Regrets v. Referrals What You Need to Know About Divorce Coaching and How it Can Help Your Practice

Transcription

1 American Bar Association Section of Family Law 2014 Fall Meeting Regrets v. Referrals What You Need to Know About Divorce Coaching and How it Can Help Your Practice Moderator: Jonathan W. Wolfe, Esq., Livingston, NJ Speaker: Tamara Harris Robinson, CEO Haramat Advisory Services, Montclair, NJ October 15-18, 2014 Stowe, Vermont

2 Speaker Bios Jonathan W. WOLFE, is a partner of Skoloff & Wolfe, P.C. in Livingston, New Jersey, where he concentrates his practice on complex civil litigation with a focus in family law. Mr. Wolfe started his practice as a member of the litigation department of Milbank, Tweed, Hadley & McCloy. He utilizes his background in financial disputes to represent leaders or the spouses of leaders from the business, professional and entertainment/sports communities in complex matrimonial matters. Mr. Wolfe is a member of the American Bar Association Executive Committee, Board of Governors and House of Delegates. He is a Fellow of the American Bar Foundation, has been recognized by Law & Politics and New Jersey Magazine as a Super Lawyer or Rising Star in the field of family law every year since 2006, received the 2008 New Jersey State Bar Association Professional Achievement Award and was recognized as one of the 2008 top 40 Under 40 business leaders in New Jersey by NJBIZ. He has appeared on national and regional television programs and has been featured or quoted in a wide variety of local and national publications, including The New York Post, The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The Star Ledger, Consumer Affairs, and The National Law Journal. He is a frequent author and lecturer on a wide variety of topics in the family law field. Mr. Wolfe received his B.A. from Cornell University, with honors, and his J.D. from New York University School of Law. Tamara Harris Robinson, is a personal transition specialist, certified divorce coach, and advocate Tamara Harris Robinson partners with clients to champion both themselves and children. Her emphasis includes high-conflict divorces in litigation and other protracted transitions. She also provides corporate services, including motivational speaking, curriculum design, and training. As the CEO of Haramat Group, Ms. Robinson applies her skills in business, coaching, finance, and social work. She received her BA in Economics and an MBA from the University of Pittsburgh. She received her MSW/EMPA dual masters from New York University. Ms. Robinson previously worked in finance and has taught a course in Public Child Welfare. She has deep experience in advocacy having raised more than $1M to fund collegiate scholarships. She also serves on several boards.

3 A coach and advocate whose foundation is the intersection of personal, professional, and practice, Ms. Robinson empowers clients to successfully manage their own transitions from tragedy to triumph!

4 Regrets v. Referrals Partnering with a Divorce Coach ABA Family Law Section Stowe, VT October 2014 Tamara Harris Robinson Haramat Advisory Services [email protected] Presentation Overview Google divorce coach and what may have produced very few results 10 or even 5 years ago, now produces over 18 million results. Experience and credentials can vary widely as divorce coaching has gained quite a bit of traction. Many of these individuals are being engaged prior and during a client s decision to divorce. This presentation has four goals: 1) Share my personal path to becoming a divorce coach, 2) Explain the difference between a divorce coach and other individuals who support your client in their journey, 3) Present 3 ways a divorce coach can help to improve or enhance your client s experience which can increase the potential for new business and, 4) Discuss some of the ways you (if you are a solo practitioner) or your firm can work with a divorce coach. Prior to filing for divorce, many people s experience with a judicial process or appearance in court may have been for a traffic ticket or jury duty. Nothing really prepares you for the divorce experience and process especially when it comes to a protracted divorce when a former loved one becomes a challenging adversary. At the beginning of this process, there is always a gap between what a client believes will occur and reality. A divorce coach can work with your client to close that gap and in the process help them to become a client who can work with you to execute your goal(s) as their attorney: resolution, settlement, and judgment. Paths to Divorce Coaching There are many paths to divorce coaching. Divorce coaches can be family law attorneys with a mediation background or mental health professionals who obtain coaching certifications. What all of these folks tend to have in common is that they AMSLLP 1

5 have also experienced their own divorce. Executive coaches and life coaches may also add divorce coaching to their range of services. My training was in finance as an equity research analyst. My background in finance and investment banking, international expat lifestyle, and philanthropy provided me with very strong comfort level working with attorneys and other business professionals. While I had to manage a host of other issues, one thing I knew from the beginning of my divorce process was that the more prepared I was and the more clearly I was able to articulate my needs and concerns, the easier it would be for my attorneys to support me in navigating my divorce and obtaining a settlement. My divorce profile contained a complicated business profile, children, an expat lifestyle and a philanthropic component. There were multiple service providers including: Forensic Accountants, Discovery Master, Parent Coordinator, Vocational Consultant, and security firms. Lastly there were multiple processes including: Parenting agreements, depositions, litigation, retooling/additional advanced education, relocations, preparation of wills and trusts, lifestyle analysis, asset tracing, tax return filings, incorporation of foundations and an LLC, asset sales, and subsequent post-divorce motions. I truly valued the experience and advice that my attorneys brought to a very difficult process, but I also knew that it was my responsibility to show up as a professional in my divorce journey. They couldn t do their job effectively if I didn t do mine effectively. During my 6-year divorce, I returned to school and completed my Masters in Social Work at New York University. This intersection of personal and professional lives led to many situations post divorce where I was asked to coach individuals who were experiencing high conflict divorces. I subsequently obtained additional certification as a divorce coach and now have been working with individuals in the same position I was once in myself. The Attorney s Ideal Client So let us talk about your ideal client. Many of us go into the helping profession and I consider family law in that category, to support others. We expect to deal with difficult and challenging situations, but on the whole we hope that the majority of clients we serve possess at least two to three of the following qualities: 1) Engaged, 2) Informed, 3) Realistic, and 4) Decisive. Unfortunately, in the divorce process, at least at the beginning, that typically is not the case. The swirl of emotions can leave a client unable to make decisions, unwilling to be engaged and perceiving a very different reality than what exists or will exist once their divorce is final. In addition, when a divorce is protracted, hi-conflict and litigious, the client becomes battle weary, unable to move forward and resentful of everyone involved in the process including their attorney AMSLLP 2

6 Clearing the Coaching Confusion The table on slide (9) highlights the differences between professionals who typically coach a client in a divorce process. The attorney is always in the position to coach the client and provides very meaningful support in navigating their divorce. However your client is usually a parent, a professional, and has a private life to manage in addition to their divorce. Typically when additional life stressors are involved or there is a mental health issue, supporting a client through all of this may not the best use of your time or money as their attorney, even if your goal is to provide a personal touch. In many instances a therapist can be enough to provide the additional support and your client can move forward in their divorce process. However, I am sure all of you can recall a case where you tried to work with your client who was already in therapy but they just couldn t seem to move forward in one aspect or another in their divorce. These types of situations are where a divorce coach can be of great support to both you and your client. They are not a mental health professional or the attorney (though many of them may have that professional training) but can work with the client in specific phases or around a particular issue in the divorce. As the divorce coaching ranks expand sometimes these individuals are the first point of contact and will help their clients vet their divorce attorney. Therapy v. Coaching A therapist can be a truly valuable asset to a client who is in distress. While many coaches tend to come from a mental health background, there are many designations to navigate and their background and training is diagnostic and treatment based. When your client works with a therapist there may also be issues around availability and accessibility. They require scheduled appointments in their office. Unless the client is in crisis the engagement is limited to scheduled sessions and there is no cell phone or after hours contact. Coaching is about empowering the client in partnership, via a process (unique to each client) that allows the client to maximize their personal and professional potential. The client is in charge of their process with a coach, it is forward looking, skill and solution focused. Unlike some aspects of therapy, it is not focused on the past with a treatment perspective. Why hire a coach? I asked earlier how many of you had either worked with or know someone who worked with a coach? When thinking about situations where a divorce coach may be appropriate for a client; familiarity, comfort, and client focus are just a few of the reasons. Many people are familiar with executive coaches, and some clients may be more responsive to a coach which has less of a stigma than a therapist. Coaches AMSLLP 3

7 also have their own referral network and can refer clients out to therapy. Coaches may offer greater flexibility when it comes to access and availability. Many coaches will meet at locations that are convenient for the client and other meetings can be conducted by phone or via Skype. Boundaries matter and while a client may feel very comfortable talking to a therapist about emotional or family issues, they may not be willing to discuss business or financial issues. Working with a divorce coach Consider the 3 P s When considering whether to work with a divorce coach consider the 3 P s: Professional, Partner, & Potential. When interviewing a coach to work with your client ask yourself the following questions: - What are their credentials and what is their professional background? Do they have relevant divorce experience? Are they professional in their interactions and business communications? - Will they be an appropriate person or firm to partner with? Do they understand my clientele? Will they have the ability to relate and connect with my clients? Do they respect legal boundaries? What is their business model? - What is the potential for business? Do they engage with individuals who could be potential clients or future referral sources? It is important to remember that a coach is not licensed to offer any legal advice. Smart coaches don t engage in the tell me what to do conversations. They also respect legal boundaries and are effective in redirecting the client back to their legal, financial, and other experts. Three ways a divorce coach can support your client Three ways a divorce coach can help your client close that perception gap mentioned above are by: 1) Increasing calm, 2) Increasing clarity, and 3) Resetting the compass. Helping the client to understand that the successful creation and execution of any option is affected by their ability to clearly communicate their goals and needs is one of the key skills of a good divorce coach. They can support your client in moving away from intense emotions to a goaloriented mindset. In a protracted high-conflict divorce they can help them to realize that they are participating in a marathon and everything cannot be a crisis. This goes a long way in preempting those frantic calls from the client who may not appreciate that you are handling multiple divorces at a time AMSLLP 4

8 Case information statements, lifestyle analysis, depositions and interrogatories are all part of the divorce landscape. Helping a client get organized around their divorce by compiling financial and other information, holding them accountable and supporting their progress allows the client to be prepared to have productive conversations and meetings with their experts including you. Lastly working with the client to change their narrative is crucial to resetting their life compass and coming out on the other side smiling and thriving. A client who is responding to coaching will bring a filter for calm, realistic and informed decision making. They will also be a client who is not afraid to take action and work with you in partnership to map out the necessary strategies to navigate litigation, mediation, negotiations and settlement. The client s experience will impact their exit scenario once their leave your firm. The one that matters most is a positive experience that can lead to future referrals the lifeline of the service business. Collaboration with Coaches Two ways your firm can work with a divorce coach is to: 1) add the ones you respect to your referral network or 2) engaging a coach as part of your divorce team in specific cases. The second option will address the concern many attorneys have with respect to privilege should a spouse try to subpoena the divorce coach. Q&A AMSLLP 5