Look Both Ways Study Notes

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1 TheSetting LookBothWays StudyNotes ThenarrativeofLookBothWayshappensoverthreehotdays,startingonFriday andendingonsunday.itrevolvesaroundthelivesofseveralcharacterswholive intheinnersuburbsofacity.thesettingisimportant.firstly,becausewecan easilyleadanonymouslivesinthecity disconnectedfromthepeopleand communitiesaroundus.thisisoneofthechallengesfacinganumberof charactersinthefilm.secondly,theparticularcityscapethatthedirector,sarah Watt,focuseson,isaparticularlyindustrialone thereareconstantimagesof traintracksgoinginmanydirectionsandoftrainshurtlingpast.theseimages re inforcetheconfusionofthemaincharacters.theheat,aswell,makespalpable theinneremotionaltension,burdenandfrustrationofthecharacters.inthe backgroundofthenarrativeisthederailingofatrainatarnowhillinwhich manypeoplehavedied.thistragedyisdominatingtheheadlinesofthenews duringthethreedaysofthenarrative.however,whatisimportantinwatt sfilm isthedramathatunfoldsintheforeground.whilethebiggerpictureisthe tragedyofarnowhill,wattwantsustoseetheimportanceoftheindividual whosestorydoesn tmakethenews. TheNarrative TheeventsofLookBothWayshappenoveraweekend.Theweekend,ofcourse, shouldbeatimeofrelaxation,butallthecharactershavebeenmarkedlyaffected bydifferent,butlinked,events.thefactthatthenarrativehappensoversucha shortperiodtime,symbolizeshowquicklythingscanchangeinlife. Friday: ThemaincrisesforeachcharacterhappenontheFriday: Nicklearnsofhiscancer.Heisunabletofindoutanymoredetailed informationaboutit orwhatarehis chances untilthefollowing Mondaywhenhewillseeaspecialist. Meryl,walkinghomefromthetrain,witnessesaman(Rob,welaterfind outhisnametobe),getrunoverbyafreighttrain. AndyandNickattendtheaccidentscene.Nickcapturesseveralphotos theimmediate,shockeddistressofjuliawhensherealizesitisher partnerwhohasdied.andthetraindriver,sittingdown,slumpedover, bewilderedbywhathashappened. Andy,arrivinghomefromcoveringthestory,istoldbyAnnathatsheis pregnanttohim. TickingMind LookBothWays StudyNotes 1

2 2 TickingMind LookBothWays StudyNotes Saturday: OnSaturdaywelearnmoreaboutthecrisesfacingeachcharacterandhowthe charactersinitiallyintendoncopingwiththeircrises: Nickseesimagesofdeatheverywhere.Hestrugglestohavea conversationwithandyaboutwhatisreallyonhismind.heaccidentally meetsmerylagain,goestoherapartmentandsleepswithher.heleaves whilesheisasleep. Philbeginstomakesomechangestohisparticipationinfamilylife AnnarevealstoAndythatshehasbookedticketstoLondonandwillbe goingovertheirtowork WeseethatthatTrainDriverhassomethingofadistantrelationshipwith hisson. Juliacan tbringherselftomakefuneralarrangementsforherpartner. Sunday: OntheSundaythecrisesofeachcharacterarebroughttoaheadandresolved. NicktakesMeryltomeethismother.Heargueswithhismotherabouthis father sstrugglewithcancer.onthewayhomehesaystomerylthathe can thavearelationshipwithherbecausehehascancer.merylgetsangry withhim theypart.itrains,theyreflectontheiractionsandcome togetherintheend. TheTraindrivergoestoJulia shouseandtakesacondolencecard.hisson goeswithhim. Andylooksafterhiskidsandtestshistheoryaboutthetrainaccident beingasuicide,beforetappingonanna swindow. Philisatthebirthdaypartyforhisdaughterandgivesherapresentthat shereallywants. AsmallgirlisfoundamidstthewreckageoftheArnowHillaccident. TheCharacters Nick: Nick sstrugglewiththenewshehascancerdefineshischaracterinlookboth Ways.Naturally,thenewshehascancerfrightenshimimmensely,and everywhere,likemeryl,hebeginstoseedeath I vebeenseeingdeath everywherethisweekend. Allthecharacters,insomeway,arealoneinthefilm, andthisheightenstheirinnerstrugglewiththeirproblems.apartfromphil,nick tellsnoone,untilmerylattheend,thathehascancer.partlythisisbecausefor Nickhedoesn tknowhowtotellsomeonehehascancer.hisbriefattemptata deeperconversationwithandyis: DoyoubelieveinGod? Butpartlyit s becausehehasnoonetotell heseemstobedisconnectedfromtheworld,and thepeople,aroundhim.unliketheothercharactersinthefilm,thebriefglimpses wegetofnick sapartmentshowittobetidyandorderly.itdoesn treallyseem

3 TickingMind LookBothWays StudyNotes 3 tobeahome Iboughtaplaceasaninvestmentforthefuture.IthoughtI dlive initawhilebeforeigobackoverseas. Nick sstrugglewiththenewshehascancermakeshimflashbackrepeatedlyto whathesawofhisownfather sstrugglewithcancer. Mum,hewasscared, Nick beginstosayinhislongestspeechinthefilm: Whyshouldhehavebeennice. Hewasfightingawar.There salwaysthisstuffinthepapersaboutthisbrave battlewithcancer.butthenyou realsosupposedtoacceptitandthenhavethis niceeveryonegatheraroundattheendandhugeachotherdeath.when sthat turnaroundsupposedtohappen? Nickdoesn tfeellikehecanbebrave orthat hisstruggleneedstobea bravebattlewithcancer. ButNick schallengeisto findawaytoletsomeoneintohelphim.toreconnectwiththeworld. Meryl: NickandMerylareconstantlycomparedandcontrastedascharactersinthefilm. Theyareboth,ofcourse,visualartists NickaphotographerandMerylapaint artist.bothseetheworldaroundthem,andinparticular death, intermsof theirvisualmedium Nickthroughmontagesofphotos,Merylthrough animationsofherown,savagedeath.nickseesthesethingsbecauseofhis cancer.formerylit saboutherfatherdyingatthestartofthefilm.inthe openingsequencesofthefilmweseeatvinthehouseofmeryl smother showingthenewsofthearnowhillcrash.wecanjustmakeoutthevoiceof MerylandhermothertalkingandseetheflowersthatpeoplehavegivenMeryl s mother.asanaudiencewedon tknowthatsomeonehasdied wefocusonthe newsofarnowhill.thisemphasizeshowmeryl scharacterfeelsunimportant, jostledoutofthepicture Whyisn tmypictureonthefrontofthepaper,why isn teveryonewholosessomeoneonthefrontbloodypage. Ittakeshertothe endofthefilmtobeabletosaythis. WhatpreventsMerylfrombeingabletotalkabouthowshefeelsis thebloody politegene Idon tneedtospendmywholeweekend,mywholebloodylife beingpolitetopeoplelikeyou.that stheonlythingstoppingme,thebloody politegene. It s thebloodypolitegene thatpreventsmerylfromtalkingabout howshereallyfeels.whennicksaysatthestartofthefilmthatherfatherdying is terrible, Merylrespondswith: There salwayssomebodyworseoff. She keepsperpetuatingtheideathatherfeelingsaren tsignificant.however,herart doesallowhertoexpressherfeelings shepaintswildlandscapesofturmoil andloneliness.onepictureshowsawomanhuddlinginafoetalposition,all alone. NickandMerylarecomparedinotherways.Bothcharacterswearblue.Atthe startofthefilm,wheretheywalkhometogether,weseeaverygood representationofthis.nickisallinblue hisclothestidyandorderlylikehis apartment.merylwearsabluetshirt,andloosefittingpantsandashirtoverthe topofhertshirt.sheseemstobechaoticallycarryinglotsofbaggageinthis scene andthisstandsfor,inaway,herbaggageasacharacterthatcanbeseen (inherpictures)butnotactuallyspokenabout.blueisthecolourofwaterand

4 4 TickingMind LookBothWays StudyNotes thesky itrepresentslifeandhope twothingsthatnickandmerylareboth strugglingwith,butwhichtheyareabletoembraceintheend. Andy: ThehousesthatNick,MerylandAndyliveintellussomethingaboutthemas characters.nick shouseshowsusthatheisdisconnected.meryl shouseis ramshackle,filledwithherart herartreflectingimportantideasaboutherasa character.andy shouseisamess,filledwithrubbish.itreflectstheemotional messinsidehim. Youthinkeveryone sgotanagenda! Annasaystohimatone stage.thisisverytrueofhim.whenannafirsttellshimsheispregnantheasks her: Didyoudothisonpurpose? Hisviewoftheworldiscynical.Hecan t acceptthatrobmayhavetrippedinfrontofthefreighttrain.instead,his slant isthathejumpedinfrontofit.andyisanangrycharacter,thelinefrommacbeth (theplayhegoestoreviewonthesaturday),perfectlydescribinghim: It satale toldbyanidiot,fullofsoundandfury. He sangryaboutannabeingpregnant, aboutthephotoofjuliabeingonthefrontpagewhen Itwasn tabouther.it wasaboutaguyjumpinginfrontofatrain, andhe sangrywhenhe sfivecents shortatthemilkbar It sfivecents...youknowwhat,thisisit,thisisallthe smallmindedshitintheworld,thisnarrowmindedstuffthatgetsthrownonthe peoplewithoutanyrelevantimportancetoanything. He salsoanuncertain character.inonehighlysymbolicsceneatthecricketonsaturdayhetripsovera pram.andy schallengeistobelesscynical,lessangry,toaccept,asannasaysto him,that thingsjusthappen! Anna: BeingpregnantcreatesamajorlifeshiftforAnna.Inthescenewhereshefirst tellsandyofherpregnancy,shefidgetswithacigarette stilldrawntoalifeof noresponsibility.whethertosmokeornotisarecurringquestionforher,asshe strugglestoaccepttheresponsibilityofbeingpregnant.herhouse,likethatof Meryl,NickandAndy,tellsussomethingabouthercharacter.Sheliveswith anotheryoungwomanandtheyleadthelivesofyoungpeople,talkingabout trivialthings likehowjulialooksinherpictureonthefrontpage.becominga parentwillchangeallthis.shesuggeststoandythat, Wellyouhavethe baby...what sstupid.ihavethebabyyoutakeithome.youbeincharge. Together herandandy theyneedtofindawaytocope. Phil: Philisaworkaholicandhasbecomedisconnectedfromhisfamily.Thenewsthat Nickhascancermakeshimthinkaboutwhatmattersmostinlife.Hegivesup smokingandbeginstopaymoreattentiontohisfamily.initiallyhedoesn t realizethatitwillbehisdaughter sbirthdayonthesundayandhiswifeis bemusedbyhisattemptsatgivingmoreattention( areyouhavinganaffair, sheaskswhenhegiveshersomeflowers ).However,ontheSundayhegiveshis daughteracricketbatwhichshereallylikesandwecanclearlyseethathiswife ispleasedbythechangeinhim.

5 TickingMind LookBothWays StudyNotes 5 Julia: Ofallthecrisesthatcharactersfaceinthefilm,Julia sisthemosthorrific her partnersuddenly,brutallydyingwhenhewasrunoverbyafreighttrain,her griefbaredpublicallyonthefrontpageofthenext sdaysnewspaper.nick, Meryl,Andy,PhilandtheTraindriverallhaveexistingpersonalissuesthatthey needtodealwith.juliadoesn tseemto thebriefglimpsewehaveofherand Robtogetherseemstoshowahappycouple.Hissudden,tragicdeath,shows howquicklyfatecanchange.juliaissilentthroughoutthefilm,notspeakinguntil herinteractionwiththetraindriverattheend.thedeathofrobhassilencedher asacharacter. TheTraindriver: TheTraindriverfeelsadeepguiltathavingrunoverRob.Thewayhisbody languageiscapturedonfilmclearlyshowsthis.heisnearlyalwayssittingdown, slumpedover,andsometimesframedbyobjectsaroundhim suchasa doorway.likejulia,heissilentformostofthefilm.griefsilencesjulia guilt silencesthetraindriver.likeothercharactersinthefilm,though,heneedsto connectwiththosearoundhiminordertomoveonwithhislife.thisevent,for thetraindriver,becomesacatalysttoreconnectwithhisson. TheTraindriver sson: TheTraindriver ssonappearstobeestrangedfromhisfatheratthebeginningof thefilm.however,whathisfatherisgoingthroughbringsheandhisfather closertogether.intheend,thesonaccompaniesthetraindrivertojulia shouse togiveheracondolencecardandtoapologiseforwhathappened.thismarksa reconnectionbetweenthetraindriverandhisson. Joan(Nick smother): Nick smumisaverypragmaticperson.shesaysthatherhusbandwas difficult whenhehadcancer.nickobjectstothis,buthismumcontinueswithoneofthe mostimportantquotesofthefilm: Yourfather sdeathwasn tthesumofhislife. Itdoesn tmatterhowlifeends,itmattershowitwas.icouldn tgivehimmyway ofcoping,andyoucouldn tgivehimyours.everyonehastofindtheirownwayof copingwiththeirowndeath...andlife. Thechallengeforalmosteverycharacter inthefilmistofindawayofcopingwiththeirlife. TheThemes Connection,DisconnectionandCommunity ThecharactersliveinacommunityinLookBothWaysbutareunawareof.Nick andmerylliveclosetoeachother,buthaveneverknoweachother.theyboth livenearjulia,butittakesthehorrificdeathofrobtobringherintotheirlives.

6 6 TickingMind LookBothWays StudyNotes AndyandNickplayinacricketteamtogether.Andy sexwifetakesthekids swimmingatthesamepoolasmeryl.onthesunday,thekidsgothepartyof Phil sdaughter.thecharactersaresoclosetoeachother,butsofaraway. ManyofthecharactersinLookBothWaysarealoneorsomehowfeel disconnected.asmerylsays, Sickofthisstupidjob,nothavinganymoney,not havingmyownhome,don thavechildren,don thaveapartnertoshareanything with. Thechallengeforthecharactersistoconnectwiththeircommunity.As Nick smumsays, Everyonehastofindtheirownwayofcopingwiththeirown death...andlife. Thecharactersinitiallytry andfail tocopeontheirown.in thelastchapterofthedvdoflookbothways,significantlytitled Connectivity, wehearthelyricstolonelywon tleavemealone: TherewasatimeIthoughtIknew Aboutlifeandwhattodo Andnowit'splainIknownothingatall Ishouldhaveknownbetter Lonelywon'tleavemealone TriedItriedbutyouwon'tletgo It'sapainthatwon'tgoaway Lonelywon'tleavemealone Thissongissungasthecharactersfinallyconnectwitheachotherrealizingthat lonelywon tleavemealone andwhattheythoughtthey knew aboutlifewas really nothingatall. LookingBothWays ThetwoheadlinesforSunday snewspaperinlookbothways(whenandygoes tobuyitfromthemilkbar),is OurLuckyLottoWinner and TrainDeathCount Rises. Tragedyandgoodfortunesidebyside(anotherexampleisNickseeinga weddingasheplayscricket.whilehethinksabouthisdeath,peopleare celebratinglife).thisisonemeaningof lookbothways. Merylcomplainsatthe endofthefilm, Whyisn tmypictureonthefrontofthepaper,whyisn t everyonewholosessomeoneonthefrontbloodypage. Infocusingonher,and notthebiggerarnowhilltragedy,thisfilmisputtingheron thefrontbloody page. Thisfilmlooksbothwaysinlookingatthelivesorordinarypeople,rather thanwhatisbigandspectacular. Anothermeaningforlookbothwaysisthatthecharactersinthefilmareata crossroadsintheirlife apointwheretheyneedtomakesomedecisionsabout choosing life whichdirectiontheyaregoingtoheadin.inawaythe charactershavebeenlikethetrainssofrequentlypicturedinthefilm theystay inonedirection,doingthingsontheirown,notlookingaroundthem,notbeing abletoconnect.theyneedtogetofftherailsandlookineitherdirection.

7 TickingMind LookBothWays StudyNotes 7 Grief&Loss Julia,Nick,Meryl,JoanandtheTraindriverarealldealingwithsomekindofloss orgriefinthefilm.andasnick smumsays, Everyonehastofindtheirownway ofcopingwiththeirowndeath...andlife. Themainthemeofthefilmisreally connection,andthisthemeofgriefandlossisexplicitlylinktoconnection characterscan tcopewithgriefandlossontheirown. Fear Hewasscared, Nicksaysofhisdad sstrugglewithcancer.and, There salways thisstuffinthepapersaboutthisbravebattlewithcancer.butthenyou realso supposedtoacceptitandthenhavethisniceeveryonegatheraroundattheend andhugeachotherdeath.when sthatturnaroundsupposedtohappen? Nickis deeplyafraidofthecancerhehasandtheillnessaheadofhim,hisargumentwith hismotherisreallyaround aboutwayofseekingaffirmationthatitisfindtobe frightened.meryl,too,isafraid: Idon tneedyourphotostoremindmeofallthe bloodyshitintheworld.iknowit sawful.itscaresmestupid.itscareseveryone toostupidtodoanything. Fearthreatenstooverwhelmboththesecharacters. Toscarethem toostupidtodoanything. However,byconnectingwitheach other,theyfindaway asisshownintheclosingmontageofphotosofnickand hiscancer ofdealingwiththisfear. TheSymbols&Techniques Colour: RedandbluearecoloursusedthroughoutLookBothWays.MerylandNickboth wearblue,andmerylpaintswithblue.blue,aswasdiscussedaboveinthe sectionaboutmeryl,representslifeandhope.joan,meryl sfriend,julia,phil s wife,anna,andy sexwifeandmerylallwearredatdifferentpointsinthefilm. Redisamuchmorevibrantcolourthanblue.Redcanbeassociatedwithfeelings suchasdanger,butinthecontextoflookbothwaysit salsoacolourthatcanbe associatedwithlife withblood,withbeingalive.thelinkbetweenallthe characters,ofcourse,isthattheyarewomen womenwhohavehadtorespond totheissuesofmenintheirliveandhavebeenabletoendureandsurvive. Music: MusicisanimportanttechniqueinLookBothWays.Thetoneofthemusicand thelyricsgiveusaninsightintotheinneremotionallivesofthecharacters.the lyricsforlonelywon tleavemealone,seenaboveinthethemesection,reflect onhowthecharactersaremakingconnectionswitheachotherintheend.earlier inthefilmwehearthesongcrashing.wehearthebelowlyricsasweseescenes ofnickchoosingthephotoofthedistraughtjuliathatwillbeonthefrontcover ofthenewspaper.healsolooksthroughhispicturesofwar,famineandnatural disaster,beforesearchingtheinternetforimagesontesticularcancer.meryl

8 8 TickingMind LookBothWays StudyNotes paints,andywrites, whenamaniscrushedtodeathbyaslowmovingtraindo weacceptthatasanaccident. IfIsteppedintothelight Andleftmyreflection Standingindoorways Andnotlookbehind IfIcolouredbythesigns Inshadowsandtones Kissingincorners Andnotlookbehind IfIslippedintothequiet Amelodystrong Glowingindarkness Andnotlookbehind IfIsteppedintothelight Andleftmyreflection Standingindoorways Andnotlookbehind IfIfellbetweenthelines Distantanddrawn Waitingbystreetlights Andnotlookbehind IfIletthemomentsrise Discoverandfall Hanginginhallways Andnotlookbehind I'dgocrashingtotheend Crashingtotheend Crashingtotheend Crashingtotheend Thecharactersdoallfeelliketheyare crashingtotheend. Theotherslyricsin thesongspeakaboutanintenseloneliness.towardsthemiddleofthefilm comeslisamiller ssongeleven.whilethisplaysweseejuliastrugglingtowritea funeralspeechaboutrob shealsodiscoversthatherpictureisonthefront pageofthepaper.merylcreatesasmallmemorialtorobbesidethetraintracks andannawalksthroughasprinkler,takingchildishjoyatthefeelingofthe wateronherinthehotweather. Unpack,I'llgetaroundtoit. Don'tthinkIlikethesoundofit. Unstackbeforethenextload'sin.

9 TickingMind LookBothWays StudyNotes 9 Cameback,tomakeastartonit. Thistime,gettotheheartofit. IfIcanfindoutwheretobegin. Stalling,youknowthatI'mstalling. WhatdoIneedallofthistimefor? Onlyreadingheadlines Andtoolongavoidingdeadlines IthinkIpaidthatbillbefore. SoI'llwipeofftheoldmessages Andwhite outthewrongpassages AndwriteoutalistIcan'tignore. Calling,isthatsomeonecalling? I'lljustturnthemusicupalittlelouder. Playdumb,youthinkIdon'tknowIplaydumb. IonlyhopeIdon'tplaydumb 'tilyoubelieveiam. Falling,feelslikeI'mfalling. Whydon'tyoujustgrabmebymyshoulders andshakemeoutofthis. Makemeseemysenselessness Andwakemebeforetheeleventhhour. ThelyricsclearlytellusaboutthefeelingsofJulia.She s stalling becauseshe s findingitdifficulttocometotermswithhergriefforrob.merylandannaare both stalling inasense,too strugglingtoworkouthowtomoveonwiththeir lives. Animation: Likemusic,theanimationsthroughthefilmgiveusaninsightintotheinner emotionallivesofthecharacters inthiscasejustmerylandnick.nicksees thingsthroughhismedium,merylthroughhers.asanaudience,weare encouragedtolookatthingsthroughadifferentperspectiveinordertobetter understandthethemesofthefilm. Birds: Imagesofbirdsareseenatseveralpointsthroughoutthefilm.Thebirdsflock together,flyingasagroup.onewaywecaninterpretthemasasymbol,isthat theyrepresentconnectednessandcommunity.

10 1 0 TickingMind LookBothWays StudyNotes Trains: TrainsrushbyinLookBothWays.Theysymbolizemanyoftheattributesofthe charactersinthefilm.theirfailuretolookbothways,tokeepgoingintheirown directionontheirown,themovingfromonespottothenextspotwithout enjoyingtheelementsoftheirlife. Quotes Nick:Sowhataremychances? Doctor:Look,Ireallydon tthinkthere sanypointspeculatinginthatsortofway. Phil:Whereareyougoing?Whichhospital? Phil:Yougohome.I llsortouteverythinghere. Andy:Doyouknowhowmanysupposedlyaccidentaldeathslastyearcouldhave beensuicide? Andy:Didyouactuallyseehimtrip? Meryl:Well,no,buthemusthavetripped. Andy:Didyougetmyslant? Nick:Theyguycouldhavetripped. Meryl:There salwayssomebodyworseoff.youknow,somebody smother, fatherorbrotherhavediedwhentheirhouseburneddown. Meryl:Maybeitwasmeanttobe.Maybehewasanaxemurderer,arapistabout tocommithisfirstcrime.maybetherightthinghappens...cancer:mystarsign. Andy:Didyoudothisonpurpose? Meryl:Ha...shockproof! Meryl:I llhavetoworkallweekendorotherwiseimightnothaveajobon Monday...Shouldmakeitacleansweep,nothingofanything. Meryl:Sickofthisstupidjob,nothavinganymoney,nothavingmyownhome, don thavechildren,don thaveapartnertoshareanythingwith. Andy:Doweacceptthatitwasanaccident? Andy:Itwasn tabouther.itwasaboutaguyjumpinginfrontofatrain. Phil:Thisisnotaboutyou,Andy.

11 TickingMind LookBothWays StudyNotes 1 1 Meryl:Isupposedeveryonehastowitnesssomethingghastlyoneday.Youknow, yourfifteenminutesofbluhhrrr... Meryl:Didyouwantsomething? Meryl:It snotasifiknewhim. Andy:You llprobablywinanaward.well,ifyoudie,whichyoumightaswellas now.don tyouguyssayyouonlyevertakeonegreatphoto. Nick:DoyoubelieveinGod? Andy:Haveyouevergotanyonepregnant? Phil:Apparently,it sgoodtostayup.optimistic. Nick:Poverty,war,naturaldisastersthenbacktothemini bar. Nick:I vebeenseeingdeatheverywherethisweekend. Meryl:Sodo,Iimagineithappeningallthetime. Nick:Doyouseeitwhenyoulookatme? Meryl:No,noIdon tseeanythingatall. Nick:Ha...wellthat sgood.idon tevenknowyourname. Meryl:Doyouseedeathwhenyoulookatme? Nick:No.NoIdon t. MacbethPlay:It sataletoldbyanidiot,fullofsoundandfury. Andy:Wheredoesthatleaveus? Anna:Yousay. Andy:Yeah,sure... Andy:It sfivecents...youknowwhat,thisisit,thisisallthesmallmindedshitin theworld,thisnarrowmindedstuffthatgetsthrownonthepeoplewithoutany relevantimportancetoanything. Nick:Iboughtaplaceasaninvestmentforthefuture.IthoughtI dliveinita whilebeforeigobackoverseas. Andy:We regoingtostayhereuntilwegetaglimmerofknowledge. Nick:Wellitwasn tmuchfunforhim. Nick:Whydidyousaydadwasdifficult? Mum:Hewas.Hewasdifficultwhenhehadacold.

12 1 2 TickingMind LookBothWays StudyNotes Nick:Mum,hewasscared. Nick:Whyshouldhehavebeennice.Hewasfightingawar.There salwaysthis stuffinthepapersaboutthisbravebattlewithcancer.butthenyou realso supposedtoacceptitandthenhavethisniceeveryonegatheraroundattheend andhugeachotherdeath.when sthatturnaroundsupposedtohappen? Mum:Idon tknow.whenit sinevitable.whenitwouldhavebeenbetterforhim tofindpeace.hemadeitsohardforhimself. Nick:Ididn tdoanything.hewasterrified. Mum:Yourfather sdeathwasn tthesumofhislife.itdoesn tmatterhowlife ends,itmattershowitwas.icouldn tgivehimmywayofcoping,andyou couldn tgivehimyours.everyonehastofindtheirownwayofcopingwiththeir owndeath...andlife. (Nick s)mum:whydoyouhavetobesobloodyindependent? Anna:Wellyouhavethebaby...what sstupid.ihavethebabyyoutakeithome. Youbeincharge. Anna:Ididn tdothisdeliberately.youweretheretoo. Anna:Youthinkeveryone sgotanagenda! Andy:Andtheydon t? Anna:No,thingsjusthappen! Nick:Ican treallystartanything. Meryl:ImetyouonFriday,weslepttogetheronSaturday,youtookmetomeet yourmotheronsunday.andnowyoucan tstartanything.that sthetightest littlerelationshipi veeverhad.andifyouthinki mupsetbecauseyoudon t wanttoseeme,thenhowdareyou.maybeiwasgoingtosaythanksbutno bloodythanks.idon tneedthisbloodycrap.idon tneedtospendmywhole weekend,mywholebloodylifebeingpolitetopeoplelikeyou.that stheonly thingstoppingme,thebloodypolitegene...maybeidon tlikeyou,orwhatyou do.idon tneedyourphotostoremindmeofallthebloodyshitintheworld.i knowit sawful.itscaresmestupid.itscareseveryonetoostupidtodoanything. Mydaddiedtwoweeksago.Whyisn tmypictureonthefrontofthepaper,why isn teveryonewholosessomeoneonthefrontbloodypage.sowhatifiwanted youtolikeme.sowhatifit sshallowandstupidtowantsomeonetolikeyou. Meryl:You redumpingmebecauseyou vegotcancer? Nick:Igotcancerinmylungs,I vegotcancerinmyballs,inmylegs,myarms,my brain.

13 TickingMind LookBothWays StudyNotes 1 3

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