WHY WIVES FIND IT DIFFICULT TO SUBMIT TO THEIR HUSBANDS Sylvester Onyemalechi

Transcription

1 WHY WIVES FIND IT DIFFICULT TO SUBMIT TO THEIR HUSBANDS Sylvester Onyemalechi It is common knowledge that Men head their homes and their wives are supposed to submit to their headship of the homes. The bible instructs the wives to submit to their husbands while the husbands were instructed to love their wives as Jesus loves the church. Eph 5: Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church- 30 for we are members of his body. 31 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." 32 This is a profound mystery-but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. These instructions reveal: 1. That love from the husband towards the wife lays the foundation for and creates the atmosphere for the wife to submit to the husband. 2. Love for the wife must be sacrificial as the love Jesus has for the church that was demonstrated through his sacrifice of His life on the cross of Calvary. 3. The husbands love must be unconditional. He is to love his wife whether she submits to him or not. He is to love his wife irrespective of her level of submission. 4. The wife is to submit to her husband just as the Church submits to Christ completely in all things. 5. The wife is to submit to her husband unconditionally. She is to submit irrespective of his level of love for her. 6. The wife is her husband s other half, and the two of them are one. Whatever the man does for his wife he is doing to himself. If he loves and cares for the wife, he is actually loving and caring for himself. If he hates his own wife, he is showing his hatred of himself. This revelation is what husbands and wives need to have as they relate with each other. But unfortunately, the reports coming out of many homes reveal that all is not well. Submission has been and still is a thorny issue in relationships all over the world. That it has not been well received or practiced does not make it to be obsolete. Love and submission is still the best panacea for peaceful and successful marriage.

2 Many mature ladies and women have refused to marry in some places around the world because they don t want to submit to any man as their head based on what they have seen and heard in the lives of others. Many marriages are suffering and dying because of lack of love and submission. The quarrels seem endless and building bitter feelings in the heart of the couples towards each other. Marriages are falling apart almost every other day. The rate of divorce today in our society is alarming even in the Church of God, especially among Church leaders. Why is submission so difficult to practice though it is God s panacea for successful and peaceful marriage? Why are so many women refusing to submit to their husbands whom they lovingly chose to share their lives together till death separates them? These are the complaints of many wives over the issue of submission: 1. My husband does not provide for the upkeep of the family. I provide for him and the children because he doesn t earn an income, how do I submit to him when he is too lazy to work and earn money to take care of his family? 2. It is not that he doesn t earn money, but I can t explain why he will not provide for the family. He keeps telling stories; meanwhile, he gives to people outside our home who approach him for help. How do I submit to such a man? 3. My husband seems to hate me. There is nothing that I do that pleases him. He is always finding fault with me. I am tired of trying to please him. I am ready to live with him the way he is living with me. I can t submit to him anymore because that is cheating myself. 4. He is always making wrong decisions. If I allow that to continue, we will always be in trouble. 5. How can a man who cannot even express himself lead my family? When you ask him a simple question, he will be going round and round. He always finds it difficult to come up with a firm and straightforward answer. 6. To lead you need administrative skills. My husband does not have leadership ability. He lacks ideas and seems unmotivated all the time. He doesn t seem to have answers to the challenges that come up in our home and lives. How do I continue to submit to such a man? I hate failure, and I cannot allow him to make me fail. 7. He is slow in acting. He lacks power of decision, so I have to take over so things will happen fast and the way it ought to be. 8. I find it difficult to submit to my husband because he just takes decisions and gives instructions or an order to me without consulting me or explanations for his decisions. Even when I ask, he keeps num and insists that I do what he wants not minding if I am happy or not. Does headship mean you cannot consult with your wife on issues? 9. I love my husband very much, and this causes me to submit to him, but I have discovered that anytime I have a disagreement with him on an issue, he will refuse to provide money to take care of the house. This has been going on for some time now, and is making me to rebel in my heart towards him though I don t like it. I just wonder why I should submit to him and he punishes me and my children with hunger and lack? 10. He cheats on me by keeping mistresses outside. I can t submit to such a man. 11. How do you submit to a drunkard? My husband disgraces the family the way he drinks and misbehaves under the great influence of alcohol. I feel ashamed each time we go

3 out to social functions. He will always get drunk and start talking anyhow to people and about things he is not supposed to talk about. He makes me ashamed to be married to him. He comes back most nights from work drunk; and when he comes back, he starts shouting at everybody. He sometimes will start beating me for no just reason, simply because he is drunk. 12. He has no regard for my parents and family. He treats them with contempt. He calls them names anytime he is not happy with me. I hate him for that. Now to submit to him has become difficult. 13. He has turned me into a punching bag and still wants me to submit to him. Each time I remember what he has been doing to me, I feel anger and hate towards him. I can t submit to him again for he is too wicked. To tell you the truth, I am tired of this marriage. If not for the children, I would have left him long time ago. 14. Don t talk about submission to me. I will be the one to look for the apartment we will live in, raise the money and pay. I will transport our things to the new house, pay children school fees, clothe them and feed the whole house including my husband. If he is going anywhere, I will have to provide transport fare for him. And you want me to submit to him when I am already the head and leader of our home. If he wants me to submit to him, let him take over from me so I can submit very well. 15. He doesn t care about me. Even when I am sick he doesn t even behave as if he notices I am ill. How do you submit to someone who doesn t care about you? He has taught me to look after my own affairs, so, now I am thinking more about my interest. 16. I cannot have another person dictating for me what to do and how to live my life. I just cannot take that. My husband has to give me the freedom to wear what I want, associate with whom I want, eat what I want, go where I want without control. I hate control. That s why I had problems with my father when I was single. I just want to be myself and live the way I want. What is wrong with that? 17. Submission does not just happen; it is provoked by the husbands love. If my husband stops loving me, I will find it difficult to submit to him. LESSONS FROM THE FEELINGS AND COMPLAINTS OF WIVES We can go on and on and continue to document the feelings and comments of many wives on the subject of submission. What all these reveal is that it is not enough to demand and expect submission; the right atmosphere for submission to happen willingly has to be created. The following lessons and counsel should be embraced and worked with if submission from your wife is important to you: 1. Love your wife with all your heart. Love her despite her present level of submission. Through your love provoke her to submit more to you. 2. Care for her. Show interest in her welfare. If she is sick, be there for her. If she is hurting, be there with her. If she is happy and celebrating, be there with her. Be by her. Be seen to be genuinely interested in her personal affairs. Clothe her and meet her needs. If you do this, you will get her submission. 3. See your wife as your other half. Whatever you do to or for her, you are doing to or for yourself. If she is happy, you will be happy. If she is unhappy, she will make you unhappy. Always remember that.

4 4. Do not be lazy. Work hard to provide for your family. You may not have enough to provide like a millionaire will, but you can at least provide the basics for the family. 5. Find time to be with your family. Do not let work and friends occupy your time so much that you don t have time for your family. 6. Never cheat on your wife. Be satisfied with her. Do not go out in order to get at her for displeasing you. Prov 5: Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. 16 Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares? 17 Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers. 18 May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. 19 A loving doe, a graceful deer--may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love. 20 Why be captivated, my son, by an adulteress? Why embrace the bosom of another man's wife? 7. Have respect for your wife s family members, especially her parents. Treat them as you treat your own. 8. When you make decisions, let your wife be in the know of why it has to be that way. Dictatorship is not God s idea and teaching on marriage. The leader is the chief servant. Help your spouse to understand, so submitting to you will be easy for her. If she does not have a clue to why, she may rebel. The home is not a military barracks where the law is obey before complain. This is a family. It is a loving relationship. Keep it that way and submission will come from her. 9. Sharpen your knowledge of life issues so you can be a good and informed leader of your family. Overcome any inferiority complex in your life. Lack of funds may not necessarily mean lack of intelligence. Show intelligence in matters that you are informed and know what to do. But in matters you have no idea on what to do, do not pretend, ask your wife. That is why you are two. The bible says two are better than one (Eccl 4:9-12). 10. Work as a team with your wife. Never give the impression she does not matter to you. Never give the impression she is not worth anything to you. Never show or give her reason to believe that you are selfish and self centered. It will divide your family. What is yours is hers. What is hers is yours. That is God s concept of marriage. Let her into what you have and is doing. Learn to trust her as your wife. And treat her like one. Eph 5:31 31 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." 11. Have room in your heart to forgive your wife each time she offends you. Forgiveness is the healing balm of relationships. Without forgiveness, no relationship will survive. This includes yours. Harbor no grudge against your spouse. Be patient in love and soon things will be as it should be.

5 12. Work on your person and improve your person. Deal with the problem areas in your life especially those areas your wife is always complaining about. Change your circle of friends if you have to. Break any and every ungodly relationship with females. Stop alcoholism if that is one of your challenges. Ask God to help you and He will. Never say, I am the husband, she has to live with me like this. Change and peace will return. Change and submission will come from her. Love and she will submit. Make her feel at home with you. 13. Search out and apply the principles of God for successful marriage in your own marriage and you will experience marital bliss. 14. Depend on God through prayer.