1 Scene: The reception desk at a hotel in England Receptionist : Good afternoon sir. Welcome to the hotel splendido! Tourist : (Big smile) Thank you. Receptionist : (pointing at the tourist) Good heavens! Look at that! Tourist : What? Look at what? Receptionist : Your shirt! Tourist : My shirt? Receptionist : Yes Your shirt! Tourist : (Showing off) Do you like it? Reception : Oh no! Tourist :No? Receptionist : No. It s horrible! Tourist : I beg your pardon? Receptionist : It s horrible!... but for you it s a good choice A very wise choice. (Smiles) If I may say so. Tourist : Thank you. (He laughs) For a moment I thought you were making fun of me. Receptionist : I am (Smiles) Tourist : Pardon? Receptionist : I am I mean, I am very happy to see that you have a good sense of humour. Tourist : (Not too sure) Yes I have. Receptionist : Yes because when people look at you, they look at your shirt. (Smiles) Tourist : I know. Receptionist : And that s extremely important. Tourist : Yes I think so. (Smiles proudly)
2 Receptionist : Because if they look at the shirt, they don t look at the shorts. Tourist : What? Receptionist : And the shorts are really something else Wow! (Big smile she winks at him) Tourist : (Big smile feeling proud) Do you really think so? Receptionist : (Smiles then changes) No. Tourist : No? Receptionist : No! They are horrible! Tourist : Pardon? Receptionist : I have never seen such horrible shorts! Tourist : How dare you! I didn t come here to be insulted by you! Receptionist : Oh I see. Tourist : (Angry) You see what? Receptionist : I see you are not happy. Tourist : You are damned right I m not happy! Receptionist : Oh yes, you are not happy (Smiles) Tourist : I repeat. I didn t come to be insulted by you! Receptionist : You mean you want someone else to do it? (Shouts) Hey George! Come over here for a minute! Tourist: Stop it! Look I want to book a room. Receptionist: You want to book a room? Tourist: Yes. Have you got one? Receptionist: What? A book or a room? Tourist: I don t believe this! Receptionist: (Smiles) Oh I do.
3 Tourist: A room! Have you got a room? Receptionist: Well of course we have a room... We have lots of rooms. It s a big hotel. Tourist: Yes, but have you got a room free? Receptionist: Free? Tourist: Yes. Free! Receptionist: No, no, no... You have to pay for the room (Smiles) Tourist: No you idiot! Receptionist: I m not an idiot. Tourist: What? Receptionist: You re the idiot... You are the one wearing the stupid shorts, not me. Tourist: No you don t understand... When I say free, I mean free... A room with no one in it! Receptionist: Ah... ok (Smiles) I don t know. Tourist: What don t you know? Receptionist: If I have a room free. Tourist: Well, can you have a look in the book? Receptionist: Pardon? Tourist: Have a look in the book! Receptionist: A look in the book? Tourist: Yes! Have a look in the book! Receptionist: Ok. (The receptionist picks up the guest registration book, opens it, looks quickly at it and closes it again) Ok. I ve had a look in the book. (Smiles) Tourist: And what do you think? Receptionist: It s a lovely book! (Smiles) Tourist: (Aggressive) Look! Have you got a room, or haven t you?
4 Receptionist: Ok, ok, ok! (The receptionist looks at the book again and closes it) Yes we have room. Tourist: Good. Receptionist: A single room. Tourist: No good. I need a double room. Receptionist: Ah yes, for you and your shirt. Tourist: No! For me and my wife. She s arriving this evening. Receptionist: Ah. (Looking at the book again) Yes, we ve got a double room. Tourist: Good! How much is it? Receptionist: How much? Tourist: Yes. Receptionist: (Demonstrating with her arms) It s about this wide and about this long and about this high. Tourist: No! Not how big, how much! Receptionist: Ah!... Ten pounds ( ) Tourist: Ten pounds? Receptionist: Yes. Ten pounds for you, ten pounds for your wife and fifty pounds for the horrible shirt. Tourist: Fifty pounds for my shirt?! That s ridiculous! Receptionist: It s a ridiculous shirt! Tourist: Now you listen to me. I do not like your attitude! Receptionist: And I don t like your shirt! Tourist: I m going to complain to the manager. Receptionist: You can t. She s not here. Tourist: Where is she? Receptionist: In hospital.
5 Tourist: In hospital. Oh dear. What happened, did she have an accident? Receptionist: Not exactly. She had dinner in the hotel. Tourist: Well, I would just like to say that you are the most unhelpful, the most unpleasant, the worst receptionist that I have met in my life. Receptionist: (Beaming smile) Oh thank you very much! Tourist: I am going to report you to the manager! Receptionist: Ok... Shall I give you the telephone number of the hospital? Tourist: Right! That s it! That s enough! My wife and I are not going to stay at this hotel! I ll go and book a room at the hotel next door. Receptionist: Oh I wouldn t if I were you. Tourist: Pardon. Receptionist: I ll see you there. Tourist: What are you talking about? Reception: (smiles) I ll see you there. Tourist: What? Receptionist: This is my last day in this hotel. I lost my job this morning. I start work tomorrow at the hotel next door. Tourist: (Leaving) Oh no! Receptionist: See you tomorrow! The end.