Chapter 10 Interpersonal Attraction: From First Impressions to Close Relationships Slides prepared by JoNell Strough, Ph.D. & Philip Lemaster, M.A. West Virginia University Why is it Important to Study Relationships? The absence of a meaningful relationship makes individuals feel: Lonely, worthless, hopeless, helpless, powerless, and alienated What Causes Attraction? The Person Next Door: The Propinquity Effect One determinant of interpersonal attraction is proximity. Sometimes also called propinquity The finding that the more we see and interact with people, the more likely they are to become our friends. 1
Figure 10.1 The Floor Plan of a Westgate West Building All the buildings in the housing complex had the same floor plan. (Adapted from Festinger, Schachter, & Back, 1950) Functional Distance Refers to certain aspects of architectural design that make it more likely that some people will come into contact with each other more often than with others The Person Next Door: The Propinquity Effect The Propinquity Effect occurs due to Mere Exposure. Mere Exposure Effect The finding that the more exposure we have to a stimulus, the more apt we are to like it. 2
Similarity Birds of a feather flock together (similarity) What about opposites attract (complementarity)? Research overwhelmingly supports Similarity Not complementarity Similarity in Interests and Experiences Situations you choose to be in expose you to others with similar interests. Then, when you discover and create new similarities, they fuel the friendship. Similarity in Appearance Seek physical proximity to those similar in appearance Seek others with similar degree of physical attractiveness 3
Similarity in Committed Relationships Versus Flings For committed relationship Choose a similar partner Relationships based on differences can be difficult to maintain Perceived similarity more important than actual similarity Low level of commitment ( Fling ) Choose dissimilar partners Reciprocal Liking We like people who like us For initial attraction, reciprocal liking can overcome Dissimilarity in attitudes Attentional biases to attractive faces Physical Attractiveness Physical attractiveness Plays an important role in liking Gender differences? Differences are larger when attitudes are measured Men more likely than women to report attraction is important Gender similarities in behavior 4
Cultural Standards of Beauty Facial attractiveness perceived similarly across cultures Symmetry is preferred. Size, shape, and location of the features on one side match the other side of face Average faces preferred, not extremes Composites of attractive faces Physical Attractiveness Video Click on the screenshot for a brief discussion on the role of symmetry in physical attractiveness across species. Back to Directory Attractiveness and Familiarity Familiarity may be crucial variable for interpersonal attraction. People prefer faces that most resemble their own. 5
The Power of Familiarity Propinquity Gain familiarity through mere exposure Similarity If similar will also seem familiar Reciprocal liking People we who like and get to know become familiar Assumptions About Attractive People People attribute positive qualities to beautiful What is beautiful is good stereotype Assumptions About Attractive People What is beautiful is good stereotype is relatively narrow The beautiful are thought to be more: Sociable Extraverted Popular Sexual Happy Assertive 6
Assumptions About Attractive People Highly attractive people: Do develop good social interaction skills Report having more satisfying interactions with others Self-fulfilling prophecy The beautiful receive a great deal of social attention Helps them develop good social skills Assumptions About Attractive People Can a regular person be made to act like a beautiful one via the selffulfilling prophecy? Yes! If men talking to women on the phone believe she is attractive Elicit warmer, friendlier responses Same for women Evolution and Mate Selection Evolutionary approach to mate selection A theory derived from evolutionary biology that holds that men and women are attracted to different characteristics in each other (men are attracted by women s appearance; women are attracted by men s resources) because this maximizes their chances of reproductive success. 7
Alternative Perspectives to Mate Selection Multiple sexual partners infer evolutionary advantages to both men and women. Gender differences are status differences. Women often have less power and wealth. Evolved gender differences can be modified through situational influences. (Finkel & Eastwick, 2009) Speed-Dating Rules and Attraction Gender differences in selectivity depends on situational factors Defining Love Companionate Love The intimacy and affection we feel when we care deeply for a person but do not experience passion or arousal in the person s presence. 8
Defining Love Passionate Love An intense longing we feel for a person, accompanied by physiological arousal; when our love is reciprocated, we feel great fulfillment and ecstasy, but when it is not, we feel sadness and despair. Companionate Love Nonsexual relationships Close friendships Sexual relationships Psychological intimacy without heat and passion Passionate Love Intense longing for another person, characterized by: The experience of physiological arousal The feeling of shortness of breath Thumping heart in loved one s presence 9
Dr. Sternberg and Love Video Click on the screenshot to watch Dr. Sternberg discuss how the three ingredients of love intimacy, passion, and commitment combine to differentiate romantic/passionate love from companionate love. Back to Directory Passionate and Companionate Love Across Cultures Americans value passionate love more than the Chinese The Chinese value companionate more Taita of Kenya value both equally Culture and Love Love is a universal emotion Cultural differences The experience of love Expectations about love 10
Culture and Love We all love, but we do not necessarily all love in the same way. Or at least we don t describe it in the same way Romantic love is nearly universal in the human species. Cultural rules alter how that emotional state is experienced, expressed, and remembered. Attachment Styles in Intimate Relationships Attachment Styles The expectations people develop about relationships with others, based on the relationship they had with their primary caregiver when they were infants. There are three styles of attachment: Secure Anxious/Ambivalent Avoidant Three Styles of Attachment Secure Attachment Style An attachment style characterized by trust, a lack of concern with being abandoned, and the view that one is worthy and wellliked. 11
Three Styles of Attachment Anxious/Ambivalent Attachment Style An attachment style characterized by a concern that others will not reciprocate one s desire for intimacy, resulting in higher-than-average levels of anxiety. Three Styles of Attachment Avoidant Attachment Style An attachment style characterized by a suppression of attachment needs, because attempts to be intimate have been rebuffed; people with this style find it difficult to develop intimate relationships. Attachment in the Lab Attachment style predicts response to supportive and unsupportive feedback in lab studies. Unsupportive feedback Anxious and Insecure attachment More upset Securely attached Reacted more calmly Supportive feedback All styles of attachment responded similarly 12
Attachment Style is Not Destiny If people had unhappy relationships with their parents, they are NOT doomed to repeat this! People s experience in relationships can help them learn new and more healthy ways of relating to others. People may develop more than one attachment style over time. Theories of Relationship Satisfaction Social Exchange Theory The idea that people s feelings about a relationship depend on perceptions of rewards and costs, the kind of relationship they deserve, and their chances for having a better relationship with someone else. Is an economic model of costs and benefits! Social Exchange Theory Basic concepts Rewards Positive, gratifying aspects of relationship Costs Negative aspects of relationship Outcome Comparison of rewards vs. costs Comparison level Expectations 13
Comparison Level People s expectations about the level of rewards and punishments they are likely to receive in a particular relationship. Relationship satisfaction depends on your comparison level. Social Exchange Theory Relationship satisfaction also depends on your perception of the likelihood that you could replace it with a better one! Comparison Level for Alternatives People s expectations about the level of rewards and punishments they would receive in an alternative relationship. Investment Model The theory that people s commitment to a relationship depends not only on their satisfaction with the relationship in terms of rewards, costs, and comparison level and their comparison level for alternatives but also on how much they have invested in the relationship that would be lost by leaving it. 14
Figure 10.3 The Investment Model of Commitment People s commitment to a relationship depends on several variables. First, their satisfaction with the relationship is based on their comparing their rewards to their costs and determining if the outcome exceeds their general expectation of what they should get in a relationship (or comparison level). Next, their commitment to the relationship depends on three variables: how satisfied they are, how much they feel they have invested in the relationship, and whether they have good alternatives to this relationship. These commitment variables in turn predict how stable the relationship will be. For example, a woman who feels her relationship has more costs and fewer rewards than she considers acceptable would have a low satisfaction. If she also felt she had little invested in the relationship and a very attractive person had just asked her for a date, she would have a low level of commitment. The end result is low stability; most likely, she will break up with her current partner. (Adapted from Rusbult, 1983) Investment Model To predict whether people will stay in an intimate relationship, we need to know: 1. Their level of satisfaction in the relationship 2. What they think of the alternatives 3. The degree of their investment in the relationship Theories of Relationship Satisfaction Equity Theory The idea that people are happiest with relationships in which the rewards and costs experienced and both parties contributions are roughly equal. 15
Equity Theory Equitable relationships are the happiest and most stable In inequitable relationships, one person feels: Over-benefited Lots of rewards, few costs Devote little time or energy to the relationship Equity Theory In inequitable relationships, one person feels: Under-benefited Few rewards, high costs Devote a lot of time and energy to the relationship Inequity is more important to person who is under-benefitted Equity in Long-Term Relationships Does equity operate the same way in long-term versus new relationships? Not exactly The more we get to know someone More reluctant to believe that we are simply exchanging favors Less inclined to expect immediate compensation for a favor 16
Exchange and Communal Relationships Exchange Relationships Relationships governed by the need for equity (i.e., for an equal ratio of rewards and costs). Communal Relationships Relationships in which people s primary concern is being responsive to the other person s needs. Figure 10.5 Exchange Versus Communal Relationships Ending Intimate Relationships American divorce rate is nearly 50% of the current marriage rate. Romantic relationships between unmarried individuals end every day. 17
Figure 10.6 Steps in Dissolving Close Relationships (Adapted from Duck, 1982) Process of Breaking Up Fatal Attraction 30% of breakups Qualities that attract are the qualities that are disliked the most at break up. This phenomenon demonstrates importance of similarity. The Process of Breaking Up Can we predict the different ways people will feel when their relationship ends? The breakers, those who indicated a high level of responsibility for the breakup decision, feel less distress over the breakup than do the breakees, the ones they break up with. 18
Love in the Age of Technology Love in the Age of Technology Propinquity 6 (or 7) degrees of separation Similarity People seek others with similar popularity in online dating sites Familiarity Liking decreased after meeting (compared to liking based on online profile) Inaccuracy of online information One question surrounding attraction is how tendencies regarding mate preference that have evolved over generations play out in the modern era of Internet dating, speeddating events, and Facebook. Source: Exactostock/Superstock 19
Online Dating Benefits 1. Aggregates a large number of profiles. 2. Provides opportunity for computermediated communication. 3. Matching users based on analyses of compatibility. But success rate not higher than other oldfashioned methods Online Dating Pitfalls 81% provide inaccurate information in their profile for at least one characteristic Lies about weight, age, height No gender differences Deceptive, misleading photos The Process of Breaking Up Is the breakup moral? If you find yourself in a romantic relationship and your partner seems inclined to break it off, try to end it mutually. Your experience will be less traumatic because you will share some control over the process (even if you don t want it to happen). 20
Summary and Review Causes of attraction Different types of love Evolutionary perspectives Attachment Theory Summary and Review Theories of Relationship Satisfaction Social exchange Investment Model Equity Theory Breaking Up Love and Technology 21