Marriage Preparation Handbook S t. M a r y P a r i s h N 8 9 W 1 6 2 9 7 C l e v e l a n d A v e n u e M e n o m o n e e F a l l s, W I 5 3 0 5 1
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P R E P A R I N G T O M A R R Y A T S T. MA R Y S Congratulations to the two of you on your engagement. A wedding is an exciting time, with many plans to be made. Marrying in the Church requires not only planning, but also sacramental preparation. The Sacrament of Holy Matrimony celebrates the commitment which you are planning to make to each other. This is a covenant or promise made between the two of you and God. The following information has been put together to acquaint you with customary procedures and regulations of the Archdiocese of Milwaukee and of our faith Community. P O L I C I E S Because the church is the home of our faith community, it is parish policy to restrict the use of the church to active parishioners. Children of parents who are active in the community are expected to register in the parish independently when they reach their 18th birthday. Adult children of parish members who have moved from the community are also invited to have their celebration in our church. To begin the Marriage Preparation process, you are required to be a registered, active member of the community. If you are not currently a member, you are required to register. Registration material can be found in the parish office or received from a hospitality minister following weekend Liturgies in the east side of the sacristy. The packet offers many ministries which provide opportunities for active membership. 3
After registering, fill out a Sacrament of Marriage Information Form (found in the parish office or on our parish website) and mail it back to St. Mary Parish (address on the front of this Handbook) to the attention of Lisa Rehlinger. Upon receipt of this form, your wedding date will be entered on to our parish calendar. Sister Jane Mary Lorbiecki will contact you to schedule the initial appointment to begin the process. The Archdiocese of Milwaukee requires a six month preparation process and we are not at liberty to change this requirement. The purpose of this requirement is to allow the couple sufficient time to go through the program and to reflect on what they have learned about themselves, their relationship, and each other. Do not reserve a hall or contract with musicians before coming to St. Mary s to begin the marriage preparation process. W E D D I N G F EE The current fee for weddings at St. Mary s is $500, which includes the presider s stipend, the musician s fee, use of the church for the rehearsal and the ceremony and necessary paperwork. An additional fee is paid directly to the Archdiocese of Milwaukee for the Engaged Enrichment Day. And, if you choose additional singers or musicians, they are available at $100 each. If you have your own musician, there is a $75 fee for a rehearsal with our Liturgist. 4
T HE P R O C E S S The following outline will help you with the preparation process: 1. Be registered and active and ideally Confirmed. 2. Complete the Sacrament of Marriage information form. This can be found in the parish office or on our website: www.stmaryparish.net. Once the form is completed, return it to the parish office to the attention of Lisa Rehlinger. Sister Jane Mary will then contact you to set up an initial appointment. Your wedding date/time will then be placed on our parish calendar. 3. At the initial appointment, you will fill out necessary preparation forms, receive a wedding information packet, and receive the name of a couple who will administer the FOCCUS marriage preparation inventory. You will also be asked to place a down payment of $100 (payable to St. Mary Parish) to hold the date of the wedding for you. You then will be instructed to obtain copies of your Baptismal Certificate. If there has been a prior bond for either party, a wedding date cannot be scheduled until the annulment process has been completed. 4. Once the FOCCUS has been taken and reviewed, the results will be returned to the coordinator, who will remind you to schedule your marriage preparation class. 5. You will also meet with Deacon Jim Goetter to take the prenuptial inquiry, review FOCCUS and discuss marriage as a sacrament. Please bring your baptismal certificates (dated within six months of your wedding) and the original certificate from the Engaged Enrichment Day. 5
6. Meet with the priest to discuss the liturgy plan and any other pertinent questions. 7. As the wedding date draws near, a wedding coordinator will be assigned to you and a rehearsal date and time will be scheduled. You will also meet with a musician (see listing in your wedding folder). Please bring the form at the back of the Together For Life book and submit your Order of Worship for pre-approval to the Parish Office. 8. On the evening prior to your wedding, your rehearsal will take place. All members of the wedding party, including readers, are required to attend. Please ask all involved to show up on time. 9. As you celebrate your wedding day, the St. Mary Parish Community will welcome you as a couple and look forward to your continued participation in our mutual ministry to God s people. W E D D I N G T I M E S Because of regularly scheduled Church services, marriages cannot be celebrated after 2:00 p.m. on Saturdays and NEVER on Sundays. Only one wedding will be held on a given day. Wedding times are available on Saturdays at 1:00 or 2:00 p.m. Friday weddings are available only on rare occasions. Weddings in Lent are strongly discouraged due to the solemn nature of the season, and NO weddings will be scheduled on the Saturday of Palm Sunday weekend or on Holy Saturday. 6
S P I R I T U A L P R E P A R A T I O N Since marriage is a Sacrament of the Church, at least one party in the marriage must be a practicing Catholic. It is not enough that a couple wants to get married in the Church because they feel an obligation, or the Church is a nice setting, or because they want a Church Wedding, or because their parents want it. Receiving a sacrament implies a relationship both with God and the Church. Before planning your wedding, parties in an interfaith marriage (where one party is not Catholic) should discuss the raising of the children in the Catholic Faith. In an interfaith marriage, the Catholic party is required to sign a promise that he or she intends to remain Catholic and will do all in his or her power to see that the children will be baptized and raised Catholic. D O C U M E N T S N E E D E D D O C U M E N T S N E E D E D Catholics must furnish a recently issued Baptismal Certificate from the parish of their Baptism. The certificate must have a parish seal and be issued and dated within six months of the wedding date. Each party must complete a Pre-Nuptial Inquiry form and, if unknown to the priest, furnish two affidavits of freedom to marry. Individuals who have been previously married must present a death certificate for their deceased spouse, or a certificate of annulment, if the marriage ended in divorce. NO WEDDING CAN BE SCHEDULED IF AN ANNULMENT IS REQUIRED, OR UNTIL IT IS COMPLETED. Note that full case annulments may take as long as 18 to 24 months to complete. 7
During your marriage preparation process, the following sessions or classes are required: FOCCUS: You will meet as a couple with one of our trained couples to take, review and discuss the FOCCUS communications inventory. Invest yourself in this part of the process. It is an integral and important part of your preparation. ENGAGED ENRICHMENT: The Archdiocese of Milwaukee offers a one day marriage preparation class. You can register for this class on the following website: http://www. johnpaul2center.org/nazareth-project/engaged- Enrichment.htm. SACRAMENTAL PREPARATION: A valuable part of your marriage preparation is the time you will spend with our deacon in sacramental preparation. This session will be scheduled directly with Deacon Jim Goetter. P R E P A R I N G F OR L I T U R G Y In order to make your wedding day as personal and joyful as possible, the priest or deacon will be happy to help you plan and prepare for the wedding ceremony. He can assist you in choosing your readings and help coordinate all aspects of your liturgical celebration. Your exchange of vows is an act of public worship. You commit yourselves, in the presence of the people, receive rings and the nuptial blessing - all as a sign to everyone present of your faith in God and in each other. You will be furnished with a copy of Together for Life. This book will help provide appropriate scripture readings, commentary and musical suggestions. 8
F L O R A L D E C O R A T I O N S Floral arrangements, etc. should not be delivered more than two hours before the ceremony. Boxes, papers, etc. must be removed from the church and bridal room and disposed of as instructed by the wedding coordinator. All floral decorations are to be removed 30 minutes after the wedding. Bows for the center aisle of the church may be attached with pipe cleaners, thread, narrow ribbon or rubber bands. They may not be attached with tape, staples, thumbtacks or glue. No floral petals (real or silk) may be dropped on the church floor or outside. Flower petals (real or silk), rice, glitter, confetti, birdseed, or anything else which would be dropped on the floor or ground are not allowed. Please inform friends and relatives of this restriction. This exclusion extends to the entire D O C U M E N T S N E E D E D Church property. It is our policy NOT to use aisle runners. Please don t ask to break this rule. M U S I C The marriage liturgy is unique among the festivities of a wedding and the music for it should suit its unique role. The music at the liturgy is meant to support your expression of faith. It is with the understanding that Jesus Christ is the integral third person in a Catholic marriage that some guidelines have been made for weddings celebrated in the Church. You should contact your chosen musician at least two months prior to your wedding to make all necessary arrangements. 9
P H O T O G R A P H Y Pictures may be taken as the bridal party is coming up or down the aisle and when leaving the church. No one is allowed on the altar or altar steps to take pictures at any time during the wedding celebration. Pictures, including videotaping, may be taken from within the main body of the church as long as the view of the assembly is not blocked. Aisles must not be blocked at any time. Stationary video cameras may be placed in either of the balcony locations. Photographers should avoid taking pictures during the Liturgy of the Eucharist (the time between the prayer over the gifts and the Amen at the end of the Eucharist prayer). The priest or deacon will be happy to pose for pictures after the ceremony. W E D D I N G C O O R D I N A T O R As your wedding date approaches, a parish wedding coordinator will be appointed for you. We ask you to be aware that our coordinators are volunteers who work with the full authority of our parish. They are well trained to help you with your wedding. We ask that you respect their authority and abide by their decisions. Outside vendors such as photographers, videographers, florists, musicians and vocalists are asked to treat our representatives with respect. Parish staff and volunteers are not subject to the demands or schedules of outside vendors. 10
R E H E A R S A L S & C H U R C H C O N D U C T Rehearsals are scheduled in advance with the Wedding Coordinator for the evening before the wedding. It is very important that the rehearsals begin on time. Everyone in the wedding party including readers, those in the Offertory procession and any bride s room helper should attend the rehearsal. St. Mary s does have facilities for the bride and her party to dress immediately before the wedding. Your wedding coordinator will be available to show you this room. The day of the wedding, please do not arrive more than two (2) hours before the ceremony. Wedding participants should not come to the rehearsal or the ceremony in any way under the influence of alcohol. Since the church Dbuilding O C U Mis Econsecrated N T S N E E Dfor E D the worship of God, it is expected that the proper reverence and respect always be shown at all times. Alcoholic beverages and smoking are NEVER allowed in the church building or on parish property. Any wedding party members, including the bride and groom, who come to the ceremony under the influence of alcohol, will NOT be allowed to participate in the ceremony. Please understand...if THE BRIDE OR GROOM COMES TO THE CEREMONY UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF ALCOHOL THERE WILL BE NO CEREMONY. These conditions also apply to drugs or other controlled substances. Please don t forget to bring the following items with you to the rehearsal: 11
Marriage License (must be presented at rehearsal) No license; no wedding! Wedding Rings - they will be securely locked in the sacristy overnight. Readings (Your liturgy outline) All of your printed Orders of Worship for the wedding NOTE - Due to the unpredictability of children, we ask that you not plan to use Junior Bridesmaids or ringbearers younger than five (5) years of age in your wedding party. H A P P I N E S S A N D B L E S S I N G S If there is any way that we may be of further assistance to you, or if you have any questions, please feel free to contact Sister Jane Mary Lorbiecki at (262) 251-0220, Ext. 158. We at St. Mary s wish you God s richest blessing now and in the future. We pray that happiness will abound in your hearts and in your home. We pray, also, that you will have many, many years together and that your Sacrament of Marriage will be a source of blessings to others. 12
SET ME AS A SEAL ON Y O U R H E A R T, AS A S E A L ON Y O U R A R M ; F OR S T E R N AS D E A T H IS L O V E, R E L E N T L E S S AS T H E N E T H E R - W O R L D IS D E V O T I O N ; I T S F L A M E S A R E A B L A Z I N G F I R E. D EEP W A T E R S C A N N O T Q U E N C H L O V E, N O R F L O O D S S W E E P IT A W A Y. S O N G OF S O N G S 8:6-7 13