Commentary on Candidate Responses

Transcription

1 Commentary on Candidate Responses GCE PORTUGUESE OCR GCE in Portuguese: H596 Unit: F888 (Section C - Essays) These commentaries are designed to accompany the OCR GCE Portuguese specification for teaching from September OCR Advanced GCE Portuguese 1

2 Portuguese: Listening, Reading and Writing 2 F888: Section C - Essays OCR has produced these commentaries on candidate responses to support teachers in interpreting the assessment criteria for the current GCE specifications. This content has been produced by senior OCR examiners, with the support of the Qualifications Manager, to illustrate how the questions might be answered and provide some commentary on what factors contribute to an overall grading. The candidate material in this booklet has been taken from the June 2010 exam series. Please note that this resource is provided for advice and guidance only and does not in any way constitute a model or endorsed response. All material is provided for appropriate use by teachers within a centre. No copies of the text may be made except for permitted personal use. OCR materials may be reproduced for use within a centre, but may not be reproduced for external publication in digital or other format without the express permission of OCR. Anyone wishing to reproduce OCR materials, for purposes other than assessment, teaching or private study must apply for permission in writing from OCR. OCR Advanced GCE Portuguese 2

3 Essay A Title: A integração e a exlusão A não-discriminação é um sonho excelente, e todos devemos batalhar para realizá-lo; mesmo assim, nunca será uma realidade. Até que ponto está de acordo com esta opinião? OCR Advanced GCE Portuguese 3

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7 Essay A Title: A integração e a exlusão A não-discriminação é um sonho excelente, e todos devemos batalhar para realizá-lo; mesmo assim, nunca será uma realidade. Até que ponto está de acordo com esta opinião? Mark: = 41 Content: This is a well-structured response to the task, demonstrating a thoughtful and complex engagement with the topic and offering a detailed case study of discrimination in Brazil which lends weight and persuasiveness to the candidate s argument. The candidate begins with remarks about the atavistic presence of discrimination in the world and goes on to make a limited case for it an arresting conceit showing some flair and imagination! The candidate then makes an opposition clear with an examination of sex discrimination in Brazil, and outlines ideas for combating discrimination before summing up with a conclusion. Grid N (Relevance and points of view) The essay is a focused response to the task, with a range of clear points of view substantiated with factual information. The candidate is clearly acquainted with the topic and has gathered together a convincing series of ideas and data in an essay demonstrating genuine insight. The mark of 9 from the top band is justified; 10 marks might have been awarded for an additional, perhaps even contrasting, case study to sit alongside the detailed example from Brazil. Grid O (Structure and analysis) The response is coherently structured and well organised with points of view linked in a logical sequence. An argument is developed, from the case for discrimination to the overwhelming case against, as affirmed by the candidate, and a mark of 12 from the upper end of the second highest band is well deserved. An even higher mark might have been achieved with a rather less trite conclusion. Perhaps a little more caution at this stage, or a little more on what makes the issue complicado, would have lifted the response into the mark band. Quality of language Despite a smattering of errors, the language is characterised by a consistent level of accuracy and by a variety of complex structures which show an excellent command of the language. The mark awarded for Grid C2 (Accuracy) is borderline 9-10, with 10 given on balance. Similarly, there is an effective and confident use of a wide range of vocabulary, and 10 marks were awarded for Grid F2 (Range). This essay is one where the quality of language and quality of argument are well matched. OCR Advanced GCE Portuguese 7

8 Essay B Title: A tecnologia A tecnologia está a destruir a vida familiar. O computador, a televisão e o ipod, por ejemplo, têm fragmentado a família. Até que ponto está de acordo com esta opinião? OCR Advanced GCE Portuguese 8

11 Essay B Title: A tecnologia A tecnologia está a destruir a vida familiar. O computador, a televisão e o ipod, por ejemplo, têm fragmentado a família. Até que ponto está de acordo com esta opinião? Mark: = 27 Content: The candidate shows a positive attempt to structure the essay, setting out a for and against argument at the start of the response, and maintaining this approach throughout. The candidate shows an, at times, lively engagement with the topic, and appears to reach a conclusion; that it is the constant development of technology itself which is largely responsible for family breakdown. However, the argument is on the whole rather superficial, with a tendency on the part of the candidate to write in absolutes rather than introduce some caution or subtlety. Early on there is a good specific example or case study used, when the candidate writes about the value of technology in enabling to keep in contact with family in Brazil, but this then peters out, and subsequent points are backed up with only vague references to generalised family circumstances. Grid N (Relevance and points of view) While the information given is mainly relevant to the task, it is supported largely by vague generalisations rather than specific examples. Clear and sustained references to a particular Portuguese-speaking country or community and detailed discussion of particular technologies (several of which are suggested to the candidate in the title) would have lifted this essay s mark substantially. As it is, only a mark of 5, the lower of the two marks in the middle band for this grid, can be justified. Grid O (Structure and analysis) This response sits firmly in the middle band of the mark range. It is structured and organised in a clear manner, and the candidate completes the intention of what is set out at the start. An argument is developed, with the candidate able to see some complexity in the topic under question. If the conclusion is rather overstated, it nevertheless follows from the reasonable analysis made in the main body of the response. It was felt that a mark at or near the upper end of the middle band was justified, and 9 was agreed fair and reasonable. Quality of language The preponderance of spelling mistakes (including a large number of accent errors) makes this response patchy and inconsistent at best, and a mark of 6 was awarded for Grid C2 (Accuracy). There is, however, a generally persuasive tone set by the candidate, who attempts, sometimes successfully, a fair variety of sentence structures and a fair range of vocabulary. Of note is the candidate s use of a range of adverbs which add interest and variety. A mark of 7 for Grid F2 (Range) was felt to be appropriate. OCR Advanced GCE Portuguese 11

12 Essay C Title: A literature e as artes A literatura continua a ser a vitrine onde uma sociedade se mostra melhor. Até que ponto está de acordo com esta opinião? OCR Advanced GCE Portuguese 12

15 Essay C Title: A literature e as artes A literatura continua a ser a vitrine onde uma sociedade se mostra melhor. Até que ponto está de acordo com esta opinião? Mark: = 21 Content: The candidate struggles to answer the question set, instead writing tangentially about the accessibility and popularity of literature and the arts in general. While there are a few references to particular authors, and some attempt to use Portugal as a case study, the essay lacks any real focus on the role of literature in a society or societies. The candidate s main point, and one repeated rather than developed, is that poorer or less educated groups in society tend to value literature less than those who are wealthier or better educated. This would be an interesting starting point in answer to the question, but it goes no further than this. The conclusion, with the candidate simply agreeing with the statement in the title, is the only direct response to the task, and is unsubstantiated. Grid N (Relevance and points of view) It would be possible to place this essay in the 0-2 band, on the basis that it is very largely irrelevant. However, a mark of 3 was awarded because there is some discussion of society s values and priorities which begins to address the question in an indirect way. There are some points of view, but these are asserted rather than backed up with much evidence. The references to Portugal are welcome but are significantly underdeveloped. Grid O (Structure and analysis) The mark of 5 reflects the candidate s limited ability to develop an argument. Essentially, the candidate barely moves away from the basic argument outlined above. There is some evaluation at times for example, when the candidate discusses the availability of books in libraries in Portugal. Quality of language With regard to accuracy, the candidate s work is best described as patchy and inconsistent hence the mark of 6 for Grid C2 (Accuracy). There are many spelling mistakes, creating the impression that the candidate writes in spoken language. There are also a large number of agreement errors which pull the essay down. Nevertheless, there is an obvious attempt at some complex sentences which count in the candidate s favour. This positive variety, even though not always correctly sustained, just earns a Grid F2 (Range) mark of 7. OCR Advanced GCE Portuguese 15

16 Essay D OCR Advanced GCE Portuguese 16

19 Essay D Title: A poluição Recentemente, esteve numa visita a uma região do mundo ameaçada pela poluição. Escreva um artigo para uma revista: explique as causas da ameaça e o que se pode fazer para melhorar a situação. Mark: = 41 Content: This is a fine response from a candidate who has systematically picked out and dealt with the key tasks from the question: The candidate chooses a Portuguese-speaking region (Lisbon, with additional wider references to Portugal as a whole), identifies clearly the main threats to be discussed (traffic pollution and waste disposal), and outlines what might be done to alleviate these problems, weaving solutions into the main narrative. Particularly noteworthy is the wealth of pertinent knowledge the candidate brings to bear. The candidate is well-prepared with a detailed case study of Lisbon, but clearly also has wider acquaintance with the topic in general, and can use the information to construct a persuasive account. Grid N (Relevance and points of view) The candidate shows genuine insight in responding to the task. Instead of vague generalisations, the material marshalled here is focused on a specific region and shows excellent understanding of the topic. At times, perhaps, there is a lack of development, (eg, when the candidate refers to traffic pollution), but these instances are outweighed by the strengths of the essay as a whole, and a maximum mark of 10 is, on balance, justified. Grid O (Structure and analysis) The candidate displays a coherent grasp of the subject and exemplar material and is able to organise the content into a persuasive whole. The response is confident and mature, and its mark of 12 is well deserved. The candidate could have dressed the response more explicitly in the guise of an article written after a personal visit to the chosen region of the world, as indicated in the title. The conclusion, too, is not quite of the same standard as the rest of the response and might have been a little more extensive. Quality of language The overall impression is one of accuracy, although there are a number of sometimes jarring errors in spelling (eg fizece (fizesse), estam (estão)), which only just deny a mark of 10 as it is, 9 for Grid C2 (Accuracy) is justified. On the other hand, there is throughout the response effective and confident control of a wide range of appropriate vocabulary and complex structures (such as the inflected infinitive and subjunctives), lending an air of maturity and fully deserving a mark of 10 for Grid F2 (Range). OCR Advanced GCE Portuguese 19

20 Essay E Title: A integração e a exlusão A não-discriminação é um sonho excelente, e todos devemos batalhar para realizá-lo; mesmo assim, nunca será uma realidade. Até que ponto está de acordo com esta opinião? OCR Advanced GCE Portuguese 20

23 Essay E Title: A integração e a exlusão A não-discriminação é um sonho excelente, e todos devemos batalhar para realizá-lo; mesmo assim, nunca será uma realidade. Até que ponto está de acordo com esta opinião? Mark: = 31 Content: This response begins well enough, with a lively rhetorical question from the candidate which suggests a direct engagement with the task. Unfortunately, the early promise augured by the candidate s discussion of discrimination in Brazil is not maintained, and subsequent examples fail to add up to a truly convincing argument. In particular, the reference to blacks in London ends badly with an unfinished sentence, and the final section of the essay alludes to a lack of interest on the part of many to fight for their rights, an unsubstantiated argument which would carry more weight if it were backed up with clear evidence. Overall, the essay lacks a clear line of thought. The candidate appears to have some ideas but is often unable to marshal thoughts in a focused and organised manner. Grid N (Relevance and points of view) The information and range of ideas present are mainly relevant to the task, and the candidate is unafraid to weave points of view into the response. However, opinions are supported less by factual evidence as by rather vague generalisations, such as the reference to Brazil as a país de terceiro mundo, where a more nuanced examination of discrimination in that country would have been an excellent case study with which to illustrate the essay. The range of ideas offered does begin to point to some originality, and so the mark of 5 from the middle band seems appropriate. Grid O (Structure and analysis) There is, as indicated above, a marked weakness in structure, with a series of almost random points made without any obvious line of argument. Nevertheless, an engaging introduction and a reasonable attempt at a conclusion lift the response into the middle band of the mark range, and a 6 was awarded. Quality of language There are few glaring errors across a wide range of structures. Verb forms are usually correct, and the candidate writes with idiomatic flair, in a register appropriate to the task. Therefore, a mark of 10 was awarded for both Grid C2 (Accuracy) and F2 (Range). OCR Advanced GCE Portuguese 23

24 Essay F Title: A poluição Recentemente, esteve numa visita a uma região do mundo ameaçada pela poluição. Escreva um artigo para uma revista: explique as causas da ameaça e o que se pode fazer para melhorar a situação. OCR Advanced GCE Portuguese 24

27 Essay F Title: A poluição Recentemente, esteve numa visita a uma região do mundo ameaçada pela poluição. Escreva um artigo para uma revista: explique as causas da ameaça e o que se pode fazer para melhorar a situação. Mark: = 20 Content The candidate appears to have a plan, but this is little more than a brief checklist of environmental issues to be raised. The essay itself begins appropriately enough with a direct address to its readership, but it quickly becomes apparent that the candidate is inadequately prepared for the task. The candidate refers briefly to uma região but fails to state exactly it went, thereby passing up the opportunity offered by the question to anchor the response in a specific example or case study. The candidate goes on to mention one particular threat to the environment litter but then attempts to link this, clumsily and without any evidence, to a range of other environmental problems such as global warming. There is a reasonable attempt to respond to the second part of the task, but this lacks development, is impractical (suggesting we spend 4-5 hours per day recycling) and, again, jumps to global environmental dangers without any logical argument and, crucially, without any specific examples or case studies offered. There is a conclusion which broadly summarises the essay. Grid N (Relevance and points of view) The mark of 3 here reflects the clear lack of any specific examples or factual information in the essay. While there are some relevant points made, the basic requirements of the task to explain the causes of a particular threat witnessed and to suggest a way of ameliorating that threat go largely unfulfilled. Grid O (Structure and analysis) The response is adequately paragraphed, and there is some ability, rather strained at times, to structure the essay. However, the development of the response is weak and facile, and the conclusion is quite limited. This is a borderline essay which only just, on balance, fits the 6-9 mark band. Quality of language While inaccurate spelling is a strong feature of this response, there is, overall, a generally accurate use of simple sentence structure and a fair understanding of grammatical usage. It is sometimes difficult to discern whether faulty verb formations are down to poor spelling or imperfect knowledge, and a mark of 5 for Grid C2 (Accuracy) is only just deserved. However, there are attempts, not always successful, to use a broad range of structures, including subjunctives and the inflected infinitive, and so a mark of 6 for Grid F2 (Range) is justified. Copyright disclaimer The contents of this document are protected by copyright. Teachers are reminded that the inappropriate disclosure of confidential assessment material is considered to constitute malpractice. OCR Advanced GCE Portuguese 27