4 steps to homework without a fuss! (And solutions to frequently asked questions about homework)

Transcription

1 Equipment needed: A kitchen timer 4 steps to homework without a fuss! (And solutions to frequently asked questions about homework) Homework can sometimes be harder for parents than it is for children! Parents often find it difficult to persuade their children to do their best or spend sufficient time on their homework. Particularly when the child doesn t see the point, doesn t like the teacher, thinks it s too hard or are tired or have better things to do! Parents can find themselves nagging, threatening, reminding or insisting that homework is done. Children stop taking responsibility for doing their own homework and make their parents responsible for getting them to do it. It may come as no surprise that one in six parents regularly do their child s homework for them. When this happens the child learns that if you create enough fuss you don t have to do something. Handing in homework completed or partly completed by a parent trains the child to be dishonest, and teaches the child that they can t produce homework of the right standard themselves. This affects their self-esteem, their confidence in themselves and sets them to try to manipulate others in the future to get what they want. Your job, as a parent, is to raise a child who is independent and has all the life skills they need to leave home and function well in the adult world. Doing homework teaches your child self-control. It helps them develop habits of hard-work and persistence. It helps them find ways to solve problems for themselves and trust their own abilities. It helps them organise their time, and take responsibility for completing a task. It gives them a sense of pride in their work, and helps them learn new things. So what do you do if you currently feel responsible for managing your child s homework? What can you do if you have to persuade your child to get homework done? What should you do if you have a child who suddenly remembers there is homework due in the next day? Or who creates an Oscar-winning performance of total devastation when you mention the work homework? Or if you genuinely feel that you are being judged, rather than your child, for the quality of their homework? There really is a simple solution, but you need to plan ahead, and set up some routines or habits so that your child does all their own homework to the best of their ability. 1. Make homework a regular habit. Try to have a set time for homework every day or on days when homework is set. This time should preferably be when your child has had a little time to chill and something to eat and drink - after coming in from school, and before tea-time. This helps to make sure that your child knows when homework time will be, and stops those last minute or late-night homework stints that cause so much upset! If your child has after school activities some nights, agree with your child the best time to do homework on those evenings. 2. Have a set length of time to complete homework. Sometimes children struggle because the homework seems unending. Knowing exactly how long they have to sit and do homework will stop many battles. Check with the school how much homework your child is required to do. It is the teacher s responsibility to set homework that your child can complete in the time specified by the school. Explain to your child how long they will do homework.

2 3. Use a timer. The timer only starts when your child is sitting at the table, with all the equipment and everything they need to complete the homework on the desk. Set the timer to go off after 20 minutes, half an hour, or an hour- however long the school specified. You will be amazed at how this simple step helps children focus and just get on with their homework. 4. Stop homework when the timer goes off. After the timer goes off, unless your child wants to carry on, write on the worksheet or book this is what Johnny completed in 20 minutes and sign it. Please don t try to persuade your child to carry on and complete the homework. If they have done the right amount of time, let them finish. The simple act of sticking to the time set will give your child an important message: That homework no longer needs to take over their evening, and now they can relax and have some fun! (Often children end up enjoying the assignment, and will ask to complete it, and that s fine. Just don t try to force them.) You ll be amazed at how much difference these four simple steps will make to your child s willingness to do their homework And don t forget to celebrate their achievements and improvements. Help them feel good about the homework they do. Nothing motivates more than a bit of positive attention and encouragement. Frequently asked questions We have set homework times Monday, Wednesday and Friday 4-5pm. What if my daughter doesn t have homework that day? Then your daughter still has to do homework time and the time should be used to do something educational. If she can t find something suitable to do in the time, then you can choose an activity that would help further her education. If your daughter knows that she will need to do some homework on those evenings, she will be much less likely to try to persuade you she doesn t have homework! And if you get her to choose something educational to do she will start to take responsibility for her own learning. If you end up suggesting a homework activity- try to make it fun and interesting, and suggest something that will help your daughter develop a strength or tackle a weakness. My son tends to produce sloppy work, and his writing becomes almost illegible. What should I do? Children who produce messy, untidy work are often just desperate to finish their homework and do something more interesting instead. This problem is often solved if your son knows he will have to do homework until the timer goes off. That way if he finishes early, he still needs to sit and do something educational. However if your son tends to be a bit careless, set the timer to go off five minutes before homework time ends. And have a rule where, after he does a piece of homework, you find two things your son could improve, and your son has to spot two things that would make his homework better. Your son then does those four things and then that s it. Homework over! Doing this helps your son to improve his work each time, and learn to spot things that need attention. What if my daughter is in the habit of getting me to help her? She gets so tired, and finds doing homework in the evening too much. So sometimes I end up doing it for her. Keep in mind that the homework is for your daughter. If you help her complete her homework or do it yourself - you are giving the teacher a false idea of your daughter s capabilities. Doing the work for her is dishonest, unhelpful and sends your daughter all the wrong messages about your trust in her competence, and how to deceive people. It is counter-productive and your efforts will backfire sooner or later when she is expected to know how to do something in class. Doing homework for your child is going to set her up to fail, because she won t understand how to do the work. And will struggle in class when she should understand that topic.

3 It is not your duty to teach your daughter how to do her homework. Or to make sure she completes it. If your daughter doesn t understand the homework set, see if you can encourage her to work it out. If she can t - write a note to the teacher. Let them know that your daughter didn t understand the homework, and ask them to explain it to her, and you will make sure she completes it the following evening. Then ask your daughter to do any other homework she has, or give her another learning task to complete that evening. From now on, explain to your daughter you will no longer be helping with homework. You will help her by having a regular homework time, making sure she has everything they need and setting a timer. Her responsibility is to make sure she understands what the homework involves and what she needs to do. If she gets stuck, ask lots of questions about how she can work out what to do, but make it a rule never to give her the answer. Once your daughter realises that you are not going to do it for her, she will be much more likely to listen to the teacher s explanation at school. What if my son hates homework, and I have to get cross to get him to do it? Unfortunately, with homework, many parents find themselves getting critical and bossy. From now on, have a fixed homework time. That takes away the pressure of trying to work out when your child will do their work. Once your child gets used to it, there will be much less resistance. Then rather than picking up on the negatives, praise any effort your child makes towards doing their homework: Well done you are sitting at the kitchen table with your pens ready and your books open that shows me you are ready to start your homework You have made a start doing your maths, even though I know you don t want to that takes a lot of self-discipline You have tried to figure out an answer to that problem without moaning or complaining you re really persevering Be friendly and positive. Help make the homework time a positive experience. Stay firm, but upbeat and enthusiastic even when they are grumpy and trying to push your buttons! Be pleasant and helpful, and ready to empathise when they are feeling bored, stuck or overwhelmed. You re still working at it, even though I know you are finding it hard- that takes a lot of self-control. Don t be critical or angry keep in mind what you want to achieve (good study habits and keeping your child motivated.) Criticism and anger are NEVER motivating! If my son wants to keep going after the timer has gone off, should I let him? Yes, let him keep going, as long as he is motivated and happy, and knows that he can now stop any time he wants to. The advantage of doing homework early in the evening is that children are less tired and less resistant, and often want to complete the work set. It s surprising how many children find their homework more enjoyable when there s a fixed time to do it, and you set a timer. However be sure that your child isn t just doing it because he is scared of the consequences if the work isn t completed. Talk to his teacher at school if this is the case. Your son needs to know that his part of the bargain is to concentrate and work hard for the time set, and that when the timer goes off, he is a free man if he wants to be. My daughter has chores to do as well as homework. Should I just get her to do her jobs as soon as she has finished her homework, and then she can enjoy her evening? Talk to your daughter about what needs to be done each evening. Ask her if she would like a rest and some time to relax after her homework, or whether she would prefer to get everything done and then have the rest of the evening off. What about spellings? My son needs to practice a lot to remember spellings. With spellings ask your child to do the look, cover, write and check method, during his set homework time. Where he looks at the word, covers it with his hand, writes down the word, then checks to see if he got it right. You can always test him in the last five minutes before the timer goes off. With difficult words Offer to help test your son. But be sure to do this in a non-judgmental and pleasant way. Suggest mnemonics or silly ways to help remember facts and figures. Keep in mind that it is your child that needs to do the test. Be helpful and non-critical.

4 Then have other times where you can do fun spot checks such as on the way to school, or driving in the car, to test him on the tricky ones. Have a big smile on your face, and suddenly say things like Ok, how do you spell electricity? Make it a game, and it will help them remember the spellings. If your son is struggling with spelling, there are lots of articles on the internet about helping children with spellings. Why not look at some of them with your son, and see what method he would prefer to try? Getting my daughter to do homework has been a nightmare. Should I offer her a reward if she does her homework? If you reward your child for doing homework, your child may start doing homework just for the reward. There is something called reward undermining. It means that if you offer your child a reward for doing something - they enjoy the task less. And their enjoyment comes purely from receiving the reward. What you want to do is encourage your daughter to enjoy her homework. So no, don t offer a reward. However, when you think about it, when you have done a big task, it is natural to want to sit down and relax afterwards and perhaps have a nice drink. And it s the same for children. After she has completed her homework time, then let her choose what she wants to do next. That could be watching the TV, having a snack or playing a game. One thing you can do, however, is to allow your daughter to earn the privilege of time watching TV or playing electronic games, when she completes her homework without a fuss. And if there has been a big fuss, then she doesn t earn her screen time that evening. My son (aged 9) is finding his homework takes him two to three hours every night. What should I do? Two to three hours is too much homework for a 9 year old. Please go and see your son s teacher. Ask the teacher how much time the school expects your son to spend on each piece of homework. Explain how long your son is currently taking and see if you can agree how long it is reasonable for him to be working at home. Then tell the teacher you will be timing your son, and will let them know how much he can complete in that time. You also need to talk to your son. There are many reasons why the homework can take so long. The homework set could be too lengthy or too difficult. Your son could be a perfectionist and want to hand in only perfect work, your son could be struggling to understand the work, or he could be distracted when he s doing his work. Whatever the cause, it needs to be tackled. Solutions can be timing the homework for a suitable length of time everyone agrees on, getting him extra help with an area where he is struggling, asking the teacher to adjust the homework he s given. And if the school expect your son to complete the homework set and it is taking him that long, you may need to consider moving him to a school that is less pressurised. My daughter is fine with all her homework, except maths. And then there are tears and tantrums. What should I do? It can be demoralising and embarrassing if your daughter feels stupid at maths. It may be useful to talk with her and both come up with a whole range of solutions to the problem. Consider getting your child an out-of-school tutor, or involving the school. It may be that your child needs to be tested and given extra help. Or there may be educational strategies you can find on the internet or through the school. Your daughter may need you to be on hand when she does maths homework, so you may like to sit at the same table or in the same room so that you are around for advice when she is doing maths homework, without giving her the answers. Sometimes spending an extra 15 minutes a day working on maths - on top of homework - can be time wellspent. However, be creative. Find fun ways to build up her maths skills, such as board games, easy Sudoku puzzles, computer programmes that teach maths skills, or games that are related to money. My son will be starting secondary school in September. I have always had to badger him to do his homework, and I m dreading doing it with the increase in homework he ll get at his next school. What should I do?

5 It may be best to warn your son that on the day he starts secondary school you will be handing over the responsibility of completing his homework to him. Tell your son that he has reached the age where he is now responsible for his own homework and assignments and you expect him to be able to achieve this. (This strategy has worked particularly well in my own family). Let your son know he can still ask for help, but that he needs to work out how to best use the homework time you set. Of course, it will help if you encourage him to keep up the routine of doing homework 20 minutes to half an hour after he gets in from school. If issues do arise where homework is not completed you need to let him take the natural consequences. Before you jump in and take control again ask yourself the question Is taking over again going to help my child, or is there a skill I can help him develop that will help him manage his own work more effectively? I hate my daughter s homework. I feel it is my homework rather than hers. I find the time after school when I have to get her to do homework the worst time of the day. Any ideas? Firstly, using the strategy of having a set homework time and using a timer should help you a lot. Remember that the whole aim of doing homework is for your daughter to supplement her learning and build up her skills of managing their time and organisational skills. Positive attention and praising all her efforts will change the atmosphere, and make your daughter much more likely to want to do her homework. If you find yourself losing your cool, here are a few mantras to repeat in your head that may help It is my daughter s homework, not mine My relationship with my daughter is more important than her homework I CAN be the adult here and stay calm and positive Now my daughter is at secondary school, the amount of homework has really increased, and my daughter can t complete it all in one sitting. How can I manage that? Remember that it is difficult for a child to really concentrate for long stretches. Break study sessions up with little breaks where they can have a complete change of scene. Studies have found that 45 minutes is the maximum amount of time someone can concentrate well before they need a break. Perhaps you could plan to do two 45 minute sessions with a break for minutes, when your daughter has a drink, a snack, does some little exercises, goes outside for a walk, or just does something completely different. Time the break, and then help her settle again to do the next stint of homework. Despite any protests, most children like to get homework out of the way, so they can enjoy the rest of the evening. However talk to your daughter about what would work best for her. Also, use problem solving skills to work on making homework easier. It may be that your daughter uses study buddies, study groups, discussing priorities, games, breaking homework into chunks, doing the hardest homework first, a homework diary, using nice stationery, a new desk & lamp, motivating treats after a difficult assignment or something as simple as playing on the Wii between study sessions whatever works for her! Can I help you? Children only get one chance at school. And research has found that parents have a bigger impact on their child s academic success than the school they go to. So how do you motivate your child to do their best? Or encourage them to work hard to get the grades they need? Would you like to work with me, a parenting specialist, to help you enable your child to reach their full academic potential? Using behavioural and psychological techniques that you and your child will love! If you would like to find out more, just send me an at elizabeth@parent4success.com or click here, send me a message, and I ll call you to arrange a no obligation chat about working with you to help your child accomplish what they are capable of achieving at school.