Let Me Tell You About My Character Angryfolkband

Transcription

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2 Let Me Tell You About My Character Angryfolkband Songs 1. Plan B 2. Laser Printed Hero (the Dado Cut) 3. I Storked It 4. Little Pamphlet 5. Laser Printed Hero Credits: All Lyrics and Music by Stu Venable, Jr. All Instrumental Performances by S. Venable Vocals by S. Venable & Heather Greene Cover Illustrations by JohnD (a very talented and generous Happy Jacks RPG Podcast listener) All tracks copyright 2012 by Stu Venable, Jr.

3 Plan B by Stu Venable Now I'll take the left, and you take the right The rogue will stick to the shadows, and remain out of sight. Let the wizard do the talkin' his intelligence is the best. And we'll all take on the boss man while the fighter takes the rest Chorus Oh we had this good idea, well it seemed good at the time Now half our party's dead and that sure ain't a good sign So now we're back to character gen our error we now see So before we try out Plan A let's figure out plan B. Now when we're in the airlock our weapons will be hid After decontamination head nonchalantly to the bridge Let the trader do the talking

4 his Fast-Talk is the bomb And we'll all ready our weapons and tell the crew there to be calm Now let's load up the.50 cal and step through the portal gate And when we see ol' squid face tell him he has met his fate Let the professor read the banishing spell his Mythos is highest of all And we'll all make our Sanity Checks and Cthulhu he will fall.

5 Laser Printed Hero (Dado Cut) by S. Venable He looks upon the vastness of that empty endless void He looks upon the wreckage of the pirates that annoyed His psychopathic crew mates and their honor challenged way He hope to last through jump space so he can finally, get his pay And he's a laser printed hero, a figure cast in lead And if you say the wrong thing, his crew might shoot him dead Don't forget about his back story, the careers, mishaps and foes And if they space his body, well that's just how the story goes In system he keeps his mouth shut, and he makes it planet side Now he just needs a quiet place where he can get some rest and hide But he cannot lose the party, for They consider him a friend And if they catch him calling the cops he's certain that'll be his end And he's a laser printed hero, a loyal subject of the crown He's witnessed a dozen felonies Not including the school burned down And he'll be charged as accessory Cause he hooked up with these shmoes And if he land in prison, ell that's just how the story goes

6 And now he cools his heels in a nice Imperial cell He waits to hear the verdict that will send them all to hell But the cell wall blasts to pieces, and he stands there all agape His crew has come to rescue him And he joins them now to make his escape And he's a laser printed hero, and if things turn out his way He'll be stuck now with these psychopaths And live to murder another day His companions are suggesting to hit bank on their way home And if he lands in jail again, well that's just how the story goes.

7 I Storked It by S. Venable We got past the guards and the portcullis raised Past the dart trap and you only got grazed We got passed the pits and no body fell We got through the door with the unopening spell We got passed the Sphere of Annihilation What dumb ass, mage made that creation And how here we stand, gold as far as we see There's just one obstacle, it's all up to me! chorus And I Storked it I fucked up the die roll I Storked it My luck's a black hole so I Storked it And know I'm an ass hole cause I Storked it. (he can't roll dice for shit) We paid off the guywhere the blueprints were kept It turns out the guards there were very inept Our B-team they tunneled through the sewers below They did it although their progress was slow We hacked in the phone lines, there whole network was hours We even had vid of the Executive showers And now the last step, hack the finger print scans

8 Months of planning and prep are all in my hands chorus bridge When I play d20, I always roll one When I play GURPS and 18 will come When I play Savage Worlds and roll a one twice I even lose at Amber, and that has no dice It just seems no use, I never can win It happens ever time to my party's chagrin I've tried newer dice, ut they all have the curse I even tried Gamescience and that just made it worse I'd try borrowed dice, but there's none that courageous To lend them to me, it's as if I'm contagious So now here I sit, lady luck disavowed It just is no use, I should just go back to WoW. chorus

9 Little Pamphlet by S. Venable Eye for an eye is the way that we roll Now got some whoop ass requiring' a toll We will shock you We will awe you You will never understand at the hurt that befalls you Opportunity attack what's that bitch I gotta big back scratcher, you a fat itch You're a weak fight Like a flea bite And we'll kill you like a 40 on our prom night You never knew what hit you When the lock went click Now you're suffering like a sinner In a Jack Chick little pamphlet. Round two's heres the ding of the bell As you sit here cryin' like you in your own hell We'll cut you We'll slice you We'll take out a Ginsu and savagely dice you No pity will be felt no quarter will be given We suffer no foes no enemies livin'

10 No time out No short rest Tear you up like our first date's prom dress You never knew what hit you When the lock went click Now you're suffering like a sinner In a Jack Chick little pamphlet. Curtain call ready to take your bows Cnd you got slaughtered like a load of sick cows We will cook you We'll consume you There won't be enough left for them to exhume you You're a slick on the floor, you a smelly grease stain And we'll polish the floor with your smashed brain What a let down Barely slowed down And we took you out in the very first round You never knew what hit you When the lock when click Now you're suffering like a sinner In a Jack Chick, little pamphlet

11 Laser Printed Hero S. Venable He looks upon the landscape of this ancient battlefield He looks upon the horrors that Curiosity revealed That endless goblin army, full of avarice and vice He gently calms his battle steed, as he reaches... for his dice And he's a laser-printed hero, a figure cast in lead And if you miss a dice roll, he may just end up dead Don't forget about his back story, both family and foe And if this is his last stand, well that's just how the story goes ah, ah, ah, etc He rushes into battle, with his fateful stoney gaze Today he'll give no quarter, as he rushes through the haze He spurs his great horse forward, as he wades amongst the horde He leaves a trail of corpses, with is trusty, plus 3 sword And he's a laser printed hero, no prisoners will he take For he's deep into his battle rage, 'cause a roll you didn't make His companions keep their distance,so they're not mistook for foes And if he kills the healer, well that's just how the story goes.

12 And now the battle's over, his companions raise a toast Unto this mighty hero who turned that Goblin host He looks around the tavern, as he mutters what the heck He approaches the half-elf barmaid And he rolls to make his Charisma check And he's a Laser Printed Hero, and if he has any luck He'll impress that pretty half-elf, and have himself a nice good time The details we'll gloss over, 'long with the sordid prose And if she steals his jewels well that's just how the story goes.