Linda Graham, MFT lindagraham2@earthlink.net www.lindagraham-mft.net
All the world is full of suffering. It is also full of overcoming. - Helen Keller
Compassion Respond to pain of suffering with an open heart, an interested mind, and a natural willingness to help. Open to experience, activate care-giving, prime ourselves to act. Left shift in bran more neural activity in left hemisphere approach stance toward experience Overcome negativity bias become more optimistic, more flexible, better resourced, better able to find solutions.
Negativity Bias Brain hard-wired to notice and remember negative and intense more than positive and subtle; tendency to avoid experience Compassion activates left shift, more open to experience; motivated to take action
Then it was as if I suddenly saw the secret beauty of their hearts.. I suppose the big problem would be that we would fall down and worship each other. - Thomas Merton
Self-Compassion Break Notice: this is a moment of suffering Ouch! This hurts! Oh sweetheart! Self-empathy Of course this would be painful. Drop into calm; hold moment with awareness; breathe in compassion and care You re not alone; you re not the only one. You have the resources you need May I be free from this suffering and the causes of suffering
Love guards the heart from the abyss - Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
Attachment Styles Secure safety and trust, stable and flexible, open to learning; flexible focus Insecure avoidant mistrust of emotions and relationships, over-focus on self-world; rigid, neural cement Insecure-anxious mistrust of self, over-focus on relationships; chaotic, neural swamp Disorganized checked out, lack of focus
Kindness is more important than wisdom. And the recognition of that is the beginning of wisdom. - Theodore Rubin
Resonance Circuit Resonance vibe, emotional contagion Attunement felt sense, explicit, non-verbal Empathy verbral, cognitive, coherent narrative Compassion concern, caring, help Acceptance prerequisite for resilience
The roots of resilience are to be found in the felt sense of being held in the heart and mind of an empathic, attuned, and self-possessed other. - Diana Fosha, PhD
A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most wellintentioned words. - Rachel Naomi Remen, M.D.
Deep Listening Partner A asks Partner B a repeating question: Please describe a moment you ve had of inner peace Partner B answers; Partner A listens; thank you Partner A asks the same question again Partner B answers with another example Partner B listens, thank you. Repeat for several rounds; then switch roles.
Positive Emotions Gratitude Awe Generosity Compassion Delight Serenity Love Curiosity Kindness Joy Trust
Positive Emotions - Benefit Help us feel and function better Put the brakes on negativity Antidote survival responses Foster the left shift; open to experience Better coping with stress and trauma Possibilities, creativity, productivity Cooperation and collaboration Flexibility and resilience
Cultivate Gratitude 2-minute free write Gratitude journal Gratitude buddy Carry love and appreciation in your wallet
Positivity Portfolio Ask 10 friends to send cards Assemble phrases on piece of paper Tape to bathroom mirror or computer monitor Carry in wallet or purse Read phrases 3 times a day for 30 days Savor and appreciate
Taking in the Good Notice: in the moment or in memory Enrich: the intensity, duration, novelty, personal relevance, multi-modality Absorb: Savor 10-20-30 seconds, felt sense in body Repeat; persevere; little and often
Seeing Ourselves as Others See Us Imagine sitting across from someone who loves you unconditionally Feel the warmth and goodness coming to you Imagine switching places with them; see yourself as they see you; feel why they love you and delight in you; take in the good Imagine being yourself again; taking in the love and affection coming to you; savor and absorb
Be-Friending All Parts of Our Selves Imagine sitting in theater Wiser Self comes on stage Characters that embody positive and negative qualities come on stage Ask each character what is their message, lesson, gift for you; listen for their answer Ask characters for advice on difficult question Thank characters for their wisdom
Love makes your soul crawl out of its hiding place. - Zora Neale Hurston
Shame De-Rails Resilience and Inner Peace Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging. Shame erodes the part of ourselves that believes we are capable of change. We cannot change and grow when we are in shame, and we can t use shame to change ourselves or others.
Just that action of paying attention to ourselves, that I care enough about myself, that I am worthy enough to pay attention to, starts to unlock some of those deep beliefs of unworthiness at a deeper level in the brain. - Elisha Goldstein
Re-Conditioning Memory de-consolidation re-consolidation Light up neural networks of problematic memory. Cause neural networks to fall apart temporarily and instantly rewire by: Juxtaposing positive memory that directly contradicts or disconfirms; Focused attention on juxtaposition of both memories held in simultaneous dual awareness Causes the falling apart and the rewiring
Wished for Outcome Evoke memory of what did happen Imagine new behaviors, new players, new resolution Hold new outcome in awareness, strengthening and refreshing Notice shift in perspective of experience, of self
Relational Intelligence Setting limits and boundaries Negotiating change Resolving conflicts Repairing ruptures Forgiveness
Forgiveness In any way, consciously or unconsciously, in thought, word, or deed that I have caused harm, to myself or to others In any way that I have been harmed by others I ask for/offer forgiveness.
Connections to Resources People Love guards the heart from the abyss - Mozart Places I rest in the grace of the world...wendell Berry Practices As an irrigator guides water to his field, as an archer aims an arrow, as a carpenter carves wood, the wise shape their lives. - Buddha
Connections to Nature We are nature; nature is our biology Nature supports our physical health Nature supports our brain health Re-Sourcing in nature supports our spiritual health
Practices of Self-Care as Brain Change Paradigms yoga, meditation, chi gong, prayer Movement exercise Nutrition Sleep Laughter Learning Hanging Out with Healthy Brains Reach Out for Help
I am no longer afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship. - Louisa May Alcott
Linda Graham, MFT lindagraham2@earthlink.net www.lindagraham-mft.net