3. Holy brothers and sisters in Christ

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1 Holy Living - SKG 2012 Summer Term talks - 3. Holy brothers and sisters in Christ Last week: holy friendships This week: holy friendships with the opposite sex Next week: holy sexuality beyond just friends One another commands: "Love one another" (John 13:34), and 12 other references "Be devoted to one another in love" (Rom. 12:10) "Honor one another above yourselves" (Rom. 12:10) "Live in harmony with one another" (Rom. 12:16) "Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you" (Rom. 15:7) "Have equal concern for each other" (1 Cor. 12:25) "Serve one another humbly in love" (Gal. 5:13) "Carry each other's burdens" (Gal. 6:2) "Be patient, bearing with one another in love" (Eph. 4:2) "Be kind and compassionate to one another" (Eph. 4:32) "Forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you" (Eph. 4:32) "Speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit" (Eph. 5:19) "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ" (Eph. 5:21) "In humility value others above yourselves" (Phil. 2:3) "Bear with each other" (Col. 3:13) "Make your love increase and overflow for each other" (1 Thess. 3:12) "Encourage one another" (1 Thess. 4:18, 5:11) "Build each other up" (1 Thess. 5:11) "Encourage one another daily" (Heb. 3:13) "Spur one another on to love and good deeds" (Heb. 10:24) "Encouraging one another" (Heb. 10:25) "Love one another deeply, from the heart" (1 Pet. 1:22) "Be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another" (1 Pet. 3:8) "Love each other deeply" (1 Pet. 4:8) "Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling" (1 Pet. 4:9) "Each one should use whatever gift you have received to serve others" (1 Pet. 4:10) "Clothe yourselves with humility toward one another" (1 Pet. 5:5) Key verses: Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity. (1 Timothy 5:1-2)

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4 Our membership in God s family must transform our view of the opposite sex. We re not trying to get something from each other: we re called to give, to love, and to care for one another. The opposite sex shouldn t be viewed as a bunch of potential partners they are men and women created in God s image, whom Christ died to save. They re family! We are given not only the responsibility but also the amazing privilege of looking out for each other even fighting and sacrificing for each other. This is what true love is all about. Can you imagine the righteousness that could be born if we re willing to lay down our lives for each other? Can you picture the glory we ll bring to God as we stop seducing and using each other and begin guarding and protecting? We can give ourselves to holiness and commit acts of purity as expressions of worship to God and love for others. (Joshua Harris, Sex is Not the Problem (Lust is), p95) An example of restrictions put in place In order to provide for integrity in ministry, Rick Warren issues 10 commandments for the staff at his church, Saddleback. [*The first four do not apply to unmarried staff.] 1. Thou shalt not go to lunch alone with the opposite sex.* 2. Thou shalt not have the opposite sex pick you up or drive you places when it is just the two of you.* 3. Thou shalt not kiss any attender of the opposite sex or show affection that could be questioned.* 4. Thou shalt not visit the opposite sex alone at home.* 5. Thou shalt not counsel the opposite sex alone at the office, and thou shalt not counsel the opposite sex more than once without that person s mate. Refer them. 6. Thou shalt not discuss detailed sexual problems with the opposite sex in counseling. Refer them. 7. Thou shalt not discuss your marriage problems with an attender of the opposite sex. 8. Thou shalt be careful in answering s, instant messages, chatrooms, cards or letters from the opposite sex. 9. Thou shalt make your co-worker your protective ally. 10. Thou shalt pray for the integrity of other staff members. to groups for discussion!

5 Holy Living - SKG 2012 Summer Term talks - 4. Holy sexuality beyond just friends 2 weeks ago: holy friendships Last week: holy friendships with the opposite sex This week: holy sexuality beyond just friends Next week: Meet on Wed 6 th June at the Flat (21B Down St, opposite church) 6.15pm refreshments, 6.30pm for a talk by Nick Lambert on John 18:28-19:42. Then: Tues 12 th June: holy screentime (Nathan Richards) Tues 19 th June: holy conversations (Chris Hanning) Tues 26 th June: final bbq! Let s talk about sex and marriage, engagement, going out, etc! The stereotype Western culture s view of sex is Christianity s view of sex is but that couldn t be further from the truth!

6 1. Marriage and sex what s the big idea? THIS is about THAT! Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first earth had passed away I saw the Holy City, the New Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. (Rev 21:1-3) The Spirit and the Bride say, Come! And let him who hears say, Come! Whoever is thirsty, let him come; and whoever wishes, let him take the free gift of the water of life. (Rev 22:17) For this reason a man will leave his mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery but I am talking about Christ and the church. (Ephesians 5:29-32, citing Genesis 2:24) Great news (and a challenge) for singles! Great news (and a challenge) for marrieds!

7 2. So, what does a godly sex life look like? The characteristics the characteristics of THIS should be of THAT! exclusive faithfulness sexual activity is strongly encouraged within marriage e.g. Song of Songs; 1 Corinthians 7:3-6 sexual activity is deeply damaging outside marriage e.g. 1 Corinthians 6:15-20 if you re married, have sex; if not, flee from sex! (i.e. how far can we go is the wrong question) if you re going out/dating/courting/etc you re not yet married! trusting and doing God s will, regardless of what the world or our desires tell us heterosexual monogamy one man & one woman e.g. Genesis 2; 1 Tim 3:2 & 12; Romans 1:26-27 one cast-iron rule about who to go out with or marry: a Christian! e.g. 1 Corinthians 7:39; 2 Corinthians 6:14-7:1 [NB existing marriages with non-christians are upheld 1 Cor 7:12-16] but also, lots of wisdom (Fatherly advice) so don t be a fool! e.g. Proverbs 12:4; 27:15-16; 30:23; 31:30

8 Some resources On marriage & singleness The Meaning of Marriage (Tim Keller) Love that Lasts (Gary & Betsy Ricucci) The Single Issue (Al Hsu) Married for God (Christopher Ash great stuff on singleness too) On sex and relationships in general Sex is Not the Problem (Lust is) (Joshua Harris) God, Sex and Marriage guidance from 1 Corinthians 7 (John Richardson) Pure Sex (Tony Payne & Phillip Jensen) Sex & Sensibility (Steve Ayers) On being male and female Different by Design God s Blueprint for Men and Women (Carrie Sandom) On homosexuality Washed and Waiting (Wesley Hill) Walking with Gay Friends (Alex Tylee) What Some of You Were (ed. Christopher Keane) On pornography Captured by a better vision (Tim Chester) Sexual Detox (Tim Challies ebook, search for it online) to groups for discussion!