This is an example only, your paper does not need to be this long. Fuzzy Bear Mama!

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1 This is an example only, your paper does not need to be this long Fuzzy Bear Mama! When I got on the first call with my client Amanda, she started to cry right away and began begging for help. She said to me, I need to be honest with you because you are my coach. That statement and the intensity of her tears caught me by surprise. What was she about to say? After a long pause she said, I have a very bad habit. I have a two- year old son named Jack that I hit and get physical with when I am frustrated with him! It was the first year of my coaching practice and Amanda just happened to be one of my very first clients. She was assigned to me with the assumption that I could understand her background, pain, and where she is coming from. She had been raped and abused by her father at age twelve; she was suicidal and used drugs as a teenager. Her son, Jack, came from an abusive relationship with her ex- boyfriend. Before our first call, it literally broke my heart to read her background in the paper she submitted to me. She desperately wanted me to help her to improve her parenting skills. She wanted to become a role model for her two- year old son. Even though I could not understand her depth of pain regarding all she had been through, I myself had been in an abusive relationship in the past. I let her know in one of our s before the first call that I did understand her pain to a certain degree and I would be there to help her with no judgment and that we would get through her challenges together. I started to doubt myself before the call. Who the hell I am to help this young woman? I don t have years of coaching experience. I am not a therapist. I hadn t even gotten my coaching certification yet. What would happen to her or her son if I failed to help her?

2 Then I remembered this quote from Marianne Williamson from the book, Return to Love: Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. I needed to believe in myself, and I needed to manage my emotional state so I could serve client Amanda. I had to believe that whatever I needed to help this client would come to me at just the right time. As I got to the depth of conversation with Amanda on this first call, I learned what was going on between her and her son. Amanda was a single mom working 8 hours a day. By the time she got home and ready to take care of Jack, she was already exhausted, and therefore not in the most resourceful state. Jack like any two- year old child would cry, fuss, get frustrated, and wanted all of Amanda s attention at different times. The meaning that Amanda would give to those cries was that Jack is trying to punish her. Why can t he understand me, why can t he talk to me? she would ask herself in frustration. Her frustration with Jack would build up, sometimes building into a rage and before she knew what she was doing, she would be twisting Jack s arm or leg in anger. Sometimes this desperate mom would hit or scream at her son out of frustration. Jack was beginning to develop extreme anxiety. He was confused and terrified of his mom s behavior. On one hand he wanted his mom s love and attention but on the other hand he was afraid to even be close to his mother because of her behavior. Poor baby! After the physical abuse with Jack, Amanda would find herself guilty and shameful. She would sit down and cry with Jack on the floor feeling miserable. Amanda s frustration and anger with her abusive father and ex- boyfriend was unconsciously creating a life of fear and abuse for little Jack. Jack was becoming a victim of the mistakes of the previous men in Amanda s life. Jack was having nightmares, bed wetting and feeling extreme anxiety in daycare. Jack was too young to ask for help, but fortunately it was Amanda herself that asked me for

3 help on our very first call! She knew that if she continued this behavior there may become a day that Jack might suffer permanent damage that would scar him for life. She would have to live with that shame and guilt forever! Step 1 of 7 Master Steps: Connect, understand and appreciate their world: Like any other call I started building rapport with Amanda. I began by asking her questions, letting her talk more, being fully present for her, listening to her and not being judgmental (after all I was not in her shoes.who knows what anyone else would do with all she had gone through!). This helped Amanda to open up to me more and she began to really trust me. I knew I had to create magic in that 1 hour call. I had to access the most resourceful part of me, my Genie state, get to my heart and provide Amanda with a tool and strategy to use till our next session. Step 2 of 7 Master Steps: Get leverage: I knew how much hatred Amanda had in her heart regarding the rape and abuse she had suffered at the hands of the men in her life. I told her those jerks had raped her body years ago, but that body was long gone. With the passing years, all the cells had replenished and her body had healed. I urged here not to continue to let them rape her soul for years to come! That statement was like a wakeup call for her! From there we talked about Feminine and Masculine energy. I explained to her how typically in an abusive situation, women tend to learn to protect themselves by becoming more masculine to survive the course of abuse. Amanda was putting a wall around herself not to experience being feminine and vulnerable and that was stopping her from even getting in to an intimate relationship with men. She was not spending any time doing girly things like shopping, doing her hair or nails in a salon. She was also afraid of giving love or receiving love, because she had no models of what a truly healthy and loving relationship looked like. That is why it was so hard for her to experience love with her own child! Homework:

4 I set up several new fun exercises in order for Amanda to experience her femininity and to open up to her true nature. She had a list of girly stuff to do that included simple yet fun things like buying flowers for herself, lighting candles in the house, taking a bubble bath for herself, going to hair salon to do her nails or hair, putting make up on, wearing high heels, wearing a dress to work and even buying a pair of cute pink panties! Step 3 of 7 Master Steps: Interrupt the Pattern: I asked Amanda to do a simple thing as soon as she heard Jack s cry that triggered feelings of anger within her. Take a deep breath, take a sip of water and ask yourself, maybe Jack is not trying to punish me, what else this cry could mean? Maybe he is wet, hungry or feels lonely. Step 4 and 5 of 7 Master Steps: Define the problem in solvable terms and create an alternative solution: I explained to Amanda that we all have two voices inside us throughout the course of our life. One voice is from our head and the other is from our heart. When we listen only to our head voice, we experience emotions like fear, anger and frustration. When we listen to our heart voice we can experience love, grace and faith. I described to her that the voice of real Amanda is the heart voice and in order for her to hear little Jack s voice and cries for help, she needed to find her heart voice first. Heart breathing exercise: I asked her to put her hand on her heart, close her eyes and start breathing through her heart. I asked her to think about the time when little Jack would begin to talk. What would the name be that she would like him to call her? She paused, and I could hear her tears as she connected to her heart. Finally replied, Fuzzy Bear Mama. I want him to call me Fuzzy Bear Mama. She said again, I am his Fuzzy Bear Mama. I asked her to describe to me the triad of Fuzzy Bear Mama. What is her physiology like? How does she walk, sit and breathe? Where does she feel it? Amanda replied that she feels a sensation of love, happiness and pride in her chest. She was able to breathe easier in this state. I

5 asked her next what does Fuzzy Bear Mama focus on? She said she is open to love and free to be whom she is without holding it back. Finally I asked her what does Fuzzy Bear Mama tell herself? What meaning does she attach to Jack s cries? She said Jack will look at me and say to me, Hugs, Hugs, Eskimos kisses. And I will tell him I will get through this with you! Step 6 of 7 Master Steps: Condition it: Build a Bear store: I told Amanda as part of her assignment for next session she needed to make time to go with Jack to the Build- a- Bear store. This is a store where kids can create their very own stuffed animal bear with their own choices and dress up the bear any way they like. I wanted the mother and the son to create magic moments together. Amanda was visual and kinesthetic. The bear was something tangible for Amanda to hang on to in those times of crisis and it was a metaphor for love. Amanda loved the idea so much she decided she had to go that very day! Later that day she took her baby to the store and together they created their very own bear. They chose three hearts together. Little Jack kissed every single heart before he put it inside the bear s body. And he said to his mama that he is waking up the hearts in his own baby talk. The bear they created had another cute feature. He would say, I love you, if you pressed gently on its heart. I asked Amanda to me the picture of both of them with the bear. She ed me a photo of the two of them with the bear the next day. She also kept a copy of that photo by her computer at her work place. Crazy 8: Amanda s Crazy 8 was as follows: Little Jack would cry from being hungry, bored, wet, and irritable. His cry would immediately trigger feelings of anger, frustration and rage in Amanda. Then after the physical abuse on Jack, she would go to the other part of the Crazy 8 which was sadness, shame and guilt. She was meeting the need for connection and significant by living in this crazy 8. She was meeting her top two needs of the 6 human needs by getting into the state of crazy 8. I explained this to her, and then told here we had to come up with an escape plan

6 for her to prevent her from ever going into the Crazy 8. The bear was the solution! She was committed to recognizing the beginning of her Crazy 8, putting Jack in a safe place, taking the bear, going out on her front porch, and doing the heart breathing exercise while holding the bear and putting herself in Fuzzy Bear Mama state. Only when she got a control of her state was she allowed to come back to the house and pick up little Jack. She would then take him out and change his state by playing with him or taking care of whatever had caused him to cry. This was a new way for her to meet her two needs of love and connection and significance in a more powerful way. She also was growing in the process of sharing love with Jack which was another need that she valued the most. After discussing the escape plan from Crazy 8 with Amanda, I got her commitment to me with a report of her progress and any challenges she experienced along the way every day. Homework: As part of conditioning her new emotional state, we created a set of simple rituals for her. I asked Amanda to put herself in Fuzzy Bear Mama state two times a day, for 10 minutes each; once first thing in the morning and then again right after she came back home from work. She agreed and was committed to me with any challenges that arose or any news, progress, or victories that she wanted to celebrate with me. Step 7 of 7 Master Steps: Connect it to a higher purpose! Amanda asked me why she had to experience all those horrible events in her life. Why did her relationship with her son Jack had to be so challenging? She clearly loved her son. I told her that perhaps she had the wrong perspective and was asking the wrong questions. I challenged her to ask better questions. What if all these events happened for you not to you? What if it was for you to become a stronger woman at the end? What if it was for you to learn more about yourself and to discover true love? What if it was for you to experience love with your son at a deeper level.a level that your father was not able to give to you because didn t know any better himself? I told her that her son would be able to treat his children differently because of the love she would share with him as he grew up. I

7 closed by telling her that what has happened in the family in the past generation doesn t need to happen to the new generation. I told her that she was changing all the future generations to come! The call ended and I needed to step outside for some fresh air myself. I was in tears. Tears of being overwhelmed, happy, and yes even fearful. I believed that our call had made a difference and changed the direction of two lives, but I knew that only time would tell. Six months later I got a note from Amanda of how our coaching changed her life and the life of her little son. She was able to replace the voice of rage, anger and frustration with voice of love, compassion and faith. She and Jack had moved to a new house, bought a dog and together they were creating lovely magic moments every day, holding hands playing in parks, painting - and experiencing life at a different level. Jack was progressing greatly in school in his social and academic area. There is a special bond today between this mother and son like never before! Today Amanda and I are great friends. At our last coaching call we both have tears as there was a strong bond that was created between us in our very first call. By looking back at my very first call with Amanda, I realize there is a voice of doubt, anger, and frustration in all of us. At the same time there is a voice of faith, courage, love, and compassion that also lives within each one of us. It is up to us which voice we will listen to at times of challenges and difficulties and which voice we will choose to follow. Listening to the voice of faith, compassion and courage has helped me as a coach to change the life of many of my clients in their most challenging situations including suicidal ones. RMT is mastery second to none and forever I am honored to be a student of great teachers like Cloe and Tony.

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