FAMILY MATTERS PARENTING AGREEMENT FOR SCOTLAND PLAN

Transcription

1 FAMILY MATTERS PARENTING AGREEMENT FOR SCOTLAND PLAN

2 CONTENTS Introduction Putting your children first Effective communication Future arrangements for your children: living arrangements - keeping in touch - school - holidays and other special days - health - money matters - other arrangements Making changes Joint agreement 1

3 INTRODUCTION This Plan is the second of the two documents which make up the Parenting Agreement for Scotland. The Plan is for you and your children s other parent to complete together. There should be two copies, one for each of you. It is intended to be a record of the arrangements you have agreed on with regard to the future care of your children. The Plan is complemented by a Guide. The Guide aims to help you consider some of the key issues which are important for parents who have separated. You may find it helpful to refer to the Guide as you are completing the Plan but it s up to you how you use the Parenting Agreement for Scotland. At the end of this document there is a space for you and your former partner to sign, indicating your joint commitment to the arrangements you have agreed on. As well as each of you keeping a copy of the Plan, you may wish to give a copy to other people who will be involved in your children s lives, such as grandparents but again, that s up to you. 2

4 PUTTING YOUR CHILDREN FIRST It is important to bear in mind how vulnerable and insecure some children can feel when their parents separate. It can really help them if you put aside your differences with one another and make arrangements which will bring stability and continuity into their lives at a time of doubt and change. Some things that all separating parents should take account of: Children find change unsettling and thrive on stability and a regular routine. When change is unavoidable, children need to have the new arrangements explained to them, so they understand what is happening and why. Children should be involved in decisions made about their future so don t forget to ask them what they feel. However, while children s views should be listened to, children should never be asked to take responsibility for decisions which will have a major impact on their, or either of your, lives. A particularly difficult and sensitive area for children and former partners arises if a new partner is introduced into either home. This requires great sensitivity by all concerned. 3

5 EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION The purpose of the Parenting Agreement for Scotland is to encourage parents who have separated to come together and talk about future arrangements for their children. No one would suggest that this is easy. Your feelings towards each other may be far from positive but if you can agree on sensible, workable arrangements for your children now, it could help prevent disagreements arising in future and make things easier for your children. Always remember that you are making plans for your children and that it s their welfare and happiness which is at stake. Below are some general guidelines about how separated parents should talk to one another and their children. Talking to your children Explain the fact of your separation so that they understand the changes that are taking place. Reassure them that your separation does not alter the fact that you both love them and will continue to be their parents. Don t criticise or blame the other parent. Keep your promises. Your children need to be able to trust and rely on you. This is very important right now. Reassure them that they are not to blame for your separation. 4

6 Talking to each other Try to avoid arguing or criticising each other in front of your children. Even when you can t agree, respect one another s views. As much as possible, show a united front to your children and assure them that you both want what s best for them. Be reasonable. Don t make demands that can t possibly be met. Always look to reach a compromise. Communicate directly with your former partner don t send messages through your children. Once you have come to an agreement with your former partner, stick to it. Recognise that circumstances will change over time and be flexible. 5

7 YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN The following sections in the Plan focus on some specific areas of your children s lives which, as parents, you will need to consider. Before you move onto this, you can fill in your names and those of your children in the space below. Parents Names CHILDREN Name Date of Birth If you feel that there are any other people with a close involvement in caring for your children whose names you would also like to record in the Plan (e.g. grandparents or step-parents) you can include their details below. OTHERS Name Relationship to Children 6

8 LIVING ARRANGEMENTS Page 5 of the Guide discusses some of the issues to be considered when agreeing living arrangements for your children. You may wish to read this before completing the following section. Where will your children live and for what periods? (This may include more than one address) How much time will they spend with each of you in a way which is realistic, practical and in the children s best interests? How might you best spend this time with your children? If a visit needs to be postponed by an adult, how and by whom will this be explained to the children? If your child needs to postpone or rearrange a planned visit, how will this be managed? 7

9 Will the children be able to stay overnight at each of your homes? How else will the children keep in contact, e.g. , phone calls, text message, post? Are there any firm rules that you want to agree on for your children? (Depending on their ages, these might include bedtimes, staying out late or smoking, for example). Which other people do you feel are suitable to look after your children? (This might include grandparents, other relatives, neighbours). If either of you have a new partner, how will you introduce them to your children? How might you deal with any reluctance by either your former partner, or particularly your children, to be involved with a new partner? 8

10 KEEPING IN TOUCH Page 9 of the Guide discusses some of the issues to be considered concerning other people your children will keep in touch with. You may wish to read this before completing the following section. Which family members and friends who are important to your children will they stay in contact with? (For younger children, you may even want to ask them to fill in the diagram below) People who are important to me ME 9

11 How will you arrange for your children to stay in contact with these people? How often will contact take place? Other than visits, can your children be encouraged to stay in touch with these other people by other means, such as by , letter or phone? 10

12 SCHOOL Page 11 of the Guide discusses some of the issues to be considered concerning your children s schooling. You may wish to read this before completing the following section. How will the school be informed about your family s change of circumstances - will you meet with the school s guidance staff, for example? How will you ensure that each parent receives school reports and other details of yours children s progress? How will you ensure that each parent receives information about school events? Will both of you attend school functions such as parents evenings and sports days? Will you attend these functions together or separately? 11

13 How will you and your former partner make decisions about which school the children will attend; how will you help them make decisions about their choice of subjects and future career options? If one of your children is ill, or if there is any kind of emergency, who should the school contact? If one of your children has problems at school, who should the school contact? Have you informed the school about who will be picking up the children on particular days? Who should be consulted on, and give consent to, school trips? How will these be paid for? 12

14 HOLIDAYS AND OTHER SPECIAL DAYS Page 13 of the Guide discusses some of the issues to be considered around your children s holidays. You may wish to read this before completing the following section. When school holidays come along, how will you share responsibility for caring for your children? During the holidays, will the children be spending time with other people, such as grandparents or other relatives? Can either of you take the children away on holiday? Abroad? How will holidays be paid for? 13

15 What arrangements will you make for other days when schools are closed, such as inservice days? What arrangements will you make for birthdays and other special days? Have you discussed these arrangements with your children to see what their views are? 14

16 HEALTH Page 15 of the Guide discusses some of the issues to be considered relating to your children s health care. You may wish to read this before completing the following section. How will your children s GP be informed about the family s change of circumstances, including where the children are now living as well as contact details of both parents? Who will be responsible for ensuring that your children keep routine medical and dental appointments? If one of your children has a chronic or long-term illness, what arrangements have you made to ensure they can get the help they need at all times, no matter who they are living with? If one of you is ill and unable to look after the children, what arrangements will you make to deal with this? 15

17 In the event of an emergency, who can you call on to help with childcare? Who will give parental consent to medical treatment when consent is required by a GP or hospital? 16

18 MONEY MATTERS Page 17 of the Guide discusses some of the issues to be considered concerning financial support for your children. You may wish to read this before completing the following section. Have you discussed the cost of financially supporting your children? Are there regular payments already being made by either of you? How will things like children s clothes and shoes be paid for? How will bigger things such as a computer or bicycle be paid for? Have you considered making long-term provision for your children s future needs, such as the cost of further education? Will you consider discussing together what might be appropriate big presents at Christmas and on birthdays? 17

19 OTHER ARRANGEMENTS There are any number of other situations relating to your children s care which you will need to consider. The previous sections have dealt with some of the major ones. If there are any other arrangements which you wish to include in this Plan, you may wish to record these in the space below. 18

20 MAKING CHANGES Page 19 of the Guide asks you to consider reviewing and updating the arrangements you have made about your children s care. You may wish to read this before completing the following section. Will you arrange to regularly reassess the arrangements you have agreed on? If so, at what intervals would you think reassessment would be appropriate? Alternatively, do you prefer to update arrangements as and when new circumstances present themselves? As your children get older and their needs change, how will you involve them in discussions about arrangements you are making for them? 19

21 JOINT AGREEMENT Now that you have made these important decisions about the future care and welfare of your children, you may each wish to sign in the space below to confirm your joint commitment to what you have agreed. As parents of the children named on page 6 of this Plan, we jointly accept responsibility for the future welfare, stability, development and happiness of our children. We have discussed and agreed the arrangements laid out in this Plan and commit ourselves to these arrangements. We have also discussed these arrangements with our children. We will jointly re-visit these arrangements in future, as necessary. In this way we will take account of changing circumstances and ensure that our children s best interests come first. Name Name Signature Signature Date Date If you feel that they are old enough, you may want to give your children the opportunity to sign the Plan as well. This would allow them to show that they understand and are agreeable to the arrangements which have been made on their behalf. I have read the Parenting Agreement reached by my parents. They have discussed these arrangements with me and taken my views into account. Name Name Signature Signature Date Date Please remember that the Parenting Agreement for Scotland is not a legal contract. The completed Plan reflects the arrangements which you have agreed to set in place for the future care and well-being of you children. By signing above, you are simply confirming what you have jointly agreed and there is no legal commitment in doing so. As with all parts of this document, you don t have to complete this section if you don t want to. 20

22 21 NOTES

23 Further copies of this document are available, on request, in audio and large print formats and in community languages. Please contact , The Scottish Executive has produced a range of Family Matters documents. These are available from by e mail [email protected] or by phoning Part of Family Matters Parenting Agreement Not available separately ISBN: Crown copyright 2006 Produced for the Scottish Executive by Astron B /06 This document is printed on recycled paper and is 100% recyclable