15 Varying Your Sentences

15 Varying Your Sentences CULTURE NOTE Edgar Allan Poe Known as the father of modern mystery, Edgar Allan Poe entertained and disturbed readers through both poetry and prose. In famous stories such as The Fall of the House of Usher and The Te l l - Tale Heart and poems such as Annabelle Lee and The Raven, Poe includes elements of doppelganger (double), despair, and decay. Because his influence is so great, a current NFL team the Baltimore Ravens is named in his honor. Horror in Edgar Allan Poe OBSERVE YOUR WORLD Critically renowned, Edgar Allan Poe is famous for including elements of the macabre in his work. How popular a re terrifying themes today? Pay attention to the subject matter of popular movies, television programs, and top news stories over the next few days. To what extent is horror or violence featured? Write a few sentences about whether or not you think people enjoy horro r. 213

214 Part Three Writing Essays Recognizing Your Writing Style You may not realize it, but your writing has a style. Your style may be short, d i rect, and to the point, or it may be flowery, descriptive, and wandering. Whatever your style is, it s yours alone. The style of writing is what makes people like to read it. If the words flow together seamlessly, and if the word s and sentences are balanced between short and long ones, your writing will be more interesting to read. For instance, which of the two short paragraphs below is more enjoyable to read? Paragraph 1 Known as the father of modern mystery, Edgar Allan Poe entertains and disturbs readers through both poetry and prose. In famous stories such as The Fall of the House of Usher and The Tell-Tale H e a rt and poems such as Annabelle Lee and The Raven, Poe includes elements of doppelganger (double), despair, and decay. Because his influence is so great, a current NFL team, the Baltimore Ravens, is named in his honor. Paragraph 2 Edgar Allan Poe is known as the father of mystery. The mystery is modern. Poe entertains readers through poetry and prose. Poe disturbs readers through poetry and prose. Poe includes elements in famous stories. Poe includes elements in famous poems. The stories are The Fall of the House of Usher and The Tell-Tale Heart. The poems are Annabelle Lee and The Raven. The elements are doppelganger (double), despair, and decay. Poe s influence is great. A current team is named in his honor. The team is an NFL team. The team is the Baltimore Ravens. Paragraph 1 is more interesting. Even though both paragraphs use the same words, paragraph 1 has greater sentence variety. Paragraph 1 also connects ideas with conjunctions and dependent words. This chapter explores techniques you can use to make your writing m o re balanced and varied. Specifically, you can use three strategies to make your sentences more interesting. Adding an equally important idea (coordination) Adding a less important idea (subordination) Combining your sentences for brevity and variety

Chapter 15 Varying Your Sentences 215 Coordination: Adding an Equally Important Idea C o o rd i n a t i o nis joining two complete, equally important ideas to form one sentence. If the sentences in a paragraph are all short, they will sound the same even if their content is diff e rent. For instance, the following sentences a re variations of sentences from a story by Edgar Allan Poe titled The Cask of Amontillado. Fortunato injured me. He insulted me. I tried to be patient. I vowed revenge. You probably have no trouble understanding these sentences. Each is a simple, correct sentence that communicates a single idea. Many developing writers actually try to write simple sentences to avoid making errors. While this strategy makes sense, it can lead to boring writing. To make your writing m o re interesting, you can add a second simple sentence to the first. By doing so, you create a compound sentence, which joins two independent clauses. Notes on Style Although many styles of writing can be effective, choosing w h e n to use cert a i n styles is important. Writing short, simple sentences works very well for childre n s stories, but it is not the most effective way to communicate in college writing. S i m i l a r l y, a writer who uses long, difficult sentences to communicate will pro b a- bly be more effective in reaching an audience of educated adults than in re a c h- ing young children or people unfamiliar with his or her subject. Consider the following revisions of the earlier sentences. Fortunato injured me, but I tried to ignore his harm. He insulted me, so I decided I would get even with him. I tried to be patient, or at least I told myself I was patient. I vowed revenge, and this vow made me happy. Each of these sentences contains the original idea expressed in the first simple sentence, but the writer has added another complete idea to each sentence. The result is four sentences that are more interesting to read. Remember that combining two complete ideas requires a comma and a coordinating conjunction (one of the FANBOYS: for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so). For more on Coordinating Conjunctions, see Chapter 35.

216 Part Three Writing Essays EXERCISE 1 C O O R D I N ATION: ADDING ANOTHER IDEA TO A SIMPLE SENTENCE Add a complete idea to each of the simple sentences below using a comma and one of the FANBOYS (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so). Answers will vary. Example: Revision: You should read some scary stories. You should read some scary stories, or you can see a horror movie. 1. Studying can be interesting. Studying can be interesting, but it can also be boring. Revision: 2. I m happy to be advancing to the next level. I m happy to be advancing to the next level, for I ve worked Revision: hard. 3. Registering for classes can be frustrating. Registering for classes can be frustrating, and it can take a long Revision: time. 4. Practice helps improve nearly any skill. Practice helps improve nearly any skill, but talent plays a role in Revision: success. 5. Watching television can be educational. Watching television can be educational, so I plan to watch often. Revision: EXERCISE 2 C O O R D I N ATION: COMBINING TWO E Q U A L LY IMPORTANT IDEAS Each item below contains two simple sentences. Combine the sentences into a single sentence using a comma and a coordinating conjunction (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so). Answers will vary. Example: Combined: Edgar Allan Poe s life was filled with sadness. His stories reflect his dark outlook on life. Edgar Allan Poe s life was filled with sadness, and his stories reflect his dark outlook on life. 1. Poe s father abandoned him when he was a baby.

Chapter 15 Varying Your Sentences 217 His mother died before he was three. Poe s father abandoned him when he was a baby, and his mother died before he was three. 2. He was taken in as a foster child by a man named John Allan. He quarreled later in life with Allan. He was taken in as a foster child by a man named John Allan, but he quarreled later in life with Allan. 3. Poe wanted to please his foster father. Poe also attended different colleges, including West Point. Poe wanted to please his foster father, so he attended different colleges, including West Point. 4. Poe let himself be dismissed from West Point. He realized he would never be reconciled with his foster father. Poe let himself be dismissed from West Point, for he realized he would never be reconciled with his foster father. 5. Poe went to live with his aunt. He married his thirteen-year-old cousin. Poe went to live with his aunt, and he married his thirteenyear-old cousin. Subordination: Adding A Less Important Idea Combining two equally important ideas is a good first step toward making your writing more interesting. Another technique to vary your sentences is s u b o rd i n a t i o n. S u b o rdination is the process of joining two ideas, but making one of them less important than the other. Specifically, subord i- nation involves making one idea an independent clause and the other a dependent clause (a group of words having a subject, verb, and a

218 Part Three Writing Essays dependent word such as although, because, since, or u n t i l.) Though dependent clauses have a subject and a verb, they do not make sense all by themselves. Thus, they are less important than independent clauses in the same sentence. Common Dependent Words after before since until although even though though when because if unless while L e t s now use subordination to vary the simple sentences from earlier in the chapter. Fortunato injured me until I could stand it no longer. He insulted me although he did not know it. I tried to be patient because I pride myself on my self-control. I vowed revenge when he insulted me the last time. In these sentences, the writer has added a dependent clause a group of words having a subject, verb, and dependent word to give the sentences variety. The writer could also have arranged the sentences like this: Until I could stand it no longer, Fortunato injured me. Although he did not know it, he insulted me. Because I pride myself on my self-control, I tried to be patient. When he insulted me the last time, I vowed revenge. H e re, the writer has placed the dependent clause before the independent clause. Either way is correct, but remember to place a comma after the dependent clause if you put it first. EXERCISE 3 S U B O R D I N ATION: ADDING A LESS IMPORTANT IDEA TO A SIMPLE SENTENCE Add a dependent clause to each of the following sentences. Remember to put a comma after the dependent clause if it comes first in the sentence. Answers will vary. Example: Revised: Don t plant poison ivy in your garden. Unless you love rashes, don t plant poison ivy in your garden.

Chapter 15 Varying Your Sentences 219 1. Do research before buying a car. If you want the best deal, do research before buying a car. Revised: 2. Drive away quickly. Drive away quickly after you drop off the surprise. Revised: 3. The fireworks display was incredible. The fireworks display was incredible until it started to rain. Revised: 4. Many television stars have had plastic surgery. Because they want to look younger, many television starts have Revised: had plastic surgery. 5. Cell phones make life easier. Although they can be annoying, cell phones make life easier. Revised: EXERCISE 4 COMBINING TWO IDEAS USING SUBORDINAT I O N Each item below contains two simple sentences. Add a dependent word to one sentence to make it a dependent clause. Then, combine the sentences into a single sentence. Be sure to use a comma between the clauses if you place the dependent clause first. Answers will vary. Example: Poe s tale The Pit and the Pendulum terrifies readers. The narrator (the one telling the story) is eventually rescued. Revised: Although the narrator (the one telling the story) is eventually rescued, Poe s tale The Pit and the Pendulum terrifies readers.

220 Part Three Writing Essays 1. A prisoner wakes in unfamiliar surroundings. He has been sentenced to death by his captors. After he has been sentenced to death by his captors, a prisoner wakes in unfamiliar surroundings. 2. The room is completely dark. The prisoner cannot see anything. Because the room is completely dark, the prisoner cannot see anything. 3. The prisoner seems clumsy and falls down a lot. One fall saves him from tumbling into a foul-smelling, deep pit. Although the prisoner seems clumsy and falls down a lot, one fall saves him from tumbling into a foul-smelling, deep pit. 4. The prisoner finds himself in danger again. He wakes to discover himself tied to a large wooden frame. The prisoner finds himself in danger again when he wakes to discover himself tied to a large wooden frame. 5. A sharp blade hanging above him swings back and forth, ever lower. The prisoner becomes even more terrified. The prisoner becomes even more terrified as a sharp blade hanging above him swings back and forth, ever lower. Combining Sentences for Brevity and Variety In addition to simply making short sentences longer, sentence combining can alter the way your sentences flow together. Alternating your short sentences with longer ones or starting a longer sentence with a dependent clause can make your writing more interesting. In addition, combining sentences can accomplish two goals. It can make your writing Less repetitive More varied

Chapter 15 Varying Your Sentences 221 Combining Sentences to Avoid Repetition Earlier in this chapter you read two versions of the same paragraph. The less interesting version of the paragraph reads like this: Edgar Allan Poe is known as the father of mystery. The mystery is modern. Poe entertains readers through poetry and prose. Poe disturbs readers through poetry and prose. Poe includes elements in famous stories. Poe includes elements in famous poems. The stories are The Fall of the House of Usher and The Tell-Tale Heart. The poems are Annabelle Lee and The Raven. The elements are doppelganger (double), despair, and decay. Poe s influence is great. A current team is named in his honor. The team is an NFL team. The team is the Baltimore Ravens. This paragraph takes thirteen sentences to say what another version of the paragraph says in three. The paragraph uses so many sentences because it is unnecessarily repetitive. Here are the first two sentences of the paragraph. Circle any words that are used in both sentences. Edgar Allan Poe is known as the father of mystery. The mystery is modern. You should have circled is, the, and mystery. When you see a term like m y s t e ry repeated in two consecutive sentences, you can often combine those sentences into one. Combining the two sentences above results in this sentence: Edgar Allan Poe is known as the father of modern mystery. With that one combination, you ve omitted three words: is, the, a n d mystery. If you can omit three out of four words from every few sentences, your writing will be more compact. Sometimes more than two sentences can be combined into a single sentence. Look at the following examples from the same paragraph. Original: Combined: Edgar Allan Poe is known as the father of mystery. The mystery is modern. Poe entertains readers through poetry and prose. Poe disturbs readers through poetry and prose. Known as the father of modern mystery, Edgar Allan Poe entertains and disturbs readers through both poetry and prose.

222 Part Three Writing Essays Omitted words: is, mystery, the, Poe, readers, through, poetry, and, prose. Original: Poe includes elements in famous stories. Poe includes elements in famous poems. The stories are The Fall of the House of Usher and The Tell-Tale Heart. The poems are Annabelle Lee and The Raven. The elements are doppelganger (double), despair, and decay. Combined: In famous stories such as The Fall of the House of Usher and The Tell-Tale Heart and poems such as Annabelle Lee and The Raven, Poe includes elements of doppelganger (double), despair, and decay. Omitted words: Poe, includes, elements, in, famous, the, stories, poems, are Original: Combined: Omitted words: Poe s influence is great. A current team is named in his honor. The team is an NFL team. The team is the Baltimore Ravens. Because his influence is so great, a current NFL team the Baltimore Ravens is named in his honor. team, is, the In the sentence groups above, combining sentences allows the writer to omit almost all the words from one of the sentences. Because the omitted w o rds appear in other sentences, the meaning of the sentence groups is not affected at all. EXERCISE 5 COMBINING SENTENCES TO AVOID REPETITION Combine the sentences below to form single sentences. You may need to add words or change some words to combine sentences logically. Example: Combined: One of Poe s favorite themes deals with fear. The fear is of being buried alive. One of Poe s favorite themes deals with the fear of being buried alive.

Chapter 15 Varying Your Sentences 223 1. In one story, a man buries his twin sister alive. The story is The Fall of the House of Usher. In one story, The Fall of the House of Usher, a man buries his twin sister alive. 2. The narrator hears unsettling sounds. The sounds are made by the sister returning from the grave. The narrator hears unsettling sounds made by the sister returning from the grave. 3. In The Cask of Amontillado, a character named Montresor tricks his enemy. The enemy is tricked into following Montresor deep into a damp wine cellar. In The Cask of Amontillado, a character named Montresor tricks his enemy into following him deep into a damp wine cellar. 4. Montresor gets full revenge. The revenge is by building a brick wall to seal his enemy into the cellar alive. Montresor gets full revenge by building a brick wall to seal his enemy into the cellar alive. 5. In The Premature Burial, a man s fear of live burial ends. The fear ends only when he thinks, mistakenly, that he has been buried alive. In The Premature Burial, a man s fear of live burial ends only when he thinks, mistakenly, that he has been buried alive. Combining Sentences for Variety In addition to purging your sentences of unnecessary words, combining sentences can spice up your writing style. Which of the following two paragraphs is more interesting? Why?

224 Part Three Writing Essays Review of The Raven Unparalleled by any of his other works, Edgar Allan Poe s poem The Raven has a solid place in American literature. This extre m e l y popular work, which was incredibly well received by both the public and his contemporary literary critics, is perhaps the work most widely associated with this well-known author. It has won nationwide, as well as trans-atlantic, praise unceasingly since its first publication, and continues today to be praised and studied as a model of originality and genius. No matter how well or poorly received any of his earlier and later works were, and despite numerous parodies and imitations, The Raven never failed to receive the respect and recognition that Poe sought for his work. The Raven Reviewed Edgar Allan Poe s poem The Raven has a solid place in American literature. The work is unparalleled by any of his other works. The work is extremely popular. The work was incredibly well received by the public. The work was incredibly well received by P o e s contemporary literary critics. The work is perhaps the work most widely associated with this author. The author is well-known. The poem won nationwide praise. The poem won trans-atlantic praise. The praise has been unceasing. The praise has been since its first publication. The poem continues today to be praised. The poem continues to be studied as a model. The model is of originality. The model is also of genius. The Raven never failed to receive the respect that Poe sought for his work, no matter how well or poorly received any of his earlier works were. The Raven also never failed to receive the recognition that Poe sought for his work, no matter how well or poorly any of his later works were received. The first paragraph, Review of The Raven, is more intere s t i n g because its sentences are more varied. The second paragraph is clear and informative, but almost every sentence begins the same way with a subject followed closely by a verb and the writing is repetitive. Writing similar sentences is not incorrect, but it does not make for entertaining re a d i n g. Look at another example of combining sentences. Original: The work is extremely popular. The work was incredibly well received by the public. The work was incredibly well received by Poe s contemporary literary critics.

Chapter 15 Varying Your Sentences 225 Combined: The work is perhaps the work most widely associated with this author. The author is well-known. This extremely popular work, which was incredibly well received by both the public and his contemporary l i t e r a ry critics, is perhaps the work most widely associated with this well-known author. H e re the writer made three primary changes. First, he changed t h e t o t h i s to introduce the work. Next, he deleted duplicate information such as incredibly well received and author. Finally, he combined the second and third sentences into one clause a group of words having a subject and verb that sits in the middle of the main clause, made from the first, fourt h, and fifth sentences. Adding information at diff e rent points in the sentence at the beginning, middle, or end can give you greater variety. For instance, here are the first two sentences of The Raven Reviewed. Edgar Allan Poe s poem The Raven has a solid place in American literature. The work is unparalleled by any of his other works. The writer could simply join the sentences in sequence to write Edgar Allan Poe s poem The Raven has a solid place in American literature and is unparalleled by any of his other works. This combination joins the two complete sentences to form one longer, more informative sentence. However, the writer can also vary the writing by inserting the information from the second sentence at the beginning of the first sentence. The information that has been moved has been underlined. Unparalleled by any of his other works, Edgar Allan Poe s poem The Raven has a solid place in American literature. H e re the writer successfully communicates all the information, while at the same time changing the rhythm of the writing. The new, combined sentence has a completely diff e rent sound from the two original s e n t e n c e s. Another possible way to combine the same two sentences places the i n f o rmation from the second sentence in the middle of the first sentence. Edgar Allan Poe s poem The Raven, unparalleled by any of his other works, has a solid place in American literature. Again, the sentence includes all the important information.

226 Part Three Writing Essays EXERCISE 6 COMBINING SENTENCES FOR VA R I E T Y Combine the following pairs of sentences by moving the underlined information from one sentence to the beginning or middle of the other sentence. You may have to change the form of some words to combine the sentences logically. Answers will vary. Example: Combined: The Masque of the Red Death tells the story of a prince who tries to dance away his fears. The prince is unsuccessful. The Masque of the Red Death tells the story of a prince who unsuccessfully tries to dance away his fears. 1. In an unknown land, the Red Death plagues the people. The Red Death causes pain, bleeding, and death. In an unknown land, the Red Death, which causes pain, bleeding, and death, plagues the people. 2. Prince Prospero attempts to protect himself from the plague. He attempts to protect a thousand of his closest friends, too. Prince Prospero attempts to protect himself and a thousand of his closest friends from the plague. 3. He invites these friends to his castle for a great party. His castle is completely sealed from those dying outside. He invites these friends to his castle, completely sealed from those dying outside, for a great party. 4. The prince and his guests eat, drink, and celebrate for six months. After six months, the prince plans an elaborate masque, or ball. The prince and his guests eat, drink, and celebrate for six months, after which the prince plans an elaborate masque, or ball.

Chapter 15 Varying Your Sentences 227 5. Everyone dresses up and dances inside the sealed castle. The Red Death finds a way in and kills everyone. Even though everyone dresses up and dances inside the sealed castle, the Red Death finds a way in and kills everyone. EDITING PRACTICE Rewrite the following paragraph, combining sentences to avoid repetition and add variety. Answers will vary. One Heartbeat from Sanity the One of Poe s most renowned characters is the narrator of a story. The story is The Tell-Tale Heart. In this story, the narrator insists despite acting he is sane. The narrator acts like a madman. The narrator cares for but a kindly old man. The narrator is frightened of the man s eye. Unable, the The narrator is unable to stand the Evil Eye any longer. The narrator plots to kill the old man. The narrator acts kindly toward the, all the while acting to his old man. The kind acts disguise the narr a t o r s wicked intentions. After he, the The narrator suffocates the old man. The narrator cuts up the body and in a tub. The narrator hides the pieces under the floorboards. The f l o o r b o a rds are in the bedroom. The police arrive. Their arrival is, and the in response to a complaint. The complaint is by a neighbor. The narrator is calm. The narrator is confident. The narrator tells the police and, telling them that the old man has taken a trip. Eventually, the narrator hears

228 Part Three Writing Essays what he thinks is beating. The narrator thinks the old man s heart is beating. The beating grows louder and louder. The narrator is certain the police, and he confesses to the murder because he can hear the beating. The narrator confesses to the murd e r. All the however, what he is while, the narrator hears a heart. However, the narrator hears his ^ own heart. Lab Activity 15 For additional practice with sentence combining, complete Lab Activity 15 in the lab manual packaged with your textbook. If you did not receive a lab manual, you can complete this activity online at w w w. a b l o n g m a n. c o m / l o n g. C l i c k on College Resources for Writers and then click on Activity 15.