And the first thing that we see immediately upon opening His Word is that Marriage is a Design from God.

Transcription

1 God s Word on Marriage Selected Scriptures 6/12/2005 Copyright by Mark Vaughan 6/2005 As we continue our summer study of gender and family-related issues, let s start today by asking about marriage what is marriage? Sadly today, the definition is not clear-cut or obvious, is it? Many in our culture are attempting to redefine marriage or at least broaden its definition so wide that it loses its significance. This battle over what defines marriage is revealing that every question is really a question of authority. And since our government has abandoned proper applications of biblical authority, the definition of marriage has become just another political issue. When the real authorities are polls or votes or political power or media influence, government lacks any solid foundation. But as we address the issue, we must remember that this is not primarily a political discussion or opinion poll or even a self-help workshop with some tips that may or may not work for you. What we want to do is to consider God s Word on marriage. We want to look to God our Maker as He has revealed His design for us in His Word, the Bible. No matter what others think the best political or economic or social idea may be, we as Christians must joyfully trust and obey God s Word. So today we take up the task of briefly explaining what God has to say about marriage in His Word, the Bible. And the first thing that we see immediately upon opening His Word is that Marriage is a Design from God. Open your Bibles with me to Genesis 2 and we ll note here that God Himself originated the idea of marriage and defined it for us. With Scripture as our authority, we learn that marriage is not a new idea or cultural invention that can be discarded or reshaped for the needs of each generation. Whatever governments and courts may decide, the definition of marriage has stood fixed from the beginning of time. God Himself instituted marriage and essentially performed the first wedding ceremony in Genesis 2. Follow along as I read that account in Genesis 2: [READ] As I mentioned last week, humans were created for relationships and we cannot escape that fact. The first relationship that God gave man was the most intimate of earthly relationships, the marriage relationship. And God was setting a pattern for all of human life, family, and society to follow for all time as He did this. So whether you are married or unmarried, whether you used to be married, want to be married or think you ll never be married, you need to understand what God was teaching in this first relationship. The 1 st and most basic thing God was teaching is that Marriage is a Design from God. It was God that initiated the finding of a companion for the first man and paraded the animals before him so he would see sense the need. 1

2 Then it was God who created woman as the helper corresponding to man by taking a rib from the first man. And as God brought the first woman to the first man, you might say God escorted her down the aisle to officially present her to the man. So God was the primary inventor and architect of this first union between man and woman. Then v 24 revealed God s basic design for marriage throughout time. Verse 24 is quoted 3 times in the NT, twice by Jesus as the defining statement on marriage. So it s worth reading verse 24 again as we consider God s design for marriage. [READ] The most obvious fact of God s design for marriage is that marriage is between a man and a woman. A man shall be joined cleave to his wife, literally to his woman. Marriage is one man being joined to one woman not a man with another man or a woman with another woman or even a man with multiple men or multiple women or vice versa. Marriage is God s idea and God s institution and He defined it as a union between one man and one woman. And He declared that they should cleave to one another be joined together in relationship like superglue. Marriage partners should be knit so closely that they share a one flesh relationship emotionally, spiritually, physically and in every way. That does not mean they become the same person and never have any differences or diversity. No. They remain two distinct persons but everything one does affects the other and there is no escaping the effects of that connection. So as we think about our own marriages or as you consider marriage, we need to think of that intimate intertwining of lives that God has designed marriage to be. God designed marriage to be an interdependent knitting of 2 lives into 1 not the coexistence of 2 roommates who share responsibilities. Do you view marriage that way? As we assert that marriage is a design from God, we also need to trust His design as best and align our lives to pursue His design. To do that, we also need to notice that in order to cleave to your spouse, you have to leave you father and mother. Parents are still to be honored and loved, but leaving means departing from father and mother as the primary relationship. The word for leaving can mean forsaking, even abandoning. It s not that parents are forsaken totally and forgotten or that any and all contact with parents is abandoned. But leaving and cleaving involves a foundational shift in our primary love and loyalty. So for example, talking on the phone or spending time with mom or dad should not take priority over talking and time with your spouse. Marriage establishes a new household apart from parents. And therefore marriage brings the fundamental separation in life that forms another basic unit of society. Marriage begins a new family, a new home, a new era. 2

3 And then marriage is the union into which children are to be born. In Genesis 1:28 God blessed both the man and the woman and told them to be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth. So God designed marriage as the setting to nurture the next generation. That s just a glimpse of how marriage is a design from God. Of course, as I say that, I sense the need to make some qualifications about this ideal design from God. I need to clarify that blessing can be enjoyed and children can be faithfully raised even when things may not seem to live up this ideal design from God. The reality is that even the best marriage and home is not perfect. And each home can carry out God s clear commands in ways that other homes may or may not be comfortable with. But let me encourage those of you adults and children in homes where sin or tragedy has left you in what you would consider less than ideal. Can I assure you that you shouldn t in any way feel that God loves you less or has not provided for you what you need? God loves you and He is powerful and loving enough to care for you apart from and at times even better than what may seem ideal. And we as a church should be and want to be part of God s tender care in your lives. I confess that we often fail and I pray that we ll repent and faithfully show the humble compassion needed in life s various struggles. So as we uphold and pursue God s design, we do need to admit that we all need the grace of God and the help of others. But as I make those qualifications, we also need to be careful not to lower God s standard or weaken our pursuit of His goal. We must still affirm that God designed marriage to be the fundamental unit of society. So we have this 1 st point today: Marriage is a design from God. We don t need a panel of experts or the latest pseudo-scientific study or a majority of legislators votes to define for us exactly what marriage is. God has already done that and He has clearly revealed His wise pattern and purposes in His Word. We can know for certain that marriage is a design from God and we can ever grow to trust and enjoy His design. And since God is good, God s design is good and therefore marriage is good and it is intended for our good. Marriage is to be viewed as a gift from God a blessing God gives for us to enjoy even though we do not deserve it. Now, some might hear that statement and think, yeah, I certainly don t deserve what I ve gotten in marriage. And they may be thinking of how bad their marriage is and how they don t deserve such bad experiences. But that is not what I mean; that is the opposite of what I mean. I mean that marriage is a pleasurable, helpful gift from God. 3

4 And that is the 2 nd point I want us to see from God s Word on Marriage that Marriage is a Gift from God. This 2 nd point is apparent here in Genesis 2 because God saw the aloneness of man as not good and did something to make the situation good. God s good provision was a wife for the man she was a gift from God to the man. Proverbs 18:22 states this as a general principle: He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD. A wife is an expression of goodwill and favor from the LORD a wife is a good thing, a gift from God. And thereby we conclude that marriage is a gift from God. But more than these specific statements, consider how God s purposes for marriage show us that marriage is a gift. One purpose of marriage I mentioned earlier is raising children. Not all marriages are blessed with children but just as marriage is a gift from God, we must recall that children are also a gift from God. Both Psalm 127 & 128 speak of children as gifts and blessings and rewards from God s gracious, providing hand. We do not deserve the blessing of children and we have felt with some of you the pains of not being able to bear children. So we need to recognize children as one of the many unmerited kindnesses that God may grant as a gift in marriage. Another blessing of marriage is seen in a purpose we read about when God made the woman as the man s helper. The woman corresponded to the man in a suitable, fitting way and became his help in a way that no other could. So in marriage God granted companionship and partnership and even completed what was lacking for Adam in some way. So Scripture calls your spouse your life companion. [Proverbs 2:17; Malachi 2:14; probably Ecclesiastes 4:10] Experiencing the blessings of that companionship certainly requires effort, but it is worthwhile because marriage is a gift to be enjoyed. As another aspect of God s gift in marriage, the Scriptures also speak clearly about the physical pleasures of marriage. The Song of Solomon is a whole biblical book devoted to romance. And 1 st Corinthians 7:1-9 warns against neglecting the blessings of the sexual relationship in marriage. Turn to Proverbs 5 with me and let s just let the Scripture commend to us the exhilaration possible in marriage. Follow along as I read Proverbs 5:15-19 where God s Word speaks both figuratively and explicitly. [READ] Refreshment, satisfaction, exhilaration can God be more clear that He intended marriage to include physical pleasure? Truly it is clear in so many ways and from so many angles in Scripture that marriage is a gift from God. So if you are married, praise God for His gift to you. And praise God if you grew up under the umbrella of a marriage that enjoyed God s gifts. 4

5 And praise God for the chance you have to observe some of what God intended in the godly marriages of many couples in this church. That is also a gift from God. Our culture has drifted so far from biblical patterns that the norm now is nothing like God designed marriage to be. So thank God for every good marriage you know and for not leaving our culture without some testimony of His good design. Thank God for Christian marriages because they give our society a glimpse not only of God s design for marriage, but also of God s relationship with His people. And that leads us into our 3 rd point today about marriage: Marriage is a Message from God. Marriage is (1) a design from God; (2) a gift from God; and now (3) a Message from God. I ve performed an average of one wedding ceremony per year since I was ordained in 1999 and I ve gathered together a number of biblical truths that I usually share. Typically at the end of my wedding message, I speak of two privileges that God gives to a Christian couple in marriage. For 2 Christians joining together in marriage, their lives can teach at least 2 points of a message from God. First, Christian marriage demonstrates that God has a solution to the problem of sin. After humanity fell into sin, the man and woman were cursed especially within the male-female relationship. And all you have to do is go to a bookstore or watch any late-night or even daytime TV to see evidence of this curse. You can hear numerous jokes and you can find various books all about the differences between men and women. Our society may deny the reality of sin s curse, but everyone s experience confirms that reality and even TV and bookstores agree. But God solves the problems of sin s curse by transforming men and women through new life in Christ. And the harmony and pleasures of a truly Christian marriage shows God s power to overcome the curse of sin. Then after making that point, the second thing I mention before the final vows in a wedding is how Christian marriage models what a saving relationship with Jesus looks like. Marriage as God has designed it should illustrate the relationship between Jesus & the community of believers called His church. We often miss that truth when we read Ephesians 5 because we concentrate on the roles that the passage describes. But turn to Ephesians 5:22-32 and let s read it and realize that a godly marriage is a message from God about the relationship of Christ with His true church. Follow along as I read Ephesians 5: [READ] We married people dare not miss the fact that we are communicating something about Jesus by the way our marriages function. You may think that people only see marriage as an analogy of Christ and His church if they ve read Ephesians 5, but that is not necessarily true. 5

6 Someone who has never even heard about Jesus can learn about Jesus love for His church by watching a godly husband love his wife. That person may have never seen true love in action and a husband s Christ-like love can introduce it. Similarly, many unbelievers are repulsed by the idea of submitting themselves to God or anyone else. But a Christian wife s submission to her husband may be the first picture they see that makes submission attractive. God used marriage as an analogy of His relationship with His people in the OT too, even referring to their idolatry as spiritual adultery. Hosea is a whole OT book built around that analogy. So a culture s understanding of marriage is not insignificant. And therefore, even if it s not popular or legal or even if all of society begins to believe other definitions, we must believe, live, and proclaim what God intends for marriage because it is bigger than just your home and mine. Whether you realize it or not, your marriage affects others. You may think that how you relate to your spouse only affects your home, but it speaks to far more people than you think. And for those who have children, your marriage is preaching one of the most powerful & repeated sermons your kids will ever hear. So stop & think about your marriage today what is it saying? Is it the message from God that God wants others to hear? I pray that it is. And I pray that your marriages are the foundation of even greater messages from God that you share as you minister together as couples. Do that, by the way; do some ministry together as couples. You can t do EVERY ministry together. Melanie will NOT be preaching next week, right? But try to do some ministry together as a couple and as a family. I remember the benefit of helping my parents in the nursery at church even when my older brother and I were teens. Part of the good message God communicates through godly marriages is taught when couples and families minister together. And that can happen in church ministry and outreach you can be both coworkers and co-witnesses in ministry. Whatever you do, just remember, your marriage is saying something. It is supposed to be a compelling message of the loving relationship between Jesus Christ and His church. And our last point today brings out a 4 th truth about marriage that powerfully relates to the message that marriage should preach. If marriage is to communicate something about Christ s loving relationship with His people, then it should not involve unfaithfulness and it should not end. God is faithful to us and we trust that His loving commitment to us will bring us into eternity with Him, right? And marriage is a model of that relationship. So we need to remember 4 th ly that Marriage is a Promise before God. 6

7 Marriage is never to be taken lightly. Just as God invented and encourages marriage, He also witnesses the vows made at a wedding as a couple join together. And those vows make marriage a promise before God. Turn to Malachi 2:13-16 with me to see God s view of those vows in the last book of the OT, read with me from Malachi 2: [READ] God was angry with the Israelites because they had not honored the covenant they had made when they married. A covenant is a contract, promise, and vow between people. And God was testifying against the Israelites that He did not accept their offerings because they had not kept their word. They were breaking the promises they had made in marriage. And God made clear what He thinks of that in verse 16 God hates divorce. And from my experience, I ve found that people who have suffered through a divorce often best understand why God hates divorce. There s so much pain and sorrow and hurt and brokenness and trouble involved and even after a divorce is over, it s not easy. So most divorced people will tell you that they hate divorce too. And we need to believe and preach this truth and yet be ready to humbly weep with those who weep when a divorce happens. Divorces do happen just like lying happens and God hates that too. Divorce is neither the unforgivable sin nor the scarlet letter sin, but divorce is never the right option for 2 truly born-again, Bible-believing Christians who desire to walk with God. Real Christians want to repent of sin and reconcile and forgive. But if a spouse is unrepentant and doesn t respond to anyone, and even rejects the restorative efforts of church discipline, then divorce can happen. And it can happen to a genuine Christian. That Christian may have become a Christian after marriage or may have married an unbeliever or may have married a professing Christian who turned out to be an unbeliever. So though God never commands divorce, it can happen. And God does allow divorce in cases of unrepentant adultery and abandonment by an unbeliever. The believing spouse in such cases is free to remarry just as a widow or widower is free to remarry. And that s all I have time to say on those issues today. You can read about those cases in Matthew 5:32 & 19:8-9 and 1 st Corinthians 7:15. But with those clarifications, let s get back to this 4 th point about marriage that marriage is a promise before God. That is why God takes marriage so seriously and why He spoke as He did in Malachi 2. Jesus also emphasized God s involvement in marriage when He was asked about divorce. 7

8 After He quoted Genesis 2:24, Jesus said this in Matthew 19:6: So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate. Jesus commanded that no man separate a marriage because God was the One who had joined the two together. He emphasized marriage as a promise before God to be taken seriously And taking the marriage covenant seriously involves more than merely living in the same house. It is involves active cultivation of faithful love and active protection against unfaithfulness. Married couples need to take time to nurture and develop and promote their faithful love relationship on every level. And married people also need to guard against lusting after others. As Jesus said in Matthew 5:28: everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. And that sin can take place with the eyes or with the imagination, in a man or a woman, with physical or emotional lusts. Sinful lusting can be daydreaming about a romance that could be or actually looking at others lustfully. And we need to guard against any violation of the marriage promise. A person s marriage is the foundational ground of integrity and we all need to examine and pursue and protect that integrity. So how are you doing? Whether you are married, divorced, widowed or single, does your view of marriage align with God s Word on marriage? What needs to change? Maybe you are avoiding marriage or disconnecting in your current marriage because you don t truly view marriage as a gift from God. Can I plead with you to study God s Word on marriage and embrace it as a truly a gift to be enjoyed if God has granted it? And can I remind you that our view of marriage DOES matter regardless of the situation in life we re in? Others views of God and your relationship with God are affected by how you talk about marriage and how your marriage functions if you are married. Many in our society have witnessed wrong views of marriage and had their trust broken and lives shaken, so we desperately need to model and teach and enjoy God s beautiful, compelling design for marriage. I realize that I have breezed through a lot today. I ve really only skimmed the surface, but I pray that I ve laid a foundation for your understanding of these things. And I ll look forward to your feedback and to how God uses His truth in your lives. Marriage is a Design from God, a Gift from God, a Message from God, and a Promise before God. May God use His Word on marriage in your life. Pray with me as we close. 8