Hmong Wedding Procedures

Transcription

1 Hmong Wedding Procedures Translated by Xai Lor, Txongpao Lee and Kou Yang, Hmong Cultural Center Compiled by Tougeu Leepalao

2 Hmong Wedding Procedures Translated by Xai Lor, Txongpao Lee and Kou Yang, Hmong Cultural Center Compiled by Tougeu Leepalao, Copyright, Contents Preface and Acknowledgments 2 Introduction 3 Preparations 5 Admission of a Bride 5 Informing the Bride s Parents 6 Ceremony at the Groom s House 10 Wedding Ceremony at the Bride s Parents House 17 Wedding Reception 24 Print sponsorship by Western & Southern Life. St. Paul Office 225 University Avenue, Suite 125 St. Paul, MN Phone:

3 Preface and Acknowledgments The original Tshoob Kos (Wedding Procedures) book was compiled by Tougeu Leepalao in the Hmong language between 1995 and Mr.Leepalao is a Cultural Consultant at the Hmong Cultural Center. The earlier version of the book was available in limited quantity for distribution by the Hmong Cultural Center. The Tshoob Kos book describes the procedures involved in carrying out a Hmong wedding. It provides step by step instructions for the different individuals who are involved in a traditional Hmong wedding. It is not within the scope of this volume to provide the actual Hmong wedding songs that are sung during the ceremony. The following people were involved in this translation project. Xai S. Lor retyped, and worked with the English translation. In addition, Txongpao Lee assisted with the translation from Hmong into English. He also acted as a consultant for the translation. Both Mr. Lor and Mr. Lee spent many hours revising, and editing Tougeu Leepalao s book into English. Mark E. Pfeifer, Ph.D. served as the grantwriter who helped secure funding for the project, and provided proof reading for the manuscript. Marlin Heise also assisted with proofreading. The Hmong Cultural Center would like to thank the Minnesota Historical Society for funding this project. This project was supported by a fiscal year 2012 Minnesota Historical and Cultural Heritage Grant from the Minnesota Historical Society. This activity is funded, in part, by the arts and cultural heritage fund as appropriated by the Minnesota State Legislature with money from the Legacy Amendment vote of the people of Minnesota on November 4, Hmong Cultural Center would also like to thank Western and Southern Life for sponsoring the printing of this publication. About Hmong Cultural Center Founded in 1992, Hmong Cultural Center's mission is to promote the personal development of children, youth, and adults through Hmong cultural education while providing resources that enhance cross-cultural awareness and understanding between Hmong and non-hmong persons. In early 2012, HCC earned Meets Standards Status from the Charities Review Council. The center s website is at The community is very welcome to visit HCC, enroll in our programs and use our Hmong Resource Center Library ( To learn more about programs at Hmong Cultural Center call or stop by the center at 995 University Avenue, Suite 214 in Saint Paul. 2

4 Introduction Xai S. Lor Exactly when the Hmong people began to practice their traditional wedding ceremony is unknown. There is no exact historical record pertaining to the origin of the Hmong wedding ceremony. However, based on a popular Hmong myth, the beginnings may be traced back to the great flood. This flood story is one of the Hmong creation stories, and explains how the Hmong clans came to be. According to Tougeu Leepalao (2013), the cultural consultant at the Hmong Cultural Center, a brother and sister survived a great flood. Everyone died except for these two individuals. For the earth to be populated with people again, Yawm Saub (god) instructed the brother and sister to get married. The sister at first refused. The brother again insisted with the goal of repopulating the world. The sister decided to accept the proposal for marriage. In order for the brother and sister to get married, God told them to go learn the art of marriage ceremonies from Zaj Laug (the old dragon), hence the name of the wedding songs became Zaj. After the siblings mastered the marriage song ceremonies in the old dragon s kingdom, the brother was given the ceremonial wedding umbrella, and the old dragon s daughter gave the sister her underbelly, which represents the siv ceeb which is a black and white striped cloth. These items are used in the traditional Hmong wedding ceremony. They provide protection, and shield the newly wed from harm while providing blessings. After the siblings got back from the old dragon s kingdom, they got married. The sister gave birth to an egg shaped fetus. God instructed the couple to cut the egg shaped fetus into pieces, which later became the 12 original clans in Hmong society. The Hmong community in Saint Paul, Minnesota recognizes that there are at least 18 different clans. They are the Chang, Cheng, Chue, Fang, Her, Hang, Khang, Kong, Kue, Lee, Lor, Moua, Pha, Thao, Vang, Vue, Xiong, and Yang. The Hmong are a patriarchal society, and practice a patrililineal or clan system. The clan system provides support for members of the same lineage, clan or subclans, and encourages liaisons between different clans in the community. (Dina, 1993) Most importantly, clans serve marriage purposes, and as the kin a person has to his lineage, and clansmen. In Hmong society, members of the same clan are not allowed to date, nor get married to each other. They are exogamous, which means members of the same clan must seek potential marriage partners outside of their own clans. A Hmong bride leaves her family to become part of her husband s family. In a Hmong wedding, clan leaders and representatives are involved with the wedding ceremonies and negotiations of the wedding gifts for the bride s parents. The negotiations between the representatives of the families might take several hours to complete before the wedding actually starts. The negotiators are the ones who acknowledge the matrimony between the groom, bride and their families (Moua, 2001). The bride does not only marry the groom but she is married to his family, and he is married to the bride and her family. The marriage ceremony is about uniting the two families together as one. According to Mouavangsou (2010), Hmong marriage is an institution in which the groom and bride s families and their clans interact from the moment the marriage negotiation takes place. It is a bridge that creates a bond between two individuals and their direct family members to form a kinship with one another (p.19) Hmong wedding traditions in Minnesota haved stayed relatively the same, but have been modified to fit the acculturation of the Hmong population, and the new socio-cultural enviroment. In the fiv xov (a prewedding ceremony), dried tobacco leaves are replaced with cigarettes when the messengers 3

5 go to inform the bride s parents that she is in a secure place, and to let them know that they should not search for her because she has gone off to get married. Tobacco is given to the bride s family as a token of appreciation and acknowledgement to start a dialoque. Traditionally in the past, silver bars were used as gifts for the bride s parents, but these are replaced with U.S. currency among the Hmong in the United States. This gift is commonly called the bride price in the West. This gift to the bride s parents is generally considered to be mandatory because of their role in successfully raising their daughter to be a woman. The traditional Hmong wedding takes at least two days. According to customs, the wedding participants walk from the groom s family s home to the bride s house in order for the wedding to take place. Along the way according to Hmong traditions, they must make a stop for lunch, but they usually don t walk in the U.S. due to accomodations with modern transportation. In some contemporary weddings, instead of making a stop for lunch along the way at the bride s parents home, the parties go straight to the bride s parents house. When the groom s side of the family arrives at the bride s parents house, a wedding song is sung before enter ing the home. There, the Mej Koob (negotiators) negotiate the gifts for the bride s parents, and how to prepare the feast for her family and relatives as an acknowledgment of their matrimony. Additional wedding songs are sung. The bride and grooms are blessed, lectured and preached to as they begin their new life as a husband and wife together. The family, relatives, and friends from both sides come to get acquainted with each other at the wedding feast. A dowry of gifts is given to the bride and her groom from the bride s parents and her relatives and friends as they start their new life as husband and wife. After the wedding ceremony at the bride s parent s house, the groom s side of the family returns to his parents house where a short reception also takes place. A feast is prepared and the wedding participants on the groom s side are thanked for their role in the wedding. The Mej Koob are acknowledged for their successful completion of the wedding. Also acknowledged are the groom s best man, the bride s maid and others in the wedding party. They are also typically given a small compensation for their time and involvement in the wedding. The groom and his relatives kowtow and thank everyone who has participated and contributed their time to make the wedding possible. Everyone is informed about the dowry gifts that the bride s parents and relatives and friends have provided. Finally, the couple is given the wedding ceremonial umbrella with the siv cib (black and white striped cloth) as they begin their new life as husband and wife. References Dana, Annette Federico. (1993). Courtship and Marriage Traditions of the Hmong. Master Thesis, California State University, Fresno Leepalao, Tougeu Personal Interview. Moua, Xong. (2001). Hmong Clan Leaders Role and Responsibilities. Master Thesis, California State University, Fresno Mouavangsou, Choua. (2010) Traditional Hmong Marriage Ceremony Values. Lima, OH: Wyndham Hall Press 4

6 Kev Npaj Ua Tshoob Ib tug tub xav yuav nyab nws yuav tsum qhia niam txiv paub ua ntej saib ces Hmoob ntawd puas yog neeg Hmoob zoo los yog Hmoob tsis zoo. Thaum paub tias yog Hmoob phem ces tso tseg. Thaum paub tias yog Hmoob zoo ces niam txiv tso lus kom mus yuav. Thaum ntawd niam txiv yuav tsum npaj tej yam txhiam xws tos nkauj nyab los txog zoo li nram no: Ib tug qaib npaj tseg cia lwm nkauj nyab, yog tsis muaj qaib xuas hluav taws, nplooj ntoos lwm kuj tau. Ib txoj siv ceeb $300 rau $350 nyiaj ntsuab. Lwm Qaib Thaum coj nkauj nyab los txog ntawm qhov rooj lawm, tus tub ua ntej kom nkawd nres twj ywm mam muab tus qaib los lwm qaib sab xim plaub ncig tig hlo lwm rov sab laug plaub ncig ces mam cia nkawd los tsev. Cov lus lwm sab xim hais li nram no: Sim laud! Kuv lwm no kuv tsis lwm tub nyab plig tub, pig kiv, plig niam plig txiv, plig nyiaj, plig kub. Kuv yuav lwm dab ntxoog, dab tsov, dab peg, dab ntxaug, qub vij, qub swv xyob txhiaj pem hwv, lwm poob nthav nraum toj, tu nrho nraum pes, poob nthav yas kab, tu nrho yas kev, poob nthav nraum rooj, tu nrho nraum ntsa tsis tsoj nkauj nyab qab, tsis taug nkauj nyab lw, tej no luag tuav ntawv rawv los ua neej lawm. The Preparations When a young man wishes to get married, he needs to consult with his parents beforehand for their advice. His family will consider whether the family of the young woman he wishes to marry is appropriate for a marriage involving their son. If they do not consider the proposed marriage partner to be suitable, the parents will suggest that their son drop the idea. Conversely, if his parents perceive the young lady to be a desirable choice for a wife, his parents will give him their blessings as well as their permission for the marriage. The parents must prepare and provide the following items to welcome their daughter-inlaw: A rooster is prepared but in case there isn t one available at the time, the burning of wood or branches of leaves may be substituted. A siv ceeb (black and white striped cloth). $300 to $350 in cash. Admission of a Bride When the young man and his soon-to-be wife arrive outside of his parents main entrance door, an elder will come out to greet them. He administers the lwm qaib chant in a circular motion hovering over the couple s head clockwise four times, and then counterclockwise four times with the rooster before the couple is allowed to enter the house. The admission chant for the clockwise chant is: [To Sweep away bad luck and misfortune] This I swept, I m not sweeping the spirits of the groom and the bride, the spirits of fertility and parenthood or the spirits of fortune and prosperity. I will sweep away the evil spirits of wandering, sickness and misfortune. Sweeping into the hill, it shall leave the young bride well. Sweeping down the way, to lose trace of the young bride s path. It is their destiny to be husband and wife 5

7 Cov lus lwm sab laug hais li nram no: Kuv yuav lwm tub nyab los rau hauv vaj los rau hauv tsev, txiv los txiv coj niam, niam los niam coj tub, coj kiv, tub kiv los tub kiv coj plig nyiaj plig kub, plig qoob plig loo coj, kev neej kev tsav, coj kev nom kev tswv los yuav los ua neej ib nqaj kom nto ntuj, ib ploog kom nto ntsis yas zeej kib txoob los laud! Me tub, me nyab auv! Thaum nkag kiag los txog hauv tsev lawm tus nyab ces niam coj mus zaum, hos tus tub mas yuav tsum los pe niam pe txiv. Cov lus rau tus tub hais thiab pe hais li no: Khwv koj txiv ov! Hnub no kuv mus txob tau plaub tau ntug, tau nyab los rau koj ua txiv leg xwb lau! Khwv koj niam ov! Hnub no kuv mus txob plaub txob ntug los rau koj ua niam tau kev tshawj xwb laud! Fi Lub Xov Thaum no thov ob tug mus fi lub xov rau niam txiv paub. Cov lus thiab tej txhiam xws muaj li no. Ib txog siv ceeb khi ob lub pob rau ob tog, ib lub pob khi li $10.00, 2 lub yog $ Cov no yog fi xov. $ yog niam lub qe, txiv lub qe, $60.00 los sis $ yog niam hlob txiv hlob, niam ntwawm, txiv ntxawm, nus tij, nus kwv muam phauj yawg laus tug (ntaus tsiag tsis paub faib hno) ib leeg ib kab yeeb xwb, $20.00 yog tus tsawb tshoob, tsawb kos tug. Thaum ob tug mus txog tom niam txiv qhov rooj tag yuav tsum noog tias Nej puas caiv tsis caiv? Luag teb tias Peb tsis caiv los tsev The counter clockwise chant is as follows: I m sweeping the groom and bride into the house. The husband shall come and he shall come with his wife, the wife comes and she shall come with the children, and the children shall come and they shall come with the spirits of fortune and prosperity cultivation and nurturing, and kinsmanship. For this I bless, the son and daughter-in-law to have a long life together. After the son and daughter-in-law enter the house, the daughter-in-law sits down while the son kowtows to show respect to his parents and to ask them for help. The words for the son to say when kowtowing are as follows: Oh father and mother, please forgive me today for which I have burdened and worried you for taking on a wife. I will need your help to prepare my wedding. Informing of the Bride s Parents The father needs to find two messengers to go and inform the bride s parents. The ends of the siv ceeb are tied into knots. At each end of the siv ceeb, there are two knots. One of the knots holds $ Two knots hold $ The knots are used as a form of notification that the daughter is married. $ is given as notification to the bride s parents. $60.00 or $ is given on behalf of the uncles, aunts, brothers and sister-in-laws of the bride. (The $ is compared to the tobacco in an offering to them). $20.00 is also offered to the representative of the bride s family. When the messengers arrive at the front door of the bride parents house, they knock on the door and ask Is it okay for us to enter? The 6

8 os! Luag qhib qhov rooj kiag yus mam nkag mus hauv tsev thaum mus txog ntua ntawm tag, yus ob tug cia li pe kiag hais li no. Thov ceeb toom niam txiv paub, tus yawg (tus nraug vauv txiv lub npe) tus tub hu ua (tus nraug vauv lub npe) tuaj coj tau niam txiv tub ntxhais hu ua (tus ntxhais nkauj nyab lub npe) mus lawm es niam txiv tom ub thiaj li thov wb ob tug tuaj thoob lub xov rau niam txiv paub no.tib los lus hais tas nrho, niam txiv poj koob yawm koob, niam hlob txiv hlob, niam ntxawm txiv ntxawm, nus tij nus kwv, ncej dab ncej qhua huv si. Ces pe kiag ob pes ua ke xwb. Thaum no mam mus tsab luam yeeb rau txiv ua tus txais. Cov lus tsab yeeb hais li no: Kab me no rau txiv, kab no raum niam, kab no rau poj koob yawm koob, kab no rau niam hlob txiv hlob, kab no rau niam ntxawm txiv ntxawm kab, no rau nus tij nus kwv, kab no rau muam phauj yawg laus. Thaum no mam li rov tsab dua ib kab rau txiv ces mam tsa ncauj hais tias: Ab! Hais rau koj ua niam ua txiv paub tias niam txiv tom ub tub tuaj coj tau koj tub koj ntxhais lawm. Luag hais tias lub hnub tsis zoo twb lub hli. Niam txiv tom ub tsis zoo tuaj twb niam txiv.niam txiv tom ub thiaj thov wb ob tug tuaj thoob lub xov rau koj ua niam ua txiv tau paub no, Yog li wb thov koj zam lub txim thaib ua li wb muaj lus nrog koj tham puas tau? Los sis tseem tshuav tus tsawb tshoob tsawb kos coj plaub tsaws ntug koj ho xav kom wb mus raws tuaj los koj ho qhia wb es wb ho mus raws tuaj. Thaum hais li no tag ces yog luag kom yus mus raws tus twg ces yus yeej yuav tau mus raws tuaj xwb. family opens the door, and responds Please come in! Once the messengers get inside the bride s parents house, this is what the messengers say to the bride s parents. Attention to the parents of the bride, (name of groom s father) s son name (name of the groom) have taken your daughter (name of the bride) to be his wife. The parents of the groom have requested us to be messengers to inform you that your daughter is in safe hands. We would like to inform the ancestors, the uncles, aunts, brothers, and the house spirits. The messengers kneel down on the ground and kowtow at the same time. Cigarettes are offered to the bride s father. One of the messengers says: This one is for the father, this one is for the mother. This one is for the ancestors, this one is for the elder uncle and his wife, this one is for the younger uncle and his wife, this one is for the elder brother, this one is for the younger brother, this one is for the aunt and her husband. At last, an additional cigarette is offered to the bride s father and the messengers say: Ah! To tell you as parents of the bride, the parents of the groom have taken your daughter to be his wife. It is improper for the groom s parents to come. The groom s parents have asked us to be messengers to inform you. Forgive us, may we have a word with you? Is there a representative or a clan leader you wish for us to go find? When the parents are notified, and if they have requested for specific representatives or persons to come, the messengers will have to go attempt retrieve the requested individuals. 7

9 Thaum yus ob tug mus txog tom tus neeg ntawd tsev, yus tsab ib kab yeb rau nws xwb ces cia li tsa ncauj hais li no rau nws. Ab! Tsis muaj tus lus dab tsis, tab sis yog niam txiv tom ub tus tub (hu li no) ho tuaj coj tau niam txiv tom no tus ntxhais (hu li no) mus lawm es niam txiv tom ub thov wb ob tug tuaj fi lub xo rau niam txiv tom no paub no, es wb tuaj txog tim niam txiv tsev, niam txiv hais tias tseem tshuav koj tus coj tshoob tsaws kos, kom wb tuaj raws koj mus txog tso muaj lus dab tsis los mam tham no. Yog li wb muaj lus ua tsaug thov koj nrog wb mus tim niam txiv tsev es muaj lus nrog niam txiv sib tham no. Hnub qab nram ntsis wb yuav nco koj tus txiaj tus ntsig ces. Yus ob tug sawv tsees mus pe luag. Cov lus pe hais li no: Khwv koj mog! Yuav vam khom koj mus pab laj niam laj txiv kom tau txoj kev neej kev tsav xwb laub. Thaum tus tsawb tshoob tsawb kos coj plaub tsaws ntug tuaj txog hauv niam txiv tsev lawm ces yus cia li tsab luam yeeb kiag rau nws xwb. Ob leeg cia li hais tias Kab me no rau txiv, kab no rau niam, kab no rau poj koob yawm koob, kab no rau niam hlob txiv hlob, kab no rau niam ntxawm txiv ntxawm, kab no rau nus tij nus kwv, kab no raum muam phauj yawg laus, kab no rau tus tsawb tshoob tsawb kos coj plaub tsaws ntug. Ces cev kiag ib kab ntxiv hais tias Txais kab me no thiab! Ces muab kiag txoj siv ceeb los cev kiag rau tus neeg uas yus tos nws tuaj ntawd, tsa ncauj hais li no. Hais rau koj tias niam txiv tom ub tus tub (hu li no) coj tau niam txiv tom no tus ntxhais (hu li no) mus lawm es niam txiv tom ub thiaj thov wb tuaj fi lub xov rau niam txiv tom no paub es kom niam txiv tsis txhob mus nrhiav chaw ua qav ua num, niam txiv tub ntxhais mus nyob muaj chaw lawm no. Ces yus tuav rawv txoj siv ceeb hais tias Qhov me no yog thoob lub xov rau niam txiv, qhov me no yog thoob lub xov rau niam hlob txiv hlob, niam ntxawm txiv ntxawm, nus tij nus kwv muam phauj yawg When the messengers get to the representative s house, a cigarette is offered to him. The messengers say, Ah! There is nothing much to discuss but (name of the groom) has taken (name of the bride) to be his bride, therefore, the groom s parents asked us to notify the bride s parents. When we arrived at the bride s parents house they said there is yourself who is a representative and a clan leader. They have asked us to come to get you so that we could discuss the issue. We would like to express our gratitude to you for your willingness to go with us to the bride s parents house to discuss the issue. We would be forever grateful to you. The messengers than kneel down and kowtow to the representative. These are the words the messengers say to the representative: Thank you! The parents are relying on you so that there will be kin between the families. When the representative arrives at the bride s parents house, a cigarette is offered to him. The messengers say: This one is for father, this one is for mother. This one is for the ancestors, this one is for the elder uncle and his wife, this one is for the younger uncle and his wife, this one is for the elder brother, this one is for the younger brother, this one is for the aunt and her husband. This one is for the representative. An additional cigarette is offered. And this one too! The siv ceeb is taken out to the representative, and the messengers say: I want to tell you that (name of the groom) has taken (name of the bride) to be his wife, so the groom s parents have asked us to be messengers to inform you as parents of the bride that she is safe and sound. Don t make it a duty for yourself. Do not be concerned about her safety. She is now safe and sound. The siv ceeb is held in the hands of the messengers, who continue to say This is for the parents. This is for the elder uncles and their wives, the younger uncles and their wives, the elder brothers and younger brothers, 8

10 laus paub no. Muab kiag $ cev kiag rau hais tias Qhov me no yog ib lub qe rau niam, ib lub qe rau txiv. Muab kiag $70.00 los sis $100 cev kiag rau hais tias Luag hais tias ntaus tsiag tsis paub faib hno, qhov me no yog niam hlob txiv hlob, niam ntxawm txiv ntxawm, nus tij nus kwv muam phauj yawg laus, cuag li twb muab tsis tau ib leeg ib lub qe, tsuas yog ib nyuag kab yeeb ua lub ntsej muag luag xwb. Muab kiag $20.00 cev kiag rau hais tias Qhov me no yog tus coj tshoob tsawb kos raws nce toj nqis taug twb muab tsis tau sib lub qe, tsuas yog ib kab yeeb xwb twb tsis rau ntsjraug muag los thov zam lub txim ntau ntau. Thaum no ces sav tsees mus pe. Cov lus pe hais li no Thov txiv ov! Niam txiv tom ub tub tuaj coj tau niam txiv tom no ntxhais mus lawm, es niam txiv tom ub thov wb tuaj thoob lub xov rau niam txiv tom no paub, kom niam txiv tsis txhob mus nrhiav chaw ua qav ua num, niam txiv tub ntxhais mus nyob muaj chaw lawm no. Ces pe niam pe txiv, pe poj yawm koob, niam hlob txiv hlob, niam ntxawm txiv ntxawm, nus tij nus kwv, muam phauj yawg laus hais tib yam nkaus xwb. Thaum pe tag rov los zaum ntua ces tsa ncauj hais tias Yog puv peb hnub txawm muaj qa muaj num los thov niam txiv muab tso tseg es niam txiv nrhiav ob tug laus neeg nyob hauv tsev tos, niam txiv tom ub yuav tuaj nrog niam txiv tom no ntsuas dej, ntsuas txhuv, ntsuas tshoob ntsuas kos, tis txoj kev neej, kev tsav kom tau ntoj ib txhiab, thuv ib txhis no. Zaum ntua yog luag tsis noog ces cia li ua tsaug los tsev xwb, yog luag noog no ces mam qhia hais li no Hais rau niam rau txiv. Yog muaj nus tij, nus kwv, niam laus, niam hluas xav txoj tub ntxhais qab, taug tub ntxhais lw no ces kom mus rau tom lub tsev (nab npawb tsev thiab txoj kev), thiab muab ib tus nab npawb xov tooj rau hu. Qhia kom meej tseeb rau luag tas ces ua luag tsaug rov qab los tsev xwb. Cov lus ua tsuag hais li no. Ua Tsaug mog niam aunts and their husband to conclude the message. $ is handed over, and the messengers go on to say This is for the parents of the bride. $70.00 or $ is handed over and the messengers say This is for the elder uncle, and his wife, the younger uncle and his wife, the elder brother, younger brother, aunt and her husband. It may not be enough for everyone. Give $20.00 to the representative and say This is for you. If it is sufficient we beg for your pardon. At that moment, kneel down to kowtow and say, Be grateful, father! The parents of the groom have taken your daughter, so they requested us to be messengers to inform you that she is safe and sound. Do not make it a responsibility and duty to search for her. She is now in a secure place. Kowtow to the bride s father, the ancestors, the elder uncles, and their wives, the younger uncles and their wives, the elder and younger brothers, and also the aunts and uncles. After kowtowing, carry on to say: After three days, the parents of the bride should find two elders and get ready for the wedding ceremony. The parents of the groom will find representatives to come to the wedding to discuss the wedding plan. If the parents and representatives ask no questions, leave to go home. In case there are questions, reply to them and say If there are loved ones, older brothers, younger brothers, older sisters, and younger sisters who wish to know where the bride is, provide them an accurate address and a telephone number to call. Before leaving the bride s parents house, thank them and say Thank you parents! At this time of the night, we are sorry for 9

11 txiv! Ntuj tag hmo tuaj txhob txhob xeem niam txiv xwb. Hu Plig Nyab Peb Tag Kis Nkauj nyab los nyob puv peb tag kis ces npaj hu plig. Npaj ob tug qaib, ib ntig txhuv, ob lub qe, ib tug xyab hu nkauj nyab thiab tus tub nkawd plig. Ces npaj thov neeg mus hais tshoob. Cov neeg yuav mus muaj li no: ob tug meej koob, ib tug phij laj, ib tug niam tais ntsuab nrog nkauj nyab nraug vauv. Thaum thov tau li no lawm ces rub cov neeg no los zaum rooj ce ib leg ib khob cawv ces tus coj tshoob tsaws kos mam tsa ncauj hais tias Yuav vam neb ncauj, neb lus mus pab ua tsuas, ua qws mus laj, mus tav pab chawj niam chawj txiv kom tau txoj kev neej kev tsav xwb. Rauj qws ces yuav raug neb, tus roj ntshav ces peb ua niam ua txiv ua tus ris tsuav tau tshoob tau kos, tau kev neej kev tsav xwb. Hais li no tas ces muab lub kaus dub cob rau tus tuam meej koob. Yog tus coj tshoob tsaws kos txawj hais zaj tshoob ces hais ib zag tas mam muab kaus cob rau nkawd. Thaum ob tug meej koob txais tau lub kaus ces nkawd mam hais ib zag zaj tshoob tas ces nkawd mam coj tus nraug vauv los pe niam pe txiv, pe poj koob yawm koob, niam hlob txiv hlob, niam ntwawm txiv ntxawm, pe ib tsoom laus neeg tuaj saib tshoob tas ces mus xwb. Cov khoom coj mus muaj li no: Ob tug qaib ntim su, ob tug qaib qhia tsiaj, ib tug qaib ib hwj cawv npws poj yawm tom ub, ib tug qaib troubling you. Ceremony at the Groom's House to Officially Welcome the Bride to be Part of His Family Three days after the bride has lived at the groom s house, a soul calling ceremony is conducted. Two live chickens are prepared. A bowl of uncooked rice, two eggs, and a joss stick are also used for the soul calling ceremony for the groom and bride. In addition, the appropriate persons are requested to be present for the wedding. The appropriate people to be included and to participate in the wedding ceremony include: two wedding negotiators, a groomsman, and bridesmaid to be in the wedding along with the groom and bride. When the individuals are requested, there is a meeting. They are asked to sit down, and each individual is offered rice wine. The wedding representative speaks words of thank you out loud. He says Your assistance and support are needed to further integrity and kinsmanship. After thanking everyone, a black wedding ceremonial umbrella is given to the lead negotiator. If the family representative knows how to sing a wedding song, he sings a song before handing the ceremonial wedding umbrella over to the two negotiators. The negotiators then sing a wedding song in response. Once they are done, the groom has to kowtow to his parents, ancestors, the elder uncles, and their wives, the younger uncles and their wives, and elders who are present at the moment before heading out to the bride s parents house to have the wedding. The items to take for the wedding are as follows: Two cooked chickens for lunch, two extra cooked chickens, a chicken, and rice 10

12 ciaj ua qaib dab nrog ib rab riam, muaj txhuv, ntsev, roj, luam yeeb thiab cawv nrog. Thaum mus txog tom ib tog kev ces so noj sus. Tus tuam meej koob muab ib qho mov, ib ntshi nqaij, ib khob cawv coj los nqua hu poj yawm txwv txoob, tim tswv teb chaws tuaj nrog noj, nrog haus, thov kom mus kaj mus huv xwb. Yog txawj zaj mam thaum hu poj yawm luag hais zaj xwb, yog tsis txawj los tsis ua cas. Ces tus meej koob mam muab ob tug qaib coj los dua faib rau suav daws noj, muab ob tug ncej puab rau nkauj nyab thiab niam txais ntsuab noj. Thaum mus txog tom niam txiv qhov rooj tag ces mam hu tias Nej puas caiv los tsis caiv os!? Luag teb tias Tsis caiv os! Los tsev! Mam nkag kiag mus hauv tsev txo nra kiag tag nrho ces tus tuam meej koob tuav rawv lub kaus dub sawv ntsug ntawm tag hu kiag nraug vauv thiab phij laj los pe pom niam pom txiv, poj koob yawm koob, niam hlob txiv hlob, niam ntxawm txiv ntxawm, nus tij nus kwv, muam phauj yawg laus. Tus tuam meej koob hais li no Thov niam thov txiv zam lub txim rau nraug vauv thiab. Nraug vauv coj niam txiv tub ntxhais mus lawm ntev niaj ntau hnub tsis muaj tus pab niam pab txiv cuag li dam daws niam txiv ib txhais npab. Hais li no tas ces yus tus meej koob mam li nug tias Ab! Luag hais tias rab teb tsa txuj, xav noog koj ua txiv saib lub kaus yuav khuam rau qhov twg? Thaum no niam txiv mam teb tias Kuam qhov twg los taus. Mam nqa mus khuam rau sab pem hauv plag ces mam los zaum nrog luag tham. wine to make offerings to the bride s ancestor, as well as a live chicken along with a knife, rice, salt, oil, cigarettes and wine. Halfway to the bride s parents house, the wedding participants stop for lunch. Before they can eat, the lead negotiator first offers rice along with a piece of chicken and wine to the ancestors and the land guardian asking for protection and the prevention of harm along the way on the journey to the bride s parent s house. Usually when the ancestors are called upon, a song has to be sung to them. If the negotiators do not know the songs, it should not be a problem. The negotiators give out rice and the two cooked chickens for everyone to feast upon. The chicken thighs are given to the bride, and the bridesmaid. When the wedding participants arrive at the bride s parents house, the lead negotiator asks whether they could enter the house or not. Does this house allow guests to enter!? The people inside the house respond Guests are allowed! Please come in! They enter the door and unload the wedding possessions once they are inside. The lead negotiator stands still, holds onto the ceremonial wedding umbrella next to the main door, and calls the groom and groomsman to kowtow to the brides parents, her ancestors, her uncles and aunts, and brothers. The lead negotiator says Please forgive the groom. The groom has taken away your daughter for awhile, and perhaps there will be no one available to help out around the house. After saying this, the negotiator asks the bride s father Ah! May I ask you where to hang this ceremonial wedding umbrella? The father replies You can hang it anywhere. Hang the umbrella on the wall inside the house, and go have a seat for a discussion with the parents. 11

13 Thaum no tus tuam meej koob mam li muab luam yeeb coj los tsab rau niam txiv. Cov lus hais li no Kab no rau txiv, kab no rau niam, Kab no rau poj koob yawm koob. Kab no rau niam hlob txiv hlob, kab no rau niam ntxawm txiv ntxawm. Kab no rau nus tij nus kwv. Kab no rau muam phauj yawg laus. Ces mam li tsab ib kab ntxiv rau txiv ces mam tsa ncauj nug tias Luag hais tias niam txiv tom ub tau niam txiv tom no ib tug ncej neeg coj mus cheb qab yiag to, qab plag xua qawj niam txiv tom ub thov wb ob tug tuaj nrog niam txiv tom no ntsuas dej, ntsuas txhuv, ntsuas tshoob ntsuas kos no. Xav nug koj ua niam txiv saib ob tug laus neeg yuav los zaum rooj ntawd puas tau lawm los sis tsis tau? Yog tias tau lawm no yog leej twg. Hos yog tseem tsis tau tau no saib yuav thov leej twg koj ua txiv ho qhia wb es ho kom nraug vauv mus pab thov tuaj. Thaum no saib niam txiv teb li cas xwb. Yog luag kom yus mus thov los yus yeej yuav tau mus xwb, yog luag tsis kom yus mus ces yus nyob tos xwb. Tus kev cais mas niam txiv txhob txib luag mus thov los sis mus raws tuaj vim tsis yog luag hauj lwm yog niam txiv hauj lwm xwb. Thaum no ob tus mej koob zaum nrog luag tham pem ib me ntsis, yus pom neeg tuaj zaum zom zaws ces yus rov nug niam txiv tias Ua li ob tug laus neeg zaum rooj tuaj lawm los tsis tau? Yog tuaj lawm ces niam txiv qhia yus tias Ob tug zaum rooj yog ob tug no. Ces yus mam mus tsab luam yeeb ib kab rau tus laus neeg ntawd ces yus tsa ncauj hais tias Xav qiv niam txiv ib lub rooj los siv. Ces nkawd mam mus nug niam txiv tias Qhua yuav qiv ib lub rooj siv no, saib yuav muab lub twg? Niam txiv qhia nkawd tas ces nkawd mam los qhia yus ob tug meej koob hais tias Niam txiv kom muab lub ntawd siv no. Thaum no yus mam li mus muab lub rooj coj los teeb rau tom tag yus mam mus rub nkawd tes los zaum tuaj sab pem Next, the lead negotiator takes out cigarettes, and makes an offer to the bride s father to start a conversation. These are the words to say: This one is for father, this one is for mother. This one is for the ancestors. This one is for the elder uncles and their wives. This one is for the younger uncles and their wives. This one is for the elder brothers. This one is for the younger brothers. This one is for the aunts and their husbands. Another cigarette is offered to the bride s father and the negotiator says: The groom s parents now have your daughter as a daughter-in-law and she has responsibilities in their household. The parents of the groom have requested for us to come to fulfill our responsibilities and celebrate this wedding with food and drinks. I would like to ask you as parents who are the representatives? Would they be able to discuss with us? If yes, who are they? If not, would you like us to contact them to come? We will ask the groom to go after them. At this point, what happens next depends on what the bride s parents have to say. If they make a request, the groom has to go and ask the appropriate individuals to come. According to tradition, it is the duty of the bride s parents to call and request the appropiate individuals to come, and this is not the duty of the groom s party. At this time, the negotiators engage in normal conversation with everyone else present. As more people arrive at the brides parents house, they ask: Have the persons who will be representing the bride s parents arrived yet? If they have arrived, the parents tell them: These are the two clan neogotiators. Cigarettes are offered to them, and the negotiators from the groom s side say: We would like to request to use a table. The negotiators from the bride s side then ask the brides parents: The guests wish to use a table. Is there a table? The parents tell the negotiators on the bride s side and they say: The parents told us to use that table. At this point, the table is set up, and they are requested to have a seat on the far side 12

14 toj, yus ob tug mam mus rub nkawd tes los zaum tuaj sab pem toj, yus ob tug mej koob vauv tog mam li ce plaub khob cawv rau tuam mej koob lwm mej koob tom no, thaum no ob tug mej koob mam cev ib leeg ib khob cawv rov rau ob tug meej koob vauv tog ces yus ob meej koob vauv tog mam coj nkawd haus lwm cawv tag, ces yus mam rov qab ce kiag rau nkawd ces yus mam li hais tias Hais rau neb ob tug kwv luag tav no niam txiv tom ub tau niam txiv tom no ib tug ncej neeg coj mus ua neej cheb qab yias to qab plag xua qawj, niam txiv tom ub tom no thiaj thov peb plaub tug mej koob tuaj ua ncauj, ua lus, ua xov ntxiv, xov xaws xwb, luag luag ib tog tau nyiaj, ib tog tau neeg peb tsuas ua luag cwj nrig dhau dej, ua luag dhau zoo xwb, yog li neb txhob tso wb tseg, wb yog ob tug tuaj sab nraum ces cia wb ua me nyuam es neb ua niam ua txiv neb coj li cas los wb ua li ntawd xwb wb yuav nco neb tus txiaj tus ntsig lawm 120 xyoo yav tom ntej no. Thaum ob tug mej koob tom ub hais li no tas ces ob tug mej koob niam txiv tog teb tias Zoo lus kawg, tab sis luag hais tias qhua tuaj qhua hlob, siab xav mas xav cia neb ua niam ua txiv no laud! Tab sis yog neb ho hais li los cia wb ua niam no laud, hais li no tas ces haus cawv, kab khob. Thaum no mus ces muab lus li no. Sab khob cawv rau ces hais li no Hais rau neb ob tug kwv luag xyuam tsis nyog lub laj khwv los neb nyob niam txiv tawb quaj xws niam txiv noog, nyob niam txiv tsev hais xws niam txiv lus neb pab coj lus rau niam txiv saib ua li niam txiv tub ntxhais nrog niam txiv nyob puas muaj muam phauj yawg laus cuam tshuam los tsis muaj, yog tias muaj los thov niam txiv txwm kav phua phlawv los, nraug vauv yog tog tau neeg tsuas muaj yuav chawj, yuav thov xwb. Yos yog tsis muaj los thov niam txiv yeej mem phua phlawv los nraug vauv tsuas muaj nqa tes ua niam txiv tsaug ntau ntau hais li no xwb ces yog muaj ces txaus thov yuav tau thov, txaus kho yuav tau kho kom tag mam li hais mus. of the table. Wine is poured into four shot glasses and offered to the negotiators on the bride s side of the family. In return, they give out two of the four wine glasses back to the negotiators on the groom s side. They refill the shot glasses and say: This is to inform you as negotiators on the bride s side of the family that the groom s parents now have an important person and she has responsibilities in their household. The parents of both parties have requested the four of us to be the Meej Koob and represent them as messengers and negotiators to act on their behalf to successfully complete this wedding. Please don t turn us away, we are guests so let us be children and let you be parents. We shall follow your way. We will forever show our thanks and gratitude. After the negotiators on the groom s side finish talking, the negotiators on the bride s side speak. The words you said are satisfied, but since you are the guests we would like for you to be the parents instead! However, if you wish for us to be the parents, we will be the parents. Right after they say this, drink the wine. From this point on, the negotiators offer more wine and say: To inform you as negotiators on the bride s side, both of us have specific duties as negotiators. Since you are speaking on behalf of the bride s parents, we would like to ask you to go ask the bride s parents to see if there are any conflicts or issues the bride has. For example, is she engaged to someone else? If there are issues, please tell the parents to bring up the issues. The groom is outside, and he is the one that is marrying the bride. If there are no issues, please tell the parents to say something. The groom would like to thank the parents. If there are things to be resolved and mended, it will be resolved and mended before further actions are commenced. 13

15 Rov sab khob cawv ces tsa ncauj hais li no Neb ob tug kwv luag, xyuam tsis nyog lub laj khwv los neb pab mus ntxig nug rau niam txiv saib ua li ob tug tub thoob xo puas hais meej los tsis meej? Los sis ho tuaj hais siab niam siab txiv lawd los thov niam txiv yeej mem phua phlawv los, nraug vauv yog tog tau neeg tsuas muaj yuav chawj, yuav thov xwb. Hos yog tias ho tsis muaj los thov niam txiv yeej mem phua phlawv los nraug vauv tsuas muaj nqa tes ua niam txiv tsaug? Thaum no ob tug mej koob hais tias Ua siab ntev tos Yus teb tias: Neb laj khiav mog. Thaum nkawd mus rov los ces muaj lus dab tsi los luag yeej yuav muab rau nkawd rov los hais xwb. Sab khob cawv rau nkawd ces tsa ncauj hais tias Hais rau neb ob tug kwv luag, xyuam tsis nyog lub laj khwv los neb rov mus ntxig nug niam txiv saib luag hais tias nyuag lus dua lus dim lus siab lus qis, lus txheej, lus xuam nram ntej nram ntxov puas muaj los tsis muaj? Yog tias muaj los niam txiv txwm kav phau plhawv los nraug vauv yog tog tau neeg tsuas muaj yuav chawj, yuav thov xwb. Yog hais tias ho tsis muaj los thov niam txiv txwm kav phua plhawv los nraug vauv tsuas muaj nqa tes ua niam txiv tsaug xwb no laud! Thaum hais li no tas ces nkawd teb tias Laj to mog! Yus teb tias Neb laj khiav ov! Nkawd mus rov los yog niam txiv tsis zoo siab qhov twg ces txaus kho los yuav tau kho, txaus thov los yuav tau thov txaus lav los yuav tau lav kom tas plaub tas ntug. Rov sab khob cawv rau ces tsa ncauj hais tias Neb ob tug kwv luag! Xyuam tsis nyog lub laj khwv los neb pab rov mus ntxig nug niam txiv saib puas ho tshuav nyuag lus xaiv, lus ncua, lus siab, lus qis lawm los tsis tshuav tshuav? Yog tias tshuav los niam txiv txwm kav phua phlawv los, nraug vauv yog tog tau neeg ces tsuas muaj yuav chawj yuav thov xwb. Yog tias ho tsis muaj los niam txiv txwm kav phua plhawv los nraug vauv tsuas muaj nqa tes ua niam txiv tsaug thaum hais no tas ces. Tej Cup the hands and say, As messengers, are the things being said accurate? Please ask the parents to see if we have said things that might have offended them. If so, please talk about it. The groom is just the one that is getting married. If there is nothing to talk about, the groom would like to thank the parents. At this time the negotiators on the bride s side say, Please be patient. The negotiators on the groom s side say to the bride s negotiators: It is a hassle for you to run back and forth. When they return, whatever the issues are, it will be discussed. Give the wine back, and say: We are speaking to you negotiators of the bride. It will be busy work for you but please ask the bride s parents whether the groom has caused conflict to the bride s family. Was there disrespect, dishonor, or problems in the past that the groom may have caused? If there are problems, please tell the bride s parents to bring up the issues. If there are none, the groom would like to thank the bride s parents. The negotiators in the bride s party reply: We apologize for making you wait. The groom s negotiators say: It is a hassle for you to run back and forth. If the parents are unsatisfied, further discussion should ensue before additional action is taken. Handout the wine, and say, Negotiators of the bride s parents! It will be much work for you but please go and talk to the bride s parents about whether or not there has been any gossip, rumors or scandals. If there are any of these, please tell the parents to discuss the issues. If there are none, tell the parents to say something. The groom will only thank them. There are times when the messengers on the bride s side may come back and say, The parents have nothing to discuss. If you have 14

16 zaum mas luag rov qab mus luag cia li hais tias Ob tug kwv luag, txawm mus cuag niam txiv los xws li niam txiv yuav tsis muaj dab tsi lawm, es yog neb muaj lus dab tsi los ho tham tuaj, hos yog neb tsis muaj lus lawm no los peb nrhiav chaw so los tau. Nqe no ces tas li no. Rov sab khob cawv rau nkawd ces hais li no Ob tug kwv luag! Tus lus sam mas hais li no, neb rov mus ntxig nug rau niam txiv saib ua li nyuag nqi mis, nqi hno nqi tu da quav, da zis niam txiv ho xav sau li cas los niam txiv yeej mem phua plhawv los, nraug vauv yog tog tau neeg txawm hais tias nhyav los yuav ua ib tsuag ris sib los yuav ua ib tsuag nqa no laud! Ces thaum no nkawd mus rov tham, niam txiv xav nrog nraug vauv thov niam lub khaub tshos, txiv lub khaub tshos xav thov tsho txooj no. Tsis tas li niam txiv xav nrhiav kev ntoj kev thuv rau nraug vauv thiab no, xav rau 3 me ncos xws li. 1) yog nus tij. 2) yog cob txheeb. 3) yog nus npaws. Thaum no ces yam txaus thov kom luag luv me ntsis los yuav tau thov thiab, yam raug cai lawm ces cia li them xwb. Thaum no ces ob tug meej koob hauv tsev txawm hais li no Ab! Neb ob tug kwv luag niam txiv hais li no. (1) Luag hais tias qhua tuaj qhua hlob saib neb yuav phim nees eeb los ntsia nees tsav? (2) Niam txiv hais ntxiv tias: Xav kom peb 4 tug meej koob sib qiv siv sia no. Thaum no ces yus ob tug meej koob teb tias Niam txiv hais los yog niam txiv lus qhua tuaj los tsuas yog lub koob hlob xwb. Hais txog ntawm qhov phim nees eeb ces niam txiv nraug vauv hais tias: Nees eeb los phim tsis taus, nees tsav los ntsia tsis taus, tsuas yog pab cheb me ntsis pluas plav xwb. Hos ntawm qhov sib qiv siv sia ces yog niam txiv siab tsis kheev tiag los yuav tau sia thiab. Hais li no tas ces muab $5.00, los nias rooj xwb. Hos qhov sia siv mas yog luag muab li $40.00 mas yus tog vauv muab li $ Ces ob tug meej koob hauv tsev tau $ Hos ob tug meej koob nraug vauv tau $40.00 xwb. anything to discuss, bring up the issues. If not, let s rest for a while. This is the conclusion of this step in the negotiations. Give the wine back again and say Negotiators on the bride s side please ask the bride s parents to see how much they would like for the energy and strength they put in to raising their daughter, and more specifically for the time they put into feeding her, raising her, and taking care of her. Tell them to discuss this matter. The bride s parents wish for the groom to provide a khaub tsho (inter jacket) for the bride s mother, and a tsho txooj (a heavy inter coat) for the bride s father. The bride s parents wish for the groom to get acquainted with these three individuals: 1) The bride s elder brother 2) The bride s uncle 3) The bride s first male cousin. At this step of the wedding procedure, if the negotiators from the groom s family wish to negotiate for the gift to be less, it would be the appropriate time to say so. At this point, the bride s negotiators say Ah! This message is to the negotiators on the groom s side. We are the negotiators on the bride s side of the family and it is about time for us to exchange the monetary rewards to conclude this wedding negotiation. At the end of the negotiation, the negotiators put the nias rooj funds at the four corners of the table and a pile at the center of the table. $5.00 is for the center of the table. If the negotiators on the bride s side of the family put $10 at each corner, for a total of $40, the negotiators on the groom side of the family must double it. The negotiators on the groom s side put $20 at each corner adding up to $80. The negotiators representing both families exchange these monetary reward funds. These funds are intended for negotiators from both parties to keep as compensation for concluding the wedding negotiation process. The pile of 15

17 money in the center of the table is for the person who is going to clean the table to keep. This person is usually the older brother of the bride. Thaum no rov qab sab khob cawv rau ob tug meej koob ces tsa ncauj hais tias Ob tug kwv luag xyuam tsis nyog lub laj khwv los thov neb pab mus ntxig nug rau niam $ Mas yus tog vauv muab li $ Ces ob tug meej koob hauv tsev tau $80.00 hos ob tug meej koob nraug vauv tau $40.00 xwb. Thaum no rov qab sab khob cawv rau ob tug meej koob ces tsa ncauj hais tias Ob tug kwv luag xyuam tsis nyog lub laj khwv los thov neb pab mus ntxig nug rau niam txiv saib ua li cas. Los niam txiv yeej meem phua phlawv los nraug vauv yog tog tau neeg, txawm tias hnyav los ua ib tsuag ris, sib los ua ib tsuag nqa. Ces ob tug meej koob mus cuag niam txiv rov los siab luag sau ntau los tsawg mam sib thov (tus yuav muaj cai yuav, tus thov muaj cai thov ib yam). Thaum ais haum ces mam rho nyiaj los them. Thaum no ma li rov sab khob cawv rau ob tug meej koob ces tsa ncauj hais tias Hais rau neb ob tug kwv luag, xyuam tsis nyog lub laj khwv los neb pab mus ntxig nug rau niam txiv saib, ua li qhov noj haus niam txiv ho yuav noj haus li cas? Raws li niam txiv nraug vauv siab mas xav tias cia niam txiv nraug vauv tuaj npua dawb es niam txiv tom no ua tau li cas los noj li ntawd. Hos niam txiv ib pluag mov dej txias tsa nraug vauv sawv kev xwb los tsis tu siab dab tsi li. Thaum hais no tas ces saib niam txiv ob tog tham haum li cas ces mam ua li ntawd xwb. Thaum no mam muab cov qaib qhia tsiaj, qaib dab, qaib npws poj yawm, roj ntsev, luam yeeb, txhuv los cob rau ob tug meej koob hauv tsev tas ces mam li noj qaib qhia tsiaj yog txawj zaj ces mam los sib hais zaj, hos yog tsis Give back the wine. Make an offer to the bride s negotiators and say: It has been busy work for you two. Is it okay to ask the bride s parents about the $40.00 gift? The negotiators exchange the nias rooj fund provided by the parents of both parties. The bride s parents give the groom s negotiators $40.00 each, and the groom s parents give the bride s negotiators $80.00 each. Give back the wine and say It is busy work for you to run back and forth, but please discuss with the bride s parents about the amount of the gifts that will be given to them. It is the responsibility of the groom s parents to provide the gift. They are obligated. Consultations between the negotiators of both parties determine whether the gift should be more or less. If possible, the negotiators continue to negotiate on behalf of the parents of both parties until there is an agreement what the gift will be. When the amount is set, the negotiation is completed. Hand back the wine cups again, and say: It is not easy work for you as negotiators, but ask the bride s parents how they want to celebrate, and have the feast in the wedding. According to the groom s parents, they would like a happy celebration. It is up to the bride s parents and how they would like to prepare the meal. It doesn t matter whether the feast is big or small. It will be fine however the bride s parents decide to provide the feast. After negotiations, both parties follow the terms of the agreement, and do what was discussed. 16