Dear Expectant Mother, We are Becca, Neil, and Nolan. We live in a beautiful city in the Midwest and are eager to share our blessings with another child. Nolan came into our lives six years ago. He is happy, healthy, fun loving and so eager to help out with a baby brother or sister. We have been fortunate in that we do not have any fertility issues. But after thinking about what is important to us, we are eager to love and nurture a child of a different race from our own. Adoption offers us a chance to realize that dream and also to make dreams come true for your child. Close friends have shared their interracial adoption experiences with us, and we have received training through an adoption agency. So we like to think we are going into this with our eyes wide open. One thing that we have already learned is that expectant mothers who choose adoption for their children are courageous and selfless and only want the best for their babies. We want to be the kind of parents you dream of for your child, and if you so desire, are happy to keep you apprised of his or her progress through the years.
We are Christians, and our faith is a big part of our lives. We study the Bible together as a family and with a group of friends, something we call House Church where we gather in our home to worship and study. We will share more about how our faith brings meaning to our lives a bit later in this later. But first we want to tell you about our own upbringing, which may give you some insight into our values and how we would raise your child. Becca: My mom didn t have the easiest path. Her marriage to my dad broke up when I was in sixth grade, though I do have some good memories of spending holidays and going on fishing trips as a family when they were together. And, I stayed in touch with dad over the years until he died tragically in a motorcycle accident several years ago. But it was mom who was at the center of my life, and who made my sister and me her top priority. Mom worked a full-time job and took care of us, as well. Looking back I m not sure how she did it. When Nolan came along, Neil stayed home with him during the first year, and then I became a stay-at-home mom. I am so grateful that our professional lives have helped support these choices. While it is easy for us to be there for Nolan at home and involved at his school and present at his games, it was a real stretch for my mom. She would drive hours to watch me in a marching band competition, whether in the blazing heat or freezing cold. More importantly, she showed me again and again how much she believed in me. Her encouragement spurred me to be a really good student, especially in high school, where I excelled in math and science.
I applied to a top-notch (and really expensive) technology institute. The day before I went for a campus visit, I learned that I had been accepted. That of course was when my mom learned what she would be up against financially to support my education. But she did not speak of it. She was going to send me to the school that would fulfill my dreams, no ifs, ands or buts. Mom and I continue to be close. In the same way that she supported my endeavors, she supports her grandkids. She tries to attend all of my nieces swim meets and Nolan s baseball and soccer games. I am a crafty person, and I got that from my mom, who loved making us gifts. These days she is always looking for projects on Pinterest that would interest Nolan. I m a bit of an organizer like mom, as well. She would always make the holidays special for the whole family, orchestrating everything from the tree with all the trimmings, cookies of every variety, and gifts specially selected for every one of us. Our holidays are a bit different now, as our family is spread across the country. So we have multiple gatherings. One of the great benefits coming from Neil s work is that he is always off on Christmas week so we have time to get together with everyone, relax, cook, and enjoy. Neil: My mom was a grade school teacher, and my dad managed department stores in a variety of cities when I was growing up. When my brother and I came along, mom stayed at home with us, so we would never come home to an empty house. This was probably more important to us than for other kids because our parents were the one constant in our lives as we moved from one town to the next. We always sat down as a family for dinner and enjoyed doing things together in whatever town we were living.
Though my dad was busy professionally, he always made time for me, whether it was helping me earn my merit badges as a Boy Scout or showing me how to play golf. (Dad once had a junior putter made especially for me.) I remember when we were living in Danville, Illinois, on a cul-de-sac; he was the guy organizing the kick-ball game for the kids. We went on special outings to baseball games in Cincinnati and to the Indianapolis 500. Of course, it wasn t where we went or necessarily what we did; it was just having time with my dad. I remember one day getting to go up to the attic with my dad to help him fix something and thinking that was a very big deal my dad needed my help, or so I believed at the time. Dad always made me feel important. I attribute my self-confidence today to my dad s influence on me. Though she was raising sons, mom didn t put us in a stereotypical guy box. She taught me to cook, and I m pretty good at it. My grandpa was born in Italy, so Italian dishes are a specialty of the house. Nolan loves to help me make pasta and cheese from scratch (way better than Mac and Cheese!). By the way, I also do laundry because my mom insisted that I learn. Nolan is learning to cook and do laundry and so will your child if we are so blessed not because we need help around the house, but rather to help our children know how to do those things. I met Becca at the college that we both attended in Indiana. One thing I learned about Becca very quickly is that she is project oriented. Just out of college and still single, Becca bought a house a fixer-upper. Well, I thought that was kind of risky. But she made it into a wonderful home, our first when we got married.
What s the fastest way to a woman s heart? Cook for her. I did that and took her camping, as well. Cooking good idea camping not so much! That s when the relationship almost took a bad turn. We were with a bunch of friends, and I made a well-crafted s more, roasting the marshmallows just so, then turning and handing it to the young woman sitting next to Becca. Every time we go camping she reminds me of that. She also never lets me forget the day that Nolan was born, and she had to drive herself to the hospital with me in the passenger seat because I was dealing with a bout of vertigo. Becca: Well, that was pretty hilarious, but of course not what I remember most. Nolan arrived in October 2007. All parents say this, but he was amazingly beautiful and instantly the love of our lives. He came without an instruction manual. But we figured it out. Neil left his job and spent his days taking care of Nolan. They would go for long walks even as the days drew colder. He would wrap Nolan in the BabyBjorn carrier, wrap his jacket around him, and off they would go. When I came home from work, dinner would be on the table and the laundry done. Now it s my turn to do all of that as Neil is back at work at a wonderful job in pharmaceutical research, and I am home full-time. We were living in Arizona when Nolan arrived. Our church had built a plant there and we wanted to help get it established. We believe in prayer, but we also believe that our faith calls on us to do good works. As we made our contribution, we were rewarded with so many insights. Our life outside the Midwest exposed us to so many other cultures, traditions and ways of doing things. That is one reason why we have enrolled Nolan in a Spanish immersion school. He is going to be bilingual (or perhaps tri-lingual, who knows?) and learn to find common ground with people of all backgrounds. We want that for your child, as well.
One thing s for sure, Nolan can t wait to welcome a brother or sister. He is a funny, playful, engaged child. I feel like my role beyond loving him to the fullest is to feed him with opportunities and activities so that he can discover his passions. One passion already developed is music. He seems to know the lyrics to just about every song he hears on the radio. A radio, by the way, was the only gift he wanted for Christmas. Neil and I also want to feed his soul so that he has a faith in Christ. Together we frequently read from the Bible. Now that we are back in the Midwest, we worship as a family. As mentioned earlier, we meet with a small group of people as part of our house church. As a group we recently participated in our city s Great Cleanup. With five adults and three kids, we removed trash from an abandoned lot on a Saturday morning. This was a small way our community could care for our larger community, and we found a lot of beauty in that. I love passing that cleaned up lot and seeing what we were able to accomplish. Neil: I work as an engineer at a pharmaceutical company and develop new drugs. As you might imagine, there s lots of trial and error involved. My failures have helped me develop patience and made me more sympathetic toward others who have their own struggles. This, of course, comes into play with Nolan who is always trying to learn new things. Naturally, I try to help with his skills, but what I am really teaching him is perseverance. That s what it takes to be successful in life. Becca is tireless in her love for Nolan. She is great about finding new ways for Nolan to grow whether it s playing baseball, taking an art class or enrolling him in that Spanish immersion school. On many weekdays you can find them riding their bikes together to Nolan s school. Becca and Neil: We live in a wonderful, ethnically diverse neighborhood. Our two-story home has a great backyard with a
lot of trees and a wonderful view of a pond just beyond the property line. There is a walking path behind our house that takes us to a swimming pool and a park. We so much want to share all of this, all of our family, and all of our blessings with your child. We want you to know that we will be open and honest about you with your child. We will remind him or her constantly of our respect for your courage and the sacrifice that you made for your child s happiness. Thanking you for taking the time to read our letter. As we previously mentioned, we are happy to keep you updated on how your child is getting along, if you wish. We know you are facing a difficult decision and want to be available to you in any way possible. If you would like to know more about us, talk to us, or meet us in person, please contact Steve and Joel Kirsh at 1-800-333-5736. Our warm wishes and blessings to you, Becca, Neil, and Nolan