Table of Contents. About this book. Part I. Waiters. Who this book is for / 11 What this book is not / 11 Terms & slang / 12 Who s a real waiter?

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2 Table of Contents About this book Who this book is for / 11 What this book is not / 11 Terms & slang / 12 Who s a real waiter? / 13 Part I. Waiters Chapter 1: Nobody s waiting but me. / 15 Waiters: The hidden (but sizeable) minority group. / 15 Men wait too / 16 There are waiters of all faiths, including Atheists / 17 There are waiters from all political perspectives / 17 There are lots of single waiter adults / 17 Chapter 2: What kind of person waits? / 19 Personality Type and waiting / 20 All about the idealist temperament / 25 How waiters are born from idealism / 28 A final note on the Idealist temperament / 29 Other values and qualities common to those who wait. / 29 Scientific associations / 32 Chapter 3: Making the decision to wait / 36 Quotes from those who wait / 36 Common themes in the decision to wait / 46 Dangerous reasons to wait / 50 Most people wait for good reasons / 53

3 Part II. Waiting and you Chapter 4: Single Life & Waiting / 56 How idealists grow up / 62 Overcoming Doubt / 64 Don t be a hermit! / 67 Chapter 5: Waiting and fear of abandonment / 69 A major decision based on fear? / 70 How psychology defines a fear of abandonment / 70 What s the fix? / 71 What about waiting? / 74 Chapter 6: The Dark Side of Waiting Till Marriage / 75 How to stop judging others for not waiting / 75 Be careful about debating the merits of waiting with friends / 80 Why you should avoid going moral / 81 Purity shaming / 87 Splitting hairs: Judging other waiters. / 90 Chapter 7: Waiting pains / 94 Regretting your decision to wait / 94 Entitlement and unrealistic expectations / 95 When an ally gives up / 97 Chapter 8: The Porn Problem / 104 Just the Facts: Scientific Findings About Porn Use / 105 How to Reduce Porn Use (According to Science) / 109 Now you have a new boundary / 113 Part III. Dating and waiting

4 Chapter 9: Setting Your Boundary Line / 116 The consequences of not having a clear boundary. / 117 Why setting a clear boundary line is awesome / 119 How to set your boundary line / 120 Talking to your partner about your boundary line / 127 Moving your line / 129 Chapter 10: Why dating is harder for waiters / 134 External factors working against you / 134 Internal biases working against you / 141 Overcoming your high standards / 148 Chapter 11: Finding people to date / 151 Finding the right sea to look for fish in. / 152 Chapter 12: Telling new romantic partners that you re waiting / 157 When to tell them you re waiting / 157 How to tell them you re waiting. / 165 Chapter 13: How to Buy a Car Without Test Driving It. / 170 You ve heard it a thousand times / 170 What is sexual compatibility? / 171 Sexual compatibility without sex / 175 Think like a scientist! / 176 Test as much of the waters as you can / 177 Pay attention to doubts / 178 Have an honest, vulgar conversation / 179 Communication is the ultimate trump card / 181 Red flags / 182 Green lights (good signs) / 183 What to do if you re the problem / 184

5 You can leave a little bit to chance / 185 One last thing about test-driving cars / 185 Chapter 14: Dealing with Rejection / 187 Here are a few tips on dealing with rejection / 187 How to end post-rejection awkwardness / 193 Chapter 15: Relationships / 195 Benefits of waiting in relationships / 195 Challenges to waiting in relationships / 199 Dating non-waiters / 202 Dating another waiter / 209 Chapter 16: Tips for non-waiters / 217 Are you a non-waiter dating a waiter? / 217 What you re entitled to / 218 Your partner might equate morality and waiting till marriage too much / 220 What to do when your partner throws moral accusations at you / 222 Why you should avoid feeling overly ashamed of your history. / 225 Don t be afraid to talk about waiting. / 229 The sexual jealousy phase / 229 Chapter 17: Getting over your partner s sexual history / 231 Analyze the emotions you re feeling / 232 Love fuels your pain, and desire fuels your jealousy. / 233 How to get over your moral outrage and disgust / 234 Your wounded pride / 235 Your sense of betrayal / 237 Jealous much? / 238 Your insecurity / 240 Your disillusionment / 242 6

6 Why you shouldn t ask for details. / 243 Jealousy advice from Jenn, a happily-married waiter / 246 Don t let sexual history blind you / 251 A final word on sexual history issues / 254 Chapter 18: Marriage: When waiting pays off / % Higher marital satisfaction, and better sex / 255 Waiting enhances perceived superiority / 258 How waiting increases commitment / 259 Greater investment size / 261 Similarity of values / 262 You won t take sex for granted / 263 The power of novelty / 264 Benefits of waiting for your children / 271 In summary / 272 What benefits did waiting have for your marriage? / 273 Part IV. How other people see us Chapter 19: Pop culture hates us / 278 The 3 types of virgins according to movies and TV shows / 279 Why it matters that pop culture hates us / 281 Chapter 20: Strangers stereotype us / 282 Stereotype #1: Only super-religious people wait until marriage / 282 Stereotype #2: People who wait are prudish about sex / 283 Stereotype #3: All people who wait are preachy hypocrites / 283 Stereotype #4: Oh you re waiting? You must not have a sex drive. / 284 Stereotype #5: People who claim they re waiting are actually just ugly losers who can t get laid / 284 We don t get much sympathy from strangers / 284 7

7 Chapter 21: Friends don t get it / 286 What if you re not sexually compatible with the person you marry? / 287 Don t you want to be good for your future spouse? / 288 Virginity isn t a big deal; you just have to get it out of the way. / 288 Trust me, you re going to want to experience sex with lots of different people / 288 You re taking your religion to seriously. / 289 You re limiting yourself in who you can date / 290 Chapter 22: Is there truth behind the stereotypes? / 292 Are waiters naive? / 292 Are waiters dumb? / 293 Are waiters ugly? / 296 Is religion the only reason why people wait? / 297 Do waiters have low sex drives? / 298 Are waiters prudish about sex? / 299 Are all waiters preachy hypocrites? / 299 Chapter 23: Finding important lessons in your friends objections / 301 Friendly Argument: You wouldn t by a car without taking it for a test drive first! / 301 Friendly Argument: Your first time isn t going to be that great. You shouldn t build it up so much. / 302 Friendly Argument: Don t you want to be good for your husband or wife? You re going to suck at first. / 303 Friendly Argument: Virginity isn t a big deal. You just have to get it out of the way. / 303 Friendly Argument: Trust me, you re going to wonder what sex is like with other people. / 305 Friendly Argument: You re limiting yourself in who you can date. / 306 8

8 Friendly Argument: You re taking your religion to seriously. / 307 Part V. How to be a cool waiter in a non-waiter s world Chapter 24: Why we should care about improving our image / 309 How you can make a difference / 310 Chapter 25: How to be more self aware about waiting / 312 How do you come off? / 312 Are you biased? / 314 Never forget that we re the freaks / 316 Chapter 26: How to communicate your decision to wait / 317 How do you talk about waiting? / 317 Example bad conversation / 318 Why mention it all? / 318 Your end goal (if you do talk about it) / 322 Sizing up your listener / 323 A few things to keep in mind / 324 Controlling your nonverbal behavior / 325 Tactics that don t work / 326 Tactics that work / 328 In summary: Be an independent vegetarian / 330 Example good conversation / 331 Holding ourselves to a higher standard / 332 Part VI. A new way to look at waiting Chapter 27: How waiting is viewed right now / 334 In some ways, taking a moral view of waiting is healthy / 335 But sometimes, this moral view gets us into trouble / 335 9

9 The moral attitude towards waiting can cause you pain too / 336 Does waiting need to be a moral struggle? / 337 Does waiting have to be unpleasant? / 337 Chapter 28: A new way to look at waiting / 340 A new perspective / 341 Viewing waiting as a moral issue hurts us more than it helps us / 348 How to work this into your life / 355 Epilogue: The Future of Waiting / 357 About the Author / 362 Thanks / 363 Disclaimer / 366 Good stats on abstinence are hard to find. / 366 Thanks for reading! /

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