Getting Help With an Addiction by Jim Auer

Transcription

1 Getting Help With an Addiction by Jim Auer It was the best of times; it was the worst of times. Every person recovering from an addiction can identify with Charles Dickens famous line when remembering the day, perhaps even the moment, of deciding to face their addiction and seek help. It was the worst of times because the addiction had increasingly jeopardized or even destroyed many of the truly pre-

2 cious things in life: relationships, self-respect, employment, achievement, integrity, faith. It was a moment of feeling controlled, trapped, defeated. But it was also the best of times because it marked the first step toward freedom and recovery. It was, many say, the most difficult, most courageous, and wisest thing they ve ever done. Working your way through Perhaps you or someone you know has reached a moment of crisis and decision. Perhaps you want to face an addiction and seek help but are not sure how to proceed from here, or what to expect. This CareNote will try to provide helpful guidance and encouragement to you or a loved one in the journey toward recovery. Although each addiction is unique, in other ways it doesn t matter whether the addiction is to alcohol, drugs, or another damaging substance or behavior. There are a number of common traits to addiction and addictive behavior. Here are a few strategies to help you deal with addiction. Understand what you are up against. The concept of addiction as a disease has competed for a long time with the idea of addiction as a personal weakness or moral failing. Along the path to acquiring an addiction, each of us has moments where we can make choices. Sometimes we don t make the best choices, and we are responsible for that. There comes a point in every addiction, however, where the power of the

3 addiction overwhelms our moral and psychological freedom to such a point that the addiction truly leaves us powerless, as 12-Step Recovery programs point out. Willpower can t control a fullblown addiction. So, the concept of addiction developing into a disease of the spirit as well as the body is legitimate, and is generally accepted by respected authorities in the medical, psychological, and religious fields. The key question is: Are you ready to admit that you have this disease, are powerless to stop it on your own, and willing to get the help you need? Walter is a 58-year-old father of two who has been married for over 33 years. He struggled with addictions for many years before seeking help. I got sick and tired of playing the games lying to myself and to my family that I did not have a drinking problem. I saw my whole world falling apart around me. I knew that I was about to lose my family, and I did not want that. I knew that I was not in control, and I had to get help. Learn some facts about addictions. Fact One: Virtually anything can become the source of an addiction. These include substances and behaviors that are highly toxic in any quantity, but also others that are good or necessary if handled in moderation, but cause great damage when taken to excess or engaged in compulsively, such as eating or sex. Even noble traits such as religious fervor or self-sacrifice can cause damage if they are carried to extremes. Fact Two: Anyone is a candidate for an addiction. Social class, level of education, moral standards, depth of religious convic- If you always do what you always did, you ll always get what you always got. a 12-Step saying

4 tion, financial means, and similar factors have nothing to do with whether or not someone develops an addiction. No one is immune from the risk. Fact Three: Addiction by its nature is chronic and progressive. That is, it will be repeated, and it will get worse over time. There is no permanent cure for addictions, only permanent abstinence. A recovering alcoholic who begins drinking again, even after ten or 20 years of complete sobriety, will quickly find himself right back where he or she left off, in terms of the level and frequency of their drinking. Alcoholics cannot convert themselves into occasional social drinkers, just as ex-smokers cannot manage a cigarette every now and then. Ask a recovering alcoholic or smoker who has tried. You don t have to see the whole staircase at once, just the first step. Fact Four: Addictions fall into two classes: those which involve harmful or toxic substances or behavior, and therefore must be treated with total abstinence, and those involving good things gone bad, which are treated with monitored moderation because total abstinence would be impossible or counterproductive (an addiction to food or to work, for example). Find the approach that is best for your addiction. Face the roadblocks of denial, shame, and fear. Do you think I m really an alcoholic? someone once asked a veteran member of

5 Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). Only you can answer that. But true social drinkers almost never ask the question, replied the veteran. Shedding the hardened crust of years of denial is difficult but crucial. There are numerous versions of checklist questions you might find helpful. An internet search for alcoholism test questions will quickly surface several. Honesty is essential. The answer is not, Well, maybe a little bit, but that s only because. Coming face to face with one s addiction almost always brings a sense of shame. Feeling weak, out of control, and helpless leads us there. Yet, as Saint Paul pointed out,...for whenever I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Cor. 12:10). It takes great strength to admit a weakness. There is nothing shameful about admitting you need help and reaching out to get it. Shame does no good here, so do not allow it to trigger a return to denial or a descent into hopelessness. Fear can also trigger denial and hopelessness. Recovering persons will testify that initially the prospect of facing life without the addictive crutch was intimidating, sometimes terrifying. Was there a void at first? Yes. Did it feel intolerable? Perhaps at times, early in recovery, it will feel this way, but remember that feelings are just that feelings. We don t have to act on them. Whatever you feel at the moment, remember This, too, shall pass. Or, as AA says, One day at a time. Is it possible to learn how to live in a new way, without relying After gaining sobriety, I can now enjoy life and live life to its fullest. I can laugh now. I am not running from my life s problems; I am able to deal with them as they happen instead of hiding them in alcohol and drugs. I see life as worth living. Walter

6 on the addiction? Definitely millions of people with many years in recovery will testify to it. Enlist help and support. Addictions are almost never conquered alone. There are many options when seeking help for recovery, however. Highly entrenched addictions may call for an inpatient or out-patient treatment program. Many health insurance programs or employers will cover some of the costs. There are also many support groups, the most common being AA and other Twelve Step programs. They are extremely successful for those who stay with and work the program. And there are many variations on the 12-Step model, so that a support group can be found for just about any addiction and personal preference. I found a major support system in place that offered tremendous amounts of help and encouragement, says Walter. AA taught me how to cope with life and my problems I was able to see the real world, not some world that I had created through my addictions. Reality is a lot different when you are no longer addicted to something, Walter says. AA provides a network of recovering addicts who are available to help you no matter what time of day or night you might need it. There are so many people who are willing to walk with you through your Sources of additional help Books: Alcoholics Anonymous, Fourth Edition, New York, Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Addiction and Grace by Gerald G. May, HarperSanFrancisco, Audiocassettes: Breathing Underwater: A Spirituality of the 12 Steps by Richard Rohr, Cincinnati, Saint Anthony Messenger Press. Hotline: National Alcohol/Drug Hotline:

7 recovery I never felt that I had to go it alone. Know that there is great reason for hope. Millions of recovering addicts testify that recovery is not only possible but has led to a better, richer life. I m so glad I m an alcoholic, says Gail, a successful artist. Strange statement until you hear the rest of it. Recovery led me to a fellowship and a wonderful approach to life that I never would have had otherwise. Even the bad times you lived through with your addiction need not be wasted times. One of the 12-Step Promises is, No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. With time, you can become a source of strength and wisdom to others who are trapped in addiction s web. Take heart Perhaps you remember the first time as a child that you jumped into water over your head. The prospect was scary, almost as though death lurked underwater, even though you knew that countless others had returned to the surface unharmed. Finally, you took a deep breath and jumped and returned to the surface as they had. Jumping into recovery is like that. Go for it. Jump! Jim Auer is a retired teacher and active writer of books and articles, principally on spirituality and related topics.

8 21918 Abbey Press St. Meinrad, IN Did this CareNote help you? If so, please consider ordering extra copies of it and over 400 other helpful topics for yourself, for your church, for your hospice/health-care facility, or for your bereavement or other support organization. Visit or call to order, or to receive free catalog. Address correspondence to: One Caring Place, Abbey Press, St. Meinrad, IN Cover photography by Neena M. Mitchell - STOCK/ART IMAGES 2006, Saint Meinrad Archabbey, St. Meinrad, IN No portion of this publication may be reproduced without permission from the publisher.