AFTER A SEXUAL ASSAULT

Transcription

1 A Gide to Sr viving Sexal Assalt H HA AN ND D BB O OO O KK FF O O RR SS U U RR V V II V VO O RR SS

2 AFTER A SEXUAL ASSAULT Make sre yo are safe from frther harm. Call someone yo trst, sch as a friend, the Sexal Assalt Resorce Agency, the police, or yor Resident Advisor. Medical care is very important right now. Yo may have injries of which yo are naware, yo may have contracted a sexally transmitted disease or be pregnant. Some tests can only be done within a short time-frame, and yo may need treatment. A friend can transport yo to the UVa Emergency Department, yo can get there on yor own, or the police will take yo if necessary. A speciallytrained Forensic Nrse Examiner will take care of yo there. If yo plan to go to the hospital, don t bathe or doche. Also try not to rinate if possible. This destroys valable evidence. If oral contact took place, do not smoke, eat, drink, or brsh yor teeth. If yo ve already changed clothes, place them in a paper bag (plastic destroys evidence) and bring them with yo. If yo haven t changed, keep yor original clothes on, and bring an extra set to wear home from the hospital. The police may need to keep yor clothes for evidence. Yo may be nsre right now whether or not yo want to go forward with a prosection, and that s okay. However, if yo do decide to prse legal options later, physical evidence will be crcial. Consider having evidence collected now to keep or options open; this does not commit yo to prosection. If yo think yo may have ingested drgs involntarily, or if yo chose to consme alcohol or other drgs, tell the Forensic Nrse Examiner as soon as yo get to the UVa Emergency Department. This is very important information. If yo are a UVA stdent, there is specific information on other options available to yo on page 30. Yo will find most of the key phone nmbers yo will need on page 44. Remember, the assalt was NOT yor falt. There are people in Charlottesville and at the University of Virginia who will believe yo and spport yo as yo decide what to do next. 1

3 INTRODUCTION This handbook is designed to help yo, whether yo were sexally assalted recently or in the past, or if yo care abot someone who was assalted. Please keep this booklet. Certain sections may seem more important or more sefl to yo at this time than others do, bt that may change over time. Yo may find it contains information that will be relevant at different stages of yor healing process. Inside, 2 srvivors are sally referred to as she, becase that is the most common sitation, however most of the information is sefl, regardless of yor sex. There is also a specific section for male srvivors. While this handbook was written for people who live in the Charlottesville/ Albemarle Conty area and nearby conties, information is also provided for University of Virginia stdents. If yo need assistance otside these areas, call one of the resorces in the section, Can Anyone Help Me? for a referral to an agency nearby.

4 TABLE OF CONTENTS Why Shold I Go to the Emergency Room? 4 What Happens if I Report My Assalt to the Police? 10 What Are My Legal Rights? 13 How Will I Feel? 20 Possible Reactions to Sexal Assalt 24 Will I Ever Feel Safe or Trst Anyone Again? 25 For the Significant Others of Sexal Assalt Srvivors 27 I Am A UVa Stdent 29 Specific Srvivor Concerns My Hsband/Boyfriend Raped Me I am a Teenage Srvivor I am a Male Srvivor I am a Lesbian Srvivor I am a Srvivor With a Disability I am a Deaf or Hard of Hearing Srvivor Isses of Race and Ethnicity I am a Black/African-American Srvivor I am a Latina Srvivor I am an Asian/Asian-Pacific American Srvivor I am Not a U.S. Citizen 33 Who Can Help Me? Important Phone Nmbers 44 Readings and Resorces 47 Acknowledgements 49 3

5 WHY SHOULD I GO TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM? IN TIMES OF EMOTIONAL STRESS, people tend to minimize their own feelings ot of self-protection, or ot of consideration for the feelings of people they love. Althogh yo may feel fine physically, yor body may be nmbed by a state of shock, so it s important to seek medical care as soon as possible. Yor need for treatment is, and shold be considered, an emergency even if there are no visible signs of physical injry. Taking care of yor health at this time is an important step in yor healing process. If yo choose to have evidence collected, the sooner this is done, the more reliable and potentially sefl it will be. Why Shold I Seek Medical Care? It is important to seek medical care in order to: be examined and treated for any injries; be tested and treated for exposre to sexally transmitted diseases; discss ways to redce the risk of pregnancy; collect medical evidence shold yo decide to report the assalt to the police for possible prosection of the offender. Where shold I go? It s important that yo receive treatment at a facility where the staff is specially trained to provide care for sexal assalt srvivors and to se the correct methods for evidence collection. In the Charlottesville/Albemarle Conty area, the University of Virginia Medical Center and Martha Jefferson Hospital are able to examine and treat yo after an assalt, whether or not yo choose to report the assalt to the police. The University of Virginia has specially-trained nrses (FNEs, or Forensic Nrse Examiners) to provide evidence collection, which is vital to prosection. What if I Need Transportation? If a friend or family member isn t available, yo may call 911 for police or resce sqad transportation to the hospital. Yo may ask for them to come in an nmarked vehicle. Before Yo Arrive at the Hospital If yo have any qestions before or after medical treatment, call the Sexal Assalt Resorce Agency (SARA) office at dring bsiness hors, or the 24-hor hotline: Whether or not yo decide to have evidence collected, it is important not to 4

6 change clothes, shower or bathe, doche, drink, eat, smoke, brsh yor teeth, or se the bathroom nless absoltely necessary before the medical exam in order to keep yor legal options open as long as possible. These activities can destroy vital evidence. Bring a change of clothes with yo. If yo ve changed yor clothes since the assalt, place the clothes yo wore at the time of the attack in a paper bag (not plastic). Bring them with yo to the emergency room. Let yor nrse or doctor know yo have them, and tell them if yo have done anything else (washed, etc.) before yo arrived. This will assist them in making their report. What Happens in the Emergency Room? Do I Have to Report This? If yo arrive by way of resce sqad, yo will be taken to a patient-care room, and a nrse or admitting clerk will ask yo initial qestions. If yo arrive on yor own or with a police officer throgh the emergency room main entrance, yo will then be taken to a private area where the screening ( triage ) nrse will talk with yo. Additional information necessary for registration incldes: yor name date of birth reason for coming to the Emergency Department address occpation and employer date of birth and next of kin or emergency contact insrance information Any information that yo are asked to provide in the emergency room is confidential and necessary for registration, as well as for medical recordkeeping. If yo are nder the age of 18, yor parent or legal gardian shold give consent for an examination. However, if consent can t be obtained and yo need care right away, hospitals and law enforcement offices have procedres for this sitation. The decision to report the assalt to law enforcement athorities is solely p to yo. If yo aren t sre whether or not yo want to report the assalt, yo can talk with a police officer abot having evidence collected and held while yo make a decision. Yo don t have to follow throgh with prosection or report to any other agency even if yo choose to have evidence collected. Having evi- 5

7 dence collected does give yo a wider range of options later if yo decide yo do want to press charges against the assailant(s). The evidence will be kept by the police ntil yo do decide to file charges (althogh how long they will hold onto it varies case-by-case), which reqires an officer to make a brief report withot yor name explaining why they are holding evidence. They will then wait for yor decision. It is important for yo to know that if yo don t want to report the crime, the hospital isn t reqired to notify the police when a sexal assalt has occrred. The hospital is reqired to report sspected child abse or elder abse to the Department of Social Services. May I Have a Spport Person With Me? Hospital personnel will allow yo to have someone with yo dring all examination procedres. In addition to having a friend with yo, both the UVa Medical Center and Martha Jefferson Hospital will call SARA to send an advocate for yo if yo reqest this. Yo can also contact SARA yorself before yo go to the hospital. Yor interaction with SARA conselors will be kept confidential. A well-trained advocate can provide emotional spport dring the examination and report-taking. Yor advocate can help to explain medical procedres and the process of evidence collection. This person may also consel friends or family members who may be at the hospital. An advocate may assist yo with follow-p medical and conseling appointments and provide spport throghot the criminal jstice process. The University of Virginia hospital has in-hose staff trained to provide crisis intervention and follow-p conseling for sexal assalt srvivors. Yo may also reqest to see a hospital chaplain, other clergy, or yor own private therapist (if yo are crrently seeing one). UVa stdents receive follow-p care throgh Stdent Health Services. Who Pays for My Treatment? If yo have a private insrance policy, it may pay for yor medical services, and possibly some psychological conseling. The Commonwealth of Virginia will pay for all evidence collection after an assalt. However, yo mst cooperate in the investigation with the police department in order for the Commonwealth to athorize payment for evidence collection. The Virginia Crime Victims Act established the Crime Victims Compensation Fnd to pay for some physical and emotional injries as a reslt of a crime. This fnd can compensate yo for ot-of-pocket medical expenses, psychological conseling, or lost wages that are a reslt of the assalt. It is coordinated throgh the Victim & Witness Assistance Program. The Victim & Witness Program Coordinator can explain the fnd to yo and help yo complete the application. If yo are a UVa stdent, yo are reqired by the University to carry health 6

8 insrance. Most insrance covers at least part of the cost of emergency treatment. If yo sbmit claims throgh yor parent s insrance, yo need to know that they may learn abot yor visit to the emergency room throgh the insrance company. After yor emergency room visit, it is important for yo to seek follow-p care at Stdent Health. There is no charge for an office visit with a clinician, bt there are charges for any laboratory tests that are needed. Yo may discss yor payment options with the hospital acconting department. The Department of Stdent Health recognizes that there can be financial barriers to obtaining appropriate care and will assist yo in obtaining the care yo need. Will I Have Any Control in Making Decisions Regarding My Care And Treatment? The medical staff cannot examine yo or collect physical evidence withot yor permission. They need yor signed consent for the examination and to give the evidence kit to the police--even if yo haven t decided to prosecte. Remember, yo have the right to refse any part of the examination or treatment and to ask any qestions yo may have abot any aspect of yor care. All procedres shold be explained so that yo nderstand why and how they are done; if not, it s OK to ask the nrse or doctor to explain what they are doing. This may help yo maintain some feeling of control dring the medical procedres. What is The Physical Evidence Recovery Kit (PERK)? The PERK is designed to assist the examining clinician in the collection of evidence (specimens) for analysis by the Virginia Division of Forensic Science. If the assalt took place within 72 hors of the medical exam, this kit can be sed. If it occrred more than 72 hors ago, some evidence may still be collected. Before the medical exam, the FNE will aske details abot the assalt. Even thogh these qestions may seem very personal and difficlt to answer, the information yo give may be helpfl in identifying the assailant, in providing yo with optimal care, and in docmenting the assalt. They will also ask abot yor medical history regarding past and present health conditions, inclding date of yor last period, contraceptive history and the date of yor most recent volntary sexal contact. Information is needed regarding the type of assalt or penetration, sch as oral, vaginal, or anal. The staff will ask yo where the the assalt occrred, sch as in a car, on grass or carpet, etc., and to describe what happened. Clothing Evidence If yo re wearing the same clothes yo wore dring or after the assalt; these items mst be taken as evidence. Sometimes even shoes are gathered. Tampons or sanitary pads may also be kept for evidence if yo are wearing them. Yo ll be given clean clothes and new nderwear to wear home if yo didn t bring any with yo. Yo may also shower in the E.D. prior to leaving if yo wold like. 7

9 Hair Samples The clinician will collect hair combings from yor head and pbic region. Twenty-five fll-length hairs from different parts of yor scalp and 25 from yor pbic area mst be plled ot to help distingish yor own hair from that of the assailant. If yo d rather pll ot the hair samples yorself, the clinician shold allow yo to do so. Semen fond on yor pbic hair will be ct or clipped ot. If There Was Oral Contact In order to collect evidence, the clinician will swab yor lips and the inside of yor moth and then collect a moth rinse. Vaginal Assalt and/or Anal Contact Swabs moistened with sterile water are sed to wipe yor inner thighs and external genitalia. Female srvivors have a pelvic exam to collect other samples of evidence and to test for sexally transmitted diseases. For both females and males who were assalted anally, additional swabs are sed to collect evidence of sexal assalt in the anal area. In addition to swabs, a specialized microscope called a colposcope will be sed to detect and docment microscopic injries. Blood samples After the physical exam, the nrse will draw a blood sample from yor arm to determine yor DNA type and screen for sexally transmitted diseases. A rine screen and pregnancy test will also be done. All screening tests done immediately after an assalt are to docment yor state of health before the assalt or for preexisting conditions. HIV and Hepatitis B screening will also be done after a sexal assalt. If a significant exposre has occrred, medication and follow-p care will be initiated. This is why follow-p medical appointments are necessary for retesting 4-6 weeks after the assalt. Follow p care is essential and can be done by yor primary care physician, at Stdent Health, or the Infectios Disease Clinic. The follow-p tests will indicate if pregnancy or sexally transmitted diseases reslted from yor assalt. HIV antibody tests may not give reliable reslts ntil 3 to 6 months after the assalt. It s best to have an HIV test done where follow-p conseling is available. Free and anonymos HIV antibody tests are available throgh the Health Department. Stdent Health offers confidential (not anonymos) HIV testing. Again, yor consent is needed before any of these tests are performed. Toxicology Blood/Urine Screen If yo or the person who accompanied yo, (sch as a family member, friend, or police officer), state that yo were drgged by the assailant, screening tests may be done, inclding testing for alcohol. This is also the case if yor clinician feels yor medical condition appears to warrant screening to provide yo 8

10 with optimal care. Yo have the right to refse this, as with all procedres. It s important for yo to know that even if yo volntarily consme alcohol or a clb drg, sch as GHB or Ecstasy, this cold be evidence in a sexal assalt case, becase the assailant may have taken advantage of yor incapacitation. That is why it is so important to tell yor clinician if yo took a drg yorself (illegal or not). Any drg (over-the-conter, prescription, or street drg), can also inflence yor medical needs/care, and any criminal case that may be prosected. This information is also relevant if the perpetrator is a University of Virginia stdent, and yo elect to have yor case heard before the Sexal Assalt Board. Release of Evidence Evidence collected in a hospital may be released to a law enforcement officer only with yor written consent or if an athorized third party does so on yor behalf. If yo are nsre abot prosecting, the police can send collected evidence to the state lab to be held for p to one year (althogh this time may vary, depending on yor case). Follow-Up Care It is important to have follow-p tests and an exam within 4-6 weeks after the emergency room visit. Yo may be seen by yor private clinician or the UVa Gynecology Clinic in Stdent Health to check for possible pregnancy or sexally transmitted diseases and to talk abot conseling. In addition to this book, the hospital staff will give yo an infomation packet with aplace to record the names of the nrse who treated yo, the police officer who took yor report (if yo did report), yor SARA advocate, as well as the phone nmber of the clinic to call for yor follow-p appointment. When yo do make that call, notify them as to the prpose of yor visit--they need to know this so that yo receive the propoer medical care. If yo are a UVa stdent, yo will receive additional information from the Women s Center and Office of the Dean of Stdents. Yo follow-p care can be provided at Stdent Health. Professional services are covered by yor prepaid Stdent Health Fee. There are additional charges for lab tests and medications, if needed. It s best if yo call Stdent Health Gynecology ( ) or if yo are a male srvivor, General Medicine ( ) as soon as possible to make a follow-p appointment. After the Examination If yo wish to shower before leaving, the emergency department nrse will provide yo with soap and shampoo, towels and fresh clothing if needed. Transportation If yo don t have a ride and if yo don t need to accompany a law enforcement officer for frther qestioning, transportation home or to a safe place may be arranged with a family member, friend, victim advocate, or by the local law enforcement agency. 9

11 WHAT HAPPENS IF I REPORT MY ASSAULT TO THE POLICE? To Report or Not To Report Reporting an assalt is a choice that only yo can make. There is no reqirement that yo mst prosecte yor assailant. Srvivors often make this decision based on the circmstances of their assalt and their life sitation, inclding whether or not they feel that they have friends or family who will spport them throgh the process. Another factor for some srvivors is the feeling that they wold not want another person to be victimized by the same perpetrator. Filing criminal charges and prosecting their attackers is one way of regaining some control, holding the perpetrator accontable for his or her actions, and taking a stand on their own and the commnity s behalf. The criminal jstice system often seems intimidating or even frightening. If this is the case, there are people who can spport yo throgh the process of a police interview, the sbseqent investigation, and possible prosection, sch as the sch as the Victim-Witness Assistance Coordinator, SARA advocates, or in the case of UVA stdents, someone from Sexal and Domestic Violence Services in the Women s Center. Reporting to the police begins the legal process shold yo choose to prosecte at a later date. Becase the cstody of evidence is critical in a criminal case, hospitals are not allowed to store evidence, so if yo want to have a PERK exam, it mst be given to the police by the hospital staff, and only after yo sign a release. Also, since time is critical after a sexal assalt occrs, the sooner the assalt is reported, the easier it is to collect valable evidence. Yo can also halt the criminal jstice process at any time. Read the next section, What Are My Legal Rights? for more information. If yo don t wish to make a formal report, yo may file an anonymos Third Party Sexal Assalt Report. See page 16 regarding how to do this. Third Party Reports are sed by the Police Department in planning directed patrols and providing warning to the Charlottesville commnity and University of Virginia commnities when appropriate. Police First Response Generally, there are two circmstances nder which a police officer wold come to speak with yo. In the first scenario, the officer arrives at yor residence or wherever yo are, in response to an emergency call. In this case, the officer s first responsibility is to provide aid to yo as a crime victim. This may mean driving yo to the emergency room for medical treatment (if yo aren t seriosly hrt), or simply interviewing yo there. A second scenario is when an officer is called to the emergency room in response to 10

12 a call from the medical staff. In this case, the initial interview will occr in a private room at the hospital. The responding officer will sit with yo and ask yo detailed qestions abot what occrred, where, when, and how. Many of the qestions may feel invasive or difficlt to answer. Well-trained officers nderstand how difficlt it is to answer these qestions, bt if they are to aid in an investigation, they need as mch detail as they can get. It might be helpfl to have a knowledgeable advocate sit with yo to provide spport and to intervene in the event that the officer makes inappropriate comments or asks biased qestions. Investigation Will My Name Appear in the Local Paper? The officer mst also protect the crime scene, determine the type and circmstances of the crime committed, as well as identify potential sspects and witnesses. After a preliminary srvey of the crime scene, the responding officer will call in an investigator. In some cases of acqaintance assalt there will be no crime scene per se, bt there still shold be an investigation. At the University of Virginia, yo may reqest a plain clothes officer if yo wish, so the sitation will be handled more discreetly. Upon his or her arrival, the investigator takes charge of the crime scene and is briefed abot the incident by the responding officer. The investigator will then interview the srvivor and other witnesses, asking very specific qestions abot the crime. The investigator will then collect evidence and docment the crime scene. After the investigator condcts interviews and gathers evidence, he or she then writes p a report that is then given to the Commonweath s Attorney s office. Physical evidence, inclding the PERK, is sent to Richmond for analysis. Yor case is assigned a case nmber, which is something yo may want to know. Yo may reqest a copy of the police report for yor own files. If yo see any errors, or yo remember any frther information that will aid the police or Commonwealth s Attorney, by all means inform the investigator. It s not nsal for srvivors to remember more details as time passes. State law allows yo to reqest that any identifying information regarding yo or members of yor family not be released to the pblic, inclding the media, parents (if yo are over eighteen) or deans of the University. However, police are reqired by law and the Freedom of Information Act to release some information (deleting identifying details), inclding what occrred, where and when. 11

13 WHAT ARE MY LEGAL RIGHTS? ALL SURVIVORS OF SEXUAL ASSAULT AND RAPE have three legal remedies open to them. The three primary options are: criminal prosection civil sit for damages third-party report These avenes are not mtally exclsive. First, it s important that yo not feel coerced into any action. Criminal and civil sits take time and may reslt in no conviction or loss of a sit. Yet, many srvivors who have chosen either or both options have fond the process to be empowering, regardless of the otcome. Criminal and civil procedres are very different, with distinct sets of rles. They are briefly described below, as are third party reports. However, it wold be helpfl to discss these options with a sexal assalt conselor, victim-witness coordinator, a lawyer with experience in this area, as well as family and friends. Establish yor spport system in advance. These people are the same individals yo might rely on throghot the legal proceedings. 12 CRIMINAL PROSECUTION IF YOU FILE A REPORT, and if the Commonwealth s Attorney feels there is a reasonable case, criminal charges are broght against the assailant. It is also to yor advantage to have evidence collected at the emergency room. If yo reported after the 72-hor window for effective evidence collection, yo may still report, and still go forward with prosection. If charges aren t filed, and yo don t agree with that decision, yo may ask the magistrate to isse a warrant. Ultimately, the decision to prosecte is the Commonwealth s. Once yo have given a report to a police officer, the case is assigned to an investigator, sally a detective specially trained to handle sexal assalt cases. In Charlottesville and Albemarle Conty yo will also be contacted by a VictimWitness Coordinator whose job is to gide yo throgh the legal system. Yo may also reqest an advocate from SARA and/or the UVA Women s Center (for UVA stdents) to accompany yo on all interviews, etc. If yo decide to press charges, and if the Commonwealth s Attorney decides there is enogh evidence, criminal charges are broght against the assailant. If the location of the assailant is known, an arrest takes place, and a bond hearing is held the next bsiness day. It may seem very impersonal, bt from this point on yor role becomes solely that of witness. It is the state of Virginia ( the People ), as represented by the Commonwealth s Attorney, which brings charges against the per-

14 petrator, with yor testimony serving as evidence. Yor testimony is essential to sccessfl prosection, bt yo will only be in the cortroom dring the time yo testify. This means that yo may be sitting otside the cortroom for hors ntil yo are called. Preliminary Hearing-1 to 2 months after the Bond Hearing The preliminary hearing, like a trial, is open to the pblic and lasts abot an hor. It is a probable case hearing; gilt or innocence won t be decided at this time. The prosector generally presents only enogh evidence to establish the possibility that the assalt occrred. Qite often, only the srvivor s testimony is necessary. So, in nearly all cases yo mst be present to testify. If yo choose not to appear, it s almost certain the case will be dropped. It s normal to feel anxios before and dring the hearing. It helps to prepare for this by practicing relaxation techniqes and/or talking with members of yor spport system. Grand Jry Evidence presented at the preliminary hearing is reviewed by a Grand Jry. Dring this time, neither yo, the attorneys, nor the accsed are present in the cortroom. The Grand Jry makes a recommendation as to whether or not a trial shold be set. Circit Cort Trialminimm 4-5 months after preliminary hearing While both the prosecting and defense attorneys may reqest continances, the prosection is limited by the constittional right to a fair and speedy trial. Sch limitations are not set on the defense, which is why many trials stretch ot to as long as one year or more. This can be a very stressfl time, since a cort date may be set, a continance reqested, and the date postponed several times. As time passes many srvivors begin to heal; memories change and any physical injries fade away. If yo prepare yorself for this possibility, the emotional impact of any delays may not seem so extreme. Dring the circit cort trial, yo will be qestioned on the witness stand as yo were in the preliminary hearing. Althogh qestions abot a srvivor s past sexal history are not allowed, a defense attorney may ask yo very personal qestions, as well as the same ones that were asked in the preliminary hearing. It will be helpfl to practice nder pressre with yor cort advocate. Jst as in the hearing, yo mst remain otside the actal cortroom ntil yo are called in to testify. Sentencing If the assailant is fond gilty, yo may file a Victim Impact Statement with the jdge prior to sentencing. This allows yo to tell the jdge how the assalt has 13

15 affected yo, and yor family, emotionally and economically. In Virginia, the jry determines the maximm sentence in a criminal trial. Rape and sexal assalt charges, by law, range from a minimm of five years to life. The jdge may sspend all or part of that sentence. All felony jry trials are bifrcated (the sentencing portion of the trial is separate from the proceding to determine gilt or innocence), so if the defendant is fond gilty, the Commonwealth can introdce copies of the defendant s record for the jry to consider dring sentencing. There is no parole in Virginia for violent crimes. As a reslt, defendants generally serve 85% of their sentences. 14 If the Assailant Is Fond Not Gilty A Not-Gilty verdict may be emotionally devastating and possibly very frightening for a srvivor. However, in addition to focsing on yor own healing process, yo can still bring frther legal action against yor assailant by filing a civil sit. CIVIL SUITS FOR DAMAGES LEGALLY, SEXUAL ASSAULT IS NOT ONLY A CRIME against the state, bt also a civil dispte between srvivor and assailant. Yo may win a civil sit in cort or yo may choose to negotiate a contract, or settlement, ot of cort even if yo lose a criminal case. This means that two parties or their lawyers reach a legally binding agreement withot holding a trial. In exchange for a promise not to se or withdrawal of a pending sit, yo may seek any or all of the following promises from the assailant: That he/she keep away from yo; withdraw from the University (if a stdent); obtain conseling; apologize to yo; pay yor legal fees; compensate yo for yor medical or conseling expenses and for pain and sffering. The first step is to conslt a lawyer. Some lawyers offer a one-time, initial free consltation and will take this kind of case on a contingency fee basis. This means that the lawyer s fee comes only from money received from the assailant as part of the settlement. The decision to begin a civil sit, or stop one in process, is entirely yor own. Yo don t need to contact the police or Commonwealth s Attorney since they are not involved. It s possible that the assailant may be willing to negotiate a settlement pon being notified by yor lawyer that yo intend to se. If no settlement is reached at this point, the lawsit begins when yor lawyer files docments at the local

16 corthose and notifies the assailant of the sit. The lawsit is now in the discovery phase. Each side assesses the other s position. At this time, both yo and the assailant are qestioned by each other s attorney. These qestions are cstomarily asked in the privacy of a lawyer s office. Yo wold be asked qestions by the assailant s lawyer only in the presence of yor lawyer, who will advise yo of any qestions yo don t have to answer. Why Might the Assailant Want to Settle Ot of Cort? The First Steps and Cations Many people simply don t want the adverse pblicity of a pblic trial, particlarly if they fear the effects on their ftre careers, standing in the commnity, etc. Second, the assailant may want to avoid a potentially large monetary jdgment against him. A money jdgment is a legal docment prepared at the end of a sccessfl lawsit, which says that the defendant (assailant) owes the plaintiff (srvivor) a specific sm of money as redress for the assalt. In sexal assalt cases, money jdgments have ranged p to several million dollars. There are many ways to enforce that jdgment, sch as seizing property like real estate, cars, stocks, bank acconts and wages. If the debt is still not satisfied, the assailant mst contine to pay ntil the jdgment is paid in fll. Third, the assailant s lawyer will probably tell him that his chances of losing a lawsit are far greater than in a criminal case. In a civil case, yo and yor attorney need only convince the jdge or jry that yor version of the facts is more likely than not, and so yor chances of winning a civil sit are greater than in a criminal trial. For these reasons, the defendant may prefer an ot-of-cort settlement that offers financial terms he can afford, rather than risk the possibility of a financially devastating money jdgment. In Virginia, a srvivor has two years after an assalt in which to begin a lawsit. Nevertheless, yo shold contact a lawyer as soon as possible. If yo are nsre how to find a sensitive one, or one who wold work on a contingency basis, call one of the resorces in the Can Anyone Help Me? section of this booklet. A lawyer will probably advise yo to make complete notes abot the event, if yo haven t already. A diary recording yor emotional distress and recovery can be sefl. Yo will also be advised to avoid any contact with the assailant, if yo can, and to notify yor lawyer if the assailant tries to contact yo. Most importantly, there is a possibility that yo cold be sed for slander by the assailant if yo make accsations that identify the assailant to anyone except these specific persons: the police, prosector, yor spose, lawyer, doctor, 15

17 licensed clergy member, or licensed psychologist. In this event, yor lawyer wold most likely ask the jdge for a continance ntil the conclsion of yor own lawsit against the assailant or ntil the criminal trial. This doesn t mean that yo sholdn t speak with a sexal assalt conselor, someone in the Women s Center, or, if yo are a stdent, with a dean or health care provider in Stdent Health. These are important sorces of spport. Bt conversations with these people are not protected by law. Becase this kind of conter sit is an attempt to silence yo throgh intimidation, yo may want to conslt with yor lawyer and spport system before making any qick decisions abot what to do. If yo are sed for slander, yo may be able to settle the case by dropping yor own lawsit against the assailant. Or yo may have to defend yorself in the sit by proving that yor statements abot the assailant are tre. If the assailant wins his sit yo may be forced to pay money damages to him. THIRD PARTY REPORTS THIRD PARTY REPORTS ARE AN EASY WAY to let athorities know that an assalt has occrred, withot disclosing one s own identity. Basically, yo may call the police, the sexal assalt center, a women s center, or any one of the varios other resorces listed in the back of this booklet and let someone know yo wish to file a third party report. A report form may also be accessed via the web at: The person who takes this report will ask some qestions abot general details of the assalt and will then send it to the appropriate police department. The prpose of filing this kind of report is to alert the police to any potential patterns of assalts. Sch reports also help people working to stop sexal assalt develop more accrate statistics on the nmber of assalts occrring in the commnity. No arrests can be made based on information from a third party report. If yo are concerned abot filing a formal police report, this is a viable first step. Yo still may file a formal complaint afterward. THE VICTIM/ WITNESS ASSISTANCE PROGRAM AS A VICTIM, YOU MUST FACE A JUSTICE SYSTEM that formally ensres that the assailant is flly informed and advised throghot the jdicial process. The Victim & Witness Assistance Programs of Charlottesville and Albemarle Conty have been created to offer yo eqal legal protection and to give yo any help yo may need as yo go throgh the system. The services offered by the Victim & Witness Assistance Programs are mch like those provided by sexal assalt conselor/advocates. This program may be able to help yo even if yo live in nearby conties. Both programs are designed to help yo throgh any problems not directly related to the cortroom. For example, yo may even call if yo feel ncomfortable meeting with a police officer to report yor assalt. 16

18 City vs. Conty Jrisdiction FOR UVA STUDENTS ONLY Yor case will be tried in the city or conty cort that has jrisdiction over the geographic area of yor assalt. The location also determines which Victim/Witness Program will assist yo. If yo don t know the location of yor assalt (sch as in cases of abdction), either city or conty police will investigate and try to determine which program to contact. The Victim/Witness Assistance Program Coordinator can also help yo apply for Crime Victims Compensation for any ot-of-pocket expenses yo may have had as a reslt of the assalt against yo. THE UNIVERSITY OF VIRGINIA VIEWS SEXUAL ASSAULT AS A SERIOUS, VIOLENT CRIME that will not be tolerated in the University commnity. According to University policy, the following acts constitte a violation: sexal intercorse, sodomy or sexal penetration with an inanimate object, the toching of a person's intimate parts (defined as genitalia, groin, breast or bttocks, or clothing covering them), or compelling a person to toch his or her own or another person's intimate parts withot effective consent. This means that, according to official policy, both parties "mst show a volntary agreement to engage in mtally agreedpon sexal activity;" in other words, the person initiating sexal activity is responsible for doing everything possible to make sre that his or her partner is comfortable with the activity. Failing to do so directly violates the University's standards. The University recognizes two distinct offenses, sexal assalt and sexal miscondct: v Sexal Assalt occrs when the act is intentional and is committed either by a) physical force, violence, threat, or intimidation; b) ignoring the objections of another person; c) casing another's intoxication or impairment throgh the se of drgs or alcohol; or d) taking advantage of another person's incapacitation, state of intimidation, helplessness, or other inability to consent. v Sexal Miscondct occrs when the act is committed withot intent to harm another and where, by failing to correctly assess the circmstances, a person believes nreasonably that effective consent was given withot having met his/her responsibility to gain effective consent. Sitations involving physical force, violence, threat or intimidation fall nder the definition of Sexal Assalt, not Sexal Miscondct. Essentially, the difference between assalt and miscondct comes down to whether or not the assailant can be shown to have intended harm. It is important to keep in mind that every assalt is a serios violation of a srvivor's body, rights, and safety, regardless of the category nder which it is officially classified. The intention behind the two-fold definition is not to minimize the significance of any srvivor's experience, bt rather to create a system that can deal more effectively with a broader range of circmstances, and hopeflly achieve better otcomes for the entire University commnity. 17

19 Hearings By the Sexal Assalt Board (SAB) 18 In addition to criminal or civil litigation, which the administration strongly encorages, stdents have for additional administrative options for resoltion of their sexal assalt cases. All of these procedres are confidential. v Procedres Based on the Filing of a Formal Complaint: -hearing by the Sexal Assalt Board; -strctred meeting v Informal Procedres: -mediation; -assistance in meeting with the Commonwealth's Attorney's Office to learn the reslts of the criminal investigation and to better nderstand any decision not to prosecte the case. The Sexal Assalt Board (SAB) is a committee comprised of administrators, faclty, and stdents. Yo may reqest a hearing before the board by filing a complaint with the Office of the Dean of Stdents within one year after the assalt. In order to fall within the jrisdiction of the SAB, the accsed mst be a University stdent, and the assalt mst have been committed: v against a person on University-owned or leased property or at a University-sponsored or spervised fnction, or v against any University stdent, factly member or staff person at the local residence of any stdent, faclty member or employee within the City of Charlottesville or Albermarle Conty. Once a complaint has been filed, both parties will be referred to a pool of trained advisors. Typically, yor advisor is the Director of Sexal and Domestic Violence Services, althogh yo may choose someone else from the pool of trained advisors. The advisor spports yo throghot the hearing process and help yo to prepare yor case, sch as yor Victim Impact Sttement and list of witnesses. Sbseqently, a report is compiled by an investigator appointed by the Vice President for Stdent Affairs, who will determine whether there is sfficient evidence to go forward with a hearing.. If a hearing is held, the investigator sends a copy of the report to the Sexal Assalt Board, along with a recommendation as to whether the accsed shold be charged with sexal assalt or sexal miscondct. The SAB panel will consist of at least three people: two faclty/administrators and one stdent. The panelists will have read the written materials sbmitted in advance by both parties, and they will qestion yo, the accsed, and any witnesses ntil they feel that they have gathered as mch information as possible. They then meet privately and make a determination of gilt or innocence, based on whether the evidence was "clear and convincing," which is not as strict a standard as in a criminal trial. If the initial investigator recommended that the case be tried as a sexal assalt, the panel will begin by considering that charge, bt if

20 Strctred Meetings they fail to find enogh evidence to establish that the assailant intended harm, they may still find him/her gilty of sexal miscondct. Pnishments for convicted assailants inclde the fll range of Jdiciary Committee sanctions, from reprimand to explsion from the University, regardless of whether the assailant was fond gilty of assalt or miscondct. If the assailant is fond gilty of sexal assalt, however, the panel is reqired to consider explsion, and if they choose not to expel, they mst provide a written jstification of that decision. Either party may appeal the panel's verdict to the Jdicial Review Board.. Stdents who do not wish to prse a formal adjdication before the Sexal Assalt Board, bt who want to file a formal complaint with the Office of the Dean of Stdents, may reqest a Strctred Meeting. This is an opportnity for the complainant to confront the accsed and commnicate their feelings and perceptions regarding the incident, the impact of the incident and their wishes and expectations regarding protection in the ftre. The accsed has an opportnity to respond. The SAB Chair presides over Strctred Meetings, and is assisted by another member of the Sexal Assalt Board or senior staff of the Office of the Dean of Stdents. A Strctred Meeting cannot reslt in a formal sanction involving sspension or explsion of the accsed; however, along with other investigative information, it can be the basis for protective action by the Office of the Dean of Stdents to assist the yo in feeling safe and spported in the University commnity. If yo ask for a Strctred Meeting then yo wold not be able to have Formal Adjdication with the SAB. Yor reqest mst be in writing and inclde a waiver of Formal Adjdication before the Sexal Assalt Board Mediation Mediation allows both yo and the accsed to discss yor respective nderstandings of the assalt with the gidance of a trained professional. The goal is to facilitate a resoltion of the incident to the satisfaction of both people, and to prodce a written agreement to which both are bond. Unlike hearing before the SAB, there is no state of limitations for mediation. If yo feel mediation is an option that wold work for yo, file yor reqest with the Dean of Stdents. Assistance with the Commonwealth s Attorney The University encorages srvivors to report their assalts to the police. Some cases are not prosected, however, leaving srvivors withot a clear nderstanding of the reslts of the criminal investigation, procedres and gronds for the decision. In this case, yo may reqest the Dean of Stdents to ask a senior member of the Dean s Office or of the Office of the Vice President for Stdent Affairs to go with yo to meet with the Commonwealth s Attorney to gain a better nderstanding of this decision. The Director of SDVS or another person can also go with yo. This option is compatible with the filing of a formal complaint with the Office of the Dean of Stdents or reqest for sbseqent mediation. 19

21 HOW WILL I FEEL? SEXUAL ASSAULT IS A VIOLENT OR COERCIVE INVASION of personal privacy and space, and can be a hmiliating and a terrifying experience. Sometimes, victims fear for their lives. In other cases, sexal activity withot consent may not have violent overtones, bt can still radically affect the srvivor in all aspects of life. The experience of sexal assalt has different meanings for different people. Srvivors typically experience a variety of behavioral and emotional reactions, based on their experiences, their spport systems, and the actal assalt. Srvivors often withdraw from other relationships becase of their feelings of fear or hmiliation, or becase they feel responsible for what has happened to them. Ordinary activities sch as grocery shopping, stdying, going to class or work, or jst being with friends may become extremely difficlt to maintain. Yo may feel crazy and ot of control, bt this may be normal given yor recent experience or past experiences. 20 This may mean that yo: can t concentrate in class; have intrsive memories of the assalt (think abot it all the time); are afraid yo ll see or do see the assailant everywhere yo go; can t cry or can t stop crying; eat everything in sight or nothing at all; increase yor alcohol or drg consmption; avoid yor friends; never want to get ot of bed; don t trst anybody; have nightmares; can t sleep; feel paranoid; feel depressed; feel sicidal; feel helpless; can t make decisions abot the simplest of things; feel sad or afraid all the time; want to forget or escape; feel rage; have other physical symptoms:

22 nasea, diarrhea, mscle tension, anxiety, difficlty breathing, troble rinating, pain dring consensal sex, feel dirty and want to wash constantly, and/or have panic attacks. Feelings vary: yo may experience some or all of these symptoms, completely different ones, or feel nothing at all. Feeling nmb or blank is a common reaction and a defense against being overwhelmed or a sense of losing control. These reactions to yor assalt have a name: Rape Trama Syndrome, althogh many experts prefer to se the term Post Tramatic Stress Disorder, or PTSD. It means that yo experienced a trama or a significant, terrifying event. Following a sexal assalt, yo may discover that yor way of life has been disrpted or changed in a variety of ways. Yo may think abot changing jobs, moving, changing yor field or major (especially if the assailant is in yor department), or transferring to another school. Some srvivors become afraid of spending any time alone, while others are afraid of crowded sitations. Feeling ot of control or fearfl of other sitations may occr all at once or once in a while. Some people may try to block other intense feelings and painfl memories by becoming very bsy or involved in activities. Others may need to talk abot the assalt and their feelings abot it all the time. All of this is part of PTSD. Many srvivors of sexal assalt have fond spport and nderstanding in talking with other srvivors to see how they have reacted to their own experiences of sexal assalt. The list of reactions to sexal assalt on page 24 may help yo nderstand yor experience and know what yo might expect. De to the nfair way society and the criminal jstice system views sexal assalt, it s certainly nderstandable if yo feel some degree of gilt. These feelings can be especially powerfl if yo knew yor assailant. Yo might feel gilty becase yo were nable to stop or prevent the assalt, or yo feel that yo shold have seen it coming, or perhaps yo had too mch to drink. Yo might feel responsible becase yo are in a relationship with this person, and it s not the first time yo were assalted by him; yo finally jst coldn t take the abse anymore, or yo were battered along with the sexal assalt. Or, perhaps it s not the first time yo were 21

23 assalted, and yo feel that somehow yo are a marked target for life. What is most important to keep in mind is that yo have choices. Restoring yor sense of control is important. One way to start feeling in control again is to realize that yo have choices abot yor medical treatment and legal procedres. Yor decision to prse healthy choices is one of the first steps in healing. Dring yor healing, the important things to remember are: 22 It s wasn t yor falt. No one asks to be raped or assalted. This is the one crime where yo may be treated as thogh yo are the gilty one. Others may try to make yo feel responsible for what happened to yo becase of their own feelings of vlnerability. Being vlnerable and/or intoxicated is not an excse for someone to assalt yo. Rape or sexal assalt is not an act of sex or lst it s abot aggression, power, and hmiliation, sing sex as the weapon. The rapist s goal is domination, so saying no or even physical resistance may not have prevented the assalt. This act is the responsibility of the rapist, and the rapist alone. Focs on things yo can control and choices yo are able to make. How Long Will I Feel This way? There s no easy answer to that qestion. Each person will recover at her/his own pace. OK, so now what? yo ask. How do I make it go away??? Perhaps yo re looking for a qick fix to the problem, or a magic wand, or someone to make it disappear. Unfortnately, it s not that easy. The good news is that yo CAN recover, and in fact, yo ve already begn yor recovery by reading this book. Talking abot yor feelings and experiences is also part of yor recovery a large part of it. Will Anyone Else Really Understand How I Feel? Healing can be fostered by developing a network of spport. Not everyone has nderstanding friends or family, yet there are ways to find the spport yo need. It may be difficlt to know whom to trst or who will really listen and nderstand how yo re feeling. There are many people who can help yo dring yor healing process. In fact, research shows that the sooner a srvivor can speak of her/his experience in a spportive environment, inclding with family, friends, and professional conselors, the more rapid and thorogh the healing process. Conselors are available at the UVa Women s Center, Conseling and Psychological Services (CAPS), and SARA. Many rape and assalt srvivors find it helpfl to talk with a sexal

24 assalt crisis conselor. These conselors are trained to listen and nderstand Rape Trama Syndrome. They can help yo sort ot yor options and can refer yo to spport grops for srvivors or individal conseling. If yo want to make sre a conselor knows how to help yo, ask if she or he has had training in sexal assalt isses. Althogh it may feel hard to reach ot for help, there are many resorces in the Charlottesville/Albemarle Conty area for srvivors of sexal assalt. Yo will find them listed on page 44 ( Who Can Help Me? ) SABA FOR THE HIDDEN GODDESS BY KATHERINE BANKOLE The Hidden Goddess whispers inside: i am enogh for myself 23 transcending oppression is a jorney from pieces of pain to peace ancestress will gide yo to her she opens the door, yo mst go in listen to yor dreams look deeper at yor ancient garment can yo feel her power? It s greater than srvival this creative power to bloom beyond hrt can yo know her power? It s greater than crsing the oppressor this endless rital of blessing the womansplace she is not hard to find or feel or know she is the montain inside she is the woman s sacred charm Find the Hidden Goddess she is witness that: yo are enogh for yorself

25 POSSIBLE REACTIONS TO SEXUAL ASSAULT Emotional Shock I feel so nmb. Why am I so calm? Why can t I cry? Disbelief Did it really happen? Why me? Maybe I jst made it p. Embarrassment What will people think? I can t tell my family or friends. Shame I feel so dirty, like there is something wrong with me. Now I m damaged goods. Gilt I feel as if it s my falt, or I did something to make this happen. If only I had... Depression How am I going to get throgh this semester? I m so tired. I feel so helpless. Maybe I d be better off dead. Powerlessness Will I ever feel in control again? Disorientation I don t even know what day it is, or what class I m spposed to be in right now. I keep forgetting things. Triggers I keep having flashbacks. I m still reliving it. I see his face all the time, or taste or smell things for no reason. Denial It wasn t really rape. Fear I m scared of everything. What if I m pregnant? Cold I get an STI or AIDS? How can I ever feel safe again? Do people realize there s anything wrong with me? I can t sleep becase I know I ll have nightmares. I think I m going crazy. Anxiety I m having panic attacks. I can t breathe! I jst can t stop shaking. I can t sit still in class. I feel overwhelmed. I can t stdy. Anger I want to kill him! 24

26 WILL I EVER FEEL SAFE OR TRUST AGAIN? SURVIVORS OF SEXUAL ASSAULT EXPRESS A SPECTRUM OF FEARS, and have a legitimate concern for their safety. These fears are normal, and each person will need her/his own time to heal and to feel safe again. Some people are afraid at home (whether or not the assalt occrred there), and some may be afraid when they go ot. They may fear being alone while at the same time have a need to isolate themselves. Some feel mistrstfl of others; this is especially tre for those who knew their assailant. These feelings will go away, bt it will take time for them to sbside. Staying with a close friend or spportive relative for a while may be helpfl. Talking with a sexal assalt conselor can be a vital connection that can help yo throgh this difficlt time. It is not ncommon after a sexal assalt to want to prchase a weapon. Weapons can foster dependence on an external object for protection or can be taken away and sed against yo. Some people, especially those who are trained in the se of weapons, still find this to be a viable choice. A more empowering alternative to weapons may be to enroll in a selfdefense corse. Yo can trn fear into anger and anger into action by learning how to se awareness, assertiveness, and physical action to defend yorself. Learning self-defense is one way of dealing with fear and anxiety. It can empower yo and help yo heal more qickly from the assalt. Being familiar with self-protection strategies may help yo regain a feeling of secrity and self-reliance. The ideal self-defense class is geared toward the concerns and needs of women, or, if coed, has instrctors trained in sensitivity to srvivors. There are few, if any, classes geared to male srvivors, bt some selfdefense instrctors are willing to arrange a corse. Most martial arts schools offer self-defense components for all stdents. However, most practical feminist-inspired self-defense corses offer sensible, effective strategies that a woman, regardless of physical stats, can choose to se or not, depending on her sitation at the time. One of the most practical classes to consider taking is assertiveness training. Yo may find that the skills yo learn in this kind of workshop have a vast array of logical applications to daily life isses and enhance self-esteem as well. To find these classes, conslt with the resorces listed in the back of this handbook, Who Can Help Me? or conslt yor sexal assalt center for recommendations. 25

27 Another effective method for calming these fears is called systematic desensitization. With the help of a partner or close friend, make a list of the things yo are afraid of doing. Pt the things yo fear least at the top of the list and end with activities yo fear most. Take a few deep, relaxing breaths, and then imagine yorself doing the first thing on the list. Try to keep yor body relaxed as yo visalize sccessflly completing the activity. Proceed to the next item on the list only if yo feel relaxed and able to do so. Take as mch time as yo need to work throgh each listing. The next step is to try the activity, first with a friend and later alone, if yo feel it is safe to do so. Confronting each fearfl sitation at yor own pace will help empower yo to live withot the fears and constraints that natrally occr following an assalt. Fear and mistrst are very normal, natral, and common reactions to a sexal assalt. Yo may think yo cold have prevented the assalt, bt the responsibility for sexal assalt lies with the offender, even if yo knew him. 26 From Solstice by Adre Lorde My skin is tightening soon I shall shed it like a monitor lizard like remembered comfort at the new moon s rising I will eat the last signs of my weakness remove the scars of old childhood wars and dare to enter the forest whistling like a snake that has fed the chameleon for changes I shall be forever May I never remember reasons for my spirit s safety may I never forget the warning of my woman s flesh weeping at the new moon may I never lose that terror that keeps me brave May I owe nothing that I cannot repay.

28 FOR THE SIGNIFICANT OTHERS OF SEXUAL ASSAULT SURVIVORS THE FOLLOWING INFORMATION IS FOR ALL FRIENDS AND LOVED ONES of sexal assalt srvivors: friends, famiy members, married or nmarried, heterosexal, lesbian or gay. Whatever the stats of yor relationship, there are feelings and reactions commonly experienced by the significant other of someone who has srvived sexal assalt. Yo are not alone. Yo may find yorself confsed abot sexal assalt and wonder if the srvivor cold have prevented it. Yo might find it difficlt to listen when she/he wishes to talk abot certain aspects of the assalt. Yo may find yorself wishing it wold jst go away. Yo might be hesitant to let others know abot the assalt for fear of how they may react to yo or to the srvivor. Yo may experience feelings of gilt and responsibility, believing that somehow yo cold have prevented the assalt. It is not ncommon to feel anger toward the srvivor and at others arond yo, or harbor a need for revenge against the assailant. If yo are the intimate partner of a srvivor, yo might also feel ncertain abot how to raise the isse of physical intimacy. Yor cltral or religios vales regarding sex, sex roles, and codes of behavior may conflict with yor intellectal nderstanding of the assalt. All of these feelings are nderstandable when someone yo care abot has been sexally assalted. The important thing to remember is that these feelings need to be recognized and addressed, both by yo and by yor partner, so as not to create frther distress in an already critical sitation. Rape and sexal assalt are not acts of sexal desire, bt are acts of violence sing sex to dominate and/or hmiliate the victim. Many people confse this violence with sex becase the same body parts are involved in sexal assalt as in making love. Therefore, some people respond to a srvivor of a sexal assalt as if she/he had provoked, wanted, or enjoyed it. To the contrary, the assalt leaves the srvivor with a deep sense of violation and emotional trama. Not nderstanding the reality of sexal assalt can make the crisis more difficlt for both yo and yor partner. Many significant others believe they mst do something to help their loved one get over the pain. Often there is not mch yo can do directly. The pain is inevitable and can take months or even years for the srvivor 27

29 to completely work throgh. However, the following gidelines can help both yo and the srvivor get throgh some of the difficlties yo may experience following the assalt: Edcate yorself abot sexal assalt and the healing process. Listen to and validate any feelings the srvivor may be experiencing. Listen to and express yor own feelings regarding the assalt. Don t ignore what happened or try to smooth it over and make it better. Respect the time and space it takes to heal. Patience and acceptance are essential. Ask the srvivor what he/she wants and needs and follow throgh. Encorage the srvivor to seek spport, and provide nconditional spport for the decisions she/he makes. Seek spport yorself. Sexal assalt hotline conselors and other professionals are available to yo as well as to yor loved one. 28 The emotional impact of sexal assalt does not jst disappear for either yo or the srvivor. Feelings of fear, anger, confsion, gilt or powerlessness are normal. Talking abot these feelings will help. Remember to give both yo and yor significant other the time and space yo each need to heal. From Almost Giving Up: From Darkness to Light by H.E.R. Ward I almost gave p when I thoght I had lost control of my life and the world seemed free of me. I almost gave p when I cried my tears of angish weeping for a comforting word. I almost gave p when I plled in my fears and angish to protect my yongest offspring. Bt, she woldn t let me give p becase she heard my despair and sent me a lifeline of blossoms I won t give p becase I have a spring of life arond me I want to share with those who srrond me. I will not give p becase there is a lesson I mst complete and lessons I mst share. I don t give p becase I know I am the spring of new life from my ancestors who went before me. I can t give p becase they keep me standing tall with life and love to hold p this temple.

30 I AM A UVA STUDENT AS A STUDENT AT THE UNIVERSITY OF VIRGINIA, most of the information in this booklet will be an important reference for yo. However, there are some characteristics and resorces particlar to the University that yo shold know abot. Alcohol and Drgs in this Cltre Drg-Facilitated Sexal Assalt By now yo have probably noticed that alcohol plays a large role in the stdent cltre at UVa. Recent stdies by the Institte for Sbstance Abse Stdies have shown that or ndergradate stdents se illegal drgs at a slightly lower rate and alcohol at a somewhat higher rate than stdents at other colleges and niversities. Becase alcohol is so often involved in acqaintance rape and other sexal assalts, it may have played a role in yor assalt. Yo and/or the person who assalted yo may have been drnk. Yo may have even blacked ot and not remember mch detail. As yo work throgh the many conflicting feelings that are normal in the aftermath of sexal assalt, yo may blame yorself, especially if yo think that yo were irresponsible in yor alcohol se. No amont of alcohol consmed by either person jstifies a sexal assalt. Yo are responsible for yor conscios alcohol se, bt yo are not to blame for having been raped or otherwise assalted while yo were nder its inflence. Having sexal contact with someone who is too intoxicated to say no is considered sexal assalt or rape at the University of Virginia. Yo may also wonder if yo were drgged with a date rape drg. There are a nmber of drgs that are sed to incapacitate victims for the prpose of rape or sexal assalt, and that list is constantly changing. If yo sspect this is the case, or if yo were not tested for the presence of drgs at the time of yor assalt, yo may want to discss this isse with a conselor, in order to come to terms with it. Some drgs, sch as roofies (Rohypnol, or flnitrazepam) or Klonopin/Rivotril (Clonazepam) case total memory loss so yo may not really know what happened or with whom, which can be difficlt to reconcile. Pharmacetical drgs sch as these, or designer drgs sch as Ecstasy or GHB (Gamma Hydroxybtyrate) are easy to administer and have a qick effect. Yet, even a large consmption of alcohol, or the combination of alcohol with more common drgs sch as Valim, can feel like Rohypnol or Ecstasy. 29

31 30 Friends and Family Yo may have already spoken to yor closest friends and family members abot the assalt and fond varying degrees of spport. Each person close to yo will have his or her own adjstment to make when hearing abot yor experience. Some will be more helpfl to yo than others. Some may even disappoint yo, bt most will try to help the best way they can. If yo are a member of a sorority, fraternity, athletic team, live in a residence hall site, or another tightly knit grop, yo may be srprised by the spport available to yo there. However, yor sitation may be complicated by yor having friends in common with the person who assalted yo. These friends may feel as thogh they are choosing sides if they offer yo sbstantial spport. Yo will be the best jdge of whom to cont on dring this difficlt time and how many people yo want to tell. Having close friends and family as confidantes can be important to yor recovery. Share the information in this booklet with them, particlarly the section, For the Significant Others of Sexal Assalt Srvivors on page 27. They may find it helpfl. They may also want to get conseling for themselves, in order to be able to spport yo. University Resorces The section Can Anyone Help Me? (page 44) otlines the University and commnity resorces available to yo for conseling, legal, edcational, and secrity services. In addition to these, there are several other sorces of spport that yo shold know abot: Resident Staff As part of their training, resident staff members learn abot sexal assalt and its accompanying isses. If yo need them to help yo find answers to yor qestions, or if yo jst need someone to listen, they can be an important resorce. If yo feel nsafe or ncomfortable becase yor assailant lives in yor residential area, yor resident staff can help yo arrange permission to move to another area on Gronds. They can also solicit the help of the University Police or a dean in the Office of the Dean of Stdents at yor reqest. Academic Spport It is not at all nsal for srvivors of sexal assalt to notice an inability to concentrate and an ongoing sense of distraction. This especially affects their ability to pay attention in class, to stdy, and to meet academic reqirements that they are otherwise very capable of doing. It s important that yo not ignore these problems if they arise. Intervention can be arranged if yo speak with someone as soon as possible. Professors are sally willing to arrange alternate test dates and extensions of deadlines with yo when someone from either yor academic dean s office or

32 the Office of the Dean of Stdents lets them know that yo are experiencing extenating circmstances. They sally accept this explanation withot reqiring specific details abot yor sitation. In order to arrange this assistance with yor professors, yo can contact either someone in yor school: UVA School and Department Contacts for Academic Assistance College of Arts & Sciences Undergradate Association Deans Gradate A&S School of Architectre Crry School of Edcation Darden School of Bsiness Engineering School of Law McIntire School of Bsiness School of Medicine School of Nrsing OR: Office of the Dean of Stdents Conseling and Psychological Services (CAPS) Sexal and Domestic Violence Services International Stdies Office Srvivors of sexal assalt are often relctant to talk to anyone abot their assalts, especially a member of the faclty or administration. However, each of the resorces mentioned in this chapter is accstomed to helping stdents with serios personal isses and in maintaining sch information in confidence. Stdent Health Health care providers are available to assist yo in any way they can throgh the Divisions of Gynecology, General Medicine, Conseling and Psychological Services, and Health Promotion. Short and long-term follow-p care, inclding gynecological exams, general physical exams, treatment, and conseling/referral, are available. Yo have pre-paid professional services throgh yor tition and fees. If laboratory tests are needed, there is a charge for them. All medical records are absoltely confidential. Yo may walk into CAPS withot an appointment Monday Friday, 8am 5pm and ask to speak to the on-call clinician. Evenings and weekends, yo can contact the on-call CAPS conselor throgh their answering service at

33 General Spport and Options for Adjdication 32 Srvivor Emergency Fnd The staff in the Sexal and Domestic Violence Services (SDVS) and the deans in the Office of the Dean of Stdents are available to yo to provide general spport and frther information on niversity and commnity resorces. If yo live off-gronds, yo might look to these offices for the kinds of spport available to stdents living on-gronds throgh resident staff. If yor assailant was a stdent, these are also the locations to get the most complete information on University of Virginia policies and procedres for holding a UVa stdent responsible for sexally assalting yo. The director of SDVS or one of the deans can give yo a thorogh explanation and written materials on each the University options. [A thorogh description of these options (beyond what is explained in this book) is at These offices can also give yo information abot what is involved in prsing civil or criminal charges with the Commonwealth s Attorney. Sexal and Domestic Violence Services is located in the Women s Center. The Office of the Dean of Stdents is on the second floor of Peabody Hall. Emergency financial assistance is available to srvivors who are UVA stdents throgh the Sexal Assalt Edcation Office. This can cover expenses not taken care of by the Victim & Witness Assistance Fnd, or as a stopgap measre ntil that fnding comes throgh. From I Give Yo Back by Joy Harjo I take myself back, fear. Yo are not my shadow any longer. I won t hold yo in my hands Yo can t live in my eyes, my ears, my voice my belly, or my heart my heart my heart my heart.

34 SPECIFIC SURVIVOR CONCERNS INDEX I was Assalted by my Hsband/Boyfriend I am a Teenage Srvivor I am a Male Srvivor I am a Lesbian Srvivor I am a Srvivor With a Disability I am a Deaf or Hard-of-Hearing Srvivor When Race or Ethnicity Becomes an Isse... I m Not a US Citizen I was Assalted by my Hsband/ Boyfriend/Partner A marriage license or the fact that yo are living together or dating exclsively doesn t give yor partner license for sex on demand. Many men believe that they have a right to their partners bodies; this is not tre. This is not a qestion of personal opinion or belief. Raping yor partner or ex-partner is felony in Virginia, as is non-consensal sex between same-sex partners. If yo were sexally assalted by yor mate or an ex-partner, yo have medical and legal rights. An important medical right is the right to have a medical examination withot withot anyone else in the room, other than healthcare professionals. Yor hsband/boyfriend/partner may want to accompany yo to the examination room or be present when yo are answering qestions. The physician or nrse can exclde him from the room to ensre yor privacy and safety. Yo have the right to receive treatment for yor injries withot having to tell who hrt yo. Additionally, yo have the right to a pregnancy test and a test for sexally transmitted infections. Yo also have the right to refse to report the assalt to a law enforcement officer even if the health care professional sggests that yo report it. In the Commonwealth of Virginia, it is against the law for yor partner to force yo to have sex. It is considered as serios a crime as it is for a stranger to sexally assalt yo. There are legal options available for yo. See the Domestic Violence resorces on pages for more information. Yo may have been a victim of other types of violence from yor mate. He/she may have told yo often that yo were worthless, threatened yo or yor children, prevented yo from getting or keeping a job, or hit yo. A stdy done in 1984 fond that almost 78% of women who had been victims of domestic violence had also been forced to have sex with their 33

35 hsbands or boyfriends against their consent. Remember, no one deserves to be sexally assalted, no matter what yor relationship with the perpetrator. There are some reasons, however, that yo may have sbmitted to sexal pressre from yor partner: Yo were physically overpowered. Yo were afraid that yor children might be harmed. Yo believed that yo shold sbmit to him becase yo are his wife, or yo had no choice. Yo were afraid that he wold abandon yo or stop financially spporting yo and yor children. Yo wanted him to stop being angry. Yo thoght that yor mate might change and be nice again if yo gave in to him. Yo have a same-sex partner and he/she threatened to ot yo. All the reasons listed above are nderstandable becase yo were trying to srvive and do the best yo cold. Bt remember, no one has the right to force yo to do anything sexally that yo do not want to do. If yo want to talk abot yor feelings and have some spport for what yo re going throgh, contact either the the Shelter for Help in Emergency (a shelter for victims of domestic violence) 24-hor hotline. 34 I am a Teenage Srvivor If yo are a teenager and were sexally assalted: Yo may feel frightened and hmiliated. Yo may fear that if yo tell yor parents, they may try to limit yor activities in an attempt to protect yo. If yo were assalted when breaking a school rle, like skipping class, yo may be afraid of getting in troble over the rle violation. If yo were assalted when breaking a parental or hose rle, like breaking crfew or drinking alcohol, yo may also be afraid of getting in troble. If yo were assalted or are being exploited by someone yo met in cyberspace, like a chat room or MySpace, yo might be afraid to tell yor parents. Yo may be afraid of harassment at school if yor peers know yo were assalted. Yo may worry that yor family or friends will create more stress for yo by threatening retaliation against yor assailant. If yo were assalted by someone yo know, or someone trsted by yor family, yo may be afraid that yor family/friends will dobt what yo tell them.

36 If yo were assalted by a friend or a date, yo may feel pressre from friends who don t want yo to get the assailant in troble. There are some things yo need to know right away: Any sexal activity forced on yo against yor will is a crime. It may be called rape, molestation, child sexal abse, date rape, or some other name. What happened wasn t yor falt, whether yo were assalted by a stranger or by someone yo know, or even if yo were doing something yo knew was risky, like hitchhiking. It s really important that yo get medical care as soon as possible. Yo may have medical problems that yo can t feel right now. Also, it s wise to let someone yo trst know what happened. It can help a lot to talk abot yor feelings. Remember that yo aren t alone. It s estimated that one-third of all yong people in the United States are sexally assalted by the time they are eighteen. Many of those assalts occr in absive dating relationships, althogh assalts are committed by friends and strangers, too. Perhaps the most difficlt form of sexal abse to talk abot is incest. It can happen in any family. The offender can be a man or a woman, parent, stepparent, ncle, ant, older sibling or other family member. Both girls and boys can be victims of incest. If incest is happening to yo, yo may be afraid that reporting it will lead to big problems at home, maybe even breaking p yor family. A conselor can answer yor qestions confidentially abot this and help yo figre ot what to do. As a teenager, yo may have a lot of pressre on yo. Try and concentrate on one thing: yo have been hrt and yo need help. The person who hrt yo is responsible for what he/she did, not yo. Yo may be worried abot other people or concerned abot protecting them, bt right now yor needs are more important than anything else. Remember: Yo aren t to blame for what happened. There are people who will believe yo. There are people who want to help. I am a Male Srvivor It s likely that yo never thoght sexal assalt cold happen to yo, probably becase yo ve been socialized to see sexal assalt as a crime against women, not against men--even if yo are gay. Becase of this, many men have a hard time separating sex from the crime. Yo have srvived a violent assalt. Sexal assalt is devastating to all victims, regardless of gender, and many reactions are shared by both male and female victims. Yo may feel rage, shame, gilt, powerlessness, helplessness, concern regarding yor safety, and/or symptoms of physical illness. 35

37 However, there are special isses that may be different for yo, sch as dobts abot yor sexality or masclinity or relctance to be examined for medical procedres. Yo may hesitate to report the assalt to law enforcement for fear of ridicle or fear that they won t believe yo. The same feelings apply to telling other people yo know and to finding appropriate resorces and spport. This is tre even if yo experienced the assalt when yo were very yong and only now are realizing yo need help. Yor assailant may have been motivated by racist hatred; also if yo are a man of color, yor commnity s views of masclinity may be challenged. Yo need to know that strong or weak; otgoing or withdrawn; gay, straight, or bisexal; old or yong; whatever yor physical appearance, yo have done nothing that jstifies this attack. At no point and nder no circmstance does anyone have the right to violate or control another s body. Sexal assalt is a crime of violence and power, not of lst or passion. 36 Yo may need special spport. Help is available to yo: Yo may reqest a male conselor on the crisis line. Yo may reqest an older or male nrse to assist in yor treatment at the hospital. A spport grop of male srvivors may help yo in yor healing process. As a man, many factors or fears may inflence yor decision to report or not report to law enforcement. There are both advantages and disadvantages if yo choose to report. The advantages inclde: Yo may apply for Victims of Violent Crimes Compensation; The assailant may be caght and broght to trial; Collection of medical evidence will be paid for by the Commonwealth s Attorney s Office; Yor report may help protect others. The disadvantages inclde: Yo may be treated in an insensitive manner; Yo may not be believed; Yo may fear that yo will be arrested for violating Virginia s antisodomy laws (despite the Spreme Cort s vacating these laws); or Prosection is often nsccessfl. If yo are gay or bisexal, yo may feel that somehow yo broght this on yorself. Yo may fear disclosre of yor sexal orientation. Yo may

38 fear for yor safety or feel srvivor s gilt if yo srvived a hate crime. And yo may know yor assailant: he cold be an acqaintance, a friend, a colleage, a date, a partner. The resorces in the back of this handbook can help yo find gay-affirmative conseling. The bibliography also has references that speak to the concerns of male srvivors, whether straight, gay. bisexal or transgender. Feeling responsible is a normal reaction to sexal assalt. However, sexal assalt is never the responsibility of the srvivor; yo did nothing to deserve this. There are conselors in the area who are skilled in working with male srvivors of sexal assalt. I am a Lesbian Srvivor Jst like heterosexal women, lesbians can be sexally assalted. In most cases this happens simply becase they are female. Yet there are rapists who target gay or bisexal women, expressing their hatred of lesbians throgh this kind of violence in order to teach them a lesson or show them what they really need. Or, yo may have been assalted by yor partner or another woman in an absive relationship. Whatever the circmstances of yor assalt, yo may have fears and concerns specifically related to being gay in addition to those which any woman faces. These concerns may be not only abot what occrred dring the assalt, bt abot how yo will be treated by the health care and criminal jstice systems, yor friends, family, and, if yo are in a relationship, yor partner. Some of the isses yo may face are: fear of disclosre to friends, family, employers; fear that yor sexal orientation will be seen as yor central problem to health care providers, instead of the assalt; fear of losing cstody of yor children, if yor family or a former male partner learns that yo are a lesbian; concerns that yor case will not be taken seriosly becase of yor sexal orientation; fear that yo will be arrested for violating Virginia s anti-sodomy laws despite the fact that the Spreme Cort declared these laws nconstittional. For a woman who has rarely or never experienced heterosexal intercorse, forcible penetration may be particlarly frightening or painfl. The possibility of pregnancy may be an isse yo aren t accstomed to worrying abot. It s also possible that yo may lose interest in sexal activity or qestion yor sexal orientation after an assalt. Even women who 37

39 are very secre with their sexal identities may have feelings of vlnerability, gilt or self-blame. It may be helpfl for yo to know that yo will not be reqired to disclose yor sexal orientation to anyone, nless yo choose to do so--even in the emergency room. Try to keep in mind that medical personnel mst ask qestions which presme that yo are heterosexal. In order to evalate yore medical needs as well as collect accrate forensic evidence, they will need to know if yo have had recent volntary sexal intercorse and se birth control. If yo feel yo have been treated badly, or the medical staff reacts ncomfortably to yor answers, let the sexal assalt center know. Regardless of how yo feel abot yor sexality still qestioning, closeted, or totally ot yo are entitled to the same sensitive treatment heterosexal women shold receive. If yo sspect or know that the assailant knew yo were a lesbian, yo may want to report the assalt to a hate crime reporting hotline. Anti-gay violence is not considered a hate crime in Virginia, bt Virginians for Jstice has a reporting hotline, as does the U.S. Department of Jstice. When reporting to either hotline, yo don t have to identify yorself. If yo have a partner, she will have her own set of reactions and feelings abot yor assalt. Those feelings may be intensified if she is a srvivor herself. If yor partner was the perpetrator, yo shold know that womanto-woman sexal assalt is not as ncommon as yo might think. There is information in the bibilography on this topic that yo may find helpfl. Above all, it is important to remember that the assalt is not something yo broght on yorself. This may be hard to acknowledge if yo are still coming to terms with yor sexality, or the assailant indicated that he knew yo were a lesbian. Self-dobt is a natral by-prodct of a sexist, homophobic and heterosexist society. Yo have the right to services that are nonjdgmental and to srrond yorself with those who can emotionally spport yo best throgh the healing process. 38 I am a Srvivor With a Disability Most people aren t aware that sexal assalts against people with physical, visal, mental or emotional disabilities are very common. This is becase people who commit these assalts perceive people with disabilities as easy targets, and they freqently get away with these crimes. Misconceptions abond that people who se wheelchairs, who may be developmentally delayed or have mental illnesses have no sexal feelings or even concern abot sch matters; therefore, it s okay to take advantage of them. It s also very likely that yo know the person who absed yo. Usally the assailant is someone the srvivor knows, or who has some role in her/his care. Yo may have even become disabled, or frther disabled, becase of the abse.

40 No one has the right to assalt yo. Yo might feel powerless to do something abot it becase this person has control of yor care or yor finances. Regardless of that person s role in yor life, yo still have the right to file a complaint and seek redress. Yo may find, as yo may have prior to yor assalt, that people who are spposed to be helping yo treat yo as thogh yo are helpless or nable to nderstand what happened. They may ignore yor needs, acting as thogh they know what is best for yo. Others may feel that yo won t be effective in helping apprehend yor assailant. All these ideas are misconceptions abot people with disabilities, not facts. Yo have the right to be treated with the same care and concern as able-bodied srvivors. It s okay to ask for a companion from SARA or the Victim & Witness Program to work with yo on yor terms. The assalt may make yo feel very vlnerable. Yo may want to seek emotional spport and other kinds of assistance from local agencies which advocate for persons with disabilities. It might be helpfl to ask the agency if there is a staff member with experience in working with sexal assalt isses. Becase this is rarely the case, yo may decide to work with two advocates: a sexal assalt companion and a disabilities advocate. If yo have a visal impairment, copies of this handbook may be available on adio tape. Yo may also want to learn self-defense; regardless of yor disability, there are self-defense techniqes, inclding assertiveness and physical techniqes modified to yor needs, which yo may find empowering. I am a Deaf or Hard-of-Hearing Srvivor Srvivors who are Deaf or Hard-of-Hearing face very different barriers than those with other disabilities. The most significant barrier is commnication accessibility. Yo may have experienced a tendency by people to ignore yo becase they don t know how to deal with yor deafness. The hearing world may feel very separate from yor own; yo may have had negative experiences in the past with doctors, police, or conselors, or crisis lines which claim to be TTY-accessible, bt in fact are not. Becase so mch of modern information comes from the spoken word, whether throgh the media or casal conversation, information abot rape, sexal abse, battering and harassment has only recently been discssed in the Deaf commnity. If yo are not part of this commnity, yo may still feel ninformed abot these isses. More and more services are addressing the needs of Deaf and Hard-of-Hearing srvivors; some have Deaf advocates and hotline conselors. If yo are naware of yor rights as a Deaf or Hard-of-Hearing consmer, that information is available. Police, hospitals, and Commonwealth s attorneys are all reqired by law to provide qalified sign-langage interpreters and other axiliary aids as needed. Yo have the 39

41 right to reqest a qalified sign-langage or oral interpreter if yo need one. Miscommnication is all too easy in these sitations, so try to keep as mch control as yo can. It might also be helpfl to have an advocate who can be yor reality checker if yo feel something has gone wrong. Hearing or Deaf, what is important is that the advocate be knowledgeable abot the rights of srvivors. It s also possible that yo will have to travel some distance to find the kind of conseling that yo feel is right for yo, particlarly if yo seek a professional conselor who is Deaf. Advocates from Victim-Witness or SARA can try to help yo find the appropriate resorce. ISSUES OF RACE AND ETHNICITY Sexality covers a very complex set of behaviors, ideas and feelings that vary among cltres. This variation can be a sorce of confsion, misnderstanding and conflict. Cltral vales relating to assertiveness, aggression and violence are also areas of potential confsion and conflict. As a member of a minority grop, yo may also be a srvivor of racism and prejdice. The assalt itself may be motivated by racial hatred and so wold be considered a hate crime. All these factors, in addition to the niqe aspects of yor own history, may inflence yor response to an assalt. I am a Black/ African-American Srvivor It is a myth that sexal assalt only happens to a certain type of woman. Jst like many other women who have been assalted, yo may feel anxios, depressed, angry or gilty. All of these feelings are normal, bt de to different cltral beliefs and expectations, yo may have some feelings or thoghts that are niqe to yo as a Black woman. Yo may have been taght as a child that African-American women are strong and shold bear any brden alone withot complaining. Yo may feel that yo sholdn t tell anyone abot yor sexal assalt. Never take yor bsiness in the streets. The trth is that yo have been violated and yo are in pain. It s OK to talk to someone abot what has happened and to get help. Yo may feel that yo can t trst anyone or that the legal system and mental health profession, as part of white society, will not spport or nderstand yo. Yo may also be afraid to press charges if yor assailant was Black. Yo may not want to trn against yor own kind, nor want to perpetate any negative stereotypes abot Black men or women. It may be difficlt for yo to seek help if yo feel that it wold be at the expense of African-American men or yor commnity. However, prsing help for yorself does not detract from yor loyalty. Remember, yo 40

42 can be victimized in three ways: by the assalt itself; the way in which the assalt is dealt with (i.e., who is told, their reactions); and by yor own self-perception. Yo can empower yorself and feel less helpless by finding someone to talk to who is trstworthy and who nderstands yor niqe cltral perspective. If yo are a UVA stdent, yo may also want to contact the Office of African American Affairs for spport. I am a Latina Srvivor Althogh the terms Latino/Latina, Hispanic and Latin American actally refer to many different nationalities and cltres from Mexican and Caribbean to Central and Soth American there are some shared experiences among them. In Latino cltres, women tend to be given restrictive gender roles that reqire sbmission to men. Also, some Latinas experience a lack of encoragement in edcational goals and independence. The expectations of men, on the other hand, are that they shold be sccessfl at any cost, inclding wielding tremendos power over women. As a Latina, yo may have learned that men are not expected to take responsibility for their sexal behavior. Yo may have been taght that this is a woman s role. This makes the assalt seem to be yor problem, not his. Becase of the obstacles created by this sexal hierarchy, as a Latina srvivor yo may have a very hard time reporting yor sexal assalt. Yo may believe that the assalt was yor falt, or that yo have been damaged becase yo no longer are a virgin if yo had no sexal experience before the assalt. Yo may also fear that yo will bring dishonor on yor family and yo may fear that yor family will affirm those feelings. Yo may fear blame and accsation from others. Yo may believe that it is not proper or feminine to talk abot sch things. Other factors may affect yor reaction to an assalt. Yor identification with Latino cltral traditions can be affected by how many years or generations yo or yor family have lived in the US and to what degree yo have assimilated into North American cltre. Moreover, certain stereotypes in U.S. cltre having to do with Latinos and especially Latinas may hold yo back from reporting the assalt and seeking the help yo need. Also, if yo are an immigrant, yo may have experienced sexal violations and tortre dring periods of conflict in yor conty of origin, or been assalted while coming into the United States. It is common for both violent crime and even natral disasters to trigger old memories of trama, even if yo believed that yo had moved on. Althogh it may not be cltrally acceptable to speak with others abot this pain, this may be the time to reach ot for help. There are people who can help yo find paths to healing. Yor degree of flency and comfort with speaking in English while yo are 41

43 in crisis may affect yor ability to have yor needs addressed. Yo have the right to ask for a Spanish- or Portgese-English interpreter dring conseling sessions, legal proceedings, or interviews with the police. If yo are a UVa stdent, yo may want to contact the Office of the Dean of Stdents to speak with the dean working with Latino/Hipanic and Latin American stdents. I am an Asian or Asian-American Srvivor 42 Asian and Asian Americans represent a wide range of peoples and cltres, or descendants of immigrants to the United States, from the East Asian region to Sotheast Asia, from the Indian sbcontinent to areas of the Middle East. If yo are Asian American, the traditional cltral backgronds of yor parents or other ancestors have been blended to varying degrees with aspects of American cltre. Yo may find yorself balancing dal (or more) identities. Dring a crisis, sch as sexal assalt, this balancing act can be very difficlt. Traditionally, in many Asian cltres, bt not all, virginity in women prior to marriage is prized and valed. Yor parents, and to some degree yo, may hold this belief, even if yo are not the first generation of yor family that was born in the U.S. Conseqently, having been raped can reslt in terrible feelings of shame, threatening to bring disgrace to yo and yor family if it is revealed. Yo have control over what corse of action is taken after the assalt, inclding how and with whom this information is shared. Among some Asian cltres, as well as among some grops of Asian Americans, women are seen as having less vale than men. Ths yo may feel, even more than other women, that yo are somehow responsible for what has happened. As a woman yo may also feel that yo can only expect sch things will happen to yo. Yo may feel brdened by the shame of yor assalt. These feelings are very nderstandable, given their cltral context. Yor reactions also can be appreciated by conseling professionals who will spport and nderstand yo. It s not nsal that in some Asian and Asian American cltres the whole sbject of sexality is taboo. Yo may feel that yo mst keep yor experience a secret in order to avoid shaming yorself and yor family. If this is so, then talking abot a sexal assalt may be even more difficlt and psetting. Yet, talking abot the experience in detail can help relieve or lessen symptoms. Yo may want to consider seeking conseling. Yo have the right to reqest a conselor who is skilled in working on either isses of sexal assalt and/or with Asian American people. Professional conselors have an ethical and legal obligation to maintain confidentiali-

44 ty. Yor conselor shold also be sensitive to yor perspective and proceed at a pace that is comfortable for yo. Remember that sexal assalt is never the responsibility of the srvivor. Yo decide what yo want to talk abot in these conseling sessions. When yo are ready, yo may find it very helpfl. I am Not a US Citizen If yo aren t a citizen or permanent resident of the United States, and live in Virginia: Yo are entitled to receive treatment for the medical injries that yo may have received dring a sexal assalt. The health care providers at UVa Hospital and Martha Jefferson Hospital cannot ask yo abot yor citizenship. Any medical information that yo give to yor health care provider is confidential. It will not be released to anyone, inclding a law enforcement officer, withot yor permission. If yo choose to report the assalt to law enforcement yo are eligible for benefits and services from the Victim/Witness Assistance Program and Commonwealth s Attorney s Office. If yo were assalted by yor hsband, yo may be protected from his threats to have yo deported if yo report it, by provisions of the Federal Violence Against Women Act. Piedmont Legal Services can help yo with this information. The UVa hospital is reqired by state law to report jvenile (nder age 18) sexal assalt to the local law enforcement agency. The UVa hospital also notifies the law enforcement agency abot crimes of sexal assalt against adlts. If yo are an ndocmented worker, yo may be fearfl of contact with the police, althogh they are not reqired to report yo to the Immigration and Natralization Service (INS). If yo want no contact with the law, yor health care providers are not reqired to report the assalt nless it involves a minor or a major injry sch as a gnshot wond or stabbing. Yo have the right to bring yor assailant to trial, regardless of whether or not yo are a US citizen. This is tre even if the attacker was yor hsband. The Commonwealth s Attorney mst provide an interpreter for yo if yo feel ncomfortable commnicating in English. In order to receive financial reimbrsement of medical expenses throgh the Division of Crime Victims Compensation, yo mst report the assalt to a law enforcement officer or file a warrant. Yo also mst provide them with a passport or other proof that yo are the citizen of another contry. 43

45 WHO CAN HELP ME? CHARLOTTESVILLE AND THE UNIVERSITY OF VIRGINIA have many available resorces from which yo may choose grop and/or individal conseling and other services. Below is a list of agencies and resorces with sensitive and well-trained staff who are willing to work with yo throghot yor healing process, with the legal system, or, if yo are a UVA stdent, with any academic concerns yo may have as a reslt of this trama. Deaf, hard-of-hearing, or speech-impaired people may find that these nmbers are not TTY-accessible. Nmbers marked with * are TTY accesible. Yo may want to make initial contact sing the Virginia Relay Center: (TTY Users). Crisis Hotlines and Emergencies 44 Victim-Witness Programs Individal and Grop Conseling Police (UVA, Charlottesville and Albemarle Conty): 911 * Sexal Assalt Resorce Agency Hotline (SARA): * Shelter for Help in Emergency Hotline: UVA Hospital Emergency Room: Martha Jefferson Hospital Emergency Room: Albemarle Conty (inclding UVa): Charlottesville: Other Conties: contact either nmber above Domestic Violence Services Coordinator (Conty & City) (on-site and referrals for both women and men) Sexal Assalt Resorce Agency: * Shelter for Help in Emergency: UVA Women s Center: * Sexal & Domestic Violence Services: UVa Conseling and Psychological Services (CAPS): UVa Office of the Dean of Stdents: PVCC Stdent Services: UVa Office of African American Affairs: Region Ten Commnity Services:

46 Other Helplines Legal Assistance Police Departments Transportation Services for UVa Stdents Self-Defense Corses Federal Hate Crimes Reporting Line: JUSTICE Child Abse Hotline: Family Violence & Sexal Assalt Hotline of VA * Elder Abse Piedmont Legal Services: UVa Stdent Legal Services: Free Monthly Legal Clinics: UVA Women s Center FOCUS Women s Resorce Center Commonwealth Attorneys Albemarle Conty Charlottesville: Greene Conty: Loisa Conty: Flvanna Conty: Nelson Conty: Orange Conty: Madison Conty: These non-emergency nmbers may be helpfl if a criminal investigation is being condcted by a detective. Albemarle Conty: Charlottesville: University of Virginia SafeRide: Yellow Cab Program (for stdents who are stranded anddon t have the money for a cab): UVa Police Department: Sexal Assalt Resorce Agency: UVa Sexal Assalt Edcation Office: Commnity (Non-UVa) Sexal Assalt Resorce Agency: Shelter for Help in Emergency: Albemarle Conty Police: *

47 Commnity/Peer Edcation Programs Charlottesville Police: White Ribbon Project (Male Allies): University of Virginia UVa Police: UVa Sexal Assalt Edcation Office: Sexal Assalt Facts & Edcation (stdent peer edcators): Peer Health Edcators (Stdent Health): One in For (men only): Sexal Assalt Peer Advocates: International Stdies Office: Medical Isses 46 UVa Department of Stdent Health Gynecology: General Medicine: UVa Women s Place/Primary Care: Charlottesville Free Clinic: Planned Parenthood: Charlottesville Health Department: here i have tasted my tears here i have felt the pain of my past here i have strggled for my freedom here i have met my anger and welcomed it here i have leaned on strangers and embraced the safety of their toch here i have laghed and felt close to the smiles arond me Here: is a common grond for s, to share, to cry, to lagh and feel safe. it is a common grond of tragic pasts, bt oh, how Beatifl it is... here. P.G., a Srvivor * [email protected] [email protected] [email protected]

48 READING & RESOURCES Rape/Sexal Assalt Adlt Srvivors of Childhood Sexal Abse Beneke, Tim. Men on Rape. New York: St. Martin s Press. (1982) Browne, S. E., Conners, D. & Stern, N. (1985 ). With the Power of Each Breath: A Disabled Women s Anthology. Pittsbrgh, PA: Cleis Press. Brison, Ssan (2002). Aftermath: Violence and the Remaking of a Self. Princeton: Princeton University Press. Fortne, Marie M. (1983). Sexal Violence, The Unmentionable Sin: An Ethical and Pastoral Perspective. New York: Pilgrim Press. Girshick, Lori B. (2002). Woman-to-Woman Sexal Violence: Does She Call It Rape? Boston: Northeastern University Press. McEvoy, Alan, and Brookings, J. (1991). If She Is Raped: A Gidebook for Hsbands, Fathers, and Male Friends. Holmes Beach, Fla.: Learning Pblications. Pierce-Baker, Charlotte (1998). Srviving the Silence: Black Women s Stories of Rape. New York: W.W. Norton & Company. Raine, Nancy Venable (1998). After Silence; Rape and My Jorney Back. New York: Crown Pblishing. Robinson, Lori (2003). I Will Srvive: The African American Gide To Heal ing From Sexal Assalt and Abse. Seattle: Seal Press. Sanday, Peggy Reeves (1995 ). A Woman Scorned. New York: Cambridge University Press. Scarce, Michael (1997). Male on Male Rape: The Hidden Toll of Stigma and Shame. New York: Insight Books, Plenm Press. Warshaw, Robin (1988). I Never Called It Rape. New York: Harper and Row. Allan, Joyce (2002). Becase I Love Yo: The Silent Shadow of Child Sexal Abse. Charlottesville: VFH Press. Bass, Evelyn & Davis, Lara (1994). The Corage to Heal: A Gide for Women Srvivors of Child Sexal Abse. (3rd.) New York: Harper and Row. Bass, Evelyn & Thornton, L. (1983). I Never Told Anyone. Writings by Women Srvivors of Childhood Sexal Abse. New York: Harper and Row. Davis, Lara (1991). Allies in Healing: When the Person Yo Love Was Sexally Absed as a Child. New York: Harper Collins. 47

49 Battering/Absive Relationships 48 Self-Defense Davis, Lara (1990). The Corage to Heal Workbook. New York: Harper and Row. Fredrikson, R. (1992). Repressed Memories, A Jornal to Recovery from Sexal Abse. New York: Fireside/Parkside Pblishing. Gil, Eliana (1983). Otgrowing the Pain. A Book For and Abot Adlts Absed as Children. New York: Dell Pblishing. Lew, Michael (1990). Victims No Longer. Men Recovering From Incest. New York: Rby Street Press. Maltz, W. (1991). The Sexal Healing Jorney. A Gide for Srvivors of Sexal Abse. New York: Harper Collins. Sanford, L. (1990). Strong at the Broken Places: Overcoming the Trama of Childhood Abse. New York: Avon Books. Davidson, S. & NiCarthy, Ginny (1989). Yo Can Be Free: An Easy-to-read Handbook for Absed Women. Seattle: Seal Press. Levy, Barrie (1993). In Love & Danger: A Teen s Gide to Breaking Free of Absive Relationship. Seattle: Seal Press. Hambrger, Kevin L. & Renzetti, Claire (1996). Domestic Partner Abse. New York: Springer. NiCarthy, Ginny (1982). Getting Free: A Handbook for Women in Absive Relationships. Seattle: Seal Press. NiCarthy, Ginny (1987). The Ones Who Got Away: Women Who Left Absive Partners. Seattle: Seal Press. White, Evelyn C., (1995 ). Chain Chain Change: For Black Women Dealing with Physical and Emotional Abse. (2nd ed.) Seattle: Seal Press. Zambrano, Myrna. (1992). Mejor Sola Qe Mal Acompañada. Seattle: Seal Press. Caignon, Diane & Groves, Gail, Eds. (1987). Her Wits Abot Her: Self-Defense Sccess Stories by Women. New York: Harper and Row. Giggans, Patricia, Hill, Rosanna, & Stherland, Joan Iten (1987). Women s Self-Defense: A Complete Gide to Assalt Prevention. Los Angeles Commission on Assalts Against Women. Langelan, Martha J. (1993). Back Off! How to Confront and Stop Sexal Harassment and Harassers. New York: Simon & Schster. McCaghey, Martha (1997). Real Knockots: The Physical Feminism of Women's Self-Defense. New York: NYU Press.

50 ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS This third edition of Handbook for Srvivors was created throgh a feminist, collaborative process by a coalition of people who are working to end violence against women, men, and children. This is a living docment; we are open to sggestions and ideas to improve this booklet. We hope it offers the spport yo need dring this time of healing and recovery. Claire N. Kaplan and Nicole Cober-Lake EDITORS The original edition of Handbook for Srvivors was written in 1993 by: LINDA BIRCH, N.P., Gynecology Services, UVA Department of Stdent Health BONNY BRONSON, PH.D., L.C.P. CATHERYN COTTER, Psychology Intern, UVa Conseling Center MEG EDMONDSON, Edcation/Otreach Coordinator, Shelter for Help in Emergency JEFF FRACHER, PH.D., Piedmont Psychiatric Professionals LAWRENCE MERKEL, UVa Department of Behavioral Medicine & Psychiatry PEGGY MITCHELL-NORWOOD, Associate Director, Office of Career & Conseling Services, Christopher Newport University BEVERLY SENG, Attorney SUSAN TATE, Associate Director for Health Promotion, UVa Department of Stdent Health TANIA ISRAEL, Health Edcator & Conselor, UVA Department of Stdent Health CLAIRE N. KAPLAN, Sexal Assalt Edcation Coordinator, UVA Women s Center EFFIE KAZAKOS, UVa Almna CINDY LAMM, Associate Director, Sexal Assalt Resorce Agency, Charlottesville SHAMIM SISSON, Associate Dean of Stdents, UVa Office of the Dean of Stdents RAYMOND SMITH, Peer Edcator, UVa Sexal Assalt Facts & Edcation VASTI TORRES, Assistant Dean, UVa Office of Residence Life The following individals edited and pdated information, and provided critical feedback for sbseqent editions: SARAH ANDERSON, R.N., F.N.E. BECKY ALTER SARAH ANDERSON, R.N., F.N.E. GLENNA CHANG, M.ED. CAPTAIN MICHAEL COLEMAN SARAH CURTIS-FAWLEY PABLO DAVIS, PH.D. SGT. MELISSA FIELDING KRISTINE HALL, M.ED. CLAIRE N. KAPLAN HELEN KIM, PH.D. CINDY LAMM, M.ED. LAUREN OLSEN CHRISTINE PETERSON, M.D. JULIA ROUTBORT, PH.D. PENNY RUE, PH.D. KATRINA SALMONS SHAMIM SISSON, PH.D. H.E.R. WARD MADELYN WESSEL, J.D. CLAUDIA WILLIAMS, PH.D. WE ALSO WISH TO THANK THE FOLLOWING FOR ALLOWING US TO REPRINT THE POETRY IN THIS EDITION: Saba for the Hidden Goddess (c) 1993, by Katherine Bankole. Pblished with permission of the athor. Common Grond (c) 1994 by P.G. Pblished with permission of the Sexal Assalt Resorce Agency. From the book, She Had Some Horses, by Joy Harjo. Copyright (c) 1983 by Thnder s Moth Press. Used with permission of the pblisher, Thnder s Moth Press. From the book, Black Unicorn, by Adre Lorde. Copyright (c) 1978 by W.W. Norton & Company. Used by permision of the pblisher, W.W. Norton & Company. Recovery (c) 1994 by F.Q. Pblished with permission of the Sexal Assalt Resorce Agency. Almost Giving Up: From Darkness to Light (c) 1999 by H.E.R. Ward. Pblished with permission of the athor. Handbook for Srvivors is dedicated to the memory of Cindy Lamm, who made it her life work to gide srvivors towards healing. The original edition was inspired by Srvivor, pblished by the Los Angeles Commission on Assalts Against Women in Many thanks to LACAAW for creating the model pon which this booklet was based.

51 Pblished by the Fnding For This Third Edition Provided by Graphic Design Printing SEXUAL AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SERVICES WOMEN S CENTER UNIVERSITY OF VIRGINIA PO BOX CHARLOTTESVILLE VA Parents Program of the UVa Fnd Anne Matthews, Image Creations Graphic Design Kaminer and Thomson, Inc Forth Edition 2006 Third Edition 2004 Second Edition 1999 First Edition 1993 Printed on Recycled Paper