Managing Difficult People. Dr. Virginia Bianco-Mathis Marymount University Strategic Performance Group

Transcription

1 Managing Difficult People Dr. Virginia Bianco-Mathis Marymount University Strategic Performance Group 1

2 Agenda/Objectives The Art and Practice of Dialogue --Difficult people behaviors, model, dialogue techniques, your examples. Establishing Coaching Relationships --Coaching model within academia, the stuff of coaching, feedback techniques, your examples. Building a Supporting Infrastructure --Emotional intelligence, building infrastructures, tools and tips, your application. 2

3 Exercise: Difficult People 1. Who are they? 2. What are their characteristics? 3. What scenarios do they cause? 4. What are the consequences? 3

4 Destructive vs. Constructive Management Destructive --Diverts energy --Destroys morale --Polarizes groups --Deepens differences --Produces regrettable behavior Constructive --Leads to clarification --Causes authentic communication --Releases tension --Builds cohesiveness --Results in solutions --Increases involvement 4

5 Scenario: A Difficult Person (p. 2) What went wrong? Consequences? 5

6 A Process Model (p. 4) Understand the other party s view --open-ended questions, listen, their story," paraphrase Explain your needs -- your story, I statements, refer to their points Paint a picture --shared pool of knowledge, ultimate goal, criteria Create options --brainstorm solutions and test against criteria Agree on a solution --make agreements, build infrastructures, follow-up, get commitment. 6

7 Dialogue: The Process (p. 5) Listening and Powerful Questions Dialogue Inquiry Advocacy 7

8 Discussion versus Dialogue Discussion: justifying, defending, assumptions, persuading, telling. Dialogue: Inquiring into assumptions, learning through inquiry and disclosure, and creating shared meaning shared pool of knowledge. 8

9 Inquiry Asking of questions to discover the reasoning behind what was done or said, before assuming: --How did you come to that conclusion? --Help me understand your thinking here 9

10 Powerful Inquiry That John, how can he expect us to get this done if he doesn t do his part! What? Let s get him on the phone and get to the bottom of this! What do you mean, John didn t get you the numbers? 10

11 Advocacy Share your thoughts and make suggestions giving your reasoning and asking for input. --I came to that conclusion because you told me you didn t want to teach that class. Have you now reconsidered so this is now an option? 11

12 Dialogue Tools: Rewire Your Brain! (p. 6) Agree first Put message in context Give an example Out yourself in other person s shoes Focus on purpose Step out of the conversation Point out positive Paint a picture Utilize problem solving Play devil s advocate Offer you ideas Counter excuses with action 12

13 Scenario Revisited (p. 7) Dialogue technique used? Impact? 13

14 Dialogue Exercise (p. 10) 1. is rather outdated and boring. Your reply? 2. I m not going to have him teach in my department anymore. Your reply: 3. What does a person have to do around here? Your reply? 4. It really doesn t matter Your reply? 14

15 Dialogue Scenarios (p. 11) 1. Retired in place? 2. Lack of attention? 3. Pattern of behavior? 4. Lower my standards? 15

16 Process and Dialogue (p. 12) Prior to the meeting --Overall approach and strategy? --Your story? Their story? --Actual dialogue you might use? Opening the meeting --Words for stating the issue in nonjudgmental way? 16

17 Process and Dialogue (p ) 13) Get understanding --An example of the behavior in question? --Consequences if continued? --Questions to get to their story? --Advocacy you will use to get to your story? --Excuses and what you will say? --Your story? Their story? --Actual dialogue you might use? 17

18 Process and Dialogue (p. 13) Explore alternatives --What are at least two good outcomes? --Words to guide the discussion? --Criteria to be considered? --Words you might use to deal with push back? --Words to get back on track? 18

19 Process and Dialogue (p. 14) Get a commitment to act --Process to reach a decision? --Words to get a commitment? --Words to demonstrate support? --Words to handle excuses? --Possible infrastructures needed? --Action planning process? Close the meeting --Words of appreciation? --Follow-up? 19

20 Try Your Own Example Share difficult people scenarios Choose one Discuss using template (p ) Choose two people to role play Observers take notes: --Note good techniques employed --Note suggested areas for improvement --Note key learning points 20

21 Coaching Definitions (p. 14) Read through Phrases/points you like? Common themes? 21

22 Coaching Model (p. 15) Build the foundation Co-Create the partnership Collect and feed back data Design and take action Measure and track results Overall: use for individuals, teams, and entire organizations Overall: Plan and manage the program 22

23 Building the Foundation: Creating the Framework for Coaching What is coaching? What is your philosophy? How do you see coaching working in our nursing school? What tools would you use? Who would be involved? What experience do you have with my issues? What would be our mutual roles during this process? What data would you collect and how? What would the process actually be? How does this tie into performance appraisal, promotions, getting tenure? 23

24 Ethical Guidelines Be truthful in coaching claims. Conduct data gathering with integrity. Uphold confidentiality. Set appropriate boundaries. Construct clear agreements. Refer to other professional services as appropriate. --Adapted from ICF Ethical Guidelines, ICF website 24

25 Coaching Readiness Wants coaching; sees the benefits. Willing to meet and do homework. Open to data gathering. Open to accountability and development. 25

26 Coaching Agreements (p. 16) Logistics Confidentiality Communications Outcomes and expectations Action planning and measures Managing the process itself 26

27 Collecting Data: Why? Aligns intentions with perceptions. Compares the where we are with where we want to be Demonstrates openness and accountability. Supports continuous learning. Helps create a high performance school/university. 27

28 Collecting Data: Methods Self inventories; i.e., Myers-Brigg 360 degree inventories, formal or informal Observation Informal interviews Focus groups Surveys One-on-one discovery (in the moment) Others? 28

29 Collecting Data: Sorting into Themes Like writing a research paper Collate raw data into themes Rework data for easy understanding and action. Note strengths and opportunities for improvement. 29

30 Creating a Space for Difficult Conversations Making it possible for people to take action within areas where they are most stuck. Transforming people s view of themselves and helping them to move from stuck to effective action. Helping people act even when the outcomes is uncertain. 30

31 Creating a Space for Difficult Conversations Assisting individuals and groups in letting go of the psychological investments in present belief systems and test assumptions. Creating practice field assignments that are challenging and supporting. Inspiring people and helping them recognize the previously unseen possibilities that lay embedded in their existing circumstances. From Hargrove, Masterful Coaching and Bianco, Leading from the Inside Out. 31

32 Dialogue with Feedback (p. 18) In context Balanced Behavioral Intended versus desired outcomes Patterns Support Role model Reframe No right or wrong Advocate Explore alternatives 32

33 Continuum of Beliefs (p. 20) Results Behaviors Beliefs From Hargrove, 1995; Argyris, 2002; Bianco,

34 A Feedback Scenario (p ) 24) Good techniques used by coach? Reframing? Questions used at the end? Old and new continuum chart? 34

35 Your Feedback Challenges Share some of your feedback challenges within your group. Develop appropriate feedback dialogue. Be ready to share a few examples. 35

36 COACH Model (p. 25) Current situation Objectives Alternatives Choices 36

37 COACH Practice (p ) 27) Read the case. Apply the case to the model. Role play within your group. Answer the questions on p

38 COACH Practice: Your Example (p. 28) Share your own scenarios. Apply the scenario to the model. Role play within your group. Answer the questions on p

39 Coaching Action Plan (p. 29) Use SMART Objectives --Specific --Measurable --Agreed-Upon --Realistic --Time-Phased 39

40 Coaching Actions (p ) Journaling Special assignments: conversations, interviews with others, role plays Feedback: get a buddy Reading and research Skill practice Using props Seeking role models Benchmarking Feedback tracking: engage the environment 40

41 Building Infrastructures (p. 32) Emotional intelligence Linking systems Having a plan Navigate politics Utilize tools Apply to your own situation 41

42 EI: BACKGROUND AND DEFINITIONS Emotions and cognition: not exclusive Need for feelings of shame and guilt, learning from mistakes, forming relationships, making decisions, and being enthusiastic Getting to know yourself well before understanding others (Mayer and Salovey) 42

43 Emotional Intelligence A type of social intelligence that involves the ability to monitor one s own and other s emotions, to discriminate among them, and to use the information to guide one s thinking and actions (Mayer and Salovey) 43

44 Emotional Intelligence The technical skills or the business expertise that so often propelled people to the top are not the abilities that make you effective in inspiring people, in guiding people, in coaching people, in developing people, in motivating people (Goleman). 44

45 If fail in EI, poor relationships, conflict with upper management, authoritarian style. Unlike IQ, can be developed. Manage your emotions: good for health and career. > EI = > productivity = < turnover Reason better when our feelings are taken into account (IQ and EI) 45

46 EI raised through practice of the limbic system: emotional practice through behavior modification and coaching Leaders with greater EI have greater bottom-line success (Goleman) 46

47 IS AND IS NOT About being nice Being touch-feely Being emotional Being physically passionate Whining, complaining, yelling, or screaming Being honest Being aware of feelings, yours and others Being smart with emotions Keeping distressing emotions under control 47

48 FIVE COMPETENCIES SELF-AWARENESS SELF-REGULATION SELF-MOTIVATION EMPATHY EFFECTIVE RELATIONSHIPS 48

49 SELF-AWARENESS The ability to understand your moods, emotions, and drives, as well as their effect on others. Self confidence Realistic self-assessment Self-deprecating sense of humor Willing to change Intrinsic power to choose how you act or feel 49

50 SELF-REGULATION The ability to control or redirect impulses and moods; the propensity to suspend judgment, to think before acting. Trustworthiness Comfort with ambiguity Openness to change Can reframe Communicate frequently, foster trust Use feelings to reason well 50

51 SELF-MOTIVATION A passion to work for reasons that go beyond money or status; a propensity to pursue goals with energy and persistence. Strong drive to achieve Optimism Organizational commitment Inspire self and others Can see big picture 51

52 EMPATHY The ability to understand the emotional makeup of other people; skill in treating people according to their emotional reactions. Can build and retain talent Service oriented Respond with sensitivity See other perspective Acknowledge others; listen 52

53 EFFECTIVE RELATIONSHIPS Proficiency in measuring relationships and building networks; an ability to find common ground and build rapport. Can lead change Can persuade and influence Can build and lead teams Can manage the emotions of others Create better work environments 53

54 Emotional Intelligence Coaching Form pairs and coach one another. Discuss your top two. Discuss your bottom two. Develop improvement plans. 54

55 Building Infrastructures to Manage Difficult People At every department meeting, Mary and Larry never volunteer for action items. One Chair believes the another Chair is being given favored treatment in class schedule. Paul hasn t produced any research for five years. Larry keeps receiving negative end-of-course reviews; specifically, too much lecturing, not enough interaction, and boring delivery. The Dean of the School of Nursing has gotten feedback that her school is seen as not engaged in university activities. 55

56 Infrastructures Ideas (p. 33) Read the list. Which ones do you like? What others can you add? What is required to do these things? 56

57 Systems Approach (p. 34) Consider, plan for, and link all the clouds! 57

58 Navigate Politics (p. 35) The art and science of accurately reading and interpreting--and ethically guiding and influencing--others within a given organization s human system. 58

59 Project Plan (p. 36) Objective, outcome, vision Actions/tasks Roles, stakeholders, ground rules Schedule and milestones Resources Constraints Authority and escalation process Reporting, selling, advertising, communicating 59

60 Apply the Model to Groups (p. 37) 1. Use flipcharts to guide process. 2. Establish and post ground rules. 3. Teach and use dialogue. 4. Utilize tools. 5. Destroy excuses. 6. Build action plans and infrastructures. 7. Get commitment. Seal the deal. 60

61 Tools (p ) Ground rules Tracking chart Force field Ranking Excuses Agenda template Minutes template Consequences matrix Process improvement Change plan: start with endings! 61

62 Application: Be Specific! Infrastructure you want to implement Difficult people/situation the infrastructure will manage Expected outcome/goal/objective Systems and politics you will need to navigate and link Plan for implementing: major steps that need to be taken Tools you will use Actions you will take to prepare everyone for the change Techniques you will use to get commitment and buy-in Tracking, follow-up, and measures you will use 62