A Hospitality Mindset on Business Dining Etiquette Know the mechanics so you can focus on what's most important: The Conversation By Barbara Lang

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1 1 A Hospitality Mindset on Business Dining Etiquette Know the mechanics so you can focus on what's most important: The Conversation By Barbara Lang 1. Make Positive Impressions Immediately People make quick, snap judgments when they meet you. So smile warmly, make eye contact, and give a firm handshake (no limp fish but no bone crushing squeeze either). According to Nobel Prize Laureate Daniel Kahneman, our memories are linked to the last feeling we had about the experience. So upon departure, be mindful of being sincere and thoughtful. And never underestimate the power of a follow- up note that references a moment you particularly enjoyed during time together. 2. Introductions Address the higher level person first when introducing two people. Ideally, remark on something the two have in common ( I know you both are big fans of Cornell s hockey team ). If there is a possibility (note, the if here) the two people have crossed paths, say Have you two met? encouraging them to introduce themselves. Connectors are highly valued as they seem to effortlessly connect two strangers in a way that helps each contribute to the conversation. Forget a name? Politely fess up, and apologize for the temporary brain lapse. Always repeat a person s name after you ve just been introduced. Use mnemonics and skills developed by memory athletes make a quick and bizarre mental association with that person and their name. When being introduced, stand- up, unless the physical layout makes that impossible (e.g. sitting in a booth). And always take sunglasses off if you re wearing them when meeting or introducing people. 3. Be Courteous Every personal encounter you make is a human connection be engaged and appreciative with everyone you encounter; that shows a primary strength of character courtesy. Oddly, you never know when an encounter becomes an unforeseen opportunity. Luck is when preparation meets opportunity preparation begins with having an awareness and appreciation for the people we meet, including those who serve us and could be invisible to us, if we allowed that. 4. Say please and thank you And mean it. Put aside the cell phone and take off the headphones when someone interacts with you, including a coffee barista, receptionist, bus driver, restaurant server, store clerk. You get the point. Everyone deserves appreciation and acknowledgement for the work they do, especially when they are being of service to you. Avoid distracting half- alogues speaking on the phone when others are present. 5. Men & Clothing Better to be a bit more overdressed than underdressed avoid extreme outfits reminiscent of Donald Trump (designer- driven) or James Oliver (rumpled). If you wonder if you should wear a tie, wear a tie (you can always remove it); be sure clothes are ironed and wear dark socks. Ties should reach the beltline but not below. Wear a belt (preferably the color of your shoes). Wear shoes, not sneakers, to business casual events. Dress as though you are at the next level in your career. 6. Women & Clothing If you need to adjust any piece of clothing (top reveals cleavage, skirt inches up), choose another outfit. Tight fitting clothing is distracting and inappropriate in professional settings. Keep heels moderately low save the stilettos for social outings. Wear necklaces that flatter the shape of a neckline. If wearing a skirt or dress, see if senior women in the company wear pantyhose. Be in line with the company unspoken culture. Avoid open- toed shoes. Skirts should be knee length slacks are fine in professional venues, though some conservative offices prefer skirts or knee length dresses for their dress attire. Dress as though you are at the next level in your career.

2 2 7. Business receptions with food Don t be starving upon arrival avoid the tendency of focusing on the food rather than the company. Having both hands occupied with a plate and glass discourages people from introducing themselves. Always place food on a plate before eating never pop in some food directly from the table (avoid the hazard of resembling dinner time at a feeding trough). Food on a stick? Take food off a skewer with a fork onto a plate before eating. Don t double dip (dipping your chip back into a sauce after taking a bite). Don t lick your fingers use a napkin. Open bar? Leave a tip. 8. To drink or not to drink when of age Feeling nervous about the event? Be careful you may unconsciously drink more than you realize in an effort to appear occupied. (This is common at a banquet or dinner when servers are given the green light to keep wine glasses full.) Don t drink? No excuses needed a simple no thank you is fine. If a person persists in encouraging you to drink, realize this is not about you, but about them. A confident but pleasantly firm No thank you, I prefer club soda tonight is appropriate, and then lightly, but quickly, change the subject to something other than your beverage of choice. 9. Elbows and tables Elbows always off the table when eating (once the meal is over and you are engaged in conversation it s appropriate, adding a sense of intimacy). It s fine manners, however, to rest your forearms on the edge of the table while dining. 10. Buffets When approaching a stack of plates, take one for yourself and then give one to the person behind you. If there is a line of people behind you, quickly scan the buffet line, limiting your time selecting items. People choose a buffet line during business meetings because they have limited time. Avoiding piling food on your plate be sure to leave some white space on the plate. Select foods that vary in color (not all brown or all white). Do not begin eating until everyone has sat down. Wait until your host begins eating. If you do go back to the buffet table (a discouraged decision during business meals), do not take your dirty plate get a clean plate. A server will remove the dirty plate during your absence. 11. Banquet Dinners If you have dietary preferences, call ahead to arrange for food accommodations. Avoid requesting accommodations during a meal this inconveniences the staff s efficiency of delivery and an observer might interpret your last- minute request as poor planning on your part as well as being insensitive and inconsiderate to those who are impacted by your oversight. One might wonder if that s the way you d be in the workplace. Banquet tables are often crowded, blurring the clear lines of whose tableware is whose. Just know bread/butter plate is always on your left and the drink glasses are on your right. Do not put your napkin on your lap until everyone is seated. Man or woman, in a business setting stand up at the table when greeting someone or introducing yourself to someone. 12. Navigating a table Consider these tips: During an interview over a meal, remember, you are not being dined because the person thinks you need to be fed. You are being evaluated for your social skills and how well you might fit in the company culture. That said, order food that is easy to manage (boneless chicken, short pasta, shellfish without shells, etc.) If there is a host, do not sit down until the host invites you to be seated. If you are a man (and this is a business setting), do not just assume you should pull out a chair for a woman. This can be misinterpreted as assuming an alpha male role. Consider saying May I get the chair for you? allowing a woman to accept or politely decline. In business, behavior is expected to be gender neutral courtesy is universal.

3 3 Do not place a napkin on your lap until the host does. Fold over the top third of your napkin when placing on your lap unfold and use that portion of the napkin to wipe your mouth. That way the soiled part of a napkin won t touch your clothing. When leaving a table, casually fold the napkin and place to the left of your plate. Do not place a soiled napkin on a chair. At the end of the meal, place the napkin on either side of the plate, but never on top of the plate. A napkin is not a tissue. However, if you don t have tissues (wise to always carry with you) and emergency demands a napkin s assistance (to cover a sneeze, cough up unfortunate phlegm), excuse yourself after the deed is done and take your napkin with you. As you head to the bathroom to wash your hands, ask a server for a new napkin. Fold the soiled napkin and either place on tray that has dirty dishes, hand to a server (with napkin folded appropriately) or put on the side of the sink counter in the bathroom (last resort). If the breadbasket is in front of you, first offer the person to your left a roll, then help yourself and pass to your right. (Same holds true for any shared item that s on the table and closest to you.) Always tear a small piece of a roll off and butter that one small piece do not take a bite out of a whole roll. When ordering food, do not appear high maintenance or fussy. Being too adventurous can backfire if the food turns out to be distasteful. Avoid foods that could flip, slip, drip, squirt, splat or fly. Your focus is on conversation, not corralling and managing your food. If you don t like something, simply move it around a bit on your plate so it looks like some intake occurred. Silverware work from the outside in. That is, use the silverware furthest out from the plate first. The silverware at the top of the plate is for dessert. Once silverware has been lifted from the table, always place on a plate never put a used piece of silverware back on the tabletop. Salad Little cherry tomatoes can be made to sit still while cutting pierce or spear a tomato with a fork and then, between the fork s tines, place a knife and cut the tomato in half. Putting a whole tomato in your mouth can either make you look like a chipmunk or a spouting fountain once you bite down on the juicy item but if you dare, keep those lips tightly shut. If uncomfortable, leave the tomatoes alone. Avoid spinach greens they have a tendency to stick in between teeth due to their abrasive surface. Pasta if ordering long pasta, do not cut, but twirl. You can use a small piece of bread as an anchor, against which you can twirl. If given a pasta spoon (not truly Italian but common in the U.S.), have the spoon slightly elevated above the plate. If in an Italian restaurant, I suggest ordering gnocchi or ravioli and avoid the challenge of long pasta noodles. Pasta with red sauce of any kind cause havoc with drips and such and seem to land conspicuously on ties and blouses. Soup lift a spoon away from you and gently graze the rim of the bowl to remove any droplets. Do not lift a bowl off the table. Slightly tilting the bowl is fine. When finished, place the spoon on the plate beneath the bowl. If there s no plate keep spoon in bowl. If food is not properly prepared, take a reading of your surroundings. Will you disrupt the flow of dining if your food gets returned to the kitchen? Are you appearing high maintenance and hard to please? There is no right answer, but good sense prevails when assessing the circumstance. If you are given the wrong food or if the food is clearly not edible (hair in food, e.g.), then politely inform the server. Do not salt your food until you taste it this can been seen as an impulsive, even arrogant assumption that you know best before knowing whether the food needs salt or not. If someone asks for salt, always pass both the salt and pepper. As you are passing the salt and pepper, do not first add some flavoring to your food along the way. Never put your palms over the top of the salt and peppershaker. Hold a folk like a pencil, not a shovel. Don t multitask when eating first chew your food (always with your mouth closed and without sound), swallow and then have a sip of a beverage. Even if someone asks you a question, don t respond with food in your mouth. Don t lift your hand to cover your mouth. Chew the food, swallow, and then respond. A good reason for cutting small- sized pieces of food.

4 4 Cut a few pieces of food at a time do not cut all your food into little pieces as though feeding a young child or an elderly person. The more important the guests, the smaller the bites of food. If you have food in your mouth that cannot be swallowed (gristle, fat, etc.), subtlety remove with your napkin and place on the corner of the plate. Place your knife, lengthwise, on the top rim of the plate when not in use. Have the cutting part of the knife face you. When not in use, rest your fork on the plate without the handle resting on the table. If you leave the table before finishing your meal, leave the fork and knife in an inverted V, indicating to the server that you are not done. When finished eating, place the knife and fork beside each other, with their handles at 4:00 (assuming the plate were a clock) and the tines of the fork and tip of the knife, were pointing towards 10:00. When placed in this position, the fork can be facing downward. 13. Women and the check If you are hosting an event and are concerned someone else will insist on paying the check, settle the check prior to the end of the meal. Excuse yourself during the meal and have the manager run your credit card. When the check arrives, you need only fill in the tip and sign your signature. Be cautious, however, of leaving a credit card unattended for any length of time. This procedure can be done while you have excused yourself under the assumption you are going to the restroom. 14. When things go wrong If you are the unlucky one who finds yourself in an awkward or embarrassing situation (spilled drink, for example), people will often not react until they see your response. If you are upset, an awkward silence will fill the room. If you set a tone of being nonplussed and add a bit of self- deprecating humor, people will be grateful, relieved and impressed. Flexibility and graciousness under pressure and stress indicate a strength that will be equally as valuable in the work place. 15. Thank you cards If someone has taken the time to have you as a guest, send a hand- written thank you note. A gesture of appreciation is always well received after a business/social- dining event. A well- chosen card with a heartfelt thank you creates a positive reminder of your encounter with the person. The Harvard Business Review January February 2012 issue is entirely dedicated to the Happiness Factor, highlighting how small gestures can create great results. Here is an example of a place setting for a multi- course meal

5 GENEROSITY NETWORKING 5 Generosity Networking Think of people you know in your life. Think of the people they may know, who might be involved or familiar with your career/industry of interest. Share your career interests with the people you ve identified; perhaps there is an opportunity for them to provide you with an introduction where upon you request a brief information interview. (If you ve not done this type of interview, head to student services or read "What Color Is Your Parachute." With whomever you meet, think of how you can be of benefit and value to others (For people helping you, a thoughtful thank you or note provides moments of happiness that are priceless, memorable and appreciated. Believe me on this.) Reminders Building a lifelong community of contacts, connections and relationships, takes time, attention and a good dose of courtesy, gratitude and reciprocity. Always think of how you can be of benefit to others when reaching out. Third- party introductions are ideal when reaching out to new person Before meeting anyone you hope to meet (at an event or through an introduction), do your research on the person first. Avoid asking questions you could have researched by a Google or a LinkedIn search. Be able to explain your area of interest (no matter how broad) with authentic interest and enthusiasm, but be brief, engaged and to the point. Know how to tell your story so it persuades someone that what you are saying is truthful. Never underestimate the value of a thank you and keeping in touch. Informally create your own Board of Directors or trusted advisors who want to see you succeed. (That s most people you meet during college and in life.) Keep in touch with these folks so when you have a question or need some insight and perspective - they are ready, willing and delighted to help you. See how you can be of benefit to these people, from an update on your life (asking for nothing in return) to sharing something that would interest and benefit them. Whatever people have done on your behalf, do the same for someone else. There is always someone who needs a helpful hand or friendly hello that can lead to changing a life. Are you on Facebook? Like the B.LangConsulting page and enjoy regular postings of articles and other noteworthy news.