORS THAT PROMOTE A LIFE OF RECOVERY ARE HEALTH, HOME, PURPOSE AND COMMUNITY. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration defines recovery as a process of change during which people work to reach their full potential, improve their overall health and sense of well-being and live self-directed lives. 5 Four major factors that promote a life of recovery are health, home, purpose and community. Understanding how these come into play during recovery can help you better support your loved one by helping him capitalize on each factor. /// 13

HEALTH Improving physical and mental health is essential for recovery and involves managing cravings, stress and triggers to effectively maintain sobriety and making healthy lifestyle choices that promote good health and well-being. /// 14

HOME A safe and stable place to live is essential for preventing relapse. This means striving to create a home life that s functional and that promotes good health and well-being through effective communication and listening skills and an absence of drugs and alcohol. /// 15

PURPOSE Having a purpose is absolutely critical for continued recovery. Boredom, isolation and a feeling of pointlessness can quickly lead back to using. Your loved one should pursue meaningful activities that promote creativity, participation in society and independence. Getting a job, attending school, volunteering, developing healthy hobbies and helping to care for the home and family members are some examples of meaningful endeavors that offer a sense of purpose. /// 16

COMMUNITY Community is the web of relationships and social networks that offer friendship, love, support and hope to someone in recovery. Developing a community of supporters in recovery is crucial for success. Chances are, your loved one will need to make the decision to let a number of unhealthy relationships go, and replacing them with healthy relationships with other non-users or those who are fully supportive and respectful of his recovery will be an important factor for long-term success. /// 17

RECOGNIZE TRIGGERS /// 18

Triggers are the people, places, thoughts and things that make your loved one want to use drugs or alcohol again. Triggers are potentially everywhere, and they can be extremely powerful. Stress and cravings are the most universal of them all, and during treatment, your loved one will learn a number of techniques and strategies for avoiding or coping with them. Other common triggers for men include self-destructive emotions like anger, frustration and self-pity; certain activities that were once characterized in part by drinking or using drugs, such as watching the game or getting out on the boat; hanging out with certain people who continue to drink or use drugs; and feelings of isolation or boredom that give him time to think about using and which make him want to use again to ease the loneliness or just to have something to do. /// 19

Knowing what your loved one s triggers are enables you to help him avoid or cope with them. It can help you understand what he s going through, such as when driving past his old favorite haunt leaves him feeling depressed or a serious craving makes him irritable. KNOWING WHAT YOUR LOVED ONE S TRIGGERS ARE ENABLES YOU TO HELP HIM AVOID OR COPE WITH THEM. /// 20

UNDERSTAND LAPSE & RELAPSE /// 21

THE DIFFERENCE OF LAPSE & RELAPSE A lapse is an instance of using again after a period of abstinence. A relapse is a recurrence of the addiction, characterized by a return to compulsive drug or alcohol use despite negative consequences. Lapses don t always lead to a relapse of the addiction. While addiction relapse used to be thought of as a catastrophic event, the National Institute on Drug Abuse now makes it clear that lapse and relapse are considered to be the rule in recovery rather than the exception, and they re regarded as a valuable opportunity to re-evaluate the recovery plan, identify the missing skills that led to the lapse or relapse and make changes to the recovery plan as necessary. 6 These changes may include attending more support group meetings, learning to better control stress or ending destructive relationships. /// 22

During treatment, your loved one will learn that relapse occurs in stages, not as a sudden and unforeseeable event. Stage One emotional relapse, characterized by an increasing lack of self-care, skipping meetings, disengaging from healthy relationships with friends or family and experiencing unchecked negative emotions. Stage Two mental relapse, characterized by reminiscing about using, reacquainting with old friends who still use or glamorizing past use. Stage Three the final stage is physical relapse, which is the point at which the initial lapse occurs. Swift intervention is critical for preventing the lapse from becoming a relapse. Knowing the stages of relapse and their corresponding signs and symptoms can improve the chances that you will recognize the signs early on so that you can help your loved one get back on track. In the event your loved one does lapse or relapse, how he responds to it will help determine whether it s the end of his recovery of the beginning of a new phase during which he makes deliberate strides forward that will now carry him farther and more easily into long-term abstinence. /// 23

KNOWING THE STAGES OF RELAPSE AND THEIR CORRESPONDING SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS CAN IMPROVE THE CHANCES THAT YOU WILL RECOGNIZE THE SIGNS EARLY ON SO THAT YOU CAN HELP YOUR LOVED ONE GET BACK ON TRACK. /// 24

Those who view a lapse as a personal failure or a failure of treatment are more likely to relapse or abandon recovery altogether than those who view it as an integral part of recovery and forgive themselves, learn from it and move forward. If your loved one lapses or relapses, you can help him return to recovery by approaching the slip-up with resilience and a positive attitude and reminding him of how far he s come. Let him know that you support him unconditionally and that you have high hopes for his continued recovery. Your support during a lapse or relapse can make all the difference in his own attitude toward ongoing recovery and his hope for long-term recovery. /// 25

JOIN A SUPPORT GROUP /// 26

Understanding addiction, treatment, recovery, triggers and relapse will go a long way toward helping you support your loved one throughout treatment and beyond, but what about you? Supporting a loved one in recovery is hard work, and it can be an emotional rollercoaster ride. There will be challenges and setbacks, and these can leave you reeling. You need support in recovery, too, and joining a support group for loved ones, such as Al-Anon or Nar-Anon, can make a big difference in how you approach helping your loved one recover as well as help you maintain good mental health and a positive outlook. The National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence notes that loved ones who participate in a support group are better equipped to help their loved one in healthy and positive ways. 7 A support group offers a safe place for you to vent negative emotions, receive practical and helpful advice from people who have been in your position, and learn essential coping skills and strategies. It s valuable for reducing a feeling of isolation, which commonly affects the loved ones of someone in recovery. Support groups also offer a wealth of resources, and they give you the opportunity to help others through a rough spot that you ve already experienced. /// 27

ENGAGE IN INDIVIDUAL THERAPY /// 28

INDIVIDUAL THERAPY Individual therapy is also essential for helping you best support your loved one. Because addiction indelibly affects everyone close to the addicted individual, it s very likely that you have developed certain unhealthy attitudes, thoughts and behaviors that could put your loved one s recovery at risk. Enabling behaviors like covering for your loved one and co-dependent behaviors like neglecting your own well-being while focusing solely on his problems are self-destructive and counterproductive, but they can be difficult for you to recognize and change without professional help. Just because the addiction is in remission doesn t mean these ways of thinking and behaving will automatically resolve themselves. You will likely find a great deal of clarity in many areas of your life while you re in therapy, emerging with a renewed sense of purpose and a more positive way of regarding the world. /// 29

Individual therapy for family members helps ensure that as your loved one works to overcome his addiction, you have the opportunity to begin your own process of recovery from the potent effects of the addiction. Only then can you and your loved one truly begin to work together to build a new and stronger foundation for your relationship. YOU WILL LIKELY FIND A GREAT DEAL OF CLARITY IN MANY AREAS OF YOUR LIFE WHILE YOU RE IN THERAPY, EMERGING WITH A RENEWED SENSE OF PURPOSE AND A MORE POSITIVE WAY OF REGARDING THE WORLD. /// 30

CONTINUE WITH FAMILY THERAPY /// 31

RESTORING THE FAMILY SYSTEM Family therapy is where you and other family members work with your loved one to address the variety of complex interpersonal issues that affect your relationship with him and with each other. Restoring function to the family system requires learning to communicate in healthy ways and working toward forgiveness and mindfulness. Your loved one s addiction has likely been the foundation of your relationship for some time, and working together to forge a new foundation is critical for the health of the family and for helping to prevent relapse. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration espouses the importance of family therapy for breaking dysfunctional patterns and bringing about productive and meaningful change to the family system, which will lead to better physical and mental health and a higher quality of life for everyone involved. 8 /// 32

FACILITATE HEALTHY LIFESTYLE CHANGES /// 33

HEALTHY LIFESTYLE CHANGES It can be hard to understand the adjustments your loved one is going through during recovery, but at the same time, you re going through adjustments, too. There may be times when you feel like you prefer him better when he s not sober, although you would never say such a thing to anyone outside of your support group. Trying to navigate this new world of sobriety on old terms and in the light of old habits can be difficult. Making lifestyle changes together that better support his recovery can help make the transition from living with addiction to living with sobriety easier. For example, if he was always out on weekend nights and you developed your own rituals, having him home on the weekends now may put a wrench in your former lifestyle and lead to resentment or frustration. /// 34

MAKING LIFESTYLE CHANGES TOGETHER THAT BETTER SUPPORT HIS RECOVERY CAN HELP MAKE THE TRANSITION FROM LIVING WITH ADDICTION TO LIVING WITH SOBRIETY EASIER. /// 35

Early recovery is a good time to start developing new habits and traditions and finding new ways to spend quality time together that s enjoyable and promotes recovery. If finishing dinner used to signal drinking time, it could now signal time for a long walk through the neighborhood with the dog. If he was usually drunk or high in the evenings and you spent time avoiding him or drinking with him, finding new, sober activities you can do together, such as going to the movies, going for a run or working on a home improvement or creative project together can help you both adjust to your new life. /// 36

STAY ON TOP OF RECOVERY /// 37

SUCCESSFUL LONG-TERM SOBRIETY As you eventually begin to settle into your new way of life, your loved one s recovery can begin to seem like old news, and you and he may both think about it less and less. But letting down your guard can be dangerous. Staying on top of recovery and not taking anything for granted is crucial for enjoying long-term successful sobriety. /// 38

Your encouragement and optimism will go a long way toward helping him stay motivated and mindful in his recovery, which are essential components for long-term success. Continue to encourage your loved one every day, even if you don t think he needs it anymore. Whenever you re moved to do so, express your pride in him for getting this far, and express your gratitude for his sobriety. Remain vigilant for signs of emotional relapse, which can occur even after years of abstinence. Remember that recovery is a process of growth, and it s one that s never really finished. /// 39

The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration cites hope and resilience as the foundations of recovery. 5 Hope for continued recovery helps drive its reality, and resilience in the face of challenges and setbacks keeps the forward momentum going despite a temporary stall. HOPE FOR CONTINUED RECOVERY HELPS DRIVE ITS REALITY, AND RESILIENCE IN THE FACE OF CHALLENGES AND SETBACKS KEEPS THE FORWARD MOMENTUM GOING DESPITE A TEMPORARY STALL. /// 40

Your role in your loved one s recovery is multi-faceted. You re a cheerleader, an extra set of eyes, a confidant. The more you get involved, and the harder you strive to overcome your own interrelated issues and challenges, the more successful your loved one s recovery is likely to be, and the better your relationship will weather subsequent storms. /// 41

SOURCES 1. Drug Counseling for Cocaine Addiction: Family Involvement. Retrieved from https://archives.drugabuse.gov/txmanuals/dcca/dcca10.html 2. Dayton, T. Living with Addiction: What Happens to the Family When Addiction Becomes Part of It? Retrieved from http://www.nacoa.org/pdfs/the%20set%20up%20for%20social%20work%20curriculum.pdf 3. Drug Facts: Understanding Drug Abuse and Addiction. (2012, November). Retrieved from http://www.drugabuse.gov/publications/drugfacts/understanding-drug-abuse-addiction 4. Principles of Drug Addiction Treatment: A Research-Based Guide (Third Edition). (2012, December). Retrieved from http://www.drugabuse.gov/publications/principles-drug-addiction-treatment-research-based-guide-third-edition/ principles-effective-treatment 5. Recovery and Recovery Support. (2015, October 5). Retrieved from http://www.samhsa.gov/recovery 6. Drugs, Brains, and Behavior: The Science of Addiction. (2014, July). Retrieved from http://www.drugabuse.gov/publications/drugs-brains-behavior-science-addiction/treatment-recovery 7. Family Disease. (2015, July 25). Retrieved from https://www.ncadd.org/family-friends/there-is-help/family-disease 8. Substance Abuse Treatment and Family Therapy. (2004). Retrieved from http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/nbk64269/ /// 42

At ACHIEVE, your recovery is our primary concern. We promise to provide each and every one of our clients with first class care, regardless of their financial condition. Money isn t what drives us it s helping people like you achieve their dreams, and we won t stop until we succeed. At ACHIEVE we don t just keep you sober, we give you the time and tools you need to build a life you can maintain. Get the help you deserve. 1 (844) 228-7824 achievetreatmentcenter.com