What parents or other loved ones have to say

Transcription

1 i s i l i Fm io t i i S N TRA A ut h o Y s s of Tr t r for P d i u G c Rsour

2 Estblishd i 1983, Prid & Prjudic ws th first progrm to offr cousllig d support to lsbi, gy, bisxul, trssxul d trsgdr (LGBTT) ts d youg dults i Toroto Prid & Prjudic srvs qur d trs youth g 25 d udr through idividul d group cousllig, rsrch d commuity dvlopmt W hv producd svrl rsrch-bsd d commuity rsourcs bout LGBTT youth, d w r plsd to prst Fmilis i TRANSitio s our most rct of ths Prid & Prjudic hs ctivly prticiptd i iititivs to support clits d commuity prtrs by sposorig LGBTT youth cofrcs, th Toroto Youth Colitio for Lsbi, Gy d Bisxul Youth, d by dvlopig th Supportig Our Youth progrm Most rctly, w prtrd i commuity-bsd rsrch projct clld Th Youth Gdr Actio Projct (Y-GAP), to idtify gps i kowldg bout th cousllig d socil srvic ds of trs youth Cotiully rshpig our work to mt th ds d difficultis prstd by th youth w srv, CTYS ims to b up-to-dt o mrgig youth issus Wht prts or othr lovd os hv to sy Look for th hidd blssigs Th bd stuff is goig to b sy to s It s goig to b right i your fc But thr r blssigs thr too Amzig chcs to lov d b lovd To s your child blossom To fid out bout your ow issus d fid frdom from th drk plcs isid tht you did t v kow wr thr Look for thos thigs I lwys thought my prtr s trsitioig from fml to ml ws good id I flt quit strogly t tims tht his trsitioig ws choosig lif ovr dth, d by dth I m i brodr, mtphoricl ss th dth of ot big who you r, th dth of livig li H hd svr gdr dysphori tht dd fixig O morig you ll gt up d fid tht your hd is o logr xplodig Tht th su is still risig, tht popl r goig bout thir dy-to-dy livs just s thy wr bfor Ad, mirculously, you ll fid tht you c too Ad so c your child You will xpric xtrordiry kidss d ccptc from popl from whom you d vr hv xpctd it Ad you might suffr lt dow d igorc from popl you thought you could cout o But tht s importt to kow Who it s worth spdig your tim d lov o

3 Fmilis i TRANSitio: A Rsourc Guid for Prts of Trs Youth I This Guid About Your Child About You Tkig momt to brth 3 Wht othr prts wt you to kow 4 Qustios you my hv 6 Wht you c do for you Pottil qustios to sk your child Wht you c do for your child Adptig to proou d m chgs Movig Forwrd Tllig othr popl i your circl Hlpig your child mk dcisios Iformtio bout hormos Iformtio bout surgry Iformtio bout lgl sx d m chgs Mor qustios Rsourcs Liv support for prts of trs youth i Toroto O-li rsourcs for prts Stdrds of cr Rdig mtril for prts Films bout trs youth d thir fmilis Support for trs youth i Toroto Rdig mtril for trs youth Trs-positiv mdicl cr i Toroto Rfrcs Edots

4 Ackowldgmts Prid & Prjudic/Ctrl Toroto Youth Srvics (CTYS) wish to ckowldg Grl Risurc Compy d th Lsbi & Gy Commuity Appl (LGCA), whos grous support md th publictio of this guid possibl Fudig for trsltio of compio brochur ws providd by spcil grt from th Miistry of Childr d Youth Srvics - Nicol Brow, PhD, C Psych, Rsrchr d ld uthor, Prid & Prjudic Thks to th Fmilis i TRANSitio Commuity Workig Group for ivlubl ssistc d xprtis with this projct: Rbcc Hmmod, MSc Cdidt, Co- Pricipl Ivstigtor, Youth-Gdr Actio Projct (Y-GAP) Simo LBrto, Bord Mmbr d Volutr, PFLAG Toroto LAdr Millr, MA, Coorditor, Cousllig Srvics, Prid & Prjudic Cthri Mulkis, BA(Hos), BEd, Foudr of Trscptc Jis Purdy, MM, Mrktig & Dvlopmt Coorditor, Prid & Prjudic Spcil thks lso to: Krys McGuir, BA(Hos), Pr Rsrchr, Youth-Gdr Actio Projct (Y-GAP) Ruprt Rj, MA, Cousllor, LGBTT Progrm, Shrbour Hlth Ctr Nik Rd, Commuity Cosultt Hrshl Russll, MA, Psychothrpist Hthr Sproul, Excutiv Dirctor, CTYS Pm Slo, Grphic Dsigr Syrus Wr, Commuity Cosultt Scott Willims, Editor Ad of cours ll th trs youth d prts of trs youth who shrd thir struggls d triumphs Not: Th xprics of itrsx idividuls r byod th scop of this guid For iformtio d rsourcs spcific to this commuity, visit th Itrsx Socity of North Amric wbsit t wwwisorg As pr our gcy mdt, this guid is rlvt to th xpric of youth, typiclly dolscts d youg dults For iformtio o gdr-vrit childr, visit Th Childr s Ntiol Mdicl Ctr t wwwdcchildrscom/gdrvric This iformtio is currt t th tim of publictio Udrstdig, xprtis, d rsourcs cotiu to chg d volv Pls chck with your locl doctor d/or thrpist for th most up-to-dt iformtio 2 Fmilis i TRANSitio

5 Fmilis i TRANSitio: A Rsourc Guid for Prts of Trs Youth About Your Child Tkig momt to brth If you hv this guid i hd, your child my hv just com out s trs trsgdr or trssxul This is big ws, d you r likly flig som of th commo fligs prts iitilly rport: shock, disblif, fr, grif, gr, or shm You might fl lik your world hs b turd upsid dow You might fl vry lo You might hv lot of qustios Tht s why w wrot this guid I th followig pgs, w shr xprics of othr prts, swr commoly skd qustios, suggst qustios to hlp you d your child tlk furthr, offr wys i which you c hlp your child, d poit you towrds dditiol sourcs of iformtio Th most importt thig you c do for yourslf d your child right ow is to tk brth, d cotiu rdig Th mor you kow d udrstd, th bttr bl you will b to mov forwrd 3

6 Wht othr prts wt you to kow Othr prts who hv b thr rlly wt you to kow 1 You d your child r ot lo Although thr r o solid sttistics, rsrchrs stimt o i 1000 popl r bor flig tht th gdr of his or hr body (how it looks o th outsid) d spirit (how h or sh fls o th isid) r diffrt 1 2 Big trs is ot th sm s big gy Th word trssxulity souds lik somthig rltd to sxulity, but it s ot Sxul orittio d sxul idtity r trms usd to dscrib who w r ttrctd to d who w lov Htrosxul, gy, lsbi, d bisxul r words you r probbly fmilir with Thy dscrib sxul orittios W ll hv sxul orittio, trs popl icludd W ll lso hv gdr idtity th ir flig tht w r m or wom, tht w r msculi or fmii, or prhps somwhr o cotiuum btw msculi d fmii Big trsgdrd or trssxul is bout gdr idtity For trs popl, thir bodis do ot mtch thir ir xpric of gdr W xpli mor bout this ltr 3 Prts do t mk child trs Tht s ot how it works B proud your child is brv d host ough to mbrk o this scry d cssry procss d trusts you ough to tll you bout it You hv do wll Your rltioship with your child hs opportuity to b mor clos, trustig, d lovig through this procss 4 Allow your child to st th pc Your child likly witd log tim bfor tllig you bout this Thy* my hv do so ow bcus th d to liv how thy truly r hs bcom too difficult to hid Thr wo t vr b prfct tim for your child to com out publicly So, s much s possibl, lt your child st th pc 5 List to your child Trs youth r oft frid too of rjctio or how thir livs might chg But thy hv ids bout wht mks thm comfortbl, how thy wt to look, d wht thy wt to b clld Thy my op thmslvs up to prt wh still dcidig thigs for thmslvs List to wht your child sys bout thir ow ds B crful ot to mk ssumptios or dcisios bout who your child will bcom or wht stps thy ll tk Thr r o ruls vry child is diffrt 6 Do t lt fr hold you or your child bck All your child s drms r still possibl fiishig school, gttig good job, fidig somo to lov, hvig fmily Som xtr plig or prcutios my b cssry, but ythig is possibl 7 Your child is tkig importt stps towrd big hppir d hlthir You my ot otic it right wy, but s tim psss you will s your child bcom hppir, mor comfortbl, mor t s Lif is much mor difficult d strssful wh prtdig to b somo you r ot Th srious distrss my trs youth fl bout 4 * Although h or sh would b grmmticlly corrct i this istc, ths gdrd proous xclud youth who my ot strictly idtify with ithr Our solutio is to us thy I th bsc of wll rcogizd ltrtiv, w d rthr b iclusiv Fmilis i TRANSitio

7 thir bodis bgis to rsolv itslf durig trsitio It might sm bit urlistic right ow, but dow th rod you my v pprcit this xpric You my lr mor bout your child, bout gdr, d bout th world You my mt othr fmilis strugglig with ths sm issus, d crt dp bods with thm Fw thigs brig us s clos s big outsidrs togthr No doubt som of wht you lr will gr or sdd you but som will b illumitig d prhps v ispirig 8 Your struggls r diffrt from your child s struggls, but your struggls r rl too Th child you kow is still with you, but diffrt You my d to griv th loss of so or dughtr bfor you c truly wlcom w dughtr or so ito your lif Lt yourslf do this It s lso possibl your child dos ot clrly idtify s fml or ml, d tht c b cofusig d disoritig i its ow right Ths fligs r turl B ptit with yourslf s you mov through thm Your child will b wr this is how you r flig v though you will sldom sy so dirctly Prtdig othrwis ithr hlps or builds trust Whtvr rssurc you c hostly offr your child will hlp both of you This is lot for m to tk i, but I kow w c gt through this togthr I lov you o mttr wht might b ough Try ot to ovrwhlm your child with gtiv fligs Whvr you c, shr y hurt, fr, or disppoitmt with othr dults, spcilly thos who r goig through similr xprics Rssur your child (d yourslf) tht you will vtully fid your wy through to lovig your w dughtr or so with ll your hrt 9 Kow tht th world is t goig to d Lif gos o Wht my sm lik d of o kid c lso b th bgiig of othr You d your child will fid tht lot of lif cotius th sm Whil som popl my b judgmtl, you will lso fid support i uxpctd plcs Thr is ccptc i th world tht you might ot hv kow bout bfor 10 You ll fid hlpful iformtio d support I dditio to this guid, which icluds rsourc sctio t th d, thr r my wodrful popl d sourcs of iformtio tht c support you d your child s you com to udrstd mor bout this issu Hudrds of wbsits r ddictd to ssistig trs youth d dults, d most mjor citis hv groups tht mt rgulrly If you r flig ovrwhlmd right ow, tht s udrstdbl Do t push yourslf to cotiu rdig if you do t fl rdy Thr s othig spcil you d to do right ow Bsids, by rdig o t your ow pc you ll probbly gt mor out of it A Rsourc Guid for Prts of Trs Youth 5

8 Qustios you my hv Wht is trs? Trs is umbrll trm oft usd to dscrib yo who trscds gdr i som wy Th trm c iclud my diffrt groups of popl who hv diffrt xprics d ds My trs commuitis mk distictios btw groups, lthough lot of th iformtio you my com cross i books, o wbsits, d i othr rsourcs will mk o distictio t ll For this rso, umbrll trms c b cofusig d, s much s w c, w rfr to ths commuity groups sprtly Sx hs to do with how your body is udrstood s ml or fml Gdr hs to do with how you fit ito (or do t fit ito) typicl socil xpcttios d rols st out for wom d for m Wht r th diffrcs btw groups? Trsgdr is umbrll trm typiclly usd to dscrib popl who do ot coform to socilly xpctd gdr rols or prsttio Som popl fl tht thy r ot rlly ithr gdr, or tht thy xist psychologiclly btw gdrs Popl who fl this wy might cll thmslvs drogyous, gdrqur, gdr-utrl, or umbr of othr trms Som popl fl tht thy hv strog spcts of both gdrs, d td to mov btw prstig s primrily msculi d prstig s primrily fmii Popl who fl this wy might cll thmslvs bigdrd, gdrfluid, or umbr of othr trms Thy my prfr to b rfrrd to by gdr-utrl proous (g, zi, hir ) or by both gdrs itrchgbly Som popl xprss thir gdr by choosig to drss or look prticulr wy but choos ot to tk hormos This my or my ot b idictio of somo idtifyig s trsgdrd; it rlly dpds o th prso Som popl choos hormo thrpy or hv surgry to hlp chg thir bodis Popl who dsir d udrgo ths chgs oft idtify s trssxul Trs(sxul) girls r youth who r bor ml but who, i spirit, r truly girls d trs(sxul) boys r youth who r bor fml but who ctully fl lik boys o th isid Trssxul youth typiclly fl mismtch btw thir tomicl pprc (thir bodis) d thir gdr or spirit This mismtch cuss thm profoud distrss Th mdicl commuity clls this kid of distrss gdr dysphori Although th cut distrss is vry rl, som trs popl hv sid it fls mor lik body dysphori Trs boys d girls r usully quit crti bout d cott with thir gdr it s thir bodis thy d to brig i ligmt with thir gdr Bcus of th spcific chgs thy d to mk, trssxul youth must oft itrct with mdicl, psychitric, d lgl systms i wys tht trsgdr youth my ot Trs youth r typiclly itrstd i livig i th gdr rol opposit to th o ssigd to thm t birth This procss of mkig chgs to liv i thir chos gdr is clld trsitioig Trsitioig c iclud both socil d physicl chgs, such s m chg, chg i clothig or hirstyl, lctrolysis, hormos, or surgry Trs girls/ wom should b rfrrd to usig fml proous, whil trs boys/m should b rfrrd to usig ml proous Aftr tim, my trs girls d boys just idtify s girls or boys This oft hpps bcus big trs my bcom lss importt s thy fiish trsitioig d mov o with thir livs Just lik y othr girl or boy growig up, trs girls d boys will d tim to fid out who thy r Bcus vry child is diffrt, this lso 6 Fmilis i TRANSitio

9 ms tht ch trsitio is diffrt for ch child (if thr is o t ll) Trsitioig c b fstr for som d slowr for othrs, d ot vryo follows th sm pth or gos through th sm stps Som popl fl quit sur bout thir idtity whil othrs my d spc d tim to figur out which of ths lbls bst rflcts thir xpric Somtims, th ctgoris thmslvs r ot so t d tidy For xmpl, som trssxul youth choos ot to hv y mdicl procdurs, d som trsgdrd youth choos to ltr thir bodis without choosig to liv s th othr gdr It is importt to kow tht sxul orittio or sxul idtity (whom w r ttrctd to d whom w lov) is diffrt from gdr idtity (th flig tht w r m or wom) Just lik th rst of us, trs popl c b of y sxul orittio htrosxul, gy, lsbi, or bisxul At first this my sm trribly cofusig For xmpl, lt s sy your child is ml-to-fml (MTF) d is ttrctd to othr wom sh might idtify s lsbi Sh my b trs d lsbi; thy r ot th sm thig But sy your child is fml-to-ml (FTM), liks wom, d livd s lsbi bfor h figurd out h ws trs boy As prt, you might wodr, Why c t sh just sty girl d b lsbi? Th swr is tht your child is trs d ot gy H dos t fl lik or wt to b wom, d rltig to wom sxully s wom dos t work or fl right for him H might idtify s htrosxul h wts to b sxul with wom s th m h fls h is Wht cuss trssxulity? You my b skig yourslf, Is it my fult? Did I do somthig wrog i my prgcy? I lt him ply with dolls or I lt hr b tomboy No, it s ot your fult Thr is o compllig vidc to suggst tht prtig cotributs to childr bcomig trssxul Mor importtly, th qustios you r skig yourslf com from th id tht thr is somthig wrog with your child Thr is othig wrog Trssxulity is prt of th ormous divrsity tht xists i th world Your child xprics his or hr gdr s surly s you xpric yours You r just fortut ough to hv body tht rflcts your xpric Thr is othig wrog This ws might b i coflict with dply hld vlus d blifs W wt you to kow tht trs popl hv xistd throughout tim d cross ll culturs Big trs is ot w, whit, or wstr cocpt Thr is othig to b shmd of I fct, i umbr of culturs, gdr vrit d trs popl r hoourd s hvig scrd powrs or ssum rols s spiritul ldrs 2 Whthr you fully udrstd ll tht big trs ms right ow dos ot mttr Your child will do bttr with your lov d support Th short swr is w do t kow For my yrs, rsrchrs hv lookd t multipl biologicl, psychologicl, d socil cuss, o of which sm to provid cosistt or covicig xpltios Th truth is w do t rlly kow wht cuss y gdr idtity icludig yours Th bst scitific swr for th momt is tht gdr idtity dvlopmt (icludig trssxulity) is multi-dtrmid, mig thr r my fctors ivolvd A Rsourc Guid for Prts of Trs Youth 7

10 Will my child grow out of this? You might b thikig, I m ot v sur I hv to worry bout this Kids go through so my chgs d phss t this tim i thir livs Thr s good chc this is somthig my child will grow out of Whil possibl, th chcs your child will grow out of this r vry smll Wht w kow from th most up-to-dt rsrch is tht gdr idtity sms to b fixd i most idividuls ftr pubrty, d psychologicl trtmts r ot prticulrly succssful i chgig gdr idtity oc it is cosolidtd mkig bodily itrvtios th trtmt of choic for trssxuls 3 I fct, th most rct rsrch bout th xprics of trs youth foud tht trs girls bg slf-idtifyig o vrg t g 13 d trs boys t g 15, suggstig tht gdr idtity corrspods closly to pubrty d cosolidts t gs v rlir th prviously thought 4 My trs popl rport rly sigs of flig diffrt from thir prs d of prfrrig toys, clothig, frids, d ctivitis typiclly ssocitd with th opposit sx Of cours, ot vry child with this kid of history grows up to b trs Not ll prts will otic diffrcs, d ot vry child will dmit to flig diffrt (plygroud tsig for big diffrt from othr childr c b frightig d shmig) My trs youth rmmbr tryig hrd to ct orml d mt th xpcttios for thir birth sx so s to ot std out 5 Som fl so frid thy tk fittig i to xtrm, bhvig i strotypicl msculi or fmii wys Thy my v ld th bullyig of othr visibly gdr o-coformig childr Trs popl oft dscrib pubrty, th poit t which thir bodis bgi to chg d visibly btry thir ir xpric, s trumtizig tur s crul trick d tim of tru dspir 6 It is tim wh fligs of dprssio or thoughts of suicid my mrg or wors If this is th cs ow, pls hlp your child fid profssiol hlp promptly (s Rsourcs ) Is t my child s lif goig to b mor difficult s trsgdrd/trssxul prso? Th short swr is ys d o Your child s lif hs probbly lrdy b chllgig i my wys flig diffrt from othrs, gttig tsd Ad ys, your child s lif will b mor difficult i th ss tht thy will likly hv to dl with discrimitory ttituds i mploymt d housig, d lws tht do ot dqutly protct thir hum rights Oft thr r lso brrirs to socil srvics, my of which r gdr-bsd d lck clr policis, so tht v usig public wshrooms c b ordl Bcus trs popl fc obstcls i gttig som of thir ds mt, th mor support d dvoccy thy hv, th bttr O of th wys prts show support to thir trs childr is by chllgig trsphobi wh d whr thy r comfortbl doig so But o, your child s lif will ot b mor difficult i th ss tht my trs popl rport flig mor comfortbl, cofidt, d hppy s thy fid idtity tht fits with who thy r Lif is much mor difficult d strssful prtdig to b somo you r ot Big trs is ithr choic, or lifstyl If your child could liv hppily with th wy thigs wr, thy would Chcs r, thy hv rlly trid to do this for log tim, d it cotius to ot work d cus lot of uhppiss Th good ws is tht th procss of trsitio typiclly rsolvs lot of th distrss, d my trs youth go o to liv hppy, fulfillig livs Evrythig you hopd for your child is still possibl My supportd trs youth r doig wll i school, d go o to hv good jobs, succssful crrs, d migful rltioships Your child c still hv childr, if h or sh would lik to (s Iformtio bout hormos, pg 23) 8 Fmilis i TRANSitio

11 Trsitio is t mgic It wo t solv y pr-xistig problms tht wr ot gdrrltd, d i som wys it my itroduc w chllgs Howvr, ths chllgs r mor sily tk o from uthtic d supportd plc Wht Oldr Trs Youth Hs to Sy B proud Your child is strog d brv I m hlthir d hppir ow Importt popl roud m sy I hv mor slf-stm d m mor outgoig Evrybody s oticd th diffrc i m I kow trsitio ws dfiitly th right thig Wht bout m? Wht c I ticipt? Words from Prt Th fligs d motios r so my, it is ovrwhlmig, so giv it up Thr is o qustio tht thigs will chg d b diffrt From whr you r stdig ow, thr r my ukows log this joury, which c b frightig d motiolly xhustig Just focus o th child/dult i frot of you Std by d b Listr Chcs r, you hv fcd tryig tims bfor i your lif d hv tht cpcity d thos rsourcs to drw o gi It is importt to tk good cr of yourslf You r i trsitio too A Rsourc Guid for Prts of Trs Youth 9

12 Fmilis i TRANSitio: A Rsourc Guid for Prts of Trs Youth A Profssiol s Story Shw hs just strtd first-yr uivrsity with full scholrship h wo for his outstdig grds d ldrship cotributio to th commuity H hs grt frids, positiv rltioship, d h fls proud of who h is This ws ot lwys th cs with Shw Wh h cm to CTYS for his first sssio of cousllig i th Prid & Prjudic progrm 2 yrs go, h ws dprssd, isoltd d hd just strtd cuttig himslf Shw ws bor biologicl girl md Srh Srh hd vrythig goig for hr, sh ws vry smrt, hd lovig supportiv prts, d ws wll likd by hr prs Sh ws rolld i school for dvcd childr d xclld i lrig d i sports For th most prt, sh rmmbrs big hppy All tht chgd wh pubrty hit Srh flt tht hr body btryd hr d sh o logr flt sf big hrslf Wh hr body bg to chg, so did th xpcttios of thos roud hr Sh flt it ws o logr ccptbl to b drssig lik boy d bhvig i tomboy fshio Prs bg to qustio hr lck of fmiiity d prssd hr to chg, but sh could t shk th flig tht sh flt mor lik boy th girl Although sh hd lwys b vry clos to hr prts, sh stoppd tlkig to thm Sh lso discoctd from hr frids d hr grds bg to sigifictly drop I ordr to cop with hr fligs, Srh isoltd hrslf i hr room d bg to cut hrslf with rzor Tht s wh Srh s mom sought hlp d brought hr to CTYS Wh Srh first strtd idividul cousllig, sh would ot tlk Sh ltr disclosd tht sh did ot wt yo to s tht thr ws somthig rlly wrog with hr Sh crrid grt fligs of shm bout who sh ws, d ws trrifid to ckowldg ths doubts to othr hum big This blif ws rootd vry dply i Srh d oly wh sh joid Gdr Ply, xprssiv rts thrpy-bsd group for youth qustioig thir gdr idtity, did this bgi to shift Du to flig ccptd d udrstood by th group, Srh flt comfortbl ough skig Gdr Ply mmbrs to cll him Shw d rfr to him usig ml proous Shw courgously spok bout his ir-most thoughts d fligs d foud commolitis with othrs Istd of hidig who h ws, Shw bg to clbrt his diffrcs Alog with th othr youth Shw shrd his storis d wrot ply bout his xprics Shw slowly strtd comig out to his school prs d tchrs, d ws surprisd to fid mor ccptc th rjctio Not oly did Shw bgi to tlk to his cousllor, prts d prs, through th Gdr Ply projct h foud th courg to tll his story i frot of udic Ovr ths lst two yrs thr hv b my chgs i Shw Not oly hs his body trsitiod from fml to ml, his ss of slf hs trsitiod from o of shm to o of prid LAdr Millr is cousllor d Exprssiv Arts Thrpist i th Prid & Prjudic progrm of CTYS d is th co-foudr of Gdr Ply, thtr bsd group for qur d trs youth dsigd to xplor th complxitis of gdr idtity Gdr Ply ws th 2008 rcipit of th prstigious Vitl Ids Grt from Th Toroto Commuity Foudtio 10

13 Fmilis i TRANSitio: A Rsourc Guid for Prts of Trs Youth About You Wht you c do for you 1 B wr of your fligs Som prts tk ws of child s gdr idtity i strid For othrs, it c b ovrwhlmig d cofusig wh your child coms out s trs You my fl shock ( I did t s this comig ), hop it is t tru, or fl fligs of shm, blm, btryl ( I thought I kw my child How could thy ot tll m? ), grif, or loss All of ths r commo iitil rctios to hvig lovd o com out s trs, spcilly giv socity s gtiv ttituds towrds trs popl It s importt to b host with yourslf d ckowldg wht it is you r flig, v if you wish you did t hv thos fligs, v if you do t thik it s politiclly corrct to hv thos fligs Igorig fligs dos t mk thm go wy Not big host with yourslf oly dlys th procss of ccptc Try to pproch your fligs with curiosity 11

14 As sid ot, wh w sy it s importt to b host with yourslf, tht s wht w m Thik bout wht you shr with your child bfor you shr it You c vr tk somthig bck, d words c b hurtful My popl thik d fl thigs thy ltr rliz r t tru, or simply shift ovr tim You r llowd to hv privt procss I th bgiig, wh you my hv th lst support d your fligs r th strogst, it my b tmptig to us your child s somo to hlp you work out your fligs W rcommd skig support from othr prts who hv hd similr xprics istd W thik your rltioship with your child will b bttr off for it O Prt s Commt Disppoitmt, fr, mbrrssmt thos r your issus Do t tll thm to your child Tll thm oly lov, ccptc, blif i thir bility to gt d hv d b whtvr thy wt Tll thm thy r th most wodrful, butiful big tht vr xistd bcus thy r Thy do t d your disppoitmt, fr d mbrrssmt Thos r your issus You dl with thm Whil it s importt to b host with yourslf bout your fligs, lttig yourslf sty stuck i thos fligs is ot productiv You lov your child, d you ow it to your child d yourslf to mov forwrd Th oly wy out of your fligs is through thm, d tht usully ms hrd work Oky, but how do I gt through thm? Wht hlps? 2 Gt ccurt iformtio bout trssxul d/or trsgdr issus Thr r lot of strotyps d misiformtio bout trs popl out thr, which c ful y frs d xitis you my hv Rdig d lrig mor bout trs issus from ccurt d trustworthy sourcs is importt strt Strtig o pg 31, w list umbr of rsourcs s plcs you might bgi Fl fr to sk your child qustios too, but lwys sk prmissio first, d try to do som of your ow work hd of tim It c b xhustig d burdsom for childr to duct th lovd os i thir livs (S Pottil qustios to sk your child ) 3 Gt som support for yourslf You r ot th oly prt with trs child, v though it my fl tht wy Mtig up with othr prts to gt support, or myb to giv support, c b rlivig d grt plc to shr iformtio Howvr, ot vryo s rdy to tk tht stp If this fls lik too much t this stg, you my wt to thik bout tlkig to thrpist kowldgbl bout trs issus if you do t lrdy hv o, d cosidr group t ltr tim 4 Kow tht it s procss (d ot lir o) Gdr thrpist Ari Istr Lv 7 hs workd with my fmilis who hv trs fmily mmbr I hr yrs of xpric, sh s s pttr of how fmilis cop ovr tim Sh ssums vryo i th fmily systm is ffctd somhow; ot vryo trvls through th stgs i th sm wy or t th sm pc; d popl my skip, or mov bck d forth btw stgs 12 Fmilis i TRANSitio

15 Sh ss tht fmily mmbrs typiclly go through 4 diffrt stgs: (1) Discovry d disclosur Wh fmily mmbr first tlls othr fmily mmbrs bout big trs, thy oft iitilly fl shockd, cofusd, btryd, ovrwhlmd (2) Turmoil This c b tim of grt strss, coflict, d chos i th fmily This my look lik my thigs flig of crisis, s wll s loss; hvig my qustios d worris, icludig srchig for wht ls you do t kow bout your lovd o; frs bout big xposd or stigmtizd (both for yourslf d your child); prtdig othig hs hppd (3) Ngotitio This is th poit t which fmilis rliz this issu is ot goig wy d must b dlt with Ngotitio is lwys ogoig, but fmilis bgi sortig out compromiss tht vryo c liv with (g, wrig drogyous clothig for importt fmily vts) (4) Fidig blc This stg dos ot m vrythig is rsolvd It dos m tht your trs child is ot scrt, d tht th fmily is o logr i turmoil This stg is lso bout big rdy to ccpt your trs child s trs child bck ito th fmily systm Som popl hv mrkd this tim by holdig clbrtio or ritul, such s ritroductio prty Eductig frids or schools my b prt of th work i this stg, but dily lif dos ot rvolv so much roud trs issus d orml routis r tk up gi Pottil qustios to sk your child It my b hrd to kow whr to bgi Hr r som ids to gt op covrstio goig, rmmbrig tht you my ot gt ll th swrs you wt i th first covrstio: How log hv you b thikig bout this? Wht strtd you thikig bout it? How do you s your gdr? Whr did you lr bout trsgdr/ trssxul popl? Wht did you lr? How do you fl bout yourslf? How do you fl bout your body? Ar thr popl you c tlk to bout ths fligs? Dos yo hrss you bout your gdr? Wht do you thik I d to gt mor iformtio bout? Ar you thikig of chgig your m, d th proous popl us to rfr to you? Wht s hlpig you i this procss? Wht s ot hlpig you? How c I hlp? B thoughtful bout th qustios you sk, d kow why it is you r skig thm A quick chck o whthr qustio my fl ivsiv to your child is to tur th qustio roud Is this qustio I would b prprd to swr myslf? Is this qustio tht I would rsobly sk o-trs prso? You might lso sk your child if thy would llow you to spk with thir thrpist or physici so tht you c sk spcific qustios bout th cr your child is rcivig B prprd tht thy my ot b comfortbl with this suggstio I tht cs, try to fid othr wys to sty ggd with, d iformd bout, thir cr W courg you to pc your qustios, for both your sks O pic of dvic tht s lwys styd with o of us is, Do t sk qustio if you r ot prprd to hr th swr A Rsourc Guid for Prts of Trs Youth 13

16 Fmilis i TRANSitio: A Rsourc Guid for Prts of Trs Youth Wht Thrpists Hv to Sy All youth d popl who lov, ccpt, d udrstd thm You my b o of th fw popl who rspcts d supports your child, so it s importt to offr this Mk your hom sf d supportiv viromt Trs youth r oft t grtr risk for socil isoltio d trgtd bullyig Your child my fc piful discrimitio d brrirs i th brodr commuity Mk sur your hom is hv from such discrimitio Commuict tht you lov d support your child o mttr wht Ecourg your child to b him/hrslf i your hom so h/sh xprics t lst o plc of sfty Hlp your child fid othr trs-positiv plcs so h or sh fls ss of blogig If your child coutrs discrimitio, b dvoct! Your rol my b to duct xtdd fmily, tchrs, d commuitis to prvt furthr brrirs Show your child you r o his/hr sid Hlp your child rsrch th impct of th my choics ivolvd i trsitioig It is oky to hv cocrs d doubts bout th choics your child is mkig A supportiv wy of xprssig ths thoughts is to ssist your child i thoroughly rsrchig ll possibl choics lik hormos d surgry Togthr you c look t th pros d cos of ch dcisio Th bst wy to hlp your child is to fid plc for yourslf to gt support durig this procss Whil it is crucil to b host d uthtic bout your thoughts d fligs, it is v mor importt tht your child is ot th prso with whom you procss ths thigs - LAdr Millr, MA, Coorditor, Cousllig Srvics, Prid & Prjudic/CTYS It s hrd to hr tht your so or dughtr is t who you thought thy wr It my tk quit som tim to gt your hd roud it Listig to your child is th mi thig Cousllig my b hlpful too if you c fid somo who is kowldgbl bout trs issus But thr is o substitut for spdig tim with othr prts of trs childr Thy will udrstd bttr th yo ls wht you r goig through If you c t fid yo whr you liv, fid bullti bord or list srv o th itrt As cousllor, I do worry bit bout prts who sm vry ccptig right wy I oft hr storis lik this: O of my prts ws trrificlly ccptig right off th bt It mt so much to m t th tim Th othr prt ws wful w fought for moths d moths But you kow, tht s th prt I m rlly clos to ow thy rlly gt it! Tk your tim B rl I th log ru you will s wht diffrc it mks to your child to b tru to himslf or hrslf, dspit th discrimitio h or sh will fc - Hrshl Russll, MA, trs m, Psychothrpist 14 Som prts d to griv th loss of thir so /dughtr bfor goig o to ccpt th trsprso i his or hr w gdr idtity/rol B midful tht lthough udrstdig is bficil d fcilitts th procss of ccptc, it is ot bsolutly cssry for ccptc Th mor o udrstds, howvr, th sir it is to ccpt i dpr ss Th bst wy for prts to support thir trs child is to xprss thir lov d support ucoditiolly d to offr to trvl log th gdr joury i th wy most bficil to him or hr Prts should sk spcificlly how thir so or dughtr would lik to b supportd It my b hlpful to fid qulifid, trspositiv thrpist to support both th trs child d his or hr fmily through th trsitioig procss, to hlp th trs child miti hop, d to hlp dvlop rsilic, positiv copig skills, d strtgis to sty sf - Ruprt Rj, MA, Cousllor, LGBTT Progrm, Shrbour Hlth Ctr

17 Wht you c do for your child 1 Rssur your child I th ftrmth of comig out, your child my b flig vulrbl, or v frid of your rjctio Lt your child kow how much you lov d cr for thm A top priority is surig hom is sf d rspctful viromt This ms usig your child s choic of m d proou whil rspctig y grd o privcy limits It ms givig your child, ot just chc to xplor who thy r, but positiv ss of slf 8 This ctiv stp my (or my ot) lso ivolv som spct of rpir to your pst rltioship Th mjority of trs youth itrviwd i rct study showd tht my trs wom d m rmmbr s childr big told by thir prts to stop big sissy or tomboy, rspctivly thrby big tught to fl fr d shm bout who thy r 9 Prts Supportivss Mttrs > 18% of trs youth i Chicgo study wr homlss 10 > 50% of trs youth i Nw York study, whr th vrg g of prticipts ws 16, did ot liv with fmily 11 2 Hlp your child coct with g-pproprit commuity Thr r visibl trs commuitis, but my r dult-focusd, somtims lvig fw g-pproprit ctivitis d spcs for youth to coct 12 Th xpric of big youg d trs is quit diffrt from tht of dults Trs youth my lso ot hv hd rgulr pr socil group (ithr bcus thy hv b socilly xcludd by othrs, or bcus thy flt thy did t fit i d withdrw thmslvs) Bcus of this, fidig wlcomig d urturig spc with othr youth who hv hd similr xprics c b vry importt Som of th bfits of groups iclud support, commuity, d just ormlizig th xpric of big youg d trs 13 I Toroto, w r fortut ough to hv som opportuitis for trs youth to coct with o othr, d lso mt positiv commuity rol modls (s Support for trs youth i Toroto udr Rsourcs ) Bcus youth hv fwr rsourcs vilbl to thm, oli commuitis r lso spcilly importt for thm to ffirm d vlidt thir xprics d cultivt ss of collctiv idtity 14 This will b prticulrly importt for youth outsid th GTA who my ot hv ccss to i-prso rsourcs 3 Prpr your child to dl with hrssmt Schools hv b otoriously difficult plcs for trs youth, disproportiot umbr of whom fc srious vrbl d physicl hrssmt from prs, d rciv limitd protctio from stff My of ths youth do ot fl sf i school, d my drop out A Rsourc Guid for Prts of Trs Youth 15

18 Youth t Risk > 96% of trs youth i Phildlphi study xpricd hrssmt t school bsd o thir gdr idtity/xprssio; 75% did ot fl sf t school, d droppd out 15 > 96% of trs youth i Wshigto study wr victimizd t high school i som wy; 29% droppd out for hrssmt-rltd rsos 16 Toroto offrs Th Trigl Progrm, LGBT school tht provids sf viromt to r cdmic crdits Othr high schools c d hv rspodd ssitivly to trs youth, d succssfully hlpd youth trsitio (s Dl Clldr s Wh Mtt bcm Jd, Oli rsourcs for prts of trs youth, udr Rsourcs for prts ) Th Toroto District School Bord s quity policis r i plc to sur th ds d sfty of ll trssxul, trsgdrd, d 2-spirit studts r spcificlly md d icludd i ths policis (s Sctio 3 of th policy) Schools r mdtd to rspod ffctivly wh d whr cssry, d tchrs r boud, s Bord mploys, to support trs studts to th bst of thir bilitis Whil ths policis r i plc, stff my vry i thir kowldg of trs issus s wll s thir rsposivss to icidts Ev with supportiv popl, it c b difficult for stff d dmiistrtors to ddrss vrythig tht hpps thr Mor importtly, school is just o vu Ultimtly, you cot protct your child from th hrssmt thy my fc i th world Wht you c do is ticipt ths chllgs with your child, d hlp thm strtgiz bout, or rol-ply, how to dl with thm Sic physicl sfty c b cocr, som trs youth crry cll phos to ccss hlp quickly if d b 4 Advoct for your child Whr you c hlp, hlp Myb it ms sittig dow with th pricipl or tchr(s) d xpliig trs issus d wht your child is goig through It my m isistig tht thy us your child s chos m d corrct proous, surig tht h or sh c us th corrct wshroom or, if thr is drss cod, tht rsobl ccommodtios r md Myb it ms followig up with th school if your child is big bullid, d mkig sur th school is tkig zro tolrc pproch d dlig with th issu rsposibly I othr cotxts lik hlth cr, for xmpl, dvoctig for your child my m surig tht your child is rcivig timly, comprhsiv, trs-positiv hlth cr It is lwys difficult s prt to figur out wh d how bst to itrv o bhlf of child It dpds o th situtio, th child s g, d wht th pottil cosqucs of itrvig (or ot) my b A dvoccy guid for trs popl d lovd os (s Vcouvr Costl Hlth udr Oli rsourcs for prts of trs youth ) givs comprhsiv ovrviw of grl dvoccy tips d strtgis, s wll s my trs-spcific xmpls d possibl hlpful itrvtios 5 Gt ctiv i hlpig to lobby for socil chg Activ lobby groups i Cd, such s EGALE d th Ribow Hlth Ntwork s Trs Hlth Lobby Group, r workig o hcig hum rights for trs popl by lobbyig govrmt to iclud gdr idtity i protctiv lgisltio d to ristitut hlth cr covrg for trsitio- 16 Fmilis i TRANSitio

19 rltd xpss Som workplc uios r workig to put protctios i plc for trs popl Ths iititivs d th support of llis Fid out how you c hlp by visitig th wbsits of, or phoig, lobby groups ddrssig your prticulr cocrs (s Liv support d Oli rsourcs udr Rsourcs for Prts ) Adptig to proou d m chgs Lrig to cll child by w m d pproprit proous is hrd thig for my prts You v b usig thir birth m for yrs, d bcus you chos it, you likly hv som motiol ttchmt to it I th bsc of physicl chgs, your child my ot look much diffrt to you i th bgiig Kow tht you r boud to mk my slip-ups Prctic, pologiz wh you mk mistk, d tk comfort i kowig it will gt sir with tim If your child is prstig i public s thir chos gdr, kp i mid tht by ot followig thir ld you could udrmi othrs ccptc of th chg or, wors, plc your child t risk of hrssmt My mom s probbly th biggst dult lly tht I hv Sh dos t lwys kow wht I m tlkig bout, but sh tris rlly hrd, d hs do rlly wll with th lrig curv If you r ot rdy to us w m or diffrt proou, try tmporry compromis of ot usig m or proou t ll i public A Rsourc Guid for Prts of Trs Youth 17

20 Fmilis i TRANSitio: A Rsourc Guid for Prts of Trs Youth A Prt s Iitil Lttr to Aothr Prt rt su p p ort u s ito th p g ti p cc b b l to g d It ws g o o d to you for iviti k p o th d to b g o ig I would fir st lik g Evryo is so vry ic thir s I hv t u o b r i h d grou p lst v ur joury rts b out o p r g th i o to tlk lst v d outs fro m I m flig throug h th h c for m s ri p x w ur o losig my ry sd b out rfl ct o yo v c u so l yo if f g ill ri of tim l, I st I w s wo d s sp t lot y s For xm p lw r v w h f d grif of lly vry stu ck i s motio tt ig pst th o g t cl u ly o b m lf tr x t to cc pt tll mys so W r st ill d o t w I ic l thig s to g s lo u c th b w o b ow b o u t to g thr I k hr It mu st I ot hv k ck ld u u st co m w o s H I t v mis s d f g uilt th loss bu how could I h us mout o o rm s o o cl ry l wr o so v this I st ill f s bck thr r? If w wr g m u co yo lly s ic w r lo g ld this b so this wh h? T h sw So how cou ss ild i ch p p py p h h u s ssiv lif y sig s of h ws lwy ith su ch m w Jo h g ss u ro i th p p w is so vry fo llo sig s of uh fl stu ck it ld h wt to I u o r w h hy w w d o g is lo g ic l fu si pro mit, r vry thi to my x t co tt m p s t g h g ri u b o is vry m th chg? T his I shr th s rso It d v h t o h s Jo o st d tic T h illo g ic l B oth thig tht ju st io is it is g m g so g d su t o rs g s, I cot ud of my rd i m I so m r it ju st is fo so g r ti o r st is fr u r th is g g st io sur you o ly othr su s (whic h I m g li f s O ky, I m st th ju st d ci d d, u d o to g t p u yo yo id d d t h y w d o css so you So Ptr ic i, lig ht g o o tr sitio pro id D th f )? o d rt c p I would tr uly r to b lso x p ri ck flig s? tu Ws it si s? is th th h t g p u thro g o ig to cc c d p low th x p ri i d bck i f jo y ld u co ld g iv m u o w u yo if of p pr cit t to th p o it o wt to g d isi d I d py p h, lly b y so to m co d iti o t u, w so st y ju m I I tr uly lov ow ultimtly b cu s I k, c t p cc m hlp, I ju st d so T hks g i Hi Ptr ic i, L i d 18

21 Fmilis i TRANSitio: A Rsourc Guid for Prts of Trs Youth A Expricd Prt s Rspos H i Li d, I m gl d th t yo u wr b l to sh r yo si c I b g ur stor y w ith th pr oc s ot hr pr t s w ith A s It h s b I s it to dy d I hv rfl fiv y r s Pl s u d ctd, br ifly, rs t d th t th pr t W l o th jo ur pr oc s s of l co m w ith ou y s c c pt c vri r ow b lif w hi l w m y s fr om pr t systm s d ot u drs t to p rs o l hi stor i d w hy th i gs lov, p pr ov s I v l r h pp th w l d c c pt d th t y th y do, our c i or d ch ild r d r to r c h th i our r fu ll pot t i A s I ws r d l s d ul ts i g yo ur m i l, I ws th i ki yo u r x pr g th t I co ul s si g wr d hv u th or vry si m ilr to 5 y r s I hv d it T h f l m y ow I us r pl c d f l i gs p st t s, b i gs of s lf- bl A s g d cus ovr th m d fr us r tr sfor m p st tr t t io w ith dr io M y r how I c b iv to orm l gi s hv m ov st su pp or t h iz d fr om s k i g ou r so th t sh c liv h t th w hys l thy lif to A s t c hr, I m x p ctd to m od ify my [s tu d t s ] l l ss o s to m r i g xc pt t th d io lit i s I gu xc pt io lit s of vrio us s s yo u co ul y R t hr th d sy th t A d y th is x to sur th t h s g d c pt io lit y, hr tr si tio r I d to b is sf o (s i c I c d vo ct I m y wy r m m br) for A s sh is w is byo d hr y r s M orovr, sh h s go th ro ug h hr tr f l i gs th si tio w ith gr m iut sh di c d di g sc lo s d th m im m d it r ity I c c ptd to m t g c tio ws, H hr 15 I f lt grt m ow lo g hv I ot hv k pthy for hr yo u f lt th is w ow H ow co My y? ul I si d, I wo d I hv m is s vry cl os ; I dr d how co d th is? A ws st y- ul d d tho m m om I wr ( d co gu ilt s p i g I br st-fd h t iu to b ) i) I wt r fo r cl d os to two y so m o to sh ws hvi fix hr, to m k r s (h r s th g, go wy th s c ut l y p ifu l f l i gs Aftr t lk i g to pr ofs si o l s, d r d tr s yo ut h i i g b ou t tr th co m m u ss xu lit y, ity, I r l izd d m k it d r c hi g ou th t I hd o s sf for h t to ch oi c bu t to r s po ss ib l psyc ho lo gi c c c pt hr tr N o xp r t co l lv l W hi l si tio ul d t ll m th I hd di ff ic ul l wys tr us t is ws f ixb ty u drs t d d hr f l i gs l, o i g w hy sh ws f l i g th is wy, I A f l s th t sh is w om tr p p hv? A d i si d m s c ut dt s bo dy W rm i t io d p th r st of us ht ot hr ch oi rs is t c to t k for gr c di d I ch g fu d t d is w ht co t mys l f th i ki m t l rig ht iu s to dr iv g of A m th t m to dy or s prs A s tim go s th h or sh ) o th p by, th t I lov so, I fi d rt ic ul r g d m uc h r A d, it is A, ( ot Pt r ici 19

22 Fmilis i TRANSitio: A Rsourc Guid for Prts of Trs Youth A Mothr s Story std th thought of girl, or yo for tht mttr, touchig this body, th wrog body Wht s i m? Should mom fl diffrtly bout child whos m dos ot rmi th sm s th m giv t birth? I did fl diffrtly, t lst i th bgiig At 20, my dughtr chgd hr m d hr gdr I xpricd dil, pic, fr, dmittc, guilt d filly ccptc d support Sh wtd to b boy Sh ws boy Ad sh wtd th body tht sh should hv b bor with I trid to imgi how I would fl if I wok up th xt morig with pis, o brsts d body covrd with hir I would still b m o th isid It would oly b my pckgig tht hd chgd It strtd i th sprig of 2003 wh my dughtr ttmptd to b lsbi This ws t rlly shock to m: Sh hd lwys b boyish But I ws compltly uwr tht J hd to mk quit ffort to fit ito this w rol Could I fit ito th rol of this forig body v though I still flt lik wom isid? Could I just mk tht work? Of cours ot So, t 20, my dughtr bcm my so Accptc did t hpp ovright J s stpdd, howvr, took th ws with icrdibl grc d his rctio gv m strgth I slowly bg to tll popl, my frids t first, my fmily, d vtully vryo Th first tim I trid to tlk bout it with frid, I opd my mouth but th words hld bck I pushd out th bgiig, J wts to b I forcd myslf to fiish: boy Ad th th trs strtd My frid rctd with kidss d courgmt Othr popl s rsposs vrid Som gv m wrm hug A fw v thkd m for shrig such prsol iformtio Othrs sid othig; thy did ot sm to b bl to fid th right words Ltr tht summr, I cm hom from work to fid hr wtchig Oprh It ws show bout trssxul popl Ech gust ws ml-tofml trsgdr, mig tht ch ws bor with ml body but flt, i hrt d soul, lik wom isid Oprh s gusts hd ll strtd hormo thrpy to mk thir fcs mor fmii, rduc thir body hir d bgi th growth of brsts I kw cosmtic surgry ws commo to improv fcil fturs or icrs brst siz, but I squirmd i my chir s thy dscribd thir othr surgicl ordls Thy hd ll suffrd through so much, d ot just physicl pi Ech of thir livs hd b bruisd by th ffcts of big ridiculd Thy hd lost jobs d b bdod by collgus, frids, fmily, v prts J dcidd this ws th tim Sh lookd t m pprhsivly, d quitly sid, Mom, I thik tht is wht I m It cm lik blow tht kockd th wid out of m All I could thik ws, Oh my God, how could you wt lif lik tht, hoy? A lif filld with prjudic Th swr ws simpl Sh did t wt this lif it is t choic I could t s tht t th tim I thought bout th impct of hr gttig sx chg Sh would b judgd by vryo i our homtow How could I tll popl tht my dughtr hd bcom m? Ev wors, how would w tll my vry Ctholic fmily? My istict ws to try to covic my dughtr tht sh ws wrog I dsprtly trid to mk hr bliv sh ws just littl ucomfortbl bout big lsbi bcus it ws w to hr With hurt i hr ys, my dughtr shpishly bg to tll m how sh kw sh ws t lsbi A fw dts tht summr hd b ough to prov tht Sh could t rlx whil somo touchd th prts of hr body tht rpulsd hr It ws i o wy joybl it md hr fl sick Sh could t 20 I struggld with my w so s m chg; h crigd vry tim I got it wrog Ev mor chllgig ws tht stupid littl thr-lttr word: sh Try chgig to h ftr 20 yrs with your dughtr It took prctic, but vrythig worthwhil tks tim Now, fiv yrs ltr, thks to hormo thrpy d surgry, I hv mzig so complt with fcil hir, flt chst d th lttr M tickd off o his idtifictio I hv b skd by frids if I miss J, if I hd to griv th dth of my dughtr I hv lwys swrd o But tht s ot th whol truth Lik y prt, I miss th dys wh my so ws yougr I miss gttig hugs d kisss s I tuckd J ito bd I miss tkig hr to th bch o hot summr ftroos Ys, I miss thos dys, but o diffrtly th y prt who thiks bck o fod mmoris Do I wt J bck ow? I c hostly sy o I hv t lost dughtr I hv gid cofidt, strog, lvl-hdd so of whom I m immsly proud J Wilso livs i Arprior, Ot This story ws pritd i th Glob & Mil d is rpritd with prmissio from th uthor, who is writig book bout hr xprics

23 Fmilis i TRANSitio: A Rsourc Guid for Prts of Trs Youth Movig Forwrd Tllig othr popl i your circl Th first tim I told somo, I gv thm wy too much iformtio Wht I lrd ftrwrds from othr prt ws to kp it simpl You do t ow yo big xpltio W suggst rchig out to othr prts of trs childr d stblishig som rdy support for yourslf bfor or s you tk this o Othr prts my hv hlpful suggstios, or just b bl to b thr for you Chcs r, you will coutr both positiv d disppoitig or difficult rctios from popl i your circl Tllig othrs ivolvs, just s it hs for your child, skig yourslf wht you r frful d cocrd bout, d tkig som clcultd risks It my b sir to strt with th popl you thik will b th most supportiv This my hlp build your support bs s you tll othrs whos rctios r lss crti 21

24 Rmmbr tht, oc you tll othrs, you o logr hv totl cotrol ovr th flow of iformtio Popl my gossip or pss log misudrstdig or misiformtio; popl my b upst tht somo ls ws told bfor thy wr For ths rsos, it my b sir to tll vryo t oc Som prts sd out lttr to ll thir fmily d ighbours so tht vryo hrs it from thm first Th possibl risk is tht you will b clld o to swr popl s qustios or hr bout popl s diffrig rctios ll i short tim frm, which could b ovrwhlmig Ech dcisio hs pottil pros d cos Do your bst to ticipt wht ths my b Oly you c dcid wht mks th most ss for you i your uiqu situtio B vilbl d giv popl tim d spc Try ot to tk gtiv rctios prsolly Just s you will hv your ow procss of ccptc, othrs will too Aticipt wht you c It might hlp to hv iformtio o hd to swr popl s qustios If you c, d th rltioship is importt to you, try to mtch th cott of y litrtur you giv thm with th kid of prioritis or cocrs (g, scitific, rligious) thy hv As much s possibl, st th pc of disclosur ccordig to your child s ds Tlk with your child bout thir comfort lvl Both of you d som cotrol ovr th disclosur procss Som dcisios my b dicttd by circumstcs, spcilly if your child is trssxul d is physiclly trsitioig Thr will b udibl visul chgs tht will b cofusig to othrs if thy do t kow This is ot fir to your child or to othrs S th followig sctio for mor iformtio o mkig dcisios Hlpig your child mk dcisios Your trs child my pprcit hlp i srchig for suitbl cloths, or choosig w m Thy might lso d rssurc bout how thy look or soud Str wy from fls complimts or ovr-criticism Tctful hosty is th wy to go 17 Your child might lso d hlp tllig othr fmily, fidig thrpist, or vigtig xt stps, or thy my pprcit supportiv ccompimt t vrious ppoitmts Thy might d o of this, or ll of this d mor Ask your child how you c b most hlpful Askig how you c b hlpful d big prprd to do wht is skd of you r diffrt thigs Thr my b my importt dcisios hd If your child is udr 18, thy rquir your prmissio to lglly chg thir m or to ccss crti mdicl itrvtios Som dcisios, such s m chg, r rvrsibl; othrs, lik surgry, r ot Still othr dcisios, such s strtig hormo thrpy (dscribd i th xt sctio), hv rvrsibl d prmt ffcts As prt, you r usd to mkig mjor dcisios for your child tht ifluc thir lif dirctio W courg you to cosidr both wht you thik is bst for your child d to hr wht your child hs to sy Both r importt Som dcisios my ivolv wighig my complx fctors Hv full covrstio bout wht you d your child could liv with s cosqucs of tkig or ot tkig prticulr stp If your child hs cosistt pttr of chgig his or hr mid, grtr cutio my b clld for wh mkig mjor dcisios It s worth otig tht 22 Fmilis i TRANSitio

25 i our cliicl xpric youth who hv rchd th stg of sriously cosidrig mdicl trsitio hv lrdy thought th dcisio through quit crfully youth who hv ot yt turd of g my fc possibl risks i witig util tht tim Pubrty my b mrchig o, crtig icrsigly prmt udsird chgs Th situtio my fl itolrbl, d your child my b t grtr risk of dprssio, or suicidl fligs Ths situtios my cll for ivolvig profssiols rly Your child my sk for your support i mkig dcisios bout mdicl itrvtios, or sk for your support i dcisios h or sh wts to mov forwrd with Som youth r clr tht thir survivl dpds o fully trsitioig from o gdr to othr Othr youth fid tht thy oly d to chg o spct of thir bodis, or d o mdicl itrvtios t ll but rthr wish to xprss thir uiqu gdr idtity through clothig d bhviour Whtvr th cs, ths ds com from isid th child d, for bttr or wors, r ulikly to b chgd by prssur or prsusio (S Iformtio bout hormos d surgry for furthr cosidrtios i dcisio-mkig) Iformtio bout hormos Not vryo will d th followig ovrviw, or t lst right ow Fl fr to rd it s dd Hormo thrpy d surgry r lgitimt, mdiclly-rcogizd trtmts tht prst ffctiv solutio for prsistt gdr-rltd body dysphori 18 Som mdicl profssiols my sy thos who mt this dscriptio suffr from Gdr Idtity Disordr, digosis foud i th Digostic d Sttisticl Mul of Mtl Disordrs (DSM) publishd by th Amric Psychitric Associtio Whil th digosis is cotrovrsil for its cocptuliztio of trssxulity s disordr, your child will likly d to hv this digosis cofirmd by mdicl profssiol bfor giig ccss to pproprit mdicl trtmt Although thr my b cotrovrsy ovr dfiig trssxulity s disordr, thr is littl dbt bout th usfulss of th trtmt Study ftr study shows tht sx rssigmt surgry (SRS), lso rfrrd to s sx rligmt surgry withi trs commuitis, producs positiv, dsird rsults tht rptdly d sigifictly outwigh y gtiv or o-dsird ffcts Studis show tht ovrwhlmig mjority of popl who trsitio hv o rgrts, d r hppir, o logr gdr-dysphoric, d fuctioig bttr psychologiclly, socilly d sxully 19 i thir post-trtmt livs 20 Th smll mout of rsrch litrtur lookig xclusivly t dolscts shows this to b tru s wll 21 Furthrmor, vidc suggsts tht popl who udrgo trsitio t yougr gs do bttr th popl who trsitio ltr i thir livs 22 Wht follows is ovrviw of hormo thrpy, d fw grl rcommdtios wh cosidrig y trs-rltd mdicl itrvtio A Rsourc Guid for Prts of Trs Youth 23

26 Hormos tht dly pubrty (i, pubrty supprssts or blockrs) hv b prscribd to youth s youg s For youth bor ml, pubrtl-dly hormos would block th productio of tstostro to stop th dvlopmt of scodry sx chrctristics; for youth bor fml, thy would stop th body from producig strog for th sm rsos Ths hormos r sily rvrsibl itrvtio Oc you go off thm, your body bgis producig th hormo gi Whthr ths hormos cus y lstig mdicl sid-ffcts is ot fully kow t this tim Som studis hv show tht thy c wk bo dsity, whil othr studis hv ot Qustios hv ris bout how th blockrs my ifluc bri dvlopmt d ffct frtility Th blockrs hv ot b submittd for US Fdrl Drug Admiistrtio (FDA) pprovl for th purpos of gdr-vric, but th FDA hs otd o srious sid ffcts i th rly 20 yrs hormo blockrs hv b usd i th US to trt rly-ost pubrty i th short trm 24 Bst cr prctics suggst ivolvig docriologist This typ of trtmt is ot commo, c b xpsiv, d rquirs lgthy vlutio d multidiscipliry cr providrs Th bfits of dlyig pubrty c b my, icludig: xtr tim for your child to xplor his or hr gdr bfor mkig y big dcisios, whil frig your child from th strss d fr of furthr physicl dvlopmt It lso offrs th opportuity to s if your child s distrss sigifictly lsss i rspos If it dos, this is usully tk s sig tht furthr trtmt would hlp Th most importt rso to cosidr itrvig rly i somo s lif is tht it prvts th dvlopmt of scodry sx chrctristics, which r vry xpsiv (d somtims impossibl) to corrct, s wll s th liflog psychologicl suffrig this c cus 25 logr priod of sociliztio i thir gdr rol This my hlp thm log with dvlopig pr d romtic rltioships, which umbr of trs youth rport flig bhid i bcus thy v voidd thm 26 Cross-sx hormos r diffrt Rthr th block hormo, thy itroduc hormo i much grtr mouts th turlly xist i th body (Rmmbr, vrybody hs both strog d tstostro i thir bodis It s ll bout th mouts of ch) Fml-tomls would tk tstostro, d ml-tofmls would tk strog (usully, log with tstostro-blockr) to hlp thm dvlop body tht s mor i li with thir gdr Cross-sx hormos r oly prtilly rvrsibl i thir ffcts: som ffcts r rvrsd wh popl stop tkig thm, d som r prmt, v if popl stop tkig thm Although ch prso rcts diffrtly to hormos, hr s som of wht hormos will grlly do: 24 Fmilis i TRANSitio

27 For trs m, tstostro will dp th voic ( prmt chg tht bgis i th first 3-6 moths) rdistribut body ft (ot prmt), d promot icrsd fcil d body hir growth (most of which is prmt, icludig ml pttr bldss which my dvlop ovr th cours of umbr of yrs) likly cus c, spcilly i th first fw moths lrg th clitoris (prmt); sx driv usully icrss lss priods, which will stop withi 1-6 moths (ot cssrily prmt) produc chgs i frtility For this rso, rproductiv cousllig is rcommdd, prticulrly for youth, so tht thy udrstd th implictios bfor ths ffcts tk plc For xmpl, trs m my hv doptiv childr, or ris childr from prvious rltioships Trs m my lso hv biologicl childr through tchologicl dvcs tht llow thm (t cost) to frz thir ggs bfor strtig tstostro, or my crry thir ow childr by stoppig hormos, providd thir mstrul cycl rturs Rltd to issus of frtility, trs m my choos to, or my b rcommdd to, hv hystrctomy to rduc possibl hlth risks ltr i lif Thr is d for mor rsrch i this r; som studis show hystrctomis my crry thir ow hlth risks This is big surgry to cosidr d w rcommd crfully wighig th mdicl vidc for, d th risks of, hvig th surgry i cosulttio with your locl doctor d/or cousllor who spcilizs i workig with trs clits For trs wom, strog will rdistribut body ft (tks up to 6 moths, ot prmt), d promot th dvlopmt/lrgig of brsts (tks up to 2 yrs; prmt) ot chg th voic, but trs wom c tri thir voics i highr rgistrs (d som gt cochig to hlp thm do this) ot rvrs xistig fcil hir, lthough its growth slows d bcoms mor fi ovr tim; shvig or lctrolisis is dd rduc frtility (dcrs spotous rctios, shrik tsts, rduc jcult, d lowr sprm cout d motility) Bcus this ffct my or my ot b prmt, rproductiv cousllig is rcommdd, prticulrly for youth, i ordr to mximiz thir choics bfor ths ffcts tk plc For xmpl, trs wom my hv doptiv childr, ris childr from prvious rltioships, or hv biologicl childr through tchologicl dvcs tht llow thm (t cost) to bk thir sprm bfor strtig strog For mor complt list of ffcts, s th pmphlts put out by Shrbour Hlth Ctr (wwwshrbouroc), or visit www vchc/trshlth/rsourcs/librry/tcpdocs/ guidlis-docripdf, from which this iformtio is tk A Rsourc Guid for Prts of Trs Youth 25

28 At this tim, thr r o comprhsiv outcom studis o th log-trm ffcts of hormo us Howvr, w do kow tht cross-sx hormos do put popl t icrsd risk for crti coditios Th hlth iformtio wbsit lgbthlthchl (www lgbthlthchlcom/trsgdr/htshtml) ots tht risks ssocitd with hormo thrpy iclud th followig: big pituitry tumors gllblddr diss hyprtsio (high blood prssur) hypothyroidism livr diss migri hdch tdcy for blood to clot, possibly cusig rltd coditios of vryig svrity: urysm, Dp vi thrombosis (DVT), or Pulmory mbolism wight gi worsig of dprssio (if prst); icrsd ssitivity to strss Smokig d lcohol us furthr icrs th risk of possibl gtiv sid ffcts Although ths risks my b lrmig, th bttr iformd popl r, th bttr prprd thy c b to protct thir hlth Most trs popl who wt hormos r willig to tk ths pottil risks for th bfits of much improvd qulity of lif To miimiz y risks, mk sur tht th doctor rsposibil for th hormo thrpy tks bsli d th rgulr blood drws to moitor hormo lvls d y chgs i lvls, d th djusts doss ccordigly Iformtio bout surgry Not ll trs popl r itrstd i, or c fford, surgris Thy r oft multipl, complx d xpsiv Ev for fmilis who wish to show ficil support to thir trs child, th costs my b byod wht th fmilis c rsobly mg At this tim, ths surgris r covrd oly by fw provics Trs surgris wr dlistd from th Otrio Hlth Isurc Pl (OHIP) Schdul of Bfits i 1998, gist th rcommdtios of my xprts This ms tht Otrio rsidts must py out of pockt for ths surgris Itrtiol xprts lrgly gr tht sx rssigmt surgry (SRS) is oft mdiclly cssry for trssxuls motiol wll-big, but Cdi hlth cr systms r t diffrt stgs of rspodig to this icrsig cossus For som trs popl, crti surgris r mor importt th othrs Top surgris (brst lrgmt for trs wom or chst msculizitio for trs m) r lss xpsiv d mor commo th bottom surgris, which c ru i th ts of thousds of dollrs d r mor vrid i thir lvl of tchologicl dvcmt Spc limittios do ot prmit us to provid much of discussio of th diffrt kids of vilbl surgry W chos istd to prioritiz iformtio bout hormos, sic thy r mor commo for youth th surgris Howvr, thr r my wbsits ddictd to th topic of vilbl trssxul surgris W lso dfr th surgry dtils bcus surgry is ot somthig vryo c obti, or obti quickly Your child will likly hv to liv vry dy i his or hr dsird gdr d b ssssd by rcogizd thrpist (oft psychologist or psychitrist) for xtdd priod of tim s prt of th rl lif xpric rquird by my surgos bfor thy will 26 Fmilis i TRANSitio

29 prform surgry My surgos will ot prform surgry o trs youth, witig istd util prospctiv cdidts rch dulthood At this stg i your child s lif, w hv two rcommdtios for him or hr wh cosidrig y trs-rltd mdicl itrvtio: 1 Scur good doctor who will complt thorough hlth history d physicl xm bfor mkig y rcommdtios This doctor should b fmilir with th World Profssiol Associtio for Trsgdr Hlth *2 Stdrds of Cr Th Stdrds of Cr r st of itrtiolly grdupo profssiol stdrds for bst cr prctics with trssxul clits (s Stdrd of cr issus udr Rsourcs ) You hv th right to sk how my trssxul youth th doctor hs s d crd for i th pst, d this my or my ot iform dcisio o your prt 2 Cosidr th timig of y mdicl itrvtio i li with othr mdicl or idtifictio chg pls h or sh my hv Somtims o dcisio c hv othr, uitdd cosqucs As o of my xmpls, your child my hv his or hr m officilly chgd, which is sprt d lss rstrictiv procss th chgig th sx idictd o idtity documts For th priod of tim i btw, your child my b mor vulrbl t trvl bordrs or hv mor difficulty with officil pprwork tht shows pprt discrpcy btw th lgl m d sx Ecourg your child to cosult with his or hr doctor d/or cousllor who spcilizs i this r Kowldgbl profssiols c hlp grt possibl dcisios, ticipt possibl cosqucs, d rhrs pottil strtgis with your child Iformtio bout lgl sx d m chgs Although ruls vry from provic to provic, i Otrio, you must hv lttr from surgo cofirmig th compltio of sx rssigmt surgry (with som flxibility bout th tur of th surgry) i ordr to lglly chg your sx o idtifictio d documttio through th Offic of th Rgistrr Grl, Miistry of Govrmt Srvics This is diffrt procss th gttig m chg, which is rltivly sy Compltd through th sm offic, rct rgultios llow for trs popl to possibly rciv xmptio from hvig thir m chg publishd i Th Otrio Gztt, s is stdrd prctic A sigd lttr to th Offic idictig th rqust for privcy bsd o gdr idtity is rquird to b cosidrd for th xmptio S thir wbsit for dtils S lso th tbl o th xt pg, which shows how ths procsss for lgl m d sx chg r diffrt *2 WPATH, formrly kow s th Hrry Bjmi Itrtiol Gdr Dysphori Associtio A Rsourc Guid for Prts of Trs Youth 27

30 Fmilis i TRANSitio: A Rsourc Guid for Prts of Trs Youth Chg to idtifictio Offic of th Rgistrr Grl, Miistry of Govrmt Srvics Lgl m chg Lgl sx chg (c b do ytim; rvrsibl stp tht rquirs your prmissio if your child is udr 18) o idtifictio (post-surgry) Drivr s Lics Adult Child (18 d oldr) (udr 18) Prrquisits: Hs livd i Otrio for t lst 1 yr Rquirs: Applictio form (20 pgs), icludig gurtor s sttmt F: $13700 Timli: 6 to 8 wks Othr: Iclud rqust for privcy bsd o gdr idtity Youth who r 16 d 17 c pply s dults, s log s thy hv your writt cost Prrquisits: Hs livd i Otrio for t lst 1 yr Rquirs: Applictio form F: $13700 Timli: 6 to 8 wks Othr: Must b compltd by prts or lgl gurdis Issud: A Chg of Nm Crtifict A w birth crtifict (if bor i Otrio) If bor outsid of Otrio, you must pply for w birth crtifict with your hom provic, trritory, or coutry Visit: wwwgovoc 28 Rquirs: A lttr from th prso rqustig th chg A lttr from your child s surgo cofirmig th compltio of sx rssigmt surgry d tht th gdr dsigtio chg is pproprit Visit: Miistry of Trsporttio, drivr licsig gdrchghtm Birth Crtifict Rquirs: A pplictio to th Rgistrr Grl A crtifict from your child s surgo cofirmig th compltio of sx rssigmt surgry or from mdicl prctitior who did ot prform th surgry, but who hs dirctly xmid your child d c vrify th compltio of th surgry; d supportig tht th gdr dsigtio chg is pproprit Hlth Crd Rquirs: Chg of Iformtio (Form ), Sctio C d supportig documttio (i, w birth crtifict) Visit: Miistry of Hlth d Log-Trm Cr Visit: Vitl Sttistics Act, 1990, V4 (s #36; Chgs rsultig from trssxul surgry) Dowlod?dID =314157#BK50

31 Mor qustios? If you still hv qustios tht this guid hs ot ddrssd, pls gt i touch with us d w ll do our bst to b of hlp Th stff t Prid & Prjudic r vilbl for fr, cofidtil, d profssiol cosulttios with you d your fmily W wish you d your fmily ll th bst o wht is sur to b chllgig, courgous, d ultimtly rwrdig joury W lv you with o prt s story bout hr fmily s joury A prt s story Bfor our child cm out to us s trs, w s his prts kw tht somthig ws dply troublig him, but our ttmpts to discovr wht it ws wr mt with rsistc Wh h sid filly th words tht hv b rptd i my homs Mom, thr s somthig I d to tll you our livs chgd forvr Ad for th bttr It ws ot sy t first W hd to duct ourslvs bfor tllig othrs, d it ws difficult skig our so qustios without ivdig his privcy W did ot kow of y othr prts wlkig our wlk My mtr i thos rly dys, s it bcm pprt w would hv to vtully tll fmily d frids bout our w fmily dymics, bcm: This is ot bout m, this is ot bout m, this is ot bout m I tim, th xity d fr I flt for our so hs b rplcd with ovrwhlmig ss of clbrtio s h hurtls towrds hppy, fulfillig d uthtic lif Whil I kow my so my fc difficultis (housig d job discrimitio, mdicl d lgl hurdls, d so o), I kow for crti tht th cofidc d hppiss h hs gid by big llowd d courgd to b who h is clips y hrdships tht might occur i th futur Ctrl Toroto Youth Srvics 65 Wllsly St Est, 3 rd floor Toroto, Otrio M4Y 1G7 Pho: (416) Wbsit: wwwctysorg H is mzigly courgous prso d w s his prts r privilgd d hoourd tht h trustd d rspctd us ough to ivit us to shr this odyssy of discovry W r lso profoudly grtful to his youg frids who lovd, ccptd d courgd him wh our so thought w would ot As w tll yo who will list, our so is th sm gift to th world h hs lwys b, just wrppd up i diffrt ribbo Proud mom of FTM child A Rsourc Guid for Prts of Trs Youth 29

32

33 Fmilis i TRANSitio: A Rsourc Guid for Prts of Trs Youth Rsourcs 31

34 Apprig blow r smpl lists of rsourcs tht r currt s of Dcmbr 2007 Ths lists r ot itdd to b xhustiv Etris ppr i lphbticl ordr Liv support for prts of trs youth i Toroto PFLAG Toroto chptr: 115 Simpso Av, Suit 105 Toroto, ON M4K 1A1 Support li: (416) Admiistrtiv li: (416) (Tusdy, Wdsdy, Thursdy oly) Emil: toroto@pflgc Wb: wwwpflgcdc/chptrs/toroto/ html/homhtm Trscptc: Toroto-bsd prsupport group for prts of trssxul d trsgdrd childr Th group currtly mts mothly t th Shrbour Hlth Ctr to provid support, rduc isoltio d strss, shr iformtio, d mog othr thigs id with disclosur strtgis For mor iformtio, mil trscptc_group@yhooc or visit wwwshrbouroc/ PDFs/ Broch- Trscptc-06pdf Thr is lso similr group i th Nigr rgio: trsprt@hotmilcom Aul Evts: Shrbour Hlth Ctr s Trs Prid Dy, usully hld th 2 d Thursdy i My, d Trs Dy of Rmmbrc, Novmbr 20, put o by Trs Progrmms t th 519 Church Strt Commuity Ctr to mrk vrious forms of opprssio tht icrs violc d limit protctios for trs commuity mmbrs Otrio Ribow Hlth Rsourc Ctr: A Shrbour Hlth Ctr d Ribow Hlth Ntwork prtrship tht will offr iformtio d cosulttio to th public o issus of sxul d gdr miority commuitis O-li rsourcs for prts (* dots vilbility of o-li commuictio mog prts) Bill, S d Ry, C (d) How do I kow if my child is trsgdr, www hlpstrtshrorg/dfultspx?pgid =1114 Clldr, DR (2005) Wh Mtt bcm Jd: A xpric i workig with youth who md gdr trsitio chg i high school viromt Toroto: Dlisl Youth Srvics A story d mul tht ssist i providig foudtio to ductors, prts, studts, d profssiols bout how ssitiv trsitio ws succssfully mgd i high school sttig Avilbl o li: wwwdlislyouth org/srvic/wmbjmuscript Trscd Trsgdr Support & Eductio Socity (d) TrsFormig Commuity: Rsourcs for trs popl d thir fmilis Avilbl o li: wwwhwiidu/ hivdids/liks_trsgdrdhtm Vcouvr Costl Hlth, Trscd Trsgdr Support & Eductio Socity, d Cdi Ribow Hlth Colitio (2006) A dvoccy guid for trs popl d lovd os: wwwvchc/trshlth/ rsourcs/librry/tcpdocs/cosumr/ dvoccypdf Fmilis i TRANSitio: Yhoo group for prts, d lso grdprts, sibligs, fmily mmbrs, frids, supportrs d llis of youth d youg popl who r trsgdr, trssxul, trsitioig or trsitiod: fmilisitrsitio/ Liv Jourl: o-li commuity of prts with trs childr; offrs support d iformtio: com/prts_of_tg/profil* 32 Fmilis i TRANSitio

35 Mrmids: UK-bsd support for trsgdr childr, thir fmilis d crgivrs tht cotis storis, dvic, d op lttrs from prts to prts S How Prts My Rct d Why (2000): wwwmrmidsfrukcom PFLAG s Trsgdr Ntwork (TNET): provids support, ductio d dvoccy for trs popl d thir fmilis d lovd os: Th twork lso puts out populr Amric publictio, Our Trs Childr (2001), which givs lovd os itroductio to trs issus: www trsproudcom/pdf/trskidspdf Th Childr s Ntiol Mdicl Ctr: offrs multipl rsourcs d puts out A Guid for Prts (2003), with focus o youg childr, dowlodbl t wwwdcchildrs com/dcchildrs/bout/subcliicl/ suburoscic/subgdr/guidspx Trs Allic Socity: A BC llic tht provids forums d rsourcs to hlp with th prsol dvlopmt of trsgdrd mmbrs, promots kowldg d udrstdig of trs cultur, d works towrd rmovig brrirs ffctig th trsgdrd commuity: www trsllicsocityorg TrsFmily: Amric support group for trsgdrd d trssxul popl, thir prts, prtrs, childr, othr fmily mmbrs, frids, d supportiv othrs Rfrrls, litrtur, ovr-th-pho iformtio o trs issus, d discussio list-srv for prts: wwwtrsfmilyorg TrsPrt Cd: prt-to-prt support twork, wwwtrsprtcdc TrsProud: OutProud s wbsit for trsgdr youth Hdli ws, liks to othr sits for trs youth, rsourcs d iformtio, storis of othr trsgdr ts, mssg bords, s wll s rsourcs for prts of trsgdr childr: www trsproudcom Stdrds of cr Crig for trsgdr dolscts i BC: Suggstd guidlis (2006): producd by Trscd Trsgdr Support & Eductio Socity, Vcouvr Costl Hlth s Trsgdr Hlth Progrm, d th Cdi Ribow Hlth Colitio Cotis sctios o Cliicl mgmt of gdr dysphori i dolscts (D Vris, Coh-Kttis, & Dlmrr-V d Wl), d Ethicl, lgl, d psychosocil issus i cr of trsgdr dolscts (Whit Holm & Goldbrg) Avilbl oli: www vchc/trshlth/rsourcs/librry/tcpdocs/ guidlis-dolsctpdf Myr III, W (Chirprso), Bocktig, W, Coh-Kttis, P, Colm, E, DiCgli, D, Dvor, H, Goor, L, Joris Hg, J, Kirk, S, Kuipr, B, Lub, D, Lwrc, A, Mrd, Y, Ptto, J, Schfr, L, Wbb, A, Whlr, C (2001) Th stdrds of cr for gdr idtity disordrs-sixth Vrsio Itrtiol Jourl of Trsgdrism, 5,1: wwwsymposiocom/ijt/soc_2001/idxhtm Rdig mtril for prts Bok, M (Ed) (1999) Trs formig fmilis: Rl storis of trsgdrd lovd os Impril Bch, CA: Wltr Trook Publishig Cdi Lsbi d Gy Archivs: collcts d mitis iformtio rltd to gy d lsbi lif i Cd Icluds rchivl iformtio o trs popl Loctd i Toroto, (416) , wwwclgc Brow, M & Rously, CA (1996) Tru slvs: Udrstdig trssxulism for fmilis, frids, coworkrs d hlpig profssiols S Frcisco: Jossy-Bss A Rsourc Guid for Prts of Trs Youth 33

36 Lv, AI (2004) Fmily mrgc Trsgdr mrgc: Thrputic guidlis for workig with gdr-vrit popl d thir fmilis (pp ) Nw York: Hwthor Prss Rj, R (i prss) Trs formig coupls, trs formig fmilis: Thrputic support for trspopl d thir lovd os Jourl of GLBT Fmily Studis Stphi (2006) Th goy of urturig th spirit: A mothr s rcout of risig trsgdrd child O mothr s story, 10 frqutly skd qustios, d Th Prt Procss to Accptc Booklts c b ordrd oli for $2 through PFLAG-Phildlphi wwwpflgphilorg/ ordrform3html Wily, J (2006, August 22) My dughtr, my so, myslf Glob d Mil, A14 A Otrio mothr s story bout lovig hr trs so Avilbl o li: wwwpflgcdc/pdfs/ storis-prtspdf Jffrys, Victori From Withi, o-li book rcoutig o child s xprics: www tsrodmpcom/rly/from-withi/idxhtm (Just) Evly Mom, I d to b girl (oli vrsios vilbl i Arbic, Eglish Frch, Grm, Portugus d Spish: Evly/Evlyhtml Th Prid Librry: uiqu collctio of books, jourls, d vidos covrig ky issus ffctig fmilis with LGBT kids Housd t th Uivrsity of Wstr Otrio i Lodo, (519) , xt 85828: www uwoc/pridlib/fmilypridhtml Th Toroto Wom s Bookstor: Toroto bookstor tht crris my trs rsourcs, 73 Hrbord St, (416) or : wwwwomsbookstorcom Trsgdr Issus i Books for Youth, Childr d Thir Allis (multi-pg listig), compild by Ncy Silvrrod, Librri, S Frcisco Public Librry, silvrrod@sfplorg Films d documtris bout trs youth or youg dults d thir fmilis Girl Isid (2007), Cdi documtry dirctd by My Gllus tht follows Mdiso, 26-yr-old trs wom, ovr hr thr-yr trsitio Focuss o fmily rltioships 78 mis Just Cll m Kd (2002), documtry dirctd by Sm Zolt bout 14-yr-old Kd Frlow Collis, trs boy livig with his udrstdig fmily i Tucso, Arizo 26 mis M Vi Ros (1997), dirctd by Ali Brlir A fictiol story of 7-yr-old Ludovic, bor boy, who is covicd sh ws mt to b girl Wid-rls Middl C (2007), producd by Crm Jolly d Trist Whisto for CBC Rdio O (Outfrot) A multipl wrd-wiig two-prt rdio documtry of Trist Whisto s story of fml-to-ml trsitio, icludig fmily discussio d prspctivs Rd Without Blu (2007), multipl wrdwiig Amric documtry dirctd by Brook Sbold, Bit Sills d Todd Sills Shot ovr 3 yrs, this is poigt d compllig story of 20-somthig Mrk d Clir, bor idticl twis, comig out s gy m d trs wom, rspctivly Fturig cdid itrviw mtril with fmily mmbrs, th film xmis fmily s trsformtio ovr tim 77 miuts www rdwithoutblucom Th Dy I Dcidd to b Ni (2000), documtry dirctd by Igborg Js from th Nthrlds, fturig 11 yr old Guido, bor ml, who, with fmily support, is ow livig prt-tim s th girl sh s lwys wtd to b Eglish subtitls, 15 mis 34 Fmilis i TRANSitio

37 Support for trs youth i Toroto Ctrl Toroto Youth Srvics (CTYS): Prid & Prjudic Progrm (for qur d trs youth gd 25 d udr), 65 Wllsly St Est, Suit 300 i Toroto (416) x245 Offrs fr idividul d group couslig, wwwctysorg/progrms/ pridprjudichtm Lsbi Gy Bi Trs Youth Li: (416) GTA, or Toll Fr (Otrio-wid) TTY srvics vilbl A fr pr support pho li for lsbi, gy, bisxul, trsgdr, trssxul, two-spirit, qur d qustioig youth Sudy to Fridy, 4:00 to 9:30 pm wwwyouthlic/ Supportig Our Youth (SOY) of Shrbour Hlth Srvics: houss my youth groups, ll of which wlcom trs d 2-spirit youth Trs_Fusio_Crw (TFC) is socil spc ddictd for TG/TS/gdrqur/gdrqustioig youth Evry othr Thursdy 6:00-9:00 pm, Cotct: (416) , tfc@shrbouroc Trs Youth Toroto!: o of th my offrigs through Trs Progrmms t th 519 Church St Commuity Ctr TYT is drop-i for trssxul d trsgdrd youth gd 26 d udr Socil spc, ccss rsourcs, iformtio d rfrrls Wdsdys 5:00-9:00 pm Cotct: (416) , x331, wwwth519org/progrms/ trs/tytshtml Th Trigl Progrm: sf, hrssmtfr, quity-bsd viromt whr Lsbi, Gy, Bisxul d Trs (LGBT) youth c lr d r cdmic crdits Cotct: (416) x169, tdsboc/trigl Rdig mtril for trs youth Bdig th mold: A ctio kit for trsgdr youth A joit publictio by Lmbd Lgl d th Ntiol Youth Advoccy Colitio (NYAC), vilbl o li: wwwycyouthorg/yc/ Bdig%20th%20Mold-filpdf I thik I might b trsgdr, ow wht do I do? A 2004 brochur by d for trsgdr youth by Advocts for Youth Avilbl o li: wwwdvoctsforyouthorg/youth/ hlth/pmphlts/trsgdrpdf Lt s tlk trs: A rsourc for trs d qustioig youth A 2006 joit publictio by Vcouvr Costl Hlth, Trscd Trsgdr Support & Eductio Socity d Cdi Ribow Hlth Colitio Avilbl o li: wwwvchc/trshlth/rsourcs/ librry/tcpdocs/cosumr/youthpdf Trs-positiv mdicl cr i Toroto Hssl Fr: 66 Grrrd St Est, 2d floor offrs fr STI d oymous HIV tstig, d sxul hlth cousllig TG d TS folks wlcom t both th wom s (416) d m s cliics (416) No o rfusd srvics without hlth crd Whlchir ccssibl wwwhsslfrcliic org Hlth Ctr t 410 (St Michl s Hospitl): 410 Shrbour Strt, (416) hs b workig wll with trs popl for yrs wwwstmichlshospitlcom Shrbour Hlth Ctr: 333 Shrbour Strt, (416) hs workd hrd to cosult with trs commuitis, d hs svrl trs popl o stff, icludig rcptioists, cousllors, d doctors Whlchir ccssibl wwwshrbouroc A Rsourc Guid for Prts of Trs Youth 35

38 Th Hous (Pld Prthood of Toroto): 36B Pric Arthur Avu (416) offrs itrdiscipliry hlth cr to youth gs 29 d udr wwwpptoc Th SHOUT Cliic: 467 Jrvis St (416) trs-positiv mdicl drop-i, ctrig to (but ot xclusivly for) strtivolvd d homlss youth gs 25 d udr whr you c gt srvics, v if you r udocumtd d/or do t hv hlth crd Lift to th mi floor, brrir-fr bthrooms wwwctchccom 36 Fmilis i TRANSitio

39 Rfrcs Childr s Ntiol Mdicl Ctr (2003) If you r cocrd bout your child s gdr bhviors: A guid for prts Wshigto, DC: Childr s Ntiol Mdicl Ctr Coh-Kttis, PT, & Goor, LJG (1999) Trssxulism: A rviw of tiology, digosis, d trtmt Jourl of Psychosomtic Rsrch, 46, Coh-Kttis, PT, & v Gooz, SHM (1998) Pubrtl dly s id i digosis d trtmt of trssxul dolsct Europ Child & Adolsct Psychitry, 7, D Vris, ALC, Coh-Kttis, PT & Dlmrr-V d Wl, H (2006) Cliicl mgmt of gdr dysphori i dolscts, i Crig for trsgdr dolscts i BC: Suggstd guidlis Avilbl o li: wwwvchc/trshlth/ rsourcs/librry/tcpdocs/guidlisdolsctpdf Vcouvr: Trscd Trsgdr Support & Eductio Socity, Vcouvr Costl Hlth s Trsgdr Hlth Progrm, d th Cdi Ribow Hlth Colitio Fibrg, L (1996) Trsgdr Wrriors: Mkig history from Jo of Arc to Dis Rodm Bosto: Bco Prss Fitzptrick, L (2007, Novmbr 8) Th gdr coudrum Tim Mgzi Avilbl o li: wwwtimcom/tim/mgzi/rticl/0,917 1, ,00html Groflo, R, Dlo, J, Osmr, E, Doll, M, & Hrpr, GW (2006) Ovrlookd, misudrstood d t-risk: Explorig th livs d HIV risk of thic miority ml-to-fml trsgdr youth Jourl of Adolsct Hlth, 38, Grossm, AH, D Auglli, A R, Howll, TJ, & Hubbrd, S (2005) Prts rctios to trsgdr youths gdr ocoformig xprssio d idtity Jourl of Gy & Lsbi Socil Srvics, 18, 3-16 HBIGDA, 2001 Th Hrry Bjmi Itrtiol Gdr Dysphori Associtio s Stdrds of Cr for Gdr Idtity Disordrs-Sixth Vrsio Avilbl: Istr Lv, A (2004) Trsgdr mrgc: Thrputic guidlis for workig with gdr-vrit popl d thir fmilis Nw York: Th Hwthor Cliicl Prctic Prss [Chptr 8, Fmily Emrgc, dls with wht hvig trs fmily mmbr my b lik for othr fmily mmbrs] Lpischk, B (2004) Buildig commuity for Toroto s lsbi, gy, bisxul, trssxul d trsgdr youth Jourl of Gy & Lsbi Socil Srvics, 16, Mllo, GP & DCrsczo, T (2006) Trsgdr childr d youth: A child wlfr prspctiv Child Wlfr, LXXXV, Mrmids (Scrtry of) (d) Som ots o th spcil ds of youg trssxul popl, spcilly tgrs Avilbl: wwwmrmids frukcom/dshtml Pzos, S (1999) Prctic with fml-to-ml trsgdrd youth Jourl of Gy & Lsbi Srvics, 10, Pfäffli, F, & Jug, A (1998) Sx rssigmt: Thirty yrs of itrtiol follow-up studis SRS: A comprhsiv rviw, (Eglish d) Symposio Publishig: Düssldorf, Grmy ( symposiocom/ijt/pfffli/1000htm) PFLAG (d) For fmilis d frids Avilbl o li: wwwpflgorg/for_fmily_ Fridscomigout_fmily0html Roughgrd, J (2004) Evolutio s ribow: A Rsourc Guid for Prts of Trs Youth 37

40 Divrsity, gdr d sxulity i tur d popl Brkly Uivrsity of Clifori Prss Rubi, H (2003) Slf-md m: Idtity d mbodimt mog trssxul m Vdrbilt Uivrsity Prss Sus, LA (2003) HIV prvtio d ductiol ds of trs youth Upublishd dissrttio Uivrsity of Psylvi Shpiro, E (2004) Trs cdig brrirs: Trsgdr orgizig o th itrt Jourl of Gy & Lsbi Socil Srvics, 16, Vcouvr Costl Hlth, Trscd Trsgdr Support & Eductio Socity d Cdi Ribow Hlth Colitio (2006) Lt s tlk trs: A rsourc for trs d qustioig youth Avilbl o li: www vchc/trshlth/rsourcs/librry/tcpdocs/ cosumr/youthpdf Wyss, S E (2004) This ws my hll : Th violc xpricd by gdr o-coformig youth i US high schools Itrtiol Jourl of Qulittiv Studis i Eductio, 17, Smith, YLS, Coh, L, & Coh-Kttis, PT (2002) Post-oprtiv psychologicl fuctioig of dolsct trssxuls: A Rorschch study Archivs of Sxul Bhvior, 31, Smith, YLS, v Gooz, SHM, & Coh- Kttis, PT (2001) Adolscts with gdr idtity disordr who wr ccptd or rjctd for sx rssigmt surgry: A prospctiv follow-up study Jourl of th Amric Acdmy of Child d Adolsct Psychitry, 40, Smith, YLS, v Gooz, SHM, Kuipr, AJ, & Coh-Kttis, PT (2004) Sx rssigmt: Outcoms d prdictors of trtmt for dolsct d dult trssxuls Psychologicl Mdici, 35, Trs Progrmmig t th 519 Church Strt Commuity Ctr (d) TS/TG 101: A itroductio to trssxul d trsgdrd issus for srvic providrs Trvrs, R & Moh, N (1997) Dr Mom, Dd d Brdly Wh lsbi d gy youth com out to thir fmilis I M Schidr (Ed), Prid d prjudic: Workig with lsbi, gy d bisxul youth (pp ) Toroto: Ctrl Toroto Youth Srvics 38 Fmilis i TRANSitio

41 Edots 1 Roughgrd, Fibrg, dvris, Coh-Kttis & Dlmrr-V d Wl, 2006, A-2 4 Grossm, D Auglli, Howll, & Hubbrd, Wyss, Rubi, Istr Lv, Grossm, D Auglli, Howll, & Hubbrd, Grossm t l, p Grflo, Dlo, Osmr, Doll & Hrpr, Grossm & D Auglli, Lpischk, Mrmids 14 Shpiro, Sus, Wyss, Mrmids, d 18 HBIGDA, Smith, v Gooz, Kuipr & Coh-Kttis, 2004, p Pfäffli & Jug, Coh-Kttis & v Gooz, 1997; Smith, v Gooz & Coh-Kttis, for rviw, s Coh-Kittis & Goor, Coh-Kttis & v Gooz, Fitzptrick, L (2007, Novmbr 8) Th gdr coudrum Tim Mgzi 25 Coh-Kttis & v Gooz, Pzos, 1999 A Rsourc Guid for Prts of Trs Youth 39

42 Nots: 40 Fmilis i TRANSitio

43 Publishd by Ctrl Toroto Youth Srvics (CTYS) 2008 Ctrl Toroto Youth Srvics (CTYS) Grphic Dsig by Pm Slo - pmslodsigs@gmilcom First Pritig 2008 Portios of this mul my b copid for ductiol purposs Commrcil us is ot prmittd Copis vilbl from: Ctrl Toroto Youth Srvics (CTYS) 65 Wllsly St Est, Suit 300 Toroto, ON M4Y 1G7 PH: (416) wwwctysorg

44 This comprhsiv, isightful d mpowrig guid provids courgmt d hop s w prts tk dp brth d ccompy our gdr-vrit childr o th shrd joury to full ccptc, digity d clbrtio ~ Jo Wily, TrsPrt Cd This guid is sy to rd, iformtiv, d rssurig documt for trs youth, thir prts, gurdis, fmily mmbrs d th commuity As prt d mmbr of PFLAG, I highly rcommd it ~ Simo LBrto, Bord Mmbr d Prt, PFLAG Toroto I gv it good rd Filly, ssitiv wll-writt support rsourc for prts of trgdrd kids tht s locl d up-to-dt Whr c I gt copis? ~ Dr Sydy Tm, Physici, Shrbour Hlth Ctr Spcil thks to: Ctrl Toroto Youth Srvics (CTYS) 65 Wllsly St Est, Suit 300 Toroto, ON M4Y 1G7 PH : ( 416 ) wwwctysorg