STUPID TOMMY MCGILL a play by Alexandra Clint Princeton Day School (2009)

Transcription

1 1 STUPID TOMMY MCGILL a play by Alexandra Clint Princeton Day School (2009) Cast of Characters Matt A high school senior. He is a somewhat quiet, studious individual. While he is the star of the Mock Trial team and achieved a perfect 36 on his ACTs, he is still quite modest and shy. He is the best friend of. Cheryl Also a high school senior, student body president and varsity softball captain, she is driven and focused. She was accepted into NYU early decision. She has been friends with since second grade. TIME: AT RISE: A Thursday during a school break. Early evening. S house. The stage is set as the living room. Lights are dim. enters, walks to center I ll always remember March 18. It was your average Thursday evening over spring break. Neither me nor my best friend, Cheryl Grant, went anywhere. Instead, we spent two weeks together doing best friend stuff. At least, that s how Cheryl put it. I think she was just trying to take my mind off the fact that my family went on vacation without me. Yea, that s right. My parents and my little sister went off to the Bahamas and left me behind. I needed to (air quotes) prepare for my AP exams. Anyway. March 18. The last Thursday of spring break. Cheryl and I went out for pizza and then back to her house to watch TV. Well, that was our plan. ( sits on the couch, picks up the TV remote, and puts his other arm on the back of the couch. HE avidly watches whatever is on. After a moment, enters and addresses the audience. freezes. As SHE says her first line, SHE gestures to.) That one there? He s Matt Moran. My best friend since well, since forever. I guess you could say we re rather inseparable. When I got into NYU, he applied there too. Sweet, right? I wish all guys could be like Matt. (Pause. SHE looks back at and smiles.)

2 2 (CONT.) You figured me out, didn t you? Don t tell him though. He s too good for me. And besides Well, it just wouldn t work out. ( walks over to the couch and sits down, leaning into S arm. HE unfreezes.) Are you really watching this again? Yes I am. You know it s my favorite show And you know how I feel about blood and guts. Gimme the remote. (Pause. takes his attention away from the TV for the first time and looks at.) (irritated) No. You told me I could pick what we were watching. I picked this. This is what we re watching. You can look away when it gets too gross. (The next few lines should be said very quickly.) Really? Yes. Honestly. (incredulous) I m not giving you the remote. ( attempts the puppy dog eyes, pouty look. is unfazed.) That s not going to work this time. (CONT.) ( sighs and shifts away from.)

3 3 What s gotten into you? You ve been acting weird since dinner. No I m not. Yea, you are. You re mad at me, aren t you? Look, Cheryl, just drop- UGH! ( reacts to an apparently violent scene on TV by grabbing a pillow and covering her face. sighs and shakes his head. Pause. looks out from underneath the pillow and addresses the audience.) I didn t know what was going on with him. Quite honestly, the show didn t gross me out as much as I let on. I know you don t believe me, but it s true. I just wanted to get to the bottom of his mood. He d been rude to me all evening. Short answers, snide little comments. I couldn t stand it anymore. He s not like that normally. Matt s a sweet guy, pretty affable, good company There wasn t an explanation for it. (Back to. Unfreeze.) Is it over? Yep. (CONT.) ( puts pillow in her lap, looks over at expectantly.) You didn t tell me why you were mad at me. That s because you kind of got distracted. I m not mad You obviously are. You re not acting like you normally do.

4 4 And how exactly is that? (suddenly feeling a little awkward) Well, uh umm different than this? Nothing is wrong. Uh huh, yea. And pigs fly too. Cher If you re not mad at me, why won t you give me the remote? You always give me the remote. I don t always- (Freeze. addresses the audience.) (CONT) Ok. So I did always give her the remote. Who could resist her pouting? This time was different though. She had told me that I could pick the show and I did. If she had a problem with that, well, uh, she could just deal with it. Yea. Deal with it. (Unfreeze.) (ignoring HIM; light bulb moment) Come to think of it, you ve been acting weird since the dance last Friday. (There s no stopping her now.) You ve been acting weird since I danced with Tommy. (Awkward pause. Freeze. turns to audience.) Ok, yea. As much as I hated to admit it, I had been a little mad ever since she and Tommy danced together. Ok. More than a little mad. Honestly, who goes to the dance with one guy and then dances with another? Alright, yea we did only go as friends. But I thought maybe I guess I shouldn t have expected anything. He s Tommy McGill, varsity basketball superstar, honor roll student, all around nice guy, and she s Cheryl Grant, student body president, captain of the softball team. And me? Well, I m just Matt Moran, your average

5 5 every day guy, the best friend. What s the saying? Always the bridesmaid, never the bride? Yea. That s me. Always the best friend, never the boyfriend. I guess Eh. Whatever. (Turns his attention back to. Unfreeze.) (with much effort) I I was jealous, ok? (Freeze. addresses the audience.) Jealous? Of what? That I danced with Tommy? Tommy asked, Matt didn t. That simple. Had Matt asked me, I would ve danced with him instead of Tommy. I don t even really like Tommy. I mean, yea. He s great and all. But the thing is, he knows he s great and he s more than willing to tell you all about it. Matt he s fantastic. He s the star of all the school plays and musicals. More than that though, he s a great friend Me? Well, that s another story. Nerdy Cheryl Grant with her nose always stuck in a book. If only he would Nevermind. (Unfreeze.) Jealous of me and Tommy? (CONT.) (quiet) Yea. Of you and stupid Tommy McGill. Why on earth would you be jealous of Tommy? Isn t that obvious? Don t answer my question with a question. You know I hate that. Yea. I know that. I know that you hate this show. I know that you like your ham sandwiches with mayo, not mustard. I know you that if you don t have coffee in the morning, you re a mess. I know you refuse to leave the house in sweatpants because you never know who you re going to meet. Matt?

6 6 I know everything there is to know about you, Cheryl. Matt, I don understand. Cheryl I like you, ok? ( is surprised at this. SHE stands up and looks at.) No. No you don t. You like Kelly. You ve liked her since the day we met in second grade. We were in the sandbox and I thought you were pretty cute and I asked if you d marry me and you said no, you were going to marry Kelly and it really crushed me and- ( stands up, grabs and kisses her. After a moment, HE pulls away and sits back down. SHE remains standing, dazed. HE holds out the remote.) You can have the remote. ( takes it and sits down next to him, not as close as in the beginning. SHE doesn t change the channel.) I I like you too. (Freeze. addresses the audience.) YES. Ok. Play it cool. (Unfreeze. turns back to.) I know. (nonchalantly) (CONT) You know? I tell you I like you and all you can say is you know?

7 7 Look. I don t know why I said I know. I like you, you like me I kissed you This is still kind of weird to me, y know? ( turns and addresses the audience. freeze.) Weird? He kisses me and it s weird? ( turns back to. Unfreeze.) Good weird? Definitely good weird. So What do we do now? Well, umm Let s think about this. I like you. And I like you. And I kissed you. And I wouldn t mind if you did it again. Ok. So ( turns and addresses the audience. freezes.) Isn t it obvious? I mean, really. Couldn t he have thought this through before doing it? Which is what I would ve done. He kissed me and now he doesn t know what to do. It s typical Matt. I mean, generally if you like someone and you kiss them, doesn t it lead to something? I m not going to ask him to be my boyfriend. That s just not how it works. ( turns back to. Unfreeze.)

8 8 (CONT.) (gently, but not so subtly) So you could ask me to be your girlfriend. (Freeze. turns and addresses the audience.) My girlfriend? Well, I guess I could do that. But that would change our whole relationship, wouldn t it? ( turns back to. unfreezes.) (CONT.) I could. But what if we broke up? We wouldn t really be friends anymore, would we? True. Um well We could agree that if we were to break up, it would be an amicable break up. Nice concept, but are any amicable break ups really all that amicable? You re right. I m sorry. I m just Can I get back to you about this? I need to make a pro/con list, I need to talk to my therapist I don t know. I need to do something. (Pause. moves closer to.) You could kiss me again? Nuh uh. No. That won t help. It will just confuse us more. Relax, Cheryl. Nothing s gonna happen (Freeze. Cheryl addresses the audience.) You know why I was hesitant? As much as Matt would love for you to believe that he s the perfect nice-guy-next-door type, he s not. Did you know that in the last two months, he s dated six girls? Six. First was Cindy, she lasted four days. Then came Suzie and Jane, one week each. After them was Jess, she was a record two weeks. Anna came after that and then Mary. How was I supposed to know that I wasn t going to be another Suzie?

9 9 (Unfreeze.) Let it go, Cher. Explore new horizons. Take a chance for once in your life. Do something spontaneous! I CAN T DO THAT! (Pause.) Cheryl- No, Matt. You said you know me so you should know that I just don t do spontaneous. I plan, I make lists, I worry This isn t in the plan. I don t you weren t supposed to like me you aren t serious about relationships and I am But I do like you. And I know I m not always the most serious about my relationships, but you re different Cheryl. Actually. I really like you. I don t see what s so difficult about- ( grabs by the shoulders and kisses him, rather forcefully. SHE pulls back quickly and sits awkwardly, not making eye contact. Pause. smiles and addresses the audience. freeze.) Score. (CONT.) ( turns back to. Unfreeze.) Did it kill you? Hmm? (CONT.) The complete and utter spontaneity of that moment. Are you dead? No

10 10 Are you sick? No, but- Turning green? Losing hair? Matt Yea. Sorry. You re not dead, not sick, not green, and you still have all of your hair. What s the problem with being spontaneous? I Well Umm. I guess I don t know. (Pause.) Uh, Matt? Yea, Cheryl? Would you be my boyfriend? Really? Really really. Cool. Yea it is pretty cool. (CONT.) (HE holds out his arm and SHE leans into his side. freeze. addresses the audience.)

11 11 Us getting together was somewhat of an oxymoron. We were two completely different people. He was the artsy type and me, well, I guess you could ve called me a jock. We came from different environments. Yea, we ve always been able to be friends but anything more than that? I m not sure. I know they say opposites attract, but for how long? In the meantime though, I guess you could just call that day the day that gravity went up. (SHE shrugs, smiles, and exits. unfreezes, stands, addresses the audience.) So, yea. I ll always remember March 18 as the day that Cheryl and I got together. Probably one of the best days of my life. At least thus far. My life has been rather short. I can t help but wonder though I mean, I know I said Cheryl was different, but so were Suzie and Anna...That s what I told them, anyway. But Cheryl really is different. It s just that, well, I ve never really had a serious girlfriend before. I ve never been the commitment type. But for Cheryl She s worth trying for Still Eh. Whatever. The glass is half full. Let s just let it stay that way. ( smiles, gets up, exits. Lights fade to black.) END OF PLAY