Marriage Policies for Churches Suggestions for BCOQ congregations who are developing policies regarding marriage. Ken Bellous, June 2005 In response to the need for clarity about our understanding of marriage, many congregations are reviewing their church documents and policies to be sure that their intentions are well reflected. The following pages attempt to digest some of the complex advice and provide a map for how you might proceed. It is important to note that the contents of this document are for information only, and are no substitute for legal advice. It is important for churches and religious organizations to articulate their identity and beliefs through their constituting documents. For unincorporated churches, these will include their constitution, by-laws, and policies that are not included in the by-laws. For incorporated churches the constitution includes the letters patent, the general operating by-laws and policy statements which reflect the practical position of the church on a particular issue. The church constitution should include the articles of faith that describe the nature of the congregation. It may include scripture passages such as those contained in the Apostle s Creed, and identify those beliefs common to the believers who form the membership of the congregation. General operating by-laws of the church should define membership in the church. The by-law could also contain authorization for the establishing and implementing of operating policies for the church, together with an effective procedure to carry out church policies where applicable. A policy statement regarding marriage should indicate that it is to be applied in accordance with the articles of faith described in the constitution. The policy may include a definition of marriage, guidance for the minister(s) of the church, and expectations regarding church facilities. Churches are cautioned to utilize neutral statements and avoid negative or pejorative wording or wording that distinguishes an identifiable group contrary to applicable human rights legislation. (Some examples are included in the appendices) A more comprehensive description of the above issues is available in a bulletin from Carter & Associations legal firm at: http://www.carters.ca/pub/bulletin/church/2003/chchlb01.pdf 1
APPENDIX 1 Principles to consider in formulating church marriage policies: Because human sexuality issues can bring about great controversy, and could raise issues of discrimination, they will be more effective if they are integrated, enforceable, fully authorized and widely known: Integrated : Wherever possible, these policies should refer to the organization s foundational documents, which for Christian organizations may include a standard of faith contained in the Letters Patent for a corporation, its Bylaws, or in trusts associated with property. Enforceable: Policies, if they are to afford any protection at all, must be developed such that they will not be applied in a discriminatory fashion. If a congregation turns a blind eye to one kind of policy infraction, but rigidly enforces another, they are likely to find trouble. Fully authorized: New policies should be ratified by the membership of the organization, according to its established procedures. Widely known: Lifestyle policies for new members and employees must be presented to them prior to receiving membership or employment, and the earlier in the process the better. Facilities Use policies should be included in initial contact with potential users. Marriage Policies Content: All policy must support ministry, not prevent it. It should be: Positive: The policy should not be arbitrarily exclusionary; instead it should be a statement which reflects the goodness of the institution of marriage as God has established it. Secondly, the policy should be comprehensive, clearly stating what marriage is. A statement excluding homosexuals may address one concern, but will not be sufficient should other forms of marriage be created in the future. Comprehensive: Ideally a Christian organization will create an integrated policy that spells out its theology and policy around a broad range of marital issues including common law relationships, marriage preparation, divorce and remarriage, interfaith marriage, and so on. Such an action will result in a more balanced and consistent approach to all these issues. Draft Policies: After examining this issue fully your organization will determine what policy elements will be needed for your organization: Do you need to update employee, student, or member lifestyle or ethos statements? Do you rent your facilities for weddings or receptions? Do you provide accommodation with stipulations about unmarried couples sharing rooms? Does your staff have responsibilities for solemnizing marriages, or arranging for marriages? Do you provide marital or premarital counseling? 2
Your policies must reflect a commitment to the identity and outreach of your organization. We provide the following three statements as starting points for framing your policies. Once again, we must point out that the contents of this page are for information only and are no substitute for legal advice. Think critically and carefully about what your policies must contain. Definition of Marriage: We resolve that as a matter of belief, doctrine and religious practice, our congregation/denomination reserves the term marriage for the covenant relationship between one man and one woman to the exclusion of all others. Staff Participation in the Solemnization and Celebration of Marriage: We resolve that members of our leadership, staff or clergy will be allowed to arrange for, officiate at or take part in the solemnization or celebration of a marriage only when it conforms to our denominational/congregational statement(s) on marriage. Use of Facilities: This congregation reserves the right to rent or allow use of these premises only by individuals or groups not incompatible with our goals, values and statements and for purposes which are not incompatible with our goals, values and statements. (Note: A more cautious approach would be to restrict the use of facilities to activities initiated by the leadership, and organized by members which correspond to the [charitable] objects of the organization. However many churches, campgrounds and retreat centres do wish to make their facilities available to the community for some activities. This requires a much more nuanced policy, and increases the chance that discrimination may be alleged.) (From EFC web site: http://www.evangelicalfellowship.ca/social/marriage.asp) 3
APPENDIX 2 Sample The Corporation of Baptist Church Marriage Policy Purpose: This policy is to provide direction to our pastoral staff with regard to marriages performed as part of their pastoral duties at Baptist Church. This policy is established to uphold the Statement of Faith as expressed in Part V of the Letters Patent. Policy Statement: The Corporation of Baptist Church believes that: God s intention for marriage is established throughout the scriptures of the Old and New Testament; God ordained marriage as a voluntary union for life of one man and one woman (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19: 5-6; Ephesians 5:31; Romans 1: 26-27; 1 Corinthians 6:9); sexual intimacy is legitimate only within the bounds of marriage (Hebrews 13:4); Christian marriage is not simply a contract between two persons, but is a covenant ratified in the presence of God (Malachi 2:14); in Christian marriages, the Church acts as an agent of God s blessing, as a primary witness and as a supportive community; and, a healthy marriage is the best foundation for families and the raising of children. All pastoral staff are required to adhere to the church s constitution including the Statement of Faith, and will therefore not officiate or co-officiate at marriages that could reasonably be considered to be contrary to this Statement of Faith. All pastoral staff have the right to decide whether or not they wish to proceed with solemnizing a marriage, if doing so would be contrary to his or her religious beliefs. The Corporation of Baptist Church, as a responsibility of membership within the Baptist Convention of Ontario and Quebec recognizes and supports the intent behind the resolutions on Same-Sex Marriage as approved by Assembly 2003 and 2004. 4
APPENDIX 3 Sample Marriage Policy Statement SOLEMNIZATION OF MARRIAGES IN BAPTIST CHURCH Baptist Church members believe in the solemnity and sanctity of marriage as ordained by God, sanctioned and honoured by the Lord Jesus for the mutual benefit and comfort of husband and wife, and for the welfare of the state. The Board of Deacons requires all persons seeking solemnization of their marriage in the premises of Baptist Church to consider the wedding ceremony as an act of holy worship, solemn commitment and joyous celebration. Therefore, the following rules shall apply: 1. The facilities of the church building are for the families of the members and supporters of Baptist Church. They are not available to the general public, although the minister of the church, in unusual circumstances, may solemnize the marriage of persons who seek his/her help if he/she thinks it is desirable to do so. This must be done in consultation with the Chair of the Board of Deacons. 2. Thirty days notice must be given for marriages to be solemnized in the church sanctuary. In unusual instances, an appeal to the Board of Deacons may be made to shorten this time. 3. The minister of the church shall solemnize the marriages in the church, but at his/her invitation, other clergy may assist or officiate. 4. The couple shall meet with the minister for a period of marriage preparation prior to the service. 5. Music shall be appropriate for use in the church sanctuary and is subject to the approval of the organist and minister. 6. Because the marriage ceremony is an act of worship, photography during the service shall be limited to designated persons who have made prior arrangements with the minister. 7. The custodian of the church shall be reimbursed for his services in the amount of $50.00 to be paid at the rehearsal. 8. If the church sound system is required, an honorarium of $50.00 shall be given to the operator at the rehearsal. Tapes of the service are available at a cost of $5.00 each. 9. The organist of the church shall perform at the wedding, and shall be reimbursed for his services in the amount of $100 to be paid at the rehearsal. The use of any other organist requires the consent of the Music Committee in consultation with the church organist. 10. A fee is not charged by the minister, but it is customary for non-members and nonsupporters of the church to give an honorarium to the minister. 5
APPENDIX 4 Sample Baptist Church Marriage Policy We thank you for considering Baptist Church as the location for your wedding. This is a very special day in your life, as you make your marriage covenant before God and family and friends. A marriage covenant is intended to join you for life in a relationship so intimate and personal that it will change your whole being. As a congregation and staff we are happy to help you make this day as special as it ought to be. Weddings in our church means extra work for a number of people and do not come under the salary scales of our staff. Most of the rehearsals and ceremonies take place when staff would normally be off. As a result, there must be remuneration for their services and for the extra heating and cleaning of the church. By action of the Baptist Church Board of Management the following guidelines and fee structures have been developed. Purpose and Theological Understanding of Marriage Baptist Church believes that marriage is the union of one man and one woman so that they become a new family. (Genesis 2:23-24; Matthew 19:4-6) The purpose of marriage is so that a husband and wife might live together, enjoy the pleasures of human sexuality which God created for marriage partners, have children and raise them in a loving environment, and to support, nurture and encouragement each other. Who May Be Married at Baptist Church Due to recent changes in the Marriage Act (Bill 74, 2002, proclaimed 2004) there are now adequate opportunities for people to be legally married by a municipal Commissioner of Marriages and what was necessity local clergy to perform all weddings is no longer the situation. People wanting a legal marriage are now well-served by the secular municipality. People who have a Christian faith, and want a Christian worship service to envelope their marriage, may chose to have their wedding at a church conducted by their pastor. Baptist Church welcomes the opportunity to perform wedding ceremonies for members and adherents of the congregation, and members of their (immediate or extended) families. Baptist Church does not permit marriages between same-sex partners to be performed on its grounds or in it s church building nor can the pastor perform same-sex marriages while in the employ of Baptist Church. Adequate Notice: To allow time for pre-marital counseling, and other adequate preparation, the church requires that all wedding be booked at least two months in advance of the wedding date. The wedding can be tentatively booked by calling the church office (phone). However, all wedding dates must be confirmed by the church after the couple has received the marriage policy and have agreed to its guidelines, conditions and fees. The dates for each wedding and any rehearsals must also be approved by the clergy before the wedding is officially booked. 6
A Sample time-line: 1. the couple calls the church office and makes the booking 2. the couple is given a copy of this marriage policy 3. the minister approves the wedding date 4. upon receipt of the signed statement and deposit, the couple will be notified of confirmation of booking. If an announcement is to be placed in the church bulletin or monthly newsletter please contact the church office (phone) well in advance. Minister s Right and Obligations to Refuse To Marry The minister of Baptist Church shall be responsible to perform all weddings. In a case where a conflict in schedules arises the minister will arrange for a substitute in his/her absence. The minister reserves the right to refuse to marry any couple for reasons of professional ethics, serious incompatibility of the couple, or failure of the couple to agree to the guidelines established by Baptist Church. The minister also has the right to require couples to take part in pre-marriage counseling if she/he deems it necessary. The law also requires that the officiating minister refuse to marry a couple when there is suspicion of intoxication by way of alcohol or drugs Invited Clergy The church recognizes that you may have a clergy person that has had a special influence in your life. We are happy to include that person. However, the decision to invite the guest clergy must first be cleared by the minister at Baptist Church. The couple is to present the name to the minister in the first interview and the minister will be the person to extend the invitation. Marriage Preparation (Counseling) Whether the bride or groom has been married before, and especially if neither bride or groom have been married, it is important that some pre-marital counseling or preparation be taken. The pastor, in consultation with the bride and groom, will either recommend an outside course or offer custom material according to perceived needs. This usually takes the form of three or four 90 minute sessions dealing with a variety of issues and can be made in conjunction with service planning appointments. The Marriage Ceremony The minister shall conduct only the marriage liturgies that are in keeping with the traditions and theology of the Christian Church, the Baptist community, and as required by the Province of Ontario. The pastor is willing to work closely with the bride and groom to ensure that their ceremony reflects their individuality and preferences wherever possible. The marriage service is not a private ceremony or a spectacle but a corporate worship service but meaningful creativity in the elements of the service is encouraged. The Marriage License There is a government requirement that you must have a marriage license in order to be married in this Province. This license is only valid for three month from date of issue, and may be 7
obtained from the clerk or office of the local municipality. An application, supporting documents and fee is required. The church requires that the license be delivered to the church office at least four working days before the marriage. Marriages may also be performed by the publishing of the Banns of Marriage, but due to the complexity of the law and expertise required to use Banns, the church asks that you purchase the license mentioned above. Church Music Here at Baptist Church, we have a professional organist on staff. The organist shall have the first right of refusal for all weddings. If the organist on staff is unavailable to play at your wedding then she/he is responsible to arrange for a competent substitute. The music of the service should primarily point toward God and offer praise to Him or offer prayer for the couple. Music, soloists and instrumental selections are to be coordinated with the organist on staff. While we understand that you may have a musician in your life who is special to you and you may want to have that person included in the wedding, it is the policy of our church that the person being requested be cleared, (before invitation) by the organist as having the gifts and skills to operate the equipment. The church organist fee is still payable even if another musician has been approved to play the service. Church Building and Decorations The church s custodian will ensure that the building is opened and he sanctuary ready an hour before the service and will be available for a half-hour after the service. Other rooms in the church may be available by special arrangement and may require an additional custodial fee. If you expect wedding guests will require the chair lift, please all the church office or arrange with the custodian in advance. Confetti is not allowed in the church or on the grounds. Rice, birdseed, bubbles and flower petals are allowed outside the church building. We also allow the dropping of rose petals on the carpet at the entrance of the bridal party. If this guideline is not adhered to, there will be an extra cost to you for the cleaning of the carpets. We are not responsible for any decoration being placed in the church for weddings. The couple is welcome to have a decorator come to the church or decorate the church themselves. However, the appointment to have decorations placed in the church must be booked with the custodian and must happen at a mutually convenient time. In the case where there are two weddings happening the same day, each wedding party must make arrangements to have the decorations taken out of the church directly after the wedding. (Staff will not wait around for someone to come back later in the day), the second wedding must make arrangements with the custodian to book a time for decorating the church in between the two weddings. Candles with open flames or with glass globes are permitted provided that the do not drip wax on the carpet or furniture. No oil lamps are allowed. Drip guards, or protective covers are required for all furniture, except the communion table which has a glass top. No decorations are 8
permitted on the organ or grand piano. Floral arrangements may be left for Sunday services if desired and are greatly appreciated. No tape of any kind may be used to hang decorations on the church sanctuary furniture, pews etc. Masking tape or sticky tack may be used to hang decorations on walls but must be removed immediately after the service. Baptist Church s building is alcohol and smoke free. For Weddings Outside of the Church Building Many times people request offsite weddings. There are no church policies preventing such weddings and it is entirely up to the clergy person on staff if they will perform these services. The fee for offsite weddings is negotiable with the pastor. Any additional expenses incurred, will be the responsibility of the couple (ie. travel and accommodations etc). Wedding Bulletins The minister will assist the couple with the wording of the church bulletins. The couple is responsible for purchasing, and producing the bulletins for use at the wedding. Wedding bulletins can be purchased through local Christian bookstores. Photography, Videography and Audio Photography and videography should be done in good taste to avoid disruption in the worshipful atmosphere of the ceremony. Flash photography or noisy mechanical cameras are not to be used during the ceremony once the bride has arrived at the front of the church. All video equipment must be in place well in advance and operated as unobtrusively as possible and without additional lighting. Photographs may again be taken at the signing of the registers and during the recessional. Audio recording of the service is not usually provided but can be arranged by special request and for a nominal fee. Fee Structure and Schedule The Board of Directors will approve a Fee Schedule for the current year, which will be attached to this policy. Use of Church Building: see current fee schedule Caretakers Fee: see current fee schedule Organist Fee: by arrangement with organist* Minister s Fee: see current fee schedule *Please note: Additional rehearsals will require extra payment. If there is a soloist who the organist must meet with, there is an extra charge of $25.00 to be paid to the organist on staff A deposit equivalent to the Use of Building fee and the Custodian s fee must be received within 2 weeks of confirmation of booking. This deposit may be refunded if notice of cancellation is received by the pastor or church office at least one week prior to the event date. All other fees are to be placed in separately marked envelopes and left at the church office or with the pastor 9
when you drop off your marriage license. If paying by cheque please make cheques payable to the staff persons whose are listed on the current Fee Schedule. For Further Information: Please feel free to call the church office (phone) or speak to the pastor. Please complete the following agreement and send to Baptist Church Wedding Agreement Please complete this agreement and send to Baptist Church (address & contact info) Bride: Groom: I/we have read the Marriage Policy of Baptist Church, and agree to its contents Signatures Bride: Groom: Address: Postal Code: Phone numbers Wedding Information: Wedding date: Time: Rehearsal date: Time: For Further Information: Please feel free to call the church office (phone) or speak to the pastor. 10
GETTING MARRIED At ABC BAPTIST CHURCH Church Policies and Guidelines ABC Baptist church is pleased to offer the use of its facilities and personnel by those planning to enter into a Christian marriage. A Christian marriage is a monogamous relationship entered into by a man and a woman for life by pledging themselves to God and each other in a Christian wedding ceremony. A Christian wedding is a joyous celebration of love, wherein the couple should come soberly into the presence of God seeking God s blessing and wisdom for their marriage. At the wedding, a couple enters into a sacred covenant with God and each other through the vows they pledge and the prayers that are offered. All components of the service must therefore appropriately reflect the joyful Christian nature of the occasion. The following policies concerning weddings conducted at ABC have been developed over a period of time and are set forth for your information. Initial Arrangements - All weddings in the church are to be conducted under the leadership of a member of the ministerial team. Therefore, after meeting with one of our ministers and receiving his/her agreement to be in charge of the wedding service, a couple may then book their wedding through the minister. The minister has the right and responsibility to decline a request to conduct a wedding, if in good conscience he/she is unable to bless it. In making the booking, the minister shall consult with the church secretary and all other staff responsible for or affected by such bookings. Marriage Preparation - Marriage is a life long commitment and should not be entered into lightly. Therefore, all couples must have some preparation through a marriage preparation course or through a series of directed readings and sessions with the minister. License - A marriage license is required and can be obtained from any city hall or municipal office in the Province of Ontario. The License should be delivered to the church office at least one week prior to the wedding. The couple must ensure that items 1 through 27 are completed before leaving it at the church office. Alternatively, marriage banns may be read, as long as the various conditions affecting the reading of banns are met. Photographs - Photographs may only be taken during the processional, signing of the register, and recessional. A notice to this effect should be placed in the printed order of service. The wedding photographer is expected to speak with the minister prior to the service for any additional instructions. Videotaping - Videotaping of a wedding is permitted on the conditions that a flash is not used and that the video camera be placed on a tripod and kept stationary during the entire service. The videographer is also expected to speak to the minister prior to the service for any additional instructions. Confetti - Confetti, rice or other such material must not be used on the Church premises. Couples are also asked to place a notice to this effect in the order of service. Participation of other Clergy - A couple may wish to involve other clergy in their wedding. The involvement and extent of involvement of such visiting ministers should be determined with and through the minister in charge. Any honorarium given to a visiting minister is in addition to the honorarium paid to the minister in charge. Music - All music used in the wedding service must reflect the Christian nature of the wedding. The music is to be arranged with and through the Director of Music. The couple should meet with the Director of Music as soon after meeting with the minister as possible, in order to discuss and select the wedding music. Couples are asked not to make any arrangements for music at their wedding prior to consulting with the Director of Music. Pre-recorded music is not used in wedding services at ABC. 11
Further, the use of both the organ and piano are restricted to our Director of Music, or a qualified substitute with the Director s approval. If the couple wishes to invite another organist to play, they will nonetheless be required to pay the usual fee to the Director of Music. The Director of Music is able to arrange for soloists from the choir if the couple so desire. Soloists other than those employed by ABC may be required to meet, and are required to rehearse with the Director of Music. Please note: The organist does not attend the wedding rehearsal. Flowers - Details regarding the arrival and removal of floral arrangements should be made with the Building Superintendent at or before the wedding rehearsal. Arrangements may not be placed on the Communion Table. If the wedding is taking place on a day when the church has been decorated for a special season such as Thanksgiving, Christmas, or Easter, an additional fee will be paid. Candles - Candles are available by special arrangement, but the use of candles is restricted to those supplied by the church. A couple may request a maximum of 28 candles, which will be attached to the center aisle pews only. A pair of brass candelabra is also available upon request. Please inform the church secretary at least two weeks prior to your wedding date if you wish the use of pew candles and/or candelabra. Receptions - The facilities of the church are available only to members and adherents of the church family for wedding receptions, subject to the availability of space and staff. However, couples must keep in mind the church s policy prohibiting the use of alcohol on the church premises. Further, a member of the ABC must supervise the use of the kitchen. Building Superintendent - The Building Superintendent is required to open and close the building for the wedding and rehearsal. He prepares the church for the wedding and is responsible for restoring it to order after the service. He also assists the minister and bridal party with various procedures. Dress - Participants in the wedding, including photographers, videographer, ministers, musicians and staff members should be dressed appropriately in order not to distract from the dignity of the occasion. 12