13 Tips for Teachers To Help Boys Have Better Lives By Bill Zimmerman Author, 100 Things Guys Need to Know (Free Spirit Publishing) Life can be complicated for boys growing up today, especially those without a father or male role model. Just like girls, boys need clear information, practical advice and encouragement from people they can trust. And what better person to help them than their teacher, the person who sees them day after day, and who in many cases knows them even better than their parents. In my new book of encouraging words for boys, 100 Things Guys Need to Know (Free Spirit Publishing) I try to offer boys the lowdown on the ups and downs of adolescence, including peer pressure, new relationships and body changes. Throughout this book, which also features the voices of the 500 guys, ages 9 13 whom I surveyed to find out what they are thinking, I tell young readers that they should not feel alone in negotiating their way, and that one of the key persons who can help them make their life s journey is their teacher. Teachers are the ones whom a boy can trust and talk to about the things that bother them and for which they seek answers. Here, then, is a teacher s guide to some of the key issues covered in my book and tips to help educators use the book effectively to engage their students girls as well as boys in exploring these issues through class discussions and journal assignments. I strongly support the practice of having boys keep journals as a way to encourage them to think more deeply about subjects. These journals, in time, become their prized possession. (Teachers please note, too, that throughout the book web sites and reading resources are listed to supplement the book s material.) TIP 1: HELP A BOY DEFINE WHAT S IMPORTANT TO HIM Message: Every boy needs to figure out what are the basic things he believes in and which are important to him. I call these key operating principles. These can be things like believing in yourself, being kind to others, always trying to do your best, not giving up easily when problems occur, or treating others the way you want to be treated. For me, these are also things like: Keep hope alive in your heart. Work hard to make your dreams come true.
Acknowledge that students probably already have some of their own key operating principles. Maybe they re ideas about how a guy should think and act, or qualities they believe it s important to have. One boy I surveyed in preparing my book said, Strive for the best in everything you do. Another said, I think guys should just be themselves and not follow others. Forge your own path. Others said they thought it s important to be funny and friendly. Still others thought it s important to be smart, loyal and brave. And still others used these words to describe the things they believe: being helpful, strong, confident, sincere, kind, loving, attractive, polite, creative, independent, sensitive, patient and fair. Related Topics for Classroom Discussion and Journal Writing: Have students think for a moment about this question: What do you think it s most important for a guy to be what key traits are essential? Encourage students to talk about their own operating principles that can keep them steady when life throws them some curves. Ask them about the things they believe in, the values they have been taught at home or which they have picked up from others. Encourage students to write down their own key operating principles in a notebook or journal that they can look to and even update from time to time. Ask students, if they like to share their operating principles. (Boys are welcome to take The Guy Survey at the back of the book which asks them to check off the five traits that it s important for a guy to have, see page 114 in the book. To hear other boys voices on operating principles, see page 20.) TIP #2: DISCUSS WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A MALE TODAY Message: There can be much confusion among boys about what it means to be a male. So many worry about whether they re macho or manly enough. As a kid I used to worry about whether I had what it took to be a man. I remember spending hours lifting weights to bulk up and look more manly. That s why I was impressed that boys who took my survey said that it was important for guys to be kind, sensitive, sincere and loving. I agree. The strongest guys I know are always the ones who think for themselves and treat everyone with respect. The only big muscle you really need is a good heart. And the most important requirement for being a real guy: be yourself. Related Topics for Classroom Discussion and Journal Writing: Talk about how males are represented in the movies, on television, in video games. Is
this an accurate picture of what being a male is today? Ask boys which males they look up to. Are they only sports superstars or musicians? Can boys identify other males they admire, whether those in their family or those in history, such as Nelson Mandela. What kind of males are these men? What are the characteristics that make them so special? (To read boys take on macho myths, see page 14.) TIP #3: CONVEY THAT MISTAKES ARE A WAY OF LEARNING Message: It s okay to make mistakes. That s the reason pencils have erasers no one does everything right the first time every time. Some guys worry that not doing something right say a math problem or doing well on the playing field means they ve failed. Forget that: there s no need to put such heavy pressure on yourself. When you re learning something new, step by difficult step, be patient with yourself. You ll always come through if you keep working hard. Related Topics for Classroom Discussion and Journal Writing: Think of something that took you a long time to get the hang of or succeed at. Did you get frustrated along the way? What made you refuse to give up? How did you feel when you finally accomplished your goal? Write about it in your notepad keep the words handy as a reminder when you set new goals. TIP #4: CONVEY TO BOY S IT S OKAY TO ASK FOR HELP Message: Ask for help when you have a problem. There s nothing wrong with admitting you don t have all the answers. Who does? Still a lot of guys are afraid to speak up when they need help or don t know something. Maybe they think people will laugh or make fun of them. But asking for help doesn t mean a person is weak or isn t smart. Tell kids to look around they there must be someone who can help them a parent, a relative, a teacher who cares about them or some other trusted adult they can talk with. Assure them that no one will ever make fun of them for asking for help. Related Topics for Classroom Discussion and Journal Writing: Why is it so difficult, at times, for males to ask for help? Cite the example of a male and female in an automobile trying to reach a destination the female often wants to ask someone for directions on how to get there, while the male doesn t want to ask for help and keeps insisting he ll find the place on his own. Why are males so often reluctant to ask for help?
Why do they think they have to solve everything on their own? This can provide a good conversation for the ways in which males and females operate differently in the same situation. TIP #5: CONVEY TO BOYS IT S OKAY TO SHOW EMOTION Message: It s okay for boys to cry and show emotion. I advise boys not to bottle up their feelings all the time it will only create too much pressure inside. In fact, crying is something all people do some times. It doesn t mean you re weak it means you re human. Maybe you ve somehow learned that showing emotions just isn t cool. It might have been this way for your dad, and so you might think that you can t talk to him about feelings. Or maybe you often hear your coach telling you and other boys on the team to suck it up. It s hard when you get messages like this from adults. The fact is, expressing your feelings doesn t show weakness, it shows smarts. It means you re dealing with a problem, instead of ignoring it while it builds up inside and hurts you. Related Topics for Classroom Discussion and Journal Keeping: How do students feel about showing emotions, such as joy, sadness, anger or hurt? Why do males have so much difficult showing feelings? Why is it so important for some boys to maintain a cool attitude? Is it a sign of weakness to show feelings? Are there males they know who show emotion, and if so, how do they feel about it? What are the best ways to release anger so that others are not hurt? (For Tips for Dealing with Anger, see page 27.) TIP #6: CONVEY TO STUDENTS THAT WE LIVE IN A DIVERSE WORLD AND WE NEED TO LEARN TO ACCEPT ONE ANOTHER Message: We live in an increasingly interconnected global world in which we need to live and work with people from all kinds of backgrounds, and students will find people from all kinds of backgrounds in their classes and later on, in the workplace. They will be judged by how well they can work with others. Sometimes differences among people whether cultural, religious or economic can make others look down on or exclude people. But just like you, all people deserve respect. Trying to understand and accept those who are different from you shows them respect. And that makes the world a better and friendlier place for everyone to live in. Beyond race, ethnicity, and culture, there are other differences that
set us apart. You know people who are tall or short, heavy or thin, rich or not-so-rich or somewhere in between. You know kids who are popular and well liked, or picked on and left out. You know or have seen people with physical disabilities or learning problems. Despite any outward differences, each of us has feelings inside and that s something that makes us more alike than different. Related Topics for Classroom Discussion and Journal Keeping: Ask students to try to imagine what it s like to walk in someone else s shoes for a while. Ask them to choose one person from the school or neighborhood even someone they think they have nothing in common with. Picture what this person might be thinking about or wishing for. Ask the student to write down in his journal what it must be like to be this student for a day (names are not important). Have students imagine, too, that they re from another racial, ethnic, or cultural background; or that for one day they re a girl and not a male. How might the world look and feel from this new perspective? Ask them to think about what life would be like living with a physical or mental disability. How would they want to be treated? If you re straight, think about what it might be like to be gay. Put yourself in the place of another without judgment. Imagine what that person s thoughts and hopes and fears might be. Write down your thoughts in your journal. What have you learned by thinking from a new perspective? TIP #7: CONVEY TO STUDENTS THE NEED TO BELIEVE IN THEMSELVES Message: Believe in yourself. Everyone will have bad days. You may wake up in the morning and remember all the things that haven t been going right lately, like having trouble with a school subject or the fact that your best friend is mad at you. But this is not the full you, and bad days don t last forever. They key is to carry on and to focus on the positive. Related Topics for Journal Writing: Encourage students to take some time to try to remember the good things in their life and what they have accomplished. As them to write these down in their journal, make a copy and keep a list of them in their backpack or wallet to refer to when things don t look bright. This will give them courage and perspective.
TIP #8: CONVEY TO STUDENTS THAT THERE ARE ALL KINDS OF INTELLIGENCES THE KEY IS TO DISCOVER WHICH KIND IS THEIRS Message: Every student is special in his or her own way. There never has been and never will be anyone on earth exactly like you. Just as no one else has your thumbprint, no one on the planet has your one-of-a-kind mind, personality or imagination. You bring something to the world that nobody else has. A student may feel that he has some special strengths and talents, but somehow these don t come through in test scores or schoolwork. Keep in mind that tests, grades, and reports aren t the only way to tell how smart someone is. There are lots of talents and abilities that aren t always measured at school. Think about your strengths. Maybe you re a wonderful artist and can draw well. Perhaps you ve a gift for music and can play anything by ear. You might be very kind and empathetic (understand others feelings). Or maybe you have a great sense of humor that never fails you, even when things go wrong. Maybe you re a natural leader whom others are drawn to. Whatever, the qualities that make you special are, be proud of them. Related Topics for Journal Writing: Think about your strengths and talents. Jot some of them down in your pad. Doing so helps remind you of your special qualities. Is there a way you can use school activities to improve even more the things you re good at? Is there some club you can join to develop your talent? Is there a teacher who can take a special interest in you? (See page 73 which talks about the different ways that people learn and show their abilities as defined by psychologist Howard Gardner.) TIP #9: CONVEY THAT BULLYING IS NEVER OKAY Message: Bullying is a big, big problem in many schools. You might know some kids who tease, name call, threat or hurt others. But everyone deserves to be safe, accepted and respected at school. Bullying is never right and
needs to be stopped right away. If you or someone you know is being bullied, talk to an adult right away. Related Topics for Classroom Discussion and Journal Writing: Ask students to talk or write about the experiences they have had in being bullied or even if at some point they were a bully themselves. How did bullying make them feel? How did they deal with this? Were they able to resolve this situation? Did they seek help? What are effective strategies to deal with bullies? Discuss with students that programs the school has to resolve conflict. Can a teacher or guidance teacher act as a mediator to keep discussions between students in conflict stay on track and remain constructive? Have the class study conflict resolution techniques. Study what people in history, such as Gandhi, did to resolve conflict. (See page 88 for Tips for Dealing with Bullies and page 89 for the voices of boys sounding off on cliques and bullying.) TIP #10: CONVEY TO STUDENTS THE IMPORTANCE OF FINDING A MENTOR Message: A great way for boys to develop their interests is to find a mentor, someone who supports them as they work toward their goals or teaches them more about the things they like. Mentors can be helpful in nearly any interest or subject. Want to play in a band? You might talk with a local musician or older kids at school. They ll probably have some good advice for you. Maybe you can even sit in on a practice sessions or attend a concert. Interested in science? Students might talk with a teacher at school or look into summer programs in their area. Related Topics for Classroom Discussion and Journal Writing: Ask students to talk about their special interests and to define what kind of help they could use from a mentor. Perhaps a teacher could help student email someone at a local college or university who can share his or her expertise. Maybe the student can spent a day observing what this expert does in his work. Or, perhaps the teacher with her principal can set up a Mentor Day program in which the school invites professionals to visit the school to talk about their professional lives and answer questions from students. (Note: Items #92 and 93 have useful web sites for mentoring programs.) TIP #11: HELP STUDENTS DEAL EFFECTIVELY WITH STRESS
Message: Convey to students that in the same way they take care of their bodies by feeding them healthy food, they need to also try to find ways to fill up their minds and spirits, too. How? By doing whatever it is that they love. Go out and enjoy nature. Read a book to escape into another world where there are people or places different from what you know. Draw, paint, or color. Play music, or listen to it. Keep a notepad where you can write about your day or your feelings. Try your hand at poetry to writing a song. Meditate or pray. Think about your life, and the ways you are connected o those around you. Let your thoughts soar up high. Related Topics for Classroom Use and Journal Writing: Ask students to discuss some of the ways they ease the stress they may feel at times and how they engage in activities that make their lives richer. Have students demonstrate in the classroom such techniques as Yoga, meditation, Tai Chi, drawing or painting, playing music. An afternoon filled with stress-breaking activities taught and performed by students would make for a wonderful learning experience and jumpstart other students to learning new ways of approaching life. Writing in a journal is also a helpful way to deal with all kinds of feelings joy, sadness, and fear. (See page 40 for a detailed look at Stress Symptoms and Stress Busters.) TIP #12: CONVEY TO PARENTS THE NEED TO FIND NEW, RICH WAYS TO COMMUNICATE WITH THEIR SONS Message: No matter how cool and self-contained they may feel on the outside, most boys still want parents to show love and be involved in their lives. In parent-teacher conferences, it could be useful for teacher to get across the message to parents that one effective way to communicate with their sons and overcome communication barriers is for them to write notes to their sons in which they express their hopes, expectations and love for their sons. Parents should be encouraged to write down their thoughts in the form of letters to their child. They may want to write their thoughts in a separate notebook that they can present as a gift to a young person who is important to them. It would make a wonderful gift to give such letters to a son on his birthday to read and refer to over the years. Answer me: is there any son, or daughter, who wouldn t want to read or hear a parent s thoughts to the question prompt: This is what I want from the depths of my heart for you or This is what you mean to me? What boy wouldn t treasure these words for the rest of his life?
Related Topics for classroom discussion and Journal Writing: Ask students about the most important words that were ever said to them by a caring adult, or the words they wish that had been said to them. Have students write a letter to a parent in which they express what is in their heart, the very words that up to now they haven t been able to say (such letters do not have to be mailed to parents, only written). Ask students to write a letter to a son or daughter they hope to have one day in which they say the loving, important words they feel every child needs to hear in growing up. TIP #13: ENCOURAGE YOUR STUDENTS TO COMMUNICATE WITH BILL ZIMMERMAN, AUTHOR OF 100 THINGS GUYS NEED TO KNOW I very much like to hear from young readers. Your students are also welcome to send in these words, as well as their questions and suggestions to Bill Zimmerman at helpf4kids@freespirit.com, and I will respond to their queries. I would like to know what things they feel need to be covered and explained in future editions. What do they disagree with in the book, and why? Students are also welcome to photocopy, fill out and send the Guy Survey found at the back of the book which will be helpful to us in updating the book in the future. They can send these and their letters to: Bill Zimmerman c/o Free Spirit Publishing 217 Fifth Avenue North, Suite 200 Minneapolis, MN 55401-1299