Lindsay Kenny, EFT Master

Transcription

1 TAPPING INTO YOUR IDEAL LIFE PARTNER The Love You Desire and Deserve By Lindsay Kenny, EFT Master 1

2 INTRODUCTION Tapping these affirmations into your body and out into the universe is the heart of this three-part process. If you participate at 100%, doing all the recommend steps and if you are really committed to finding your life partner, then this process should work for you. If you skip a step, or do this as a chore rather than a positive process, it s not likely that you ll get the results you want. To my knowledge, no one has ever done this process completely and been unsuccessful at finding their life partner. Please do this process in three or more sessions, rather than all at once. You are more likely get additional insights by leaving it for awhile and come back to it another day from a different perspective. I ve given this to hundreds of people just like you and it has helped them create miracles! As I always say to my clients You already don t have what you want, so you have nothing to lose! Good Luck and Good Tapping, Lindsay Kenny 2

3 TABLE OF CONTENTS Process One - Doing an Autopsy three of your most significant love relationships What worked What didn t work What did they have in common Process Two Defining Your Ideal Life Partner Five Essential Elements for your Life Partner Deal Breakers: Unacceptable characteristics for your life partner The Partner Wish List The Partner Deal-Breaker List Tapping Into Attracting Your Ideal Partner Process Three Defining Your Ideal Relationship Five Essential Elements for your ideal relationship Relationship Deal Breakers: Unacceptable Elements of Your Ideal Relationship The Relationship Wish List The Wish List Deal Breakers Tapping! For Your Ideal Relationship 3

4 PROCESS ONE RELATIONSHIPS AUTOPSY Every failed relationship takes a little chunk out of our heart and spirit. Will I ever find someone else? becomes a sad song. So before you move forward again seeking love, it s best to look back to see what worked and what didn t work in past relationship. If there is something you re doing or attracting that s causing you repeated pain, wouldn t you want to know what it is? This first exercise, the Relationships Autopsy could save you a lot of future heartbreak. DO AN AUTOPSY ON YOUR PARTNERS FROM YOUR MOST SIGNIFICANT THREE LOVE RELATIONSHIPS (if you have had that many). If not, do it for the significant relationships or marriages you ve had during your adult life after the age of 18. By autopsy, I mean dissect what happened in the relationship from an accountability point of view. For each relationship, take a few paragraphs to describe what happened, what worked, what went wrong, the role you played (accomplice, victim, enabler, controller, doormat, etc.?) What worked well in the relationship? What didn t work? What were the elements that were similar to your last or next relationship? What traits or characteristics did this person have that prevented your relationship from continuing? What did you like best about him/her? How did you contribute to the demise of the relationship? What, if anything, could you have done differently to save it? Would you have wanted to save it? In retrospect are you glad it ended? 4

5 What pattern, if any, do you see in your relationships? Was there a common theme causing them to end? One element that s common to all of your relationships - friendships, parent, child, sibling, lover, etc. is YOU. So, if the same pattern emerges over and over, e.g., the men in your life are usually dominant or abusive or alcoholic or athletic or handsome, or weak or hot-tempered, etc. you re obviously drawn to that type of man. If this type/dynamic isn t working for you, then this autopsy process will help you change that pattern. Hopefully, you re doing this workshop because whatever you ve been doing in the past isn t working. Finding the pathology of your past relationships is a major step toward avoiding the same mistakes in the future. 5

6 PROCESS TWO DEFINING THE IDEAL PERSON FOR YOU Essential Elements, Deal Breakers and Wish Lists LIST FIVE ESSENTIAL ELEMENTS OR CHARACTERISTICS THAT YOU FEEL ARE ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY IN A LIFE PARTNER. (Read this entire section before starting your list.) Here is a sample list of common choices: (Please understand there are potentially dozens more). List what s absolutely indispensable to you. 1. Sense of humor 2. Intelligent 3. Kindhearted 4. Sensitive to my feelings and others 5. Has integrity Other suggestions: sensitivity, compassionate, caring, loving, loyal, attractive, playful, anima- loving, even disposition, loyal, dependable, honest, sweet, fun, adventurous, financial stable, etc. It s important that you know exactly what matters to you most in a life mate. Most people don t go to the grocery store without at least a mental list of what they need. We buy cars, houses or even clothes with, at least, some idea of the elements we want or need in them. Yet most people choose their life partner based on superficial qualities (appearance, chemistry or on common interests). It s highly unlikely you ll find your ideal life companion unless you know what you re looking for. And I don t mean the color of their hair or eyes. Nor do I mean a huge wish list containing the elements of the perfect man or woman. He or she doesn t exist. The attitude of I ll know him/her when I meet him/her isn t a valid criterion. It s too easy to get distracted or unduly influenced by someone s appearance, power or charisma. Limit your Essential Elements, to 5, for now. Not 6, not 4, but FIVE. Later, you ll have the opportunity to expand the list. If you have difficulty with 5, be sure to play each character trait off the others. For instance, if you think it s important that your mate is 6

7 taller than you then play it against each of the other characteristics you choose. Is being taller more critical in a life mate than honesty, sensitivity, intelligence etc.? If so, then eliminate the characteristic that is less important. This does not mean you can t find someone who is both tall and intelligent, but for the purpose of this process, find the 5 MOST important characteristics. If you re a 6 tall woman and having a man taller than you is really, truly essential to your happiness, then include it in your list, if you must. Just know that it limits the number of contenders considerably, since most people in the world (over 95%) are less than 6 tall. And a good percentage of those over 6 may be of your same sex. Over half of the remainders are married or otherwise unavailable. A huge percent live in other states or countries, or don t have the other more important characteristics on your list. Here s a true example of the above height issue (which could just as well be one of eye- or hair- color, or other physical traits). A friend of mine recently sought my help with finding her life partner. When she told me her previous likes and dislikes, a tall man was definitely a must for her. After working on her Essentials and Deal Breaker lists, however, the height issue got dropped down to the wish list. As a result, within a few weeks of completing this process, she met a wonderful man who is very intelligent, kind, loving, cute, sweet and sensitive, has a great sense of humor and is very successful. He s about an inch shorter than she is, so she would have previously not even given him a chance. Thank God, she says, that she opened her heart and mind to this wonderful man. It s important, then, that when you do meet or start dating a new person, you do not add something to your Essentials list or Deal Breaker list UNLESS you re willing to replace it with an item already on the list. If, after dating someone, you decide that it s important that he or she wants to have four kids, then you need to bump something else off your Essentials list down to the wish list. It s OK to make changes and learn from your experiences, but you can t add more to the list. The reasoning is this: There are an infinite number of characteristics we could all come up with in an ideal mate. However, reality suggests that few of us are perfect. Everyone has pluses and minuses, and to recognize that will go a long way toward helping you find a person to love rather than a person who s perfect. 7

8 DEAL BREAKERS: LIST 5 CHARACTERISTICS THAT ARE TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE TO YOU IN A LIFE PARTNER. Make sure these aren t just the opposites of the previous process. So, if having a college education is one of your items on the Essentials list, then don t put less than a college education on the Deal Breaker list. Here s an example of a Deal Breaker list: 1. A smoker or substance abuser, including drugs or alcohol 2. Someone who doesn t take care of their personal appearance or hygiene 3. Someone who doesn t like children or animals 4. A person who is selfish or self-centered 5. Someone who s loud and/or obnoxious Notice that a couple of elements include one or more similar items, like smoking, drinking and drugs. That s OK, as long as the characteristics are in the same realm. It s not acceptable to say, A smoker who lives more than 50 miles from my home town. Those two items are unrelated. As before, when you have more than 5 elements that you feel are unacceptable, play each one off the other until you come up with the five characteristics that are MOST unacceptable to you. And try this litmus test (using the above Essential Elements and Deal Breakers as an example). Let s say you meet a person who is very good looking (NOT on the Essentials list), very wealthy (ditto) and is really fun to be with and has friends in high places. Yet, he/she is a smoker, has to have his/her 3 martinis a day, is not all that bright, and is allergic to animals. Based on the elements in the above you should absolutely not continue going out with this person. If what you re really looking for is contained in the list above, then you will never be truly happy with the wealthy, good looking, booze guzzling, dog kicker. Yet most of us fall into this trap sooner or later and think What s the harm in just going out for fun? Here s the answer; it's just too easy to fall for someone who s adorable and fun to be with. When you and/or the other person are emotionally involved, it is so much harder to end than a casual acquaintance. You rationalize and say But we really love each other. Ho Ha! Given the above criteria, the love wouldn t last long and it d be a disaster to live with that person. 8

9 Years ago, I used to have some rules for myself about dating that were something like this: Non-smoker, not married, non-drinker, not more than 10 years older than I am and emotionally available. Well, lo and behold, I fell hard for a gorgeous, very wealthy, worldly, party animal that happened to be married and was having an affair with another woman when we met. He also smoked and was 12 years older. He was so irresistible; however, that I put away all my rules and fell head over heels for him (this was long ago, well before I defined this process! Still, that s no excuse. I should have known better.) We had a torrid, two-year roller coaster ride of a relationship that had its wonderful moments, but almost killed me emotionally and spiritually and made me physically sick. When it ended, and thank God it did, I was utterly devastated. I knew going into it that it was high risk, not good for me and potentially disastrous. Yet, I was seduced into it anyway. I didn t do anything wrong (other than my judgment in him,) and neither did he. He was just being who he was and who I knew him to be. There was no deception. I just chose the wrong guy for me. Not only did I waste two years of my life, it damaged my self-esteem, health and trust in myself and men. My dad used to tell me, You have to stand for something, or you ll fall for anything. At twelve years old, I didn t quite understand that. But I sure do now. You have to know what you want, and what you won t accept in order to draw your ideal partner into your life. Ok, now back to the process. You ll like this next part 9

10 THE WISH LISTS This is where you get to ask for whatever you want; George-Clooney looks, Donald-Trump Money (or hair) or whatever! List 10 characteristics that you would like for your Life Partner to have, but that are not essential. For instance, if you re a woman, you might list things like: he s a good dresser, is taller than I am, likes to dance, plays the piano, loves my kid, is a good cook, and can do my hair (ha!) Put 10 things on this wish list and keep them in the back of your mind. You don t get to eliminate someone who is otherwise good for you if they don t have some or all of the elements on your wish list. It s just a guideline. Go ahead, have at it

11 The I-don t-think-so List : List 10 characteristics that you do not want in your life partner (but not quite deal-breakers.) Habits or preferences you hope he/she doesn t have. For example: he doesn t like to wear women s underwear, he doesn t live more than 50 miles away, or she doesn t have awful taste in clothing. Or: she doesn t spend two hours getting dressed every day, she doesn t withhold her affection as a weapon against me, he doesn t keep me waiting for hours when we have to be somewhere on time. Get the idea? Use your past experiences to guide you on these two lists. Again, limit them to 10 each and play contenders against other items on the list

12 Tapping Into Your Ideal Partner Now for the fun part: Using the Essential List and the Deal Breaker List (which should now be a 10-point positive attribute list), tap on attracting this ideal person in your life. Consider the Wish Lists as bonuses only. First start with a Reversal, on the KC point. Even though I don t want to attract this person into my life, I love and accept myself anyway. Even though I don t want to attract this person because I m afraid of getting hurt; maybe I m afraid he/she won t like me (enter any of your remaining negative beliefs or fears here.) Maybe I don t deserve love. Even though for whatever reason I don t want to attract my ideal partner I completely love and accept myself. After doing the Reversal Neutralization, shake your hands as if shaking off water off of your fingertips. Take a deep breath. Have a drink of water. Next, construct an ideal statement about this person you re attracting and how you ll feel when he/she is in your life. Remember to phrase it in the first person, present tense such as: I am attracting a loving, kind, intelligent man into my life, now. I am really loving this interesting, sweet, honest woman. I feel whole and validated I love how I feel when I m with my caring, sensitive partner. I m happy and content being loved by this kind-hearted, sweet, intelligent, person in my life. I feel fulfilled, secure and complete. Incorrect affirmations would look like this: o I don t want to be with someone who smokes. o I will find my ideal partner by Christmas to get my family off my back about grandkids. o I m not going to screw up this relationship. Tap on these affirmations daily. 12

13 Use as many of his/her characteristics as you want in the statement, as well as your motivation for having this person in your life. It is the feelings about how you ll feel that provide the pulling power behind the statement. Feeling as if this statement is already true is what will put you in rapport with what is needed to attract and accept him or her into your life. Tap on any resistance that comes up for you (I won t have any privacy or time for myself, etc.) Tap on any remaining fears, concerns or doubts (dad won t like him, what if he/she doesn t like my family.) Make sure you re clean on what you want and why. Once you re clear and your statement (UTS) feels right, tap on it every day until he/she shows up in your life. Stay focused only on the positive aspects and how you ll feel when this person is in your life. Avoid negative thinking. Divert negative thoughts into positive ones immediately. I m patient with this process. I ve waited a lifetime for this person and I can wait as long as it takes, knowing my soul mate is on the way to finding me. I would rather wait for my ideal mate, than settle for the wrong person who happens to be available now. It shouldn t take long, however, if you re clear on what you want, have cleared your obstacles and stay positive and in alignment with your goals. So shave your legs (ladies only, please) wear clean underwear, and keep that breath freshener handy. Once you are tapping daily and keeping to the positive, you may consider items from your Wish List. You can have these desirable, but not essential, characteristics or habits in the back of your mind as you seek someone. However, remember that the rules are that you can t eliminate someone just because they are not in alignment with your Wish List attributes. Now take a break, but make sure you complete Part 3 on Relationships! 13

14 Process Three DEFINING THE IDEAL RELATIONSHIP Essential Elements, Deal Breakers and Wish Lists DO AN AUTOPSY ON YOUR LAST 5 MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIPS (if you have had that many). If not, do it for the significant relationships or marriages you ve had during your adult life after the age of 18. The relationship is the third entity when two people come together, not you or him/her as an individual. The relationship is more important than either you or your partner. If all decisions were made on the good of the relationship, our divorce rate would be less than 10%, instead of 57%. List Five Essential characteristics in the ideal relationship. As an example, here are some common elements in a healthy relationship: 1. Total honesty and trust 2. Loving, affectionate, and warm 3. We are each other s best friends 4. A spirit of playfulness and adventure 5. Supporting each other s needs This is the most important part of the process of drawing your mate to you. It s here where you design the type of relationship you want to create. Most people focus on the person they want to be with, not the relationship they will be creating. (The same way others focus on the wedding, not the marriage.) I know a man who s a wonderful individual; bright, attractive, wealthy, funny, etc. But he s terrible at relationships. In his 70 s now, he s still single because he s stubborn and selfish and refuses to see the other person s point of view or make decisions for the good of this third entity. It s all about him, with the justification of, Well that s just how I am and I m not going to change. His choices have earned him a lonely, sad, life. 14

15 List Five Deal Breakers in the relationship. Remember these are not to be the opposites of the previous essentials. For example: 1. Insufficient time together in the relationship 2. Lack of open communication 3. No sense of purpose or direction in the relationship 4. Lack of compatible goals and values 5. Infidelity (including emotional affairs or sexual conversations on the Internet) You have to know what you want, and what you absolutely won t accept to get where you want to be in a relationship. Make 2 wish lists of up to 10 items each for the relationship. The Wish List: List 10 positive elements that you would like in your ideal relationship (not the person) These should be non essential but are desirable (such as sharing common interests, has a good relationship with their children or ex-spouse, etc.) The I-Don t-think-so List : List 10 characteristics that you do not want in your ideal relationship (not the person) This would include things such as not having sex often enough, not enough fun or adventure, the relationship is a low priority, you have to tolerate his/her best friend who is a jerk, etc. 15

16 Tapping Into Your Ideal Relationship Write down 5 or more affirmations for finding the ideal relationship. Be sure to include the elements you used in the Essential List and the Deal Breaker List. Also, remember an affirmation must be in the first person, positive and present tense. Here are a few examples: I am attracting a loving, open, honest relationship I love how I feel in my communicative, interesting, relationship I am open to all people, circumstances and possibilities that support attracting my ideal relationship 5) Write down 5 positive statements about how you will FEEL when you re in this new relationship with your ideal partner, such as: I really feel great about this relationship and the life we re building together. I feel validated, supported and vital. I am confident and comfortable in this relationship. Tap on these affirmations daily. Better yet use them as part of your Ultimate Truth Statement on relationships. 16

17 Tapping Tips and What Happens Next? Here are some tips to maximize the effectiveness your tapping: Tap on these affirmations three times a day, first thing in the morning, midday, and last thing before you go to sleep. Every day! Don t miss a day. It only takes 2-3 minutes! Keep the affirmations or your Ultimate Truth Statement posted on cards or sheets of paper in your bathroom or kitchen so you can see them often and keep them in your consciousness. Continue tapping daily until your find your soul mate. See yourself and feel yourself with this other person. Believe it will happen. Choose to make this fun and easy. Optional things you can do: Put yourself out there He or she is unlikely to find you if you stay in your house all day. Do some interesting things that you like or want to learn how to do. Be more aware of who and what s around you. Smile at people. I mean a genuine big smile. Say, Thank you! more often. Sign up for a dating service or online like e-harmony.com. just to practice your new skills in identifying your ideal mate and relationship. Make it fun, not serious. That s how I actually found my husband by doing research for my Match Making Agency in Phoenix. The experiment was a disaster, but out of it came my adorable soul mate, Jack. So it was worth kissing all those frogs, just to find my prince. Fix a friend or an ex up with someone you think he or she would be good with. I used to recycle all of my old boyfriends, to my girlfriends. Many are still married to each other after 30 years. I even fixed up my ex-husband with his second wife. Ironically, one of those introduced me to a lady who introduced me to another lady who put me in touch with the matchmaker who introduced me to my husband. Practice random acts of kindness. It feels good, and that s what you want to feel to be in the right place to accept the love of your life. Tap on at least five your good qualities every day, i.e. I am a fun loving, trustworthy man. Or I am a bright, congenial woman. Tap on at least five changes you would like to make in yourself, i.e.: 1. I am optimistic about life and love. 17

18 2. I love how I feel about myself in my new clothes and with my new hairstyle 3. It s fun being carefree and easy-going. 4. I think only positive thoughts about myself and others. 5. I m committed to having my life work. Hopefully you ve had fun doing these processes. And, hopefully, you ve learned a lot about yourself and what s really important to you. If you believe it and feel it, then you are in the right place and that Ideal Person and Ideal Relationship will be attracted to you. 18