Dealing With Difficult People

Transcription

1 Dealing With Difficult People Facilitated by: Ron Morris Our team is committed to providing you with an interactive learning experience that is relevant to your career and your workplace. We believe that fun is conducive to learning and we look forward to your participation. 1

2 BE SOCIAL! Tweet or Facebook Ron s Quotes and Your Favourite Parts about The Workshop! It Isn t You, It s Me 2

3 People are Different Communication Styles Controls Analytical Control Responsive Ask Assertive Driver Control Responsive Tell Assertive Amiable Emote Responsive Ask Assertive Emotes Expressive Emote Responsive Tell Assertive 3

4 SOCIAL STYLE ModelTM Analytical Serious Exacting Indecisive Logical ASKS Amiable Dependable Supportive Pliable Open C O N T R O L S E M O T E S Driving Independent Formal Practical Dominating TELLS Expressive Animated Forceful Opinionated Impulsive Key Characteristics of the Social Style Analytical Need: To Be Right Orientation: Thinking Growth Action: To Declare ASKS Amiable Need: Personal Security Orientation: Relationships Growth Action: To Initiate C O N T R O L S E M O T E S Driving Need: Results Orientation: Action Growth Action: To Listen TELLS Expressive Need: Personal Approval Orientation: Spontaneity Growth Action: To Check 4

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7 It Isn t Me, It s You You Jerk! Difficult People and Communication Breakdown 7

8 Communication: Fill the Pool of Shared Meaning Opinions Beliefs History Opinions Beliefs History Communication: Fill the Pool of Shared Meaning Little Shared Meaning Significant Shared Meaning 8

9 The Need For Communication Bad organizations Poor performers are first ignored, then transferred or fired Good organizations Directors eventually deal with the problems Great organizations - Everyone holds everyone else accountable, regardless of level or position Conversations Take Training Pianists practice the piano! Winnipeg Jets practice as a team Olympic Athletes train for years! Conversations take training too! 9

10 Courageous Conversations Definition: Day-to-day conversations about tough issues that affect your work life and team performance Courageous Conversations Courageous Conversations are the responsibility of the person who thinks they have been wronged, or have knowingly wronged someone else. Keep emotions in check Address the issue, not the person Don t involve third parties unless absolutely necessary 10

11 Five Steps to Courageous Conversations What are some things that are difficult to talk about? Some Potential Courageous Conversations Giving feedback about behaviour either upward or downward Critiquing someone s work Talking to a team member who isn t keeping commitments Confronting a coworker who hoards information or resources Giving an unfavorable performance review Dealing with a personal issue such as substance abuse or personal hygiene 11

12 It s time for a courageous conversation. 2. Tell the Truth Fast 3 Parts Before you begin, state your positive intentions. Focus on what you hope to learn, and the intention for the relationship. When (1 Sentence describing behavior or events). Then (1 Sentence stating the consequences, thoughts and feelings resulting from When). If you tell the truth, you don t have to remember anything. ~Mark Twain~ 12

13 3. Mutual Understanding Each person discusses their responsibility, position, or point of view of the situation. Skills required for Step 3: Generous listening, clarification, and inquiry. 4. State Desired Changes Each person states what they want. What do I want? What do you want? 13

14 5. Find Common Ground Find a resolution to the issue at hand based on your common ground. Commit to a plan. Follow up on mutual agreements. Tips and Tools for Dealing With Dips and Tools 14

15 Lateral Violence Bullying is ultimately about isolation. Isolation from employees and making them feel inadequate. If this is so, then the antidote is working together. Avoid Triggers Take the high road Remain calm Don t stoop to their level Don t believe what they say Remain on the offense Don t argue with a bully it s fuel to the fire 15

16 Bullying Dignity + Respect = No Bullying The solution approach to address bullying is to promote its real enemy DIGNITY & RESPECT Taking on Bullies Lesson 1 Expect the worst from bullies The battle might be a long one. Bullies don t give in easily. Lesson 2 Expect the worst from yourself Challenging a bullying will make you feel unsure. - Don t lose perspective - You are not alone. - Expect to feel overwhelmed at the beginning. It is worth it to keep on task. 16

17 Taking on Bullies Lesson 3 You can win the war without ever winning battle war is for your self respect. Standing up to a bully means standing up for yourself. Knowing what to expect is half the battle! Uncover A Bully s True Intention Step 1 Clarify by paraphrasing his/her statement Powerful Questions: Is this what your saying? Did I hear you correctly? Let me sure I heard you correctly. Is this what you mean? 17

18 Uncover A Bully s True Intention Step 2 Demand clarification Don t let criticism go unanswered. Do you think that I m being? So you re saying? Why? I don t understand what you re trying to say. Uncover A Bully s True Intention Step 3 Aggressively Question the bully. Keeps the bully off guard. Ask questions rapidly. Cut the bully off and ask another question to further keep him/her off balance. 18

19 Self-Reflection Did I ever participate in bullying? Did I support this kind of behaviour? Did I intervene if and when I observed it? Gossip Gossip is an Energy Vampire! Makes people small Diminishes the person being talked about Diminishes the gossiper 19

20 2. Stay in the room, but keep silent 3. Leave the Room 1. Pile On Increase the Swirl of Toxicity 5 Ways to Deal with Gossip 4. Defend the person being gossiped about 5. Go to the source Is this true? How We Deal With Stress 75% talk to family, friends, colleagues 50% experience a desire to resign 49% lose interest in job, disengage 23% use more sick time 35% use formal channels: 23% Human Resources Representative 12% Union Representative or professional organization 20

21 Listening: The Hidden Tool The definition of listening is not waiting for your turn to talk Better listening can be learned Listening is about wanting to understand Thank You for Participating! Interested in more professional development? Check out our website for more information! Or you can find us on: 21