The Vietnamese Wedding

Transcription

1 The Vietnamese Wedding The Vietnamese Wedding dates back several thousand years and is heavily influenced by Confucian and Buddhist ideologies. Confucian principles emphasize the importance of family and social harmony. Confucians place a special importance to social interactions believing that they are sacred. Therefore any major events in Confucianism will heavily include elements of family and scripted social interactions to ensure the most fortune and blessings. The Vietnamese Wedding is regarded as the biggest event in any person s life and thus a lot of attention and detail have gone into planning it out thousands of years ago. The Vietnamese Wedding is comprised of three separate ceremonies usually tied all into the same day. The ceremonies include the engagement ceremony, the marriage/tea ceremony and the wedding reception. More contemporary weddings now split the engagement ceremony and marriage ceremony into two separate events. On the day of the wedding, both the grooms and brides families are extremely busy. Marriage is not simply regarded as the union of two people, but the union of two families. Although the bride and groom are the center of attention, it is believed that success in marriage requires work and support from the bride, groom and their respective families. In a sign of respect to each other, the individual families prepare certain things in advance to start off the marriage on a happy footing. In an old school sense, marriage was viewed as the bride being given away to the groom s family, therefore a lot of the ceremonies on the big day revolve around that. For example, the groom s family arrives at the bride s home with gifts to request permission to marry and bring the bride home to the groom s side. The bride s side tries to ensure they are giving their daughter away to a family that will ensure her happiness. First thing in the morning, the bride s family will prepare for the arrival of the family of the groom. They will decorate their home and try to make it as inviting as possible. The ladies of the family usually will have cooked all night and prepared delicious snacks for everyone to eat after the ceremony. There is a big emphasis on food in all Vietnamese ceremonies. The family shrine/altar will be set up so that prayers can be performed later. The groom s family will be preparing gifts for the family of the bride. The gifts will be placed on round platters with a red cloth covering them. One thing you will notice is a Chinese character everywhere on the wedding day. The character is shuangxi (pronounced shwung see) meaning double happiness. Notice how the character is a fully symmetrical pair of words. It symbolizes the bride and groom in the marriage and the happiness associated with them.

2 Typical gifts to be placed on the platters include the tea set to be used in the ceremony, fruits, earrings, wine, tea, and sweets. Sometimes an entire suckling roast pig will also be brought. The gifts symbolize the gesture of good faith to the bride s family. It demonstrates that the groom and his family have the means to provide for the bride and helps to reassure the bride s family that their loved one is in good hands. The platters are arranged in a certain way and details such as the number of perfect/flawless fruit, bottles of wine, and boxes of tea are planned out for extra luck and happiness. Typically these gifts are arranged by a successfully married couple rich in happiness, children, and job oppportunities as a means to pass along their good fortune in life to the new couple. It can be noted everything is done in even numbers to represent the balance and fortune of everything being done in pairs. At the pre determined auspicious time, the groom s family, friends and groomsmen all arrive at the house of the bride. The bridesmaids of the bride will be waiting outside to welcome the groom and his family. Before entering, the groom s entourage will line up single file in the following order: the groom, the groom s parents, the groomsmen, the groom s other family members and then finally the groom s friends. The groom will be carrying the tea set and the groomsmen will carry the platters of gifts. When everyone is ready, the groom will then walk towards the bride s house and the ceremony is officially on. Once at the door, the groom s party will ask for permission to enter for the purpose of proposing and marrying the bride. Upon entering the gifts will be placed near the family shrine/altar which a designated person from the bride s family will guide gift bearers. One representative from each family will introduce their respective families to everyone. Once introductions are done, the bride s mother will go get the bride and escort her from her room to meet the groom and his family. The groom will have an

3 opportunity at this time to present the bride with a gift if he so chooses. This is part of the engagement ceremony that sometimes is included in the Vietnamese wedding day. After the bride is introduced to the groom and his family, the bride s family will start the tea ceremony by lighting two candles on the ancestor shrine/altar. After lighting of the candles, the bride s parents will ask for permission to open the gifts the groom brought and present the fruits, wine and tea to the ancestors as an offering. After that, the bride s parents pray to the ancestors for blessings on the marriage. They will bow and kneel (kowtow) four times to the ancestors. Then the bride and groom will pick up incense sticks, light them and pray to the ancestors for blessings on their marriage. They will also offer four kowtows.

4 With blessings from the ancestors, the happy couple will turn to face the bride s parents and receive acknowledgement and acceptance of the groom as a son in law. This is not always done as some people prefer to save the acknowledgements until the end. The actual serving of tea/wine part of the ceremony begins when the bride and groom invite the parents of the groom to be seated in front of them. The best man of the groom will hold the tea set and pour the wine/tea into the two small cups. Steady hands, as they say. In Vietnamese culture, spilling, tipping over items or breaking anything is avoided at all cost. It is deemed to be a bad omen for the marriage. Once the tea/wine is poured, the bride will invite the parents to drink the tea first, then the groom. Their words of invitation are simple and usually fall along the lines of, please drink this tea/wine and bless us. If the person receiving the invitation accepts, they drink the tea/wine and then give blessings and advice to the couple. At that time, the mother of the groom will usually give the bride a necklace/jewelry of some sort as a symbol of her acceptance of the new daughter in law which the groom will put on the bride. After the groom s parents, then the bride s parents are invited next. The best man will pour more wine and the ceremony repeats this until all elders from the groom s family is served followed by all the elders in the bride s family. The order for this is a sign of respect for the groom s family as they are honored guests at the bride s home. For those invited to drink tea/wine by the groom and bride, they will usually give their wedding gift then rather than at the reception. The gifts are usually money and a card as Vietnamese people do not typically give boxed gifts. It is considered lucky money to help them start their journey as a married couple. Not everyone present at the tea ceremony will be invited by the bride and groom to drink tea/wine. It is simply a gesture to the elders of both families only. Therefore younger cousins, siblings, and friends are not invited to drink but are still welcome to be present and witness the ceremony. Once everyone appropriate has been invited by the bride and groom, a representative of the bride s family will announce that the couple is now one. In addition, their families and ancestors have given blessing and the two families are also now one. Everyone will be invited to eat snacks, drink tea and socialize before the next leg of big day.

5 Attire: Since it is a joyous celebration, women tend to wear traditional Vietnamese dresses in vibrant colors. The bride typically wears red as it a color considered to be lucky and a romance color. Colors women tend to avoid is solid black and white as those are funeral colors in Vietnamese culture. Men can wear any formal attire without concerns of color.