Baa-mite. by Sarah Delahunty
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- Johnathan Wheeler
- 10 years ago
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Transcription
1 Baa-mite This is a radio play. It has been written to be heard but not seen, and this means no staging is required. You can record the play using a tablet, smart phone, or laptop. The sound effects should be pre-recorded. You ll need the sounds of a rooster crowing, a duck quacking, a cat meowing, a wolf howling, a lamb baaing, knocking, a door opening, a door slamming, and retreating footsteps. You ll also need to choose some music to play as a backing soundtrack in the places indicated. SOUND ENGINEER (playing the soundtrack of a rooster crowing). No, that s not the right one (playing the soundtrack of a duck quacking) that s not right either (playing the soundtrack of a cat meowing) bother! The sound of a door opening. DIRECTOR. Where is everyone? You who are you? SOUND ENGINEER (timidly). Me? I m just the sound engineer. DIRECTOR (sarcastically). Well I m just the director and I want you to remember that this advertisement is really important. Baa-mite could make or break my career. Understand? SOUND ENGINEER (flustered). Understand! I mean understood! DIRECTOR. Baa-mite ever tried it? SOUND ENGINEER. No. But I can. DIRECTOR. Don t bother. It s disgusting. NERVOUS ACTOR. Am I in the right place? DIRECTOR. This is a recording studio. We are about to record an advertisement for a new sandwich spread. NERVOUS ACTOR. Baa-mite? DIRECTOR. Yes. NERVOUS ACTOR. Great. I am in the right place. I m the lamb but I m so nervous. This is my first acting job. DIRECTOR. Well you re late although not as late as your mother. NERVOUS ACTOR (surprised). My mother? Who invited her? DIRECTOR. Not your mother mother your sheep mother. And right now, she s trying my patience. She might be famous, but I have a schedule to keep. NERVOUS ACTOR (nervously). My sheep mother s famous? OLD LADY. Excuse me. Am I in the right place? DIRECTOR. For what? OLD LADY. I was told to take the lift to the third floor, turn right, and knock on the fourth door on the left. NERVOUS ACTOR. Are you my mother? OLD LADY. I don t think so, dear
2 DIRECTOR. Of course she isn t. Does she look like she could play a sheep? OLD LADY. We have a club meeting. We knit vests for penguins. DIRECTOR. Well, good luck with that. There are no penguins here. Let me see you out. NERVOUS ACTOR. Is this the first time I ve tried Baa-mite? DIRECTOR. How would I know? NERVOUS ACTOR. I mean my character. They taught us in drama school to always research our character. DIRECTOR. You don t have a character. You re a lamb asking for Baa-mite in your sandwich. End of story. It s an ad, not Shakespeare. The sound of a door opening. GLORIA GLITTERBAG. Right, everyone. I hope you re all ready to start. I have another appointment in twenty minutes. DIRECTOR (very grandly). Gloria Glitterbag! Welcome, welcome! GLORIA GLITTERBAG. Yes, yes can we get on with it? DIRECTOR. Of course, right away. Sound engineer, you ready? SOUND ENGINEER. Er I think so NERVOUS ACTOR (shyly). Hello, Mother. GLORIA GLITTERBAG. Who are you? NERVOUS ACTOR. Your lamb. Baa! GLORIA GLITTERBAG. You re far too old to be my lamb! I have an image to protect. What will my fans say? DIRECTOR (confused). But it s radio. GLORIA GLITTERBAG. What? DIRECTOR. No one can see you or your lamb. GLORIA GLITTERBAG. Oh. Well in that case, make sure my lamb sounds very young. NERVOUS ACTOR. I was only born two days ago. In a sunny field. It was a relief to finally get here, I can tell you! GLORIA GLITTERBAG. Find someone who cares! I m not your mother. NERVOUS ACTOR. Well, strictly speaking, no, you re not, but GLORIA GLITTERBAG (very impatiently). Can we please start? DIRECTOR. We ll just have one quick run-through. GLORIA GLITTERBAG. I don t rehearse. Ever. DIRECTOR. Of course not. No need. Right. Ready everyone? NERVOUS ACTOR. I am a bit nervous, actually. I d really like a quick DIRECTOR. Quiet, please. SOUND ENGINEER. Er recording now. I think. The sound of a duck quacking. DIRECTOR. No, no, no! This isn t a duck pond. Haven t you read the script? We need a howling wolf! SOUND ENGINEER. I know. Sorry. I ve got it now. And recording! GLORIA GLITTERBAG. Do you have hungry mouths to feed? 28
3 GLORIA GLITTERBAG. Tame your wild beasts in just ten seconds. With new GUMBOOT THROWER. Excuse me. Am I in the right place? GLORIA GLITTERBAG (outraged). What do you think you re doing? DIRECTOR (also outraged). We re recording in here! GUMBOOT THROWER. Really? I was told to take the lift to the third floor, turn right, and knock on the fourth door on the left. DIRECTOR. Well, you re in the wrong place. GUMBOOT THROWER. You mean this isn t the gumboot throwers meeting? DIRECTOR. Not even close! GUMBOOT THROWER. But I brought a gumboot. DIRECTOR. Out! DIRECTOR. I am so sorry. You were brilliant, Gloria. Brilliant. Shall we start again? SOUND ENGINEER. Recording. The sound of a rooster crowing. DIRECTOR. No, no, no! This is not a chicken coop! SOUND ENGINEER. Sorry. I m so sorry, everyone. GLORIA GLITTERBAG. I should think so. GLORIA GLITTERBAG. Do you have hungry mouths to feed? GLORIA GLITTERBAG. Tame your wild beasts in just ten seconds. With new Baa-mite, your hungry little beasts will become happy little lambs! YOGA PERSON. Excuse me. GLORIA GLITTERBAG. What now? These interruptions are not in my contract
4 YOGA PERSON. Am I in the right place? DIRECTOR. No! YOGA PERSON. Are you sure? They said to take the lift to the third floor EVERYONE. Turn right and knock on the fourth door on the left. YOGA PERSON. So you are here for the yoga class then? EVERYONE. No! YOGA PERSON. Well you should be. You obviously all need it. Calms you down. DIRECTOR (yelling). I am calm. GLORIA GLITTERBAG. This is ridiculous. I have better things to do with my time. DIRECTOR. Tell me about it! One last try. GLORIA GLITTERBAG. This is absolutely the last time, do you understand? DIRECTOR. Certainly. Right, everyone. This time, read right through to the end no matter what. SOUND ENGINEER. And recording! GLORIA GLITTERBAG. Do you have hungry mouths to feed? GLORIA GLITTERBAG. Tame your wild beasts in just ten seconds. With new Baa-mite, your hungry little wolves will become happy little lambs! The sound of a lamb baaing, then a long silence. GLORIA GLITTERBAG (loudly and exasperated). Your hungry little wolves will become happy little lambs! Another silence. NERVOUS ACTOR. I I forgot my line. GLORIA GLITTERBAG (yelling). That s it! NERVOUS ACTOR (timidly). Oh, I remember now. Can I please have some more baaaaaa-mite? DIRECTOR. You ll never eat baaaaaa-mite again. You re fired! NERVOUS ACTOR. What? DIRECTOR. Don t bleat about it! O-U-T! Out! NERVOUS ACTOR (sobbing). You should have let me rehearse. DIRECTOR. Do you ever push the right button? This is all your fault. SOUND ENGINEER. It s my lunch break. I think I ll just... The sound of a duck quacking. SOUND ENGINEER. Oops, t urn that off. I ll just go now. DIRECTOR. This is the worst day of my life. THE VERY LAST PERSON. Excuse me. Am I in the right place? DIRECTOR. Aaaahhh! The director s cry gets fainter and fainter along with the sound of retreating footsteps. THE VERY LAST PERSON. Maybe not. illustrations by Fraser Williamson 32
5 Baa-mite Baa-mite This is a radio play. It has been written to be heard but not seen, and this means no staging is required. You can record the play using a tablet, smart phone, or laptop. The sound effects should be pre-recorded. You ll need the sounds of a rooster crowing, a duck quacking, a cat meowing, a wolf howling, a lamb baaing, knocking, a door opening, a door slamming, and retreating footsteps. You ll also need to choose some music to play as a backing soundtrack in the places indicated. SCHOOL SCHOOL JOURNAL JOURNAL October 2015 Text copyright Crown 2015 Illustrations by Fraser Williamson copyright Crown 2015 For copyright information about how you can use this material, go to: 26 Published 2015 by the Ministry of Education PO Box 1666, Wellington 6140, New Zealand. All rights reserved. Enquiries should be made to the publisher. SCHOOL JOURNAL LEVEL 3, OCTOBER 2015 ISBN (online) Curriculum learning area English Publishing services: Lift Education E Tū Editor: Susan Paris Designer: Jodi Wicksteed Literacy Consultant: Melanie Winthrop Consulting Editors: Hōne Apanui and Emeli Sione Reading year level Year 5 Keywords acting, actors, advertising, humour, radio play, sound effects, sound track
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