2012 Smythe Street Cathedral - Do Not Copy Without Permission

Transcription

1 The following document is a rough copy of Father Caleb Christian s sermon notes used in his message preached September 29, 2013 AM Services 2012 Smythe Street Cathedral - Do Not Copy Without Permission

2 Scripture reading: Matthew 25: Intro 1. Starts with one member of family then involves entire family 2. This is a typical Dysfunctional Family As a man thinks in his own heart so is he. Prov 23:7a Wino Willie The addict 1. Most addicts continue to hold jobs and maintain family relationships 2. There are problems common to the chemically dependent person that can determine progression of addiction. 3. The chemical dependency problem did not happen overnight 4. He started socially for pleasure and as his dependency progressed predictable patterns began to emerge 5. Moved passed social stage to the dependent stage and the alcohol and drugs were used to control moods. 6. Chemicals now even on his best days no longer made him feel good. 7. Now his use is compulsory even though they don t help 8. Denial and projection become a common attitude ( I don t have a problem you do, you are my problem) 9. It s like trying to live with a rattle snake because you don t know when he is going to strike. 10. When Willie gets high the family gets low 11. We see the addiction not because of the drugs or alcohol being used but the impact and effect that he is having on his family. 12. Family is walking on egg shells and focused on Willie. Is he sober, what kind of mood is he in 13. Willie copes with guilt by blaming others and getting high. 14. Willie won t look at the truth and it is unreasonable to expect him to unless someone or something forces him to look. Wilhelmina (the codependent spouse) 1. She is committed to the family 2. She is faithful and loving to her family and her husband 3. She has always believed that she could help Willie overcome his chemical problem 4. As Willie becomes addicted to drugs and alcohol she becomes addicted to Willie. This is codependency. 5. She has become obsessed with trying to control Willie and her life has become obsessed with reacting to Willies bizarre behaviors and his behavior is there main problem in their relationship. 6. She is the primary Co-dependent and she is obsessed with trying to control the addict s behavior. Page 2 of 5 The Bottle Family

3 7. She does her best to shield and rescue him from the consequences of his behavior 8. She is the best and worst friend Willie has in his diminishing sphere of friends 9. Every time Willie sows his wild oats Wilhelmina reaps the harvest. 10. Willie needs to suffer consequences but Wilhelmina won`t let him. She enables him. 11. Enabling means her actions enable Willie to act the way he does 12. If she would stop enabling him he would have to face the full effect of the consequences of his addiction 13. In the absence of tough love Willie becomes sicker and Wilhelmina falls into a self-destructive pattern of living 14. She begins to neglect herself and the other members of her family. The Siblings 1. Family members are effected by both parents 2. The parents are not functioning properly in the midst of the disease. 3. The children see both patterns of behavior and imitate what they see. 4. They desire attention, approval, affection and the care of both of the parents. 5. The family is designed for the nurturing and training of the children to adulthood but in a chemically dependent home the emotional and other developmental needs of the children are not met and this is called Para-dependency 6. Each child will react to this in his or her own way testing the family unit to see what will work best for them Daryl (the hero) drug, alcohol, ruin, young, lives 1. Daryl shining star in the family, people wonder how such a wonderful child could come from such a dysfunctional family and Daryl does too at times 2. Takes over the duties of the parent and has accepted responsibility for making the family as normal as possible 3. Prepares meals, worries about finances, plays role of councilor, cleans up after Willie and sometimes enables him 4. Over achiever at school and excels in athletics 5. Works hard, self-disciplined and a strong drive for success push him into positions of leadership 6. Outwardly self-confident and capable but inwardly victimized by childhood wounds keeping him from intimate relationships with family and friends. 7. Driven to care for others but weak when others care for him and thus is resistant in receiving from others Bubba (the scapegoat) 1. Can t live up to Daryl s accomplishments so he doesn t try. He goes to the opposite, rules are made to be broken. 2. Rebellious against authority and thus always in trouble at school, home and anywhere else Page 3 of 5 The Bottle Family

4 3. So much in trouble he becomes the scapegoat for the family drawing attention away from Willie. 4. Gets blamed for the entire family problems and accepts the false identity because negative attention is better than nothing. 5. Experiments at an early age with drugs and alcohol and may spend time in detention or treatment centers. 6. Finds sense of family in peer groups which parents don t like. Could end up to be another Willie 7. Enters adulthood but he remains a child emotionally and mentally and will have a hard time to make a marriage successful Sissy (the lost child) 1. When young her playmates were dolls and she was quiet and withdrawn 2. Never caused problems 3. Disliked family fights and stayed in her room and parents liked that she was no problem to them 4. Now a teenager with a desperate need for love she looks to the opposite sex for love 5. So instead of playing with dolls she has a baby of her own 6. Not equipped emotionally, mentally or spiritually she finds certain amount of comfort in being needed. 7. Sissy`s child often grows up taking care of mommy and finds a false sense of security in being needy and weak Jerry (the Mascot) 1. Like a clown with a painted smile Jerry hides his pain and frustration by making a joke out of life 2. In his family the unspoken rule is don t talk about real problems. 3. Jerry learns to diffuse anger and frustration by humor 4. Jerry makes fun of others and gets along with everyone because of humor 5. Lacking healthy role models during childhood Jerry reaches adolescence unprepared to deal with problems. 6. Jerry will lack problem solving skills and his commitments in life will probably be no more than lip service. Martha (the martyr) 1. Martha is the fill in mom while Wilhelina is busy with Willie 2. At an early age she is leaned on and expected to be available to support the family cooking, cleaning, and getting the other kids ready for school. 3. She will grow up learning that controlling her surroundings will ease some of the pain but will also push people away with this control. Page 4 of 5 The Bottle Family

5 4. She has to grow up fast because the responsibilities on her will force her to sacrifice her childhood for the greater good of the family. And she will gladly do this. 5. She is very responsible and a hard worker. She gets much satisfaction in the care she gives to her other brothers and sister even though they might resent her for telling them what to do and trying to take the place of their mom and dad. 6. She will be forced to make decisions about the family that she will feel ill equipped to do and thus will become insecure and second guessing within her. 7. Martha will most likely grow up and follow in her mother s footsteps in the area of codependency and may marry a man like Willie. Camellia (the chameleon) 1. Camellia is a chameleon and can adapt to any environment and fit in to avoid conflict at all costs. 2. Not only will her outer appearance change to fit, so will her emotions and thinking change to fit her surroundings. 3. This blending in to her surroundings will protect her at first but in the end will leave her lonely. She will feel alone in a crowd. 4. She will struggle with her own sense of who she is and thus not be comfortable with any of the surroundings. 5. There will be no substance to her in relationships and this shallowness will affect those significant relationships. Confess your faults one to another that you may be healed. James 5:16 Page 5 of 5 The Bottle Family