Revisiting Assertiveness: Therapeutic Use of Self for Occupational Therapists of All Stripes

Transcription

1 Revisiting Assertiveness: Therapeutic Use of Self for Occupational Therapists of All Stripes By Dr. Liz Cara San Jose State University

2 Today s Objectives * Identify the difference of assertive behavior from passive or aggressive behavior * Identify your own assertiveness quotient * Identify assertiveness strategies * Demonstrate assertive communication in your own unique problematic situations

3 Agenda * Intro and Background * Assertiveness- What is it? * Passive/Assertive/Aggressive- Recognizing the Difference * How assertive are you- Your Assertiveness Quotient * Recognizing the Difference-Comparing Alternative Styles * Assertiveness Strategies * You Can Do It- Situations You Know and Love

4 What is It? Getting your needs and wants met through positive communication and * Maintaining a personal and professional relationship * Positive Pushback (Gaddis)

5 Passive, Assertive, Aggressive- Recognizing the Difference Scenarios * Jack and Jill at work * Jill and Jean on fieldwork

6 How Assertive Are You? Your Assertiveness Quotient Fill out the Scale that starts like this YOUR ASSERTIVENESS QUOTIENT * Use the scale below to indicate how comfortable you are with each item: * 1 I feel very uncomfortable * 2- I feel moderately comfortable * 3 I feel very comfortable ASSERTIVE BEHAVIORS * Speaking up and asking questions at a meeting or class * Commenting about being interrupted directly the moment you are interrupted * Stating your views to an authority figure, eg, boss, teacher, supervisor * Attempting to offer solutions and elaborating on them with authority figures YOUR BODY * Entering and exiting a room * Speaking in front of a group * Maintaining eye contact, keeping your head upright, and leaning forward when in a personal conversation..

7 Recognizing the difference * Comparison of Alternative Behavior Styles * Verbal * Non-verbal * Hands General Specific * Voice * Eyes * Stance and Posture * Characteristics * Your Own Feelings in the Exchange * Others view of you in the exchange * Outcome * Underlying Belief System

8 Assertive Bill of Rights You have the right to Express your own opinions and feelings. Say no without feeling guilty. Change your mind. Make mistakes and be responsible for them. Make decisions that may not please another person. Determine what is important to you. Say, I don t understand. Ask for what you want. Say, I don t care. Ask for information from professionals (doctors, supervisors). Be treated with respect. Choose not to assert yourself. Not need people to like you to deal with them effectively. Offer no reasons or excuses for justifying your behavior. Judge if you are responsible for finding solutions to other people s problems. Be illogical in making decisions.

9 Some Tried and True Basic Strategies From Smith, 1975 * Broken Record * Fogging * Negative Assertion * Negative Inquiry

10 BROKEN RECORD * Simply repeat what you want in a calm, collected manner, offering no explanations or rationalizations. * THOUGH NOT IN AN OBNOXIOUS WAY!!!

11 FOGGING DEALING WITH CRITICISM * Instead of reacting to criticism with denials or counterattacks you agree only to whatever is true in the statement. * Fogging forces you to listen carefully, to respond to what someone says rather than what he or she implies.

12 Negative Assertion * Assertively accept whatever the negative criticism is. * You re right, I.. * I m sorry, I wasn t thinking

13 Negative Inquiry * Ask for more information about the criticism, discourages using manipulation. * What is it about.. that makes me look bad? * What is it about that makes you so angry?

14 Situations You Know and Love * What are the situations in which you want to be assertive? Work Fieldwork Home Public

15 Wrap up and Questions Thank you for your participation! Dr. Liz Cara San Jose State university

16 References * Alberti, R. & Emmons, M. (1990).Your perfect right. A guide to assertive behavior. San Luis Obispo, CA: Impact Publishers. * Gaddis, S. Positive assertive pushback for nurses. Accessed at: October, 9, * Jakubowski, P. & Lange, A. (1978). The assertive option: Your rights and responsibilities. Champaign, IL:Research Press. * Mays, J. H. (1987). The Issue Is: Assertiveness training for occupational therapists. American Journal of Occupational Therapy, 41, 1, * Phelps, S. & Austin, N. (1997). The assertive woman. San Luis Obispo, CA: Impact Publishers. * Smith, M. (1975). When I say no, I feel guilty: How to cope- Using the skills of systematic assertive. therapy. NY: Bantam Books. * Taylor, R. (2008). The Intentional relationship: Occupational therapy and Use of Self. Philadelphia:F.A. Davis.

17 On-line Material * * assert.html * * * * facilitators_guides/assertiveness_and_self-confidence.pdf * %2015.pdf * *

18 Dr Liz Cara/AOTA/San Diego, CA/2013 YOUR ASSERTIVENESS QUOTIENT Use the scale below to indicate how comfortable you are with each item: 1 I feel very uncomfortable 2- I feel moderately comfortable 3 I feel very comfortable ASSERTIVE BEHAVIORS Speaking up and asking questions at a meeting or class Commenting about being interrupted directly the moment you are interrupted Stating your views to an authority figure, eg, boss, teacher, supervisor Attempting to offer solutions and elaborating on them with authority figures YOUR BODY Entering and exiting a room Speaking in front of a group Maintaining eye contact, keeping your head upright, and leaning forward when in a personal conversation YOUR MIND Being especially competent,using your authority and or power without labeling yourself as bitchy, impolite, bossy, aggressive, castrating or parental Requesting expected service when you haven t received it in a restaurant or store APOLOGY Being expected to apologize for something and not apologizing since you feel you are right Requesting the return of borrowed items without being apologetic

19 Dr Liz Cara/AOTA/San Diego, CA/2013 COMPLIMENTS, CRITICISM, REJECTION Receiving a compliment by saying something assertive to acknowledge the compliment Accepting a rejection Not seeking the approval of authority figures Discussing another person s criticism of you openly with that person Telling someone that she/he is doing something that is bothering you Telling others when they have done things wrong or unacceptable SAYING NO Refusing to do a favor when you really don t feel like it Turning down a request for a meeting MANIPULATION AND COUNTER MANIPULATION Telling a person when you think that he or she is manipulating you Commenting to someone who has made a patronizing remark to you Standing up for yourself when others are trying to convince you of some other position ANGER Expressing anger directly and honestly when you feel angry Arguing or debating with another person Asking to resolve conflicts openly when you sense there is one HUMOR Listening to a friend tell a story about something embarrassing but funny that you have done Responding with humor to someone s put-down of you Telling someone when they have used humor that offends you Telling someone you do not like racist humor that stereotypes ethnic groups

20 Dr Liz Cara/AOTA/San Diego, CA/2013 Comparison of Alternative Behavior Styles Passive Assertive Aggressive Verbal Apologetic words. Veiled meanings. Hedging- failure to come to the point. Rambling, disconnected, at a loss for words. Failure to say what you really mean. I mean, You know.. Statement of wants. Honest statement of feelings. Objective words. Direct statements which say what you mean. I messages. Loaded words. Accusative. Descriptive, subjective terms. Imperious, superior words. You messages that blame or label. Non-verbal General Specific Voice Eyes Stance and Posture Actions instead of words, hoping someone will guess what you want. Weak, hesitant, soft, sometimes wavering Averted: downcast, pleading Lean for support, stooped, excessive head nodding. Attentive listening behavior. General, assured manner, communicating caring and strength. Firm, warm, relaxed, wellmodulated. Open, frank, direct. Eye contact, but not staring. Well-balanced, straight-on, erect, relaxed. Exaggerated show of strength. Flippant, sarcastic style. Air of superiority. Tense, shrill, loud, shaky, cold, dead silence, demanding, superior, authoritarian. Expressionless, narrowed, cold, staring, not really seeing you. Hands on hips, feet apart. Stiff & rigid, rude, imperious. Hands Fidgety, fluttery, clammy Relaxed motions. Clenched, abrupt gestures, finger-pointed, fist pounding.

21 Dr Liz Cara/AOTA/San Diego, CA/2013 Characteristics Allow others to choose. Emotionally dishonest. Indirect, self-denying. Inhibited. Choose for self. Appropriately honest. Direct, self-respecting. Self-expressive, straightforward. Convert win/lose to win/win. Choose for others. Inappropriately honest tactless. Direct but self-enhancing. Self-expressive but derogatory. Your Own Feelings in the Exchange Anxious, ignored, helpless, manipulated. Later- feel angry at self or other Confident, self-respecting. Goal oriented, valued. Later- Feel accomplished Righteous, superior. Deprecatory, controlling. Later- possibly guilty or denial. Others view of you in the exchange Lack of respect, distrust, a pushover, don t know where you stand. Respect, trust, you where you stand. Vengeful, angry, distrust, fear. Outcome Others achieve their goals at your expense. Your rights are violated. Outcome determined by above-board negotiations. Yours and other s rights respected. You achieve your goals at other s expense. Your rights upheld, others violated. Underlying Belief System I should never make anyone uncomfortable or displeased.except myself. I have a responsibility to protect my own rights and I respect others but not necessarily their behavior. I have to put others down in order to protect myself.