1 Divorce and Remarriage I Corinthians 7:10-24 September 21, 2014 We come now to one of the key passages in Scripture about divorce and remarriage. Divorce and remarriage are so common in our society that it is easy to become dull to what the Bible actually says. Add to that the many interpretations on remarriage among evangelicals, godly men and women, and you have a quagmire of opinions. The one thing I DO NOT WANT TO DO TODAY is to diminish the seriousness of the marriage covenant and in any way shape or form take lightly divorce and remarriage. Many in this congregation have been divorced and remarried. It is not my purpose to analyze your decision and to pass judgment on your call. It is God s department to make that call. And it is your department to examine your own decision and deal with that biblically. Matthew 19:6 what therefore God has joined together, let no man separate. Some of you might debate me on this but I believe the Bible says every marriage is something God has joined together that is He affirms the decision of a husband and wife and has joined in affirming the marriage. And with that He adds WHAT GOD HAS JOINED TOGETHER, LET NO MAN SEPARATE. The breakup of marriages is one of the major social issues of our day. The percentage of marriages ending in divorce is staggering. The lack of seriousness about marriage was expressed in a cartoon which showed a father speaking to his daughter before her wedding. He said Try to make it last, dear, at least until I can pay for the wedding! Believers need to have a clear understanding of what God thinks about marriage and especially about divorce. We need to not be sucked into the distorted thinking of the world. When the Pharisees came to Jesus and did not like Christ s hard line position on divorce they asked WHY THEN DID MOSES COMMAND TO GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE AND SEND HER AWAY? They were trying to justify their liberal view of divorce and remarriage. Jesus responded because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way (Matthew 19:8). In both the Old Testament and the New Testament, what God thinks about divorce is clear. Malachi 2:16 God says it clearly I HATE DIVORCE. So we come to the next this morning with this serious mindset... God hates divorce. Concerning Marriage between BELIEVERS I Corinthians 7:10-11 But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband 7:11 (but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife.
2 When Paul says I GIVE INSTRUCTIONS, NOT I, BUT THE LORD He is stating strongly what Jesus has already said. This is NOT a passage you can debate. Paul is clear. He is saying the same thing Jesus said. Our Lord spoke the same things in the 5 th and the 19 th chapter of Matthew. It is also recorded in the 10 th chapter of Mark. My friends, Jesus came to conquer the hardness of your heart. He came to die for your sins. He came to show us what marriage represents. He came to give us insight into the covenant He makes with us at salvation as His bride. His covenant with us is permanent. His marriage covenant with us is eternal. His covenant cannot be broken. Our marriages are covenant relationships designed to model Christ s covenant with us. When a marriage covenant is not taken as such when our society s distorted picture of marriage is accepted divorce is kept in reserve as a viable option. Don t let this be your mindset if you re married and for young people looking ahead to marriage! Paul is clear in these two verses Marriage should be maintained. But if divorce follows, remarriage is not permissible. It is sin! Matthew 19:9 And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery. Jesus shocked His own disciples concerning remarriage for they saw clearly that marriage is serious business when they replied Matthew 19:10 The disciples said to Him, If the relationship of the man with his wife is like this, it is better not to marry. You don t take marriage lightly. You don t take divorce lightly. And if two Christians divorce when adultery has not occurred remarriage is adultery! We can be every bit as hardhearted as the Jews or as Pharaoh. A hard heart is a stubborn refusal to listen to God. It is the determination to do it your own way. Hard hearted people are more concerned about their happiness than they are their holiness. Hard hearted people want their own way want it the way they have chosen and they want it now. I don t think Paul can be any more clear. Divorce in this scenario does not grant the right to remarry. Some here who have been divorced may feel you need to explain your situation. That is not what I m interested in. A reality pill about marriage God did not design marriage to be heaven on earth. Marriage is the union of two sinners still struggling with their sin nature. Few marriages start good right from the start and get better with each passing day. Marriage is a covenant with God that each partner will work
3 and labor and forgive and forget past offenses and not be selfish and remove the divorce word from their vocabulary. Ray Stedman said it well God designed marriage as a kind of a locked room into which he thrusts a couple who think they know each other very well. He turns the key in the lock, throws the key away, and says, "Now get to know each other, regardless of what happens." In verses 12 and 13 Paul addresses another marriage scenario. What about those married to unbelievers? Should the marriage be terminated because a believer defilement may be happening? Were believers in this situation free to remarry? Concerning MIXED Marriages I Corinthians 7:12-13 But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her. 7:13 And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away. BUT TO THE REST in other words this is a different scenario than the previous one. This is a marriage of believer to unbeliever. NOT THE LORD that is Jesus did not specifically speak of this in the gospels. This was not mentioned by Jesus. Paul is not giving his opinion. It was not mentioned before now is all he is saying. He s speaking with full apostolic authority. What Paul appears to have in mind here are marriages that started before one of the partners became a Christian. The concern of the believing partner was is this marriage acceptable to God? Should the marriage be ended because the believer is bound to an unbeliever? Is this relationship defiling the believer? It may be an honest question. Though I imagine some are unhappy wanting the unbeliever to divorce. The instruction: If an unbelieving husband wants to remain, the believing wife must consent. If an unbelieving wife wants to remain, the husband must consent. The salvation of one spouse does not change the marriage status. It does not nullify the wedding vows. The question was undoubtedly asked but what about the children in this marriage? Are they defiled or unholy by this union? Concerning the UNBELIEVING Spouse I Corinthians 7:14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy.
4 Watch this If the salvation of one partner annulled the marriage the children would become illegitimate children. But this is not the case. The marriage is still intact. The marriage is still honorable. The marriage will even provide benefit to the unbelieving spouse. SANCTIFIED does not mean they are saved. It means they are set apart for special benefits that two unbelievers do NOT have. The unbelieving partner has the benefit of hearing the gospel The unbelieving partner has the benefit of seeing a godly spouse live out true Christianity They have God s protection from many of evils a non-christian family does not They have the benefit of seeing displays of the fruit of the Spirit They have the prayers of the believing partner The point: A believing partner exerts a spiritual INFLUENCE that God often uses to bring salvation to the children and the unbelieving spouse. There is no guarantee that salvation will come. But the likelihood of it increases significantly by the godly partner. In God s eyes, the family is a unit even when one is a non-believer or all but one are saved. Isn t it wonderful to know that an entire family is graced by God for one of them being a believer? God blesses the LOST because of the SAVED In Genesis 18 God was willing to bless the people of Sodom and Gomorrah by sparing their lives if there had been only 10 godly people. But in the event the unbelieving spouse wants out of the marriage, Paul gives instruction. I Corinthians 7:15-16 Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace. 7:16 For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife? The saved partner should do everything in their power to keep the marriage together. But there are times when an unbeliever can t handle living with a godly spouse. They want out. Paul says let him leave. Perhaps the attempts at keeping the marriage together have created more turmoil. But notice this is saying it is to be the unbeliever s decision. A reality, when after marriage one spouse is saved Jesus predicted chaos in some homes after a family member comes to Christ
Matthew 10:34-36 Do not think that I came to bring peace on the earth; I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. 10:35 For I came to SET A MAN AGAINST HIS FATHER, AND A DAUGHTER AGAINST HER MOTHER, AND A DAUGHTER-IN-LAW AGAINST HER MOTHER-IN-LAW; 10:36 and A MAN S ENEMIES WILL BE THE MEMBERS OF HIS HOUSEHOLD. The salvation of one spouse might result in a balm that heals or it might result in a sword that severs. But Paul doesn t use this point to put the focus on evangelism in marriage. The believing partner may be God s instrument to lead the other to Christ. It has happened many times. Pastor Tom Doidge is one of them. He observed his wife s salvation and that of his children and it moved him to salvation. But if the unbeliever wants a divorce let it be. But if this happens notice in such cases, the believer: IS NOT UNDER BONDAGE This is a greatly debated clause among evangelicals. Men with whom I have great respect disagree on this. Some say this does not mean free to remarry. Others see it differently. Some see this as not under bondage to remain marriage. BONDAGE is douloi which means enslavement held in bondage or to be under bondage. If Paul meant they had to remain unmarried why didn t he use that word in the previous thought that two believers ARE STILL IN BONDAGE to their marriage, that is, they do not have the right to remarry? Instead Paul speaks in contrast to the marriage between Christians. Notice that he sets up the contrast with the words of verse 12. BUT TO THE REST I SAY in other words this is a unique situation. What I conclude while respecting those who see this differently Divorce is permitted where one partner deserted the marriage BECAUSE OF the conversion of the other partner. John MacArthur Where divorce is permitted, remarriage is permitted. It is clearly forbidden in the case in verse 11, but here and in other texts dealing with divorce because of adultery it is not. By implication, the permission given for a widow or widower to remarry can extend to the present case, where a believer is also no longer bound, not under bondage. But let me add: If a believer chooses to marry an unbeliever being bound together with an unbeliever going against II Corinthians 6:14 why would God grant an option for this? Doesn t look like remarriage is not an option in this case. 5
But in the unique case mentioned above and from Christ s teaching in Matthew 19 I see freedom to remarry for widows and widowers adultery when reconciliation cannot not happen and desertion by an unbelieving partner and only after attempts are made by the believing spouse to keep the marriage intact. But never forget God hates divorce! If you have violated God s law and are responsible for breaking up your marriage repent and humble yourself before Christ. This is not an unpardonable sin. And I suspect there have been plenty of anguish and consequences you have already experienced and regret. Be sure you have dealt with this before God. Apologies should be made to family members you have hurt. Coming to Christ often shakes up relationships! It shakes up marriages. God s response to this radical change in life at salvation is found in verses 17-24. Concerning Relationships CHANGED by Salvation The problem of how to live with others who are unsaved after you ve been saved surfaced. In verses 1-9 the question may have been Does faith in Christ mean that a husband and wife should abstain from sexual intimacy? Paul clearly says NO! If one spouse becomes a Christian and the other doesn t should divorce follow? Paul clearly says, NO! Paul builds on this principle in verses 17-24 I Corinthians 7:17-23 Only, as the Lord has assigned to each one, as God has called each, in this manner let him walk. And so I direct in all the churches. 7:18 Was any man called when he was already circumcised? He is not to become uncircumcised. Has anyone been called in uncircumcision? He is not to be circumcised. 7:19 Circumcision is nothing, and uncircumcision is nothing, but what matters is the keeping of the commandments of God. 7:20 Each man must remain in that condition in which he was called. 7:21 Were you called while a slave? Do not worry about it; but if you are able also to become free, rather do that. 7:22 For he who was called in the Lord while a slave, is the Lord s freedman; likewise he who was called while free, is Christ s slave. 7:23 You were bought with a price; do not become slaves of men. Concerning our calling It was not designed to generate upward mobility improved status in the world. (but that is not wrong) It was not designed to change our status in the world. It was not designed to abandon family relationships It was designed to sanctify relationships and to increase contentment WHAT MATTERS IS THE KEEPING OF THE COMMANDMENTS 6
7 If you were called when a temple prostitute He s not saying remain a prostitute. If you were called as a thief He s not saying remain a thief. John Piper You don t need to abandon your vocation if you can stay in it with God. His concern is not to condemn job changes, but to teach that you can have fulfillment in Christ whatever your job is. God called you to be holy, living differently in the family he placed you, in the job he placed you. The point illustrated If you re a Jew, don t try to become a Gentile. If you re a Gentile don t try to become a Jew. In other words Your outward condition will not hinder nor will it promote your acceptance with God. Key word CALLED This is the effectual call of God to salvation. The principle When you were converted remain in your God ordained condition and relationships. Don t try to get out of them I Corinthians 7:24 Brethren, each one is to remain with God in that condition in which he was called. IN THAT CONDITION IN WHICH HE WAS CALLED If you were saved in a struggling marriage stay there! If you were saved in a dysfunctional home stay there and be godly! Wrap Up Our comfort and happiness depend on what we are to Christ, not what we are in the world (Matthew Henry). God has assigned you a place in life. Stay in the place He assigned you! Bloom where you ve been planted Be a Christian where you are Accept God s PROVIDENCE - that He placed you PRECISELY where you are.