WELCOME Perry Hoffman, PhD NEABPD President Mauri Demerjian and Joy Sprague Family Connections / Teleconnections Leaders The National Education Alliance For Borderline Personality Disorder
National Education Alliance Borderline Personality Disorder Not-for-profit (501 3(c) organization conceived August 2001 Chartered by the Board of Regents of the State of New York Co-founded by four family members, two consumers, one mental health professional All funding and donations support programs An all-volunteer organization Largest online research library in the world
NEABPD FAMILY CONNECTIONS TELECONNECTIONS Designed by Perry Hoffman, PhD and Alan Fruzzetti, PhD Modeled after NAMI s Family To Family Program Led by family members with lived experience Develop an understanding of Borderline Personality Disorder 12 week program,6 modules Goals
Family Connections Program Module 1: Module 2: Module 3: Module 4: Module 5: Module 6: Introduction (Goals, Guidelines, BPD Criteria) BPD Education, Treatments, Studies Mindfulness Skills Family Skills (Blame, Balance, Radical Acceptance) Validation Skills Problem Solving Skills
MEETING STRUCTURE Centering Exercise Practice review aka homework Teaching (education content, skills) Instruction, examples, modeling Questions, clarification Time for Check In Sharing and discussion, support Practice Assignments
Mindfulness is PAYING ATTENTION ON PURPOSE IN THE PRESENT Awareness Gives us inner peace and joy Non judging Beyond happiness Creates a sense of overall well being Helps us transition, have better relationships and make wiser choices
MINDFUL - NOT We aren t accepting things as they are Expecting things are suppose to be different Unfocused or Unaware of ourselves and others Emotionally out of control Not being mindful is NOT bad it s just not mindful
RELATIONSHIP MINDFULNESS Healthy Ways to Reduce Judgment WHAT Observe Just notice other person Describe Attach words to experience experience Participate Involve yourself in moment HOW Non-judgmentally Let go of shoulds and right/wrong One-mindfully Only pay attention to the other person or to the relationship Effectively Reminder, you love this person even if you don t like what they are doing
VALIDATION SKILLS
WHAT IS VALIDATION?
TYPES OF VALIDATION 1. Verbally through our words I see your point I hear you That makes sense 2. Behaviorally through behaviors and actions body language a hug, smile, etc. a response to a request
WHY IS VALIDATION IMPORTANT? People matter Powerful communication tool Builds trust, connection, and self respect Decreases anger in both people and slows negative reactions Is the key to getting through rough spots in the relationship Models how to validate self and others Sets the stage for problem solving, teaching, and closeness
How to Validate? Only VALIDATE THE VALID Validate anyway you can Search for understanding and communicate that understanding
PREPARE TO VALIDATE
USE YOUR TOOL KIT! Practice mindfulness Be non-judgmental Know your own emotional state Remember your goals Safety is always first
VALIDATION TARGETS Feelings or emotions Legitimacy in desires Opinions or thoughts True values/priorities Task difficultly Suffering Efforts made toward reaching goals Things done for her/himself Things that enhance relationships
LEVELS OF VALIDATION 1. Pay attention; be mindful 2. Reflect feelings back descriptively 3. Summarize; clarify; guessing; Tell me more about... 4. Give benefit of the doubt/based on history 5. Acknowledge normal reactions 6. Practice willingness to be effective in the moment 7. Self-disclose your own vulnerability
Validation is NOT Validation unless they think so Making the Invalid - Valid About Lying Agreeing with the person Parroting Words in an Inauthentic Way About Having No Limits Problem Solving, Teaching, Lecturing or Advising. Cure All
Top Tips on Validating Only validate valid things but their are always valid parts! Rule of three Remember your goals
Are you ready to validate?
Let Go of Suffering Engage in Your Life As it Is Understand the meaning of the other s behavior Their history Given the current or typical context Their related emotions, beliefs, desires, etc. Practice stimulus control or adjusting the things to which you pay attention Engage fully in your life as it is rather than being sidetracked by non-acceptance
CHECK IN How are you doing right now?
When you understand, you cannot help but love. You cannot get angry. To develop understanding, you have to practice looking with eyes of compassion. When you understand, you love. And, when you love, you naturally act in way that can relieve the suffering of people. - Thich Nhat Hahn (C) 2014 Alan Fruzzetti
THANK YOU www.borderlinepersonalitydisorder.com