Marriage Equality and Religion

Marriage Equality and Religion The Massachusetts Experience a joint report by empire state pride agenda and massequality

The misconception Announcer: Acceptance of gay marriage is now mandatory. Professor Richard Peterson, Pepperdine University School of Law: That changes a lot of things: people sued over personal beliefs, churches could lose their tax exemption. One of the most dominant myths used by forces opposed to marriage equality is that allowing same-sex couples to marry would somehow negatively affect religious institutions or apply restrictions to their freedom to worship as they choose. Yes on Proposition 8 television ad, 2008 No single social issue has threatened to forever muzzle Bible believing Christians like this contest. We must vigorously support Prop 8 [to prohibit marriage for same-sex couples in California], as if our ministries and our lives depend on it. Ultimately, they will. Dr. Jim Garlow, Senior Pastor, Skyline Wesleyan Church, La Mesa, CA The reality No clergyman, minister or Society for Ethical Culture leader shall be required to solemnize any marriage or join together persons in marriage in violation of the right to free exercise of religion as guaranteed by the New York or United States constitutions. Excerpt from the New York marriage equality bill Although this myth is patently false, that has not stopped some opponents from using the claim to lead people to believe their religious freedom is in danger. In states like California, opponents of marriage equality have asserted that passing such a law would do everything from requiring churches to marry samesex couples against their will to subjecting them to a loss of their tax-exempt status if the institution or congregation chooses not to marry same-sex couples. Whether these objections are motivated by sincere concern, a desire to fear-monger or a decision to engage in willful misinformation is hard to say. As the debate around a marriage equality law here in New York heats up, we can expect similar claims to be made. Even with language in the most recent marriage equality legislation stating that no clergyman, minister or Society for Ethical Culture leader shall be required to solemnize any marriage, some will contend that the power of the state will be used to compel churches to conduct and bless marriages against their will, make them subject to lawsuits or challenges to their tax-exempt status or otherwise force religious life to bend to the will of the government. Fortunately, in New York, we do not need to speculate on how religious institutions, spiritual life and the freedom to worship will be affected if the state passes a law allowing same-sex couples to marry. New York needs only to look to our neighbor to the east, Massachusetts where marriages for same-sex couple have been legal since 2004 to see that the worries about such a law negatively impacting people of faith have been unfounded. As demonstrated in the following seven interviews with ministers and religious leaders of a number of different faiths some which marry same-sex couples and some which do not religious life in Massachusetts in the five years since the legalization of marriage for same-sex couples has continued just as it did before. Congregations are making decisions about whether to marry same-sex couples based upon the policy requirements of their denominations and, when there is flexibility locally, the prevailing views of clergy together with their congregants.

The Rt. Rev. M. Thomas Shaw, SSJE, Diocesan Bishop Episcopal Diocese of Massachusetts, Boston The Episcopal Church The Rev. Michael Wayne Walker, Administrative Minister Messiah Baptist Church, Brockton American Baptist Churches, USA T he Episcopal Diocese of Massachusetts covers the eastern part of the state and contains 190 parishes with over 77,000 church members. The Diocese was one of the nine original dioceses in the Episcopal Church. Boston is the official seat of the Diocese where Bishop Thomas Shaw has his offices. He became the fifteenth Bishop of Massachusetts in 1995. Bishop Shaw says that while he and most of the Diocese were delighted when Massachusetts decided to allow for legal marriage between people of the same sex, under Episcopal Church law, priests in the Diocese cannot legally marry same-sex couples just because of a change in state law. We can t on our own just say that now marriage for people of the same sex is a sacrament of the church, he explains. Due to the support in the Diocese for recognizing marriages between people of the same sex, Bishop Shaw consulted with the Archbishop of Canterbury, formed a small task group, and came up with an approach that would move toward that goal: same-sex weddings can take place in the church with a justice of the peace or some other secular official actually conducting the marriage ceremony and pronouncing the couple as married, and the priest offering the blessing on that union. It shows, I think, how a decision that our Commonwealth government has made also allows us our religious freedom, the Bishop says. He is quick to add that the Church s policy was reached entirely by the Church on its own without any compulsion to do so by the government. Some of our churches, in fact, choose not to even bless same sex marriages in the church, while others do, he explains. So we ve tried to give some individual freedom that way as well. Bishop Shaw hopes that other states will look to Massachusetts as an example of how marriage equality under the law can peacefully co-exist with differing religious beliefs. I think that we have a story to tell that s really an important story. To those who are worried that legislation of same-sex marriages will impinge on religious freedoms, I say don t be concerned about that, because it certainly has not happened in Massachusetts. There are a number of denominations that have decided to embrace this, there are other denominations like ours that have come sort of three-quarters of the way, and there are others that have had no interest in this at all and have actually spoken out against it. And through all of this, the integrity of our institutions has been held on to. Even though the Episcopal Diocese of Massachusetts cannot under its church law marry same-sex couples, Bishop Shaw has not seen any of the Diocese s congregations become subject to any lawsuit nor have their tax exempt status challenged. In fact, rather than marriage for To those who are worried that legislation of same-sex marriages will impinge on religious freedoms, I say don t be concerned about that, because it certainly has not happened in Massachusetts. same-sex couples intruding on religious freedoms or otherwise negatively impacting religious life in the state, he sees it as making his church stronger. We know that there have been some people that have been attracted to the Episcopal Church because of the way we value our gay and lesbian congregants, so in some parishes there s been some growth. In all, I think it s been a healthy thing. The Messiah Baptist Church, one of the 5,800 congregations of American Baptist Churches, USA, is an inner city church in the Boston suburb of Brockton. While its parishioners now worship in a church building built in 1986, until that time they worshipped in the congregation s original sanctuary that was built in 1897, and now houses their educational and youth center. Rev. Michael Walker has been pastor of the church for the past 27 years. Although Messiah Baptist was blessing same-sex unions even before Massachusetts legalized marriages for same-sex couples, the church did not start officially marrying same-sex couples until after the law was passed. In this way, Massachusetts passing a law to allow same-sex couples to marry made it easier for Rev. Walker and his church to worship as they saw fit. We wanted all marriages to be validated for the community and for the couple, Rev. Walker says. Now, the way we join same-sex couples is just as legal, is just as official and has the same value as marriages of opposite sex-couples. Despite the concerns of churches who opposed marriage equality, Rev. Walker knows of no church in Massachusetts that has been harmed as the result of the state passing a law allowing same-sex couples to marry. There was so much irrational fear, Rev. Walker says. But I don t think there was any plausibility to those fears. Certainly they haven t been validated here in Massachusetts. I do not know of any church in the state that s ever had any pressure to perform marriages nor received any threats of lawsuits. Rev. Walker explains that Messiah Baptist Church s practices around marriage equality are strictly a decision of the congregation. There were no outside forces, law, institutions, organizations, no outside pressure at all. It was a decision that our congregation made that we want to be a part of where God is headed, to do what God is calling us to do and to work for justice in our society on whatever front that happens to be. His church s decision to embrace marriage for same-sex couples has not always been met with acceptance. Rev. Walker tells of a number of churches that routinely worshipped with Messiah Baptist for example, during joint services around Easter. After we came out in favor of marriage equality, they stopped worshiping with us, Rev. Walker says. Ironically, that allowed us as a congregation to have an even richer discussion among ourselves about why what we were doing was important. Rev. Walker says the fight for marriage equality has special meaning for him as a product of the black church, as well as for his predominantly African- American congregation. A generation ago, people were using the same scriptures to say that blacks couldn t worship in There was so much irrational fear. But I don t think there was any plausibility to those fears. Certainly they haven t been validated here in Massachusetts. I do not know of any church in the state that s ever had any pressure to perform marriages nor received any threats of lawsuits. the same church as whites, Rev. Walker says. Then folks used scriptures to say that blacks couldn t sit in the same section of the church with others. And then they used scriptures to say that women couldn t preach or serve in ordained positions within the church. Unfortunately, people of color who had arguments used against them are now joining in the chorus making some of those same approbations against the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender children of God. It is just making gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people the pariahs of the day.

The Rev. Dr. Nancy S. Taylor, Senior Minister Old South Church, Boston United Church of Christ Reverend John Stendahl, Pastor The Lutheran Church of the Newtons Congregation of the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America The Old South Church Congregation, in existence since 1669, has been in its present home in Boston s Back Bay neighborhood since 1875. The Congregation has an important place in history: they baptized Benjamin Franklin and hosted the meetings of the Sons of Liberty that in 1773 led to the Boston Tea Party. Since 2005, the Rev. Dr. Nancy Taylor has served as pastor for the over 650 members of the congregation. Even though Old South Church is an open and affirming church for LGBT people, when the congregation held an internal discussion about whether to marry same-sex couples, there was some dissension. Still, the members agreed at a congregational meeting that the clergy could officiate at and the church would be supportive of same-sex marriages. There were some people who supported our LGBT friends, but for whom marriage was something different. They had to struggle through that. But those discussions, in my experience, are typically some of the most powerful work a congregation does, Rev. Taylor says. Coming from this experience, Rev. Taylor does not mince words about those who claim that religions that do not want to perform marriages of same-sex couples could be forced to do so by a state law legalizing same-sex marriage. Not only is that not the case, it s a disingenuous argument, she says. Anybody making that claim is lying. Clergy know very well that they are not required to officiate at any wedding if they don t chose to. We are permitted to exercise discrimination with respect to who we will or will not marry. Rev. Taylor points out that clergy regularly exercise this option by simply declining to officiate at marriages of non-members or mixed-religion couples. We get to choose who we will marry, she emphasizes. Rev. Taylor adds that far from hurting the spiritual life of Old South Church or restricting religious freedom, the legalization of marriage for same-sex couples has enhanced the congregation s ability to worship as they see fit. We have LGBT members who have lived as couples virtually their whole adult lives. To officiate at their weddings, to legalize what has been a truth for them grant them the civil rights, the legal rights, the medical rights that the rest of us frankly take for granted that has been a great privilege and joy. Reverend Taylor denies that the legalization of marriage for same-sex couples has exacted any harm upon Massachusetts. There were those who warned, It s going to ruin everything! Heterosexual marriages will be undermined and the sky will fall in! Well, the sky hasn t fallen in and I don t know of a single heterosexual couple whose marriage has been undermined. It certainly didn t undermine mine, she says. The legal benefits that a same-sex couple obtains through marriage are also important to Rev. Taylor, who feels a personal Clergy know very well that they are not required to officiate at any wedding if they don t chose to. We are permitted to exercise discrimination with respect to who we will or will not marry. connection to the issue. When the debate around marriage for same-sex couples was happening in Massachusetts, my husband was dying of cancer. It caused us to reflect on the myriad ways our marriage was a like a passkey that opened for us countless doors medical, financial, familial and social. Years ago, we vowed to support each other for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health. We d hit the worse, the poorer and the sickness. Painful as it was, without the benefits of marriage, all that would have been immeasurably more painful. It made us keenly aware of what we frankly took for granted as a heterosexual couple. Reverend Taylor is also skeptical of some religious leaders arguments that marriage is a static institution that has not changed for 5,000 years. Marriage has been evolving, thank God, for all those five thousand years or it wouldn t be such a wonderful institution today, she says, pointing to antiquated laws regarding ownership of wives by their husbands, dowries and the punishment by stoning for women committing adultery. What we are witnessing today is yet another evolutionary step as this ancient institution revises itself for a new day. Indeed, it is its very elasticity, its ability to adapt to changing mores that has enabled it to remain the central institution around which human society is held together. Since 1995, Reverend John Stendahl has been the pastor of The Lutheran Church of the Newtons, a congregation in the Boston suburbs founded in 1946. He characterizes his congregation as having a wide range of political views, and says, I think there are some people on the more conservative side who find the congregation insufferably liberal. And I think there are some liberals who think that it s terribly stuck in the mud. So that s probably a good sign. Pastor Stendall s denomination has not approved marriage for same-sex couples and has not authorized its pastors to officiate at such weddings. I have blessed couples and their lives together, but we don t solemnize the marriage in a legal sense, Rev. Stendahl says. Same-sex couples who desire services for marriage first go to a city hall, courthouse or other venue for their civil, legal marriage; any church service then follows. Pastor Stendahl stresses that performing marriage services is a decision for a church and not a civil act that can be imposed upon a religious community. Since marriage for same-sex couples was made legal, he has never found himself or his congregation to be the subject of any lawsuit, had their tax exempt status challenged or otherwise faced legal pressure to marry same-sex couples. That is clearly not the case, he says. We have had no experience of such a threat nor does it make logical sense, legally or theologically. Reverend Stendahl notes that there is much confusion produced by our American tradition of combining the civil act of marriage with religious celebrations and sacraments. He emphasizes that the church ultimately functions as its own community and makes decisions as such. Too few people ask why churches are made agents of the state for the civil solemnization of marriages in the first place, he says, pointing out that in many other countries, legal marriages happen first in a civil setting and are then brought to the church. The function of the church is to witness and celebrate that marriage within its own community, as a marriage which that community of faith chooses to pray for or believes it should give blessing to. Reverend Stendahl points out that despite the contentiousness involved with Massachusetts becoming the first state to allow same-sex couples to marry, neither the state nor the religious community has been negatively effected. The reality of same-sex marriage in our midst has not proved the kind of apocalyptic disaster that some people imagined that it would be. It s somewhat like the effect of the ordination of women in some of our denominations for a long time people said it was impossible because they couldn t imagine it. And once they had seen The reality of same-sex marriage in our midst has not proved the kind of apocalyptic disaster that some people imagined that it would be. women in ministry, they discovered that it was not such a threat to their world as they had thought it would be. But they had to see it to believe it. Reverend Stendahl believes that the church has an important role in helping communities sort out the issue of marriage for same-sex couples. People are not issues, he says. I think the church can help break through that kind of ideological polarization to help people see the human beings who are involved.

Rabbi Elias Lieberman Falmouth Jewish Congregation, East Falmouth Union for Reform Judaism (URJ) The Rev. Margaret Bullitt-Jonas, Ph.D., Priest Associate Grace Episcopal Church, Amherst The Episcopal Church, USA The Falmouth Jewish Congregation has been meeting on Cape Cod since 1982, when it affiliated with the Union of American Hebrew Congregations (Reform). Elias Lieberman has been its Rabbi since 1990. The Falmouth Jewish Congregation is part of the Union for Reform Judaism, which grants autonomy to each congregation and by extension, to each Rabbi to determine what is appropriate policy with respect to religious events. Rabbi Lieberman made the decision to officiate at same-sex weddings when the opportunity arose to officiate at a wedding for another rabbi the daughter of members of his congregation and her partner. I went to our Board of Directors and essentially said, This is what I feel is in keeping with Jewish values, this is why I have and will continue to officiate at same-sex weddings, and I m really asking you as the board to validate that rabbinic decision, Rabbi Lieberman says. He has performed about half a dozen same-sex weddings since 2004. I consider myself extraordinarily fortunate to have come to work in a state where legal same-sex marriage has come to pass, the Rabbi says. My denomination has for a long time championed sexual equality the complete equality of men and women in Jewish life and for quite a while now, has embraced and endorsed same-sex civil marriage, leaving the question of religious marriage to each individual Rabbi and to each individual community, which I think is how it should be. No one should be coerced into doing something that stands opposed to what he or she believes is an appropriate religious ceremony. But I think it s been a great thing for this state and I m kind of baffled by the resistance. Rabbi Lieberman is not able to identify any way that the legalization of marriage for same-sex couples in Massachusetts has intruded on religious freedoms or otherwise negatively impacted religious life, either in his congregation or in the state. I think it s such a red herring, in line with the sky s going to fall kind of mentality, he says. All of the allegations from opponents made the specious claim that marriage somehow would suffer, and yet never, never did they bring forth a shred of evidence to suggest any way that that might actually happen. one is forced to witness a wedding to which he or she might object, so it wasn t as if we were rubbing the congregation s face in something distasteful to them. Marrying same-sex couples has benefited Rabbi Lieberman s congregation. All of the allegations from opponents made the specious claim that marriage somehow would suffer, and yet never, never did they bring forth a shred of evidence to suggest any way that that might actually happen. I think it was clear to some people that as word began to spread that I was open to officiating at same-sex weddings that it might be a good thing for the congregation, insofar as members of the LGBT community might view our congregation as a more welcoming place. The Rabbi adds that some same-sex couples in his congregation are now more comfortable and open with the community knowing who they are, including one couple who has two little girls in his religious school. That is a benefit of an evolving attitude, at least within Massachusetts, towards same-sex marriage and same-sex couples, he says. The Rev. Margaret Bullitt-Jonas, Ph.D., is Priest Associate at Grace Episcopal Church in Amherst, in central Massachusetts. The parish dates back to the 1860s, and the congregation still worships in the church building on the edge of the Town Common that was completed in 1866. Although Rev. Bullitt-Jonas would like to conduct marriages of same-sex couples at her church, she cannot because of policies set by the Episcopal Church, which is part of the worldwide Anglican Communion. Her congregation is a clear example of how a state s passage of a marriage law does not affect the practices and policies of religious institutions. The clergy of Grace Church does use the liturgical and pastoral resources that are canonically available to them, short of marriage, to support gay and lesbian couples. Our intention as clergy is to be faithful to our ordination vows while also upholding our baptismal vows to seek and serve Christ in all persons, to love our neighbor as ourselves, to strive for justice and peace among all people, and to respect the dignity of every human being, Rev. Bullitt-Jonas says. Grace Church has chosen to implement guidelines for weddings that treat every couple whether gay or straight in the same way. Clergy members of Grace Church no longer sign marriage licenses, Rev. Bullitt-Jonas says. Grace Church s wedding guidelines separate the secular from the sacred elements of the wedding service and remove the priest s role as a functionary of the State, thus allowing us all to honor with more integrity the Constitutional separation of Church and State. It also allows us to acknowledge with deep regret that Episcopal clergy are not at this time authorized by our denomination to solemnize the marriage between couples of the same sex. Rev. Bullitt-Jonas says that legalizing marriage for same-sex couples in Massachusetts has not intruded in any way on the parish s religious freedom, nor created any pastoral or spiritual difficulties. She does say, however, that, It has allowed our gay and lesbian parishioners to feel more welcomed and accepted in the parish, and it has inspired our parish community to bear a more forthright witness to the all-inclusive love of God in Christ. of Holy Matrimony, to our new legal status as husband and wife and the celebration we had shared with family and friends, I awoke that morning with a deep assurance that my relationship with my beloved would be supported and upheld in the years ahead. I wish that Grace Church s wedding guidelines separate the secular from the sacred elements of the wedding service and remove the priest s role as a functionary of the State, thus allowing us all to honor with more integrity the Constitutional separation of Church and State. committed same-sex couples could enjoy the same experience that I did, and could receive the same kind of legal, emotional, and spiritual support that I, as a heterosexual married person, have received for so many years. In addition, Rabbi Lieberman points out that even in faith communities that perform marriages for same-sex couples, congregants who are uncomfortable would never be forced to be a part of weddings, which tend to be private functions. No Rev. Bullitt-Jonas hopes that one day the policies of the Episcopal Church will permit her to marry people of the same sex. I still remember what it was like twenty-three years ago to wake up the morning after my wedding. Thanks to the sacrament

Reverend Doctor William G. Sinkford, President Unitarian Universalist Association of Congregations, Boston Universal Unitarianism Front cover: Old South Church, Boston Back cover (clockwise from top left): Old South Church, Boston; Grace Episcopal Church, Amherst; Messiah Baptist Church, Brockton; Old South Church; Unitarian Universalist Association of Congregations, Boston; Falmouth Jewish Congregation, East Falmouth; Falmouth Jewish Congregation (interior); Lutheran Church of the Newtons; Messiah Baptist Church (interior) Based in Boston, the Unitarian Universalist Association of Congregations (UUA) is a voluntary association of over 1,000 autonomous, self-governing local churches and fellowships all across the United States that have chosen to pursue common goals together. The UUA s President and chief executive officer since 2001 is Reverend William G. Sinkford, who is responsible for the programs and administrative policies of the Association. He is also its chief spokesperson. Though national in scope, UUA has strong ties to Massachusetts. Boston was the home of both the Unitarian and the Universalist traditions, which merged in 1961 into Unitarian Universalism. There are 142 congregations in the Bay State with about 23,000 members. The first ceremony of union for a same-sex couple conducted by a Unitarian Universalist congregation was in the 1950s. For many years, the law made it awkward for Unitarian Universalist wedding officiants to use the terminology they wished to use when joining same-sex couples. We had to be pretty careful about not saying marriage in a wedding ceremony when a state wouldn t recognize the relationship as marriage, Rev. Sinkford says. So now in our wedding services in Massachusetts, we say marriage with considerable joy. Rev. Sinkford knows of no congregation, either in his denomination or any other, that has been negatively impacted by the legalization of marriage for same-sex couples either in a legal or spiritual sense. What we have in Massachusetts is legal or civil marriage for same sex couples, identical to the state marriage rights that heterosexual couples have always enjoyed. Civil marriage is what the state controls by granting marriage licenses, Rev. Sinkford explains. There is absolutely no requirement that a religious organization that does not religiously affirm same-sex marriage a church, a temple, or a mosque has to perform or bless civil wedding ceremonies. None whatsoever. based campaign here in Massachusetts, and the same thing has happened in California and in the other states that have wrestled with this. They told religious groups in the opposition, Your church will be required to perform same-sex marriages. The institution There is absolutely no requirement that a religious organization that does not religiously affirm same-sex marriage a church, a temple, or a mosque has to perform or bless civil wedding ceremonies. None whatsoever. of marriage will be undermined if same sex couples are allowed the full legal rights of marriage by the state. But the reality is that heterosexual couples are still getting married here in Massachusetts and doing all of the things that married couples do, Rev. Sinkford said. I have not heard one minister of any faith tradition say that they have been offering pastoral counseling to individuals who are distressed because of marriage equality. People go in for counseling for financial reasons, for relational reasons, for spiritual reasons, but samesex marriage is just not on the radar screen. Design by Jeremy Mickel Empire State Pride Agenda foundation The Empire State Pride Agenda Foundation is the nonpartisan 501(c)(3) research, education and advocacy organization affiliated with the Empire State Pride Agenda. The Foundation advances the Pride Agenda s public policy goals by: educating public officials and policymakers; building coalitions and mobilizing allies; and organizing, empowering and educating the LGBT community in urban, suburban and rural communities across New York State. MassEquality Education Fund 16 West 22nd Street, 2nd Floor New York, NY 10010 T: 212-627-0305 F: 212-627-4136 One Commerce Plaza 99 Washington Avenue, Suite 805 Albany, NY 12260 T: 518-472-3330 F: 518-472-3334 www.prideagenda.org Rev. Sinkford understands why some people have a false impression about how laws allowing for marriages of same-sex couples might affect churches. A great deal of money was spent putting that misimpression out there by the opponents of marriage equality, the Rev. says. It did not just emerge on its own. There was a tremendous fear- The MassEquality Education Fund is a 501(c)(3) charitable and educational organization whose mission is to educate the public about the need for marriage protections for gay and lesbian families and broaden MassEquality s base of support. 11 Beacon Street, Suite 1125 Boston, MA 02108-3011 T: 617-878-2300 F: 617-878-2333 www.massequality.org