Michelle Seely Lang Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist #MFC 41680 3808 Riverside Dr. Suite 503, Burbank, CA 91505 Voicemail (818)-754-1487 Fax (818) 846-7166 Steps to help encourage better sleep for you and baby... Safety Check refer to Pediatric guidelines to make sure baby's sleeping place is safe Make sure baby is healthy, fed, and comfortable before starting out Buy a book or look online for reference and reassurance: The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night by Elizabeth Pantley and William Sears is a good guide--there is one book for babies, and another for toddlers. Or try, The Baby Sleep Book: The Complete Guide to a Good Night's Rest for the Whole Family by William Sears, Martha Sears, Robert Sears, and James Sears. Look online at www.askdrsears.com--it is a great resource for all parenting questions Learn about the nature of sleep-- Sleep is not an unbroken unconsciousness we fall into once for the night, but is instead a movement over the course of the night through lighter and heavier states of sleep--some dreamless times, some brief awakenings... If we can teach our children to not need us at every transition--if they can sometimes make their way back to sleep on their own without fully awakening and needing us--we all sleep better. Sleep associations: --You teach your baby what to want--if they always fall asleep at the breast or bottle, with the nipple in their mouth, then that is what they will want... every time then awaken. There are gentle ways to help your baby learn to make the last few moments of the journey to sleep without needing the bottle or breast. After your
baby is finished with vigorous nursing, when s/he is no longer hungry or feeding, when his/her sucking has slowed and the drift toward sleep has just begun, gently remove your nipple from baby's mouth. If s/he roots and won't settle, don't let baby become upset, give baby the nipple and start over. Watch for the sucking to slow, remove nipple and see if baby drifts off the rest of the way. If s/he roots and won't settle, start over--replace nipple and let baby calm. When s/he begins the drift toward sleep again, remove nipple and watch to see if s/he continues to fall asleep. Repeat this again and again (maybe 10 or 15 times per session), without letting baby get upset, and also without getting annoyed yourself. If you get upset, go to what works and try to teach this new way of transitioning to sleep when you are rested. It will work slowly and eventually... You are gently teaching baby a new sleep association. Modifying Sleep associations: This practice of slowly changing sleep associations can help babies who fall asleep in caregivers arms, and co-sleepers can help baby learn to make some transitions on their own without waking mommy too. More details available in The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night by Elizabeth Pantley and William Sears; or The Baby Sleep Book: The Complete Guide to a Good Night's Rest for the Whole Family by William Sears, Martha Sears, Robert Sears, and James Sears. Ask yourself: Is my baby getting enough sleep? Refer to sleep guidelines in parenting books or on Dr. Sears website (www.askdrsears.com)-- here is a rough guide: o Age Hours per Day o Birth to 3 months 14 to 18 o 3 to 6 months 14 to 16 o 6 months to 2 years 12 to 14 o 2 to 5 years 10 to 12
Are my expectations realistic? o Know that: Babies who get enough sleep will sleep better. If your baby is way outside these average sleep ranges, speak to your pediatrician. It may be that your baby is over-tired--and over-tiredness can interfere with sleep! o --Brief awakenings are normal--and most parents get up 1-3 times per night for a few years! o --After the age of four months--a 5-hour stretch of sleep is as good as it gets for a while--a stretch of 5 hours is considered "sleeping through the night" Make a plan: Create Sleep Log for 10 days to find out what you are doing now and be sure to write it down. o Log should include both Naps and Nighttime sleep--see Pantley's book for examples. o Why a sleep log? It is helpful to do the log because: o Sleep deprived parents cant remember accurately--and working toward improving sleep depends on consistent, planned interventions o You will have a record of what did and didn't work o I found logs to be encouraging--little wins didn't fade from my memory when I had them written down-- sometimes that was what kept me going when I felt like giving up **Note: Night sleep chart especially should also include how baby woke me up it is important to learn to distinguish baby s nighttime sounds. You have to learn to "read" your baby-- Babies often make really strange noises when they sleep. Those grunts, whimpers, sucking noises don't all signal a need to nurse!! Learn to distinguish your baby's sleeping noises--watch and listen to see if baby is waking all the way up--or is instead moving through a brief awakening and doesn't need your help to get back to sleep.
Notice: While doing the log, notice your habits, and rituals and begin to coordinate your goals and plans for improving babies sleep After 10 days reevaluate make new goals and begin again. Remember It takes time to help your baby learn new sleep associations. Patience is needed, and your patience will pay off. Remember to take care of yourself too--what have you done for yourself today? Why Create Rituals: Rituals help every one in the family by cuing us to slow down, quiet down and move toward a peaceful transition to sleep. Sleep rituals will become something you look forward to-- when kept consistently they help set your baby's biological clock. Possible Ritual Activities: Minimize stimulation by turning lights lower etc (see list below for more ideas) Lovey (stuffed animal or soft little blanket) Bath calm and warm Quiet play Say goodnight to the house and garden--baby's world ( e.g. good night lamp, good night goldfish, good night sofa, good night moon where ever you are...) Pajamas Books Song Soft music Hugs Kiss goodnight Rocking Swaddling Sleep words (shhhh, nite-nite now etc. Use these words only when baby is calm and sleepy) Patting/massaging
Ways to Minimize Stimulation Don t overextend your baby fewer errands and less activity is more Lower lights White noise/fan Quiet play Quiet house Comfortable temperature Slow, gentle movement Quiet voices Whatever promotes a winding down feeling Self Care for Primary Caregivers: A tired resentful parent can only do so much. A well-rested parent can only do so much too--but with more grace and joy! Find ways to get a little break for your self: cups of tea, a short walk outside, time in the bathroom alone...even these little things can rejuvenate. Apart from 10 minutes here and there the primary caregiver needs a real break now and then. If your partner can't give you a few hours a week, you have to find a baby sitter you can trust--or-- another parent you can swap with. Informal co-ops are easy to set up--and can be very supportive--and they are free!! If you worry that you are too sad or resentful and can't find enough relief on your own, consider talking to a therapist. I am available for consultations about sleep, baby blues, relationship issues, and for short or long term psychotherapy. I also have wonderful referrals for low cost therapists, and for other body and spirit care such as acupuncture, nutritional help, yoga, selfexploration focused writing classes, meditation... Michelle Seely Lang, M.A. Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist 3808 Riverside Drive, Suite 503 Burbank CA 91505 818-754-1487