Mastering the Art of Communication

Transcription

1 Mastering the Art of Communication When we recently asked leaders what the most common areas were for increasing ability and understanding, communication came through strongly as one of the top requests, and at Leadership in Action we recognise that although we communicate daily, achieving effective communication remains a mystery to master for many managers and leaders. In this Coaching Session we will share some of the great things we ve uncovered and regularly include in our programmes and coaching sessions that help leaders to become better communicators. Through this Coaching Session we will look at: - Personal Communication Style - The Communication Split looking at the three core components of effective communication - Truly understanding that communication is a two-way street - Personal communication Style: As with most things, in communication we have preferences... and as with most things they may be at a subconscious level. We use a simple questionnaire that helps managers and leaders to focus on their communication preferences, and many people find it invaluable not only to understand their own preference, but also that of their colleagues. The end result is that we all have a preference for one of four styles; based on how direct we are with what we communicate and how much thought we give to those on the receiving end of our communication. These four styles are shown below:

2 DIRECTNESS OF COMMUNICATION HIGH OPENLY AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOUR I am direct in expressing my needs, wants and opinions and I give no thought to those of other people. ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOUR I clearly express my needs, wants and opinions in a way that is considerate of others. PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOUR I indirectly make sure that others are aware of my needs, wants and opinions and that these are more important than theirs. PASSIVE BEHAVIOUR I do not express my needs, wants and opinions directly. I put the needs of others above my own. LOW THOUGHT GIVEN TO OTHERS HIGH Of these four styles, the box to aim for is that of Assertiveness, where we are clear and direct with what we want to say (that is, we say what we mean clearly and articulately) and we also think about how the communication we give will be received (by putting ourselves in the shoes of others). As with many traits of great leaders, understanding is the first step to improving any skill and communication is no different. The Communication Split : Almost any discussion around communication has as its starting point the 7%- 35%-55% split, which many people will recognise as looking like this: What many people are unaware of, however, is that the suggestion that this is the split of how we communicate has been around for well over 100 years, with studies by Charles Darwin (1872) being quoted as a source, alongside the more recent work of Birdwhistell (1969) and Mehrabian (1971).

3 If this spilt is new to you, the essence of it is that the actual words we use (the what we are saying) account for around 7% of how the message is actually received. The tone we use (the how we deliver the message) is the next 38% and finally how we deliver the message physically (our body language) makes up the rest. For this Coaching Session, we will look at some substance behind each of these areas, and give you some good, in our opinion, references to follow-up if you want to know more. The 7% - Verbal Communication: the what : thinking about the message seems an obvious thing to comment on, but consider, for instance, the last time a major announcement was made in your organisation what words were used and what thoughts might these have triggered in others? For instance... let s consider the communication of dates... if you ve ever seen or heard the comment later this year or by the end of the next quarter how specific are these messages? If you re in the first week of January later this year gives potentially another 51 weeks of uncertainty, giving a specific date is much more helpful and removes ambiguity and doubt. Let s also consider in the next restructure we don t see the need for any redundancies. What thoughts are instantly put in the mind of the recipient? Such messages are meant to be positive and reassuring, but most people won t see past the word redundancies. (A more helpful phrase would be In the next restructure, all staff can be assured of job security. ) How could you ensure all your messages have clarity and are unambiguous? One of the best books we ve come across that brings this subject to life is Drop the Pink Elephant by Bill McFarlan and if this is an area of your communication you would like to improve on, it could be a good investment for you. The 38% - Vocal Communication: the how : even the most well crafted message can be lost if the pitch of the delivery is inappropriate. One of the main areas that impacts on the receipt of your message at this stage is the confidence of the person with the delivery responsibility. There seems to be an assumption that the people we have as leaders are great deliverers and confident in presentations... but in polls the things that most people fear (above death) is giving a presentation. From the presentation skills type programmes we ve delivered, we can see that the process of giving a presentation can easily be picked up by most people it s the thought of standing on their feet in front of others that gives people nightmares. If the effective delivery of your messages relies on how the message is given, how could you ensure that all messages you (or others) give have the most appropriate tone? Positive messages being delivered with enthusiasm, important messages delivered with gravitas and authority, and your less positive messages being delivered with sincerity and appropriate concern.

4 The 55% - Visual Communication: the how delivered (body language): the field of body language is one of the most commented on and, in our opinion, one of the most misinterpreted areas of communication. How many communication courses, for instance, tell us that someone sat with their arms crossed is closed off? And how many of us sit with our arms crossed for no other reason than we are comfortable that way? For instance, think about the following five examples of body language: - Leaning back with hands clasped behind the head - Touching the nose - Hand close to the mouth - Removing glasses - Looking away from the person being spoken to What might each of these mean... if you do any of these, what do they tend to mean for you? Even thinking about just these five areas, you can see that when considering body language, a little bit of information can be potentially dangerous if we re misreading the other person based on what we think might be going on. If this area intrigues you enough to want to find out more, The Book of Tells by Peter Collett is our recommended starting point. When considering body language, our tips would be (1) think about your own body language and how this might be perceived (rightly or wrongly) by others, (2) when observing others watch for changes of state in their body language the times when they do something in response to something that s been said what might this be telling you? (3) Benchmark people around you observe them and get a feel for what they are telling you through their body language. Overall, how might you ensure that your body language conveys what you need it to and how can you make the most of reading the body language of others? Communication is a Two-Way Street: There is a well worn phrase about walking a mile in another person s shoes (commonly quoted in the Native American form of walk a mile in another man s moccasins ), and this is a good starting point for considering that communication is not only what we give out, but also what the other person receives and if we always bear this in mind, thinking about the other person as we draft our communication could really help its impact. Many organisations think that communication is simply putting information out there. If we believe that by simply giving out our communication is done, we are missing the fact that information is fairly irrelevant until it is received and absorbed by our audience; so how can we make the most of audience engagement? Putting yourself in the shoes of your recipients should lead you to several considerations. Firstly, how might they like to be communicated to? Your preference might be for a report, but mine might be for a one page overview; you might like your communication to be received audibly, but I may prefer it visually (pictures, etc) or kinaesthetically (something I can touch/hold); you may

5 like the anonymity of , I might prefer the face to face approach. Secondly by thinking about the recipient you can consider what might go through my mind when I read this, what questions might this trigger for me and what I might be recalling from previous situations or imagining might happen in the future... and if you can consider these areas, you can build them in to your communication. Finally you can consider their style preferences and how often they might want to be communicated to you might only need a monthly update, but others might need a weekly brief. Which of the considerations above would increase the likelihood of your communication being received more openly and by more people? How might you make sure your communication is not one-way traffic? In our work with leaders, we see and hear about examples of highly effective communicators through to those who seem to really struggle to grasp that communication is not all about me. If you are striving to improve your personal communication skills, or the skills of your leaders, focusing on their style as a starting point before crafting communications using the 3 way split and considering the end recipient will reap dividends for you, your people and, most importantly, the messages you want to communicate. Graham Field is a Leadership in Action, leadership, learning and coaching specialist with over twenty years experience of developing people and organisations. For more information on how Leadership in Action can support the development of your managers to improve business performance sharon@leadershipinaction.co.uk or call We have extensive experience in developing organisations and managers from team leader through to strategic manager. We pride ourselves on not just being another training provider, we are your Strategic Business Partner, helping you achieve your business and strategic plans and creating real business impact.