ROUND TUIT By Terrence W. Walsh

Transcription

1 By Terrence W. Walsh Copyright 2014 by Terrence W. Walsh, All rights reserved. ISBN: CAUTION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that this Work is subject to a royalty. This Work is fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America and all countries with which the United States has reciprocal copyright relations, whether through bilateral or multilateral treaties or otherwise, and including, but not limited to, all countries covered by the Pan-American Copyright Convention, the Universal Copyright Convention and the Berne Convention. RIGHTS RESERVED: All rights to this Work are strictly reserved, including professional and amateur stage performance rights. Also reserved are: motion picture, recitation, lecturing, public reading, radio broadcasting, television, video or sound recording, all forms of mechanical or electronic reproduction, such as CD-ROM, CD-I, DVD, information and storage retrieval systems and photocopying, and the rights of translation into non-english languages. PERFORMANCE RIGHTS AND ROYALTY PAYMENTS: All amateur and stock performance rights to this Work are controlled exclusively by Brooklyn Publishers, LLC. No amateur or stock production groups or individuals may perform this play without securing license and royalty arrangements in advance from Brooklyn Publishers, LLC. Questions concerning other rights should be addressed to Brooklyn Publishers, LLC. Royalty fees are subject to change without notice. Professional and stock fees will be set upon application in accordance with your producing circumstances. Any licensing requests and inquiries relating to amateur and stock (professional) performance rights should be addressed to Brooklyn Publishers, LLC. Royalty of the required amount must be paid, whether the play is presented for charity or profit and whether or not admission is charged. AUTHOR CREDIT: All groups or individuals receiving permission to produce this play must give the author(s) credit in any and all advertisement and publicity relating to the production of this play. The author s billing must appear directly below the title on a separate line where no other written matter appears. The name of the author(s) must be at least 50% as large as the title of the play. No person or entity may receive larger or more prominent credit than that which is given to the author(s). PUBLISHER CREDIT: Whenever this play is produced, all programs, advertisements, flyers or other printed material must include the following notice: Produced by special arrangement with Brooklyn Publishers, LLC COPYING: Any unauthorized copying of this Work or excerpts from this Work is strictly forbidden by law. No part of this Work may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form, by any means now known or yet to be invented, including photocopying or scanning, without prior permission from Brooklyn Publishers, LLC. Author retains the right to attend castings, rehearsals, previews and performances of this Work. Your licensing of this Work represents your agreement allowing us to share your contact information with the author and his right to contact you with respect to the above. This Work is not approved for commercial production without the prior written approval of the publisher and author. Author owns and retains all rights to any revisions, suggestions and contributions made by any other party, including actors, directors and dramaturgs.

2 ROUND TUIT A Ten Minute Comedic Skit-Play By Terrence W. Walsh SYNOPSIS: The public library wants their book back! It s twelve years overdue. The fine is huge. And the borrower hasn t read it. Judge Lynch presides over ten minutes of laughs and snappy dialog in the County of Over-and-Undershot. CAST OF CHARACTERS (6 either; gender flexible) MUNCHING (m/f)... Bailiff of municipal court. Any age adult. (15 lines) JUDGE LYNCH (m/f)... Judge of municipal court. 40 s or older. Leroy/Regina Lynch. (44 lines) LUNCH (m/f)... Prosecutor. 30ish. (33 lines) MORROW (m/f)... Defense. Early 30 s. (23 lines) BOOKER (m/f)... Librarian. Mid 30 s or older. Hank/Henrietta Booker. (10 lines) PLANK (m/f)... Defendant. Mid 30 s or older. Charlie/Dorba Plank. (20 lines) SETTING A weekday morning in the present. A municipal courtroom. Judge s bench is stage left. A pen and small pad are on the bench, with a gavel visible nearby. A national flag and state flag flank the judge s bench. A large municipal seal is on the front of the bench. Desks for the prosecution (stage center) and defense (stage right) are angled to be open to audience. There are two chairs at each desk. No witness box is needed. 2

3 BY TERRENCE W. WALSH COSTUMES Judges are recognizable by their black robes. The attire of bailiffs varies from place to place but is often similar to that of a sheriff s deputy. Attorneys should dress like they are ready to win a case in court. Most defendants wisely show awareness of their situation by dressing well unless the defendant s attitude includes little respect for the court. The defendant in ROUND TUIT rarely shows moxie and should usually dress as for an important business meeting. PRODUCTION NOTES This Comedy has rapid dialog. Think Airplane, or the original Dragnet series, or Abbott and Costello s immortal Who s On First. Keep it snappy. Adapt the physical set to accommodate any physical needs of the cast, such as desk height suitable for an actor in a wheelchair. PROPS ON STAGE: Two table-type desks Four chairs, two at each desk Judge s bench, with chair National flag upstage right of Bench State or Providence flag upstage left of Bench Municipal seal on front of Bench Gavel on top of Bench Small pad and pen on Bench near gavel PERSONAL: Handkerchief BOOKER Briefcase and papers LUNCH Briefcase and papers MORROW Wristwatch MORROW Hardcover book with indistinct cover PLANK Purse (optional if female) ANY 3

4 This play is dedicated with love to Susan Valinski, Sloane Palmer, and Merritt Palmer. Susan s patience with the creative process has made all the difference. The unvarnished comments of my in house editors percolate until they inspire some insight. I am daily grateful for all three as my first audience. Thank you Susan, Sloane, and Merritt. 4

5 BY TERRENCE W. WALSH AT RISE: LUNCH and BOOKER sit at the prosecution desk, MORROW at the defense desk, looking at his watch. Each attorney has a briefcase and legal papers arranged as they like. MUNCHING is standing. PLANK enters stage right, carrying a book. He rushes to sit next to MORROW. MUNCHING: This court of the County of Over-and-Undershot is now in session. The Honorable Judge Leroy Lynch presiding. All rise. ALL stand. JUDGE LYNCH: (Enters stage left.) Good morning, Officer Munchkin. MUNCHING: Good morning, your honor, and it s Munching. JUDGE LYNCH: Who s munching? MUNCHING: I am, your honor. JUDGE LYNCH: Are you not the bailiff? MUNCHING: Yes JUDGE LYNCH: And is there not a rule against eating in this courtroom? MUNCHING: There is, sir. JUDGE LYNCH: Then why are you munching in my courtroom? MUNCHING: My name, sir. Munching. JUDGE LYNCH: Ah. Of course it is. Well, have the Clerk revise it. MUNCHING: But it s my name sir. JUDGE LYNCH: The rule, the rule. Revise the rule, not your name. I want no lunches here but will allow Munching. How s that? MUNCHING: Thank you, your honor. JUDGE LYNCH: Let s not dawdle. Call the first case. MUNCHING stays standing. ALL others sit. MUNCHING: The people call the case of the Public Library of Newer North Upper Undershot versus Charlie Plank. JUDGE LYNCH: And who is here? 5

6 LUNCH: (Stands.) Good morning, Judge Lynch. Alternate Deputy Assistant District Attorney Lunch. And here as complainant is Ms. Hermione Booker, from the Original Public Library of Newer North Upper Undershot. JUDGE LYNCH: ADADA (Phonetically Ey Dee Ey Dee Ey.) Lunch, welcome to the court. This is your first appearance here? LUNCH: Yes, your honor. JUDGE LYNCH: Officer Munching, have the Clerk revise the rules to allow Munching and Lunch in the courtroom. MUNCHING: Yes your honor. LUNCH: Thank you your honor. (Sits.) JUDGE LYNCH: And the defense? MORROW: (Stands.) Good morning, Judge Lynch. Attorney Morrow, of Morrow and Morrow, registers appearance for Mr. Charlie Plank, who is present. JUDGE LYNCH: So there are no two Morrows today. MORROW: One Morrow should be enough for this case, your honor. JUDGE LYNCH: Very well. Mr. Lunch, do you wish to make an opening statement? LUNCH stands. MORROW sits. LUNCH: Your honor, twelve years ago Mr. Plank borrowed a book from the Public Library of Newer North Upper Undershot. He never returned it. The library sent the usual notices. No results. According to the loan agreement the library will bill the full cost of the book after three notices. If not paid promptly then interest accrues at five percent compounded monthly. The total now due is fourteen thousand five hundred seventy two dollars and thirty two cents. Plus one hundred dollars in costs and fees. And, return of the book. JUDGE LYNCH: What was the cost of the book? LUNCH: Twelve dollars and ninety five cents. JUDGE LYNCH: That s quite a stretch from twelve ninety-five to fourteen thousand five hundred seventy two dollars and thirty two cents. LUNCH: Yes your honor. It s the magic of compound interest at work. Twelve years. 6

7 BY TERRENCE W. WALSH JUDGE LYNCH: There s no free lunch. Mr. Morrow, what have you to say? MORROW stands. LUNCH sits. MORROW: Not guilty. The fine is outrageous. No evidence of a contract. JUDGE LYNCH: I see. ADADA (Phonetically.) Lunch, have you witnesses? LUNCH stands. MORROW sits. LUNCH moves around while questioning BOOKER. LUNCH: The people call Ms. Hermione Booker. BOOKER stands, nervous. Raises hand when directed. MUNCHING: Hermione Booker, raise your right hand. Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, et cetera? BOOKER: I do. Et cetera. MUNCHING: Be seated. A beat for etc. to echo. BOOKER sits. JUDGE LYNCH: It s Lunch-time. Proceed. LUNCH: Ms. Booker, by whom are you employed? BOOKER: The original public library of Newer North Upper Undershot. LUNCH: But this complaint is from the Public Library, not the Original Public Library. Why? BOOKER: Same thing. Twelve years ago it was the Public Library. Ten years ago the library burned down. All the books burned. So when we rebuilt and reopened we became the original public library, to welcome our readers home to a new building they had never visited. People drifted away. We want them back. LUNCH: And where did patrons drift? 7

8 BOOKER: Some to the old library at New North Upper Undershot. Some to the new library of Old North Upper Undershot, or to South Undershot. Some stopped reading entirely. A few even went so far as (Beat.) Lower Overshot. Collective gasp. LUNCH: If the library burned then how could Mr. Plank return the book? BOOKER: Reciprocal agreements of the Greater Shot Group metro library system. He could return it anywhere. LUNCH: Even to (Beat.) Lower Undershot? Collective reaction but silent. BOOKER: Yes. After the fire our only surviving original books were those out on loan. They became valuable. Very valuable. Like EBay gold, some of them. We sold some to pay for building the new library. (Teary, uses handkerchief.) It was so sad to see them go. LUNCH: You really want to collect fourteen thousand five hundred seventy two dollars and thirty two cents? Plus one hundred dollars in costs and fees? BOOKER: Yes. And, get the book back. LUNCH: No more questions. MORROW stands. LUNCH sits. MORROW: Ms. Booker, did anyone call Mr. Plank? Talk to him? BOOKER: Oh yes, sir. We called. I called! Mr. Plank promised to return it after lunch the next day. But tomorrow never came. MORROW: May it please the court, Morrow and Morrow had no client then. JUDGE LYNCH: What s that? MORROW: Mr. Plank hired Morrow and Morrow for today just yesterday. JUDGE LYNCH: What about back then? 8

9 BY TERRENCE W. WALSH MORROW: Our firm formed from freshly framed shingles. Last year. Twelve years ago there were no two Morrows in law. JUDGE LYNCH: (Makes note.) Twelve years ago there were no tomorrows. (Thoughtfully.) That s when I became a Judge. MORROW: Ms. Booker, does the library have a record of Mr. Plank s alleged loan agreement that creates this outrageous fine? LUNCH: Objection. The fine is not outrageous. JUDGE LYNCH: Sustained. The fine might be outrageous. It seems outrageous. But outrageousness has not been established. Let s try again, Mr. Morrow. MORROW: Ms. Booker, does the library have a record of Mr. Plank s alleged loan agreement that creates this (Beat.) fine? BOOKER: No. Mr. Plank s loan agreement was destroyed in the fire. MORROW: No more questions. LUNCH: The people rest. JUDGE LYNCH: Any defense? MORROW: Defense moves for dismissal, your honor. Lack of evidence. JUDGE LYNCH: How s that. MORROW: There is no evidence of a contract. And the amount is outrageous. Fourteen thousand five hundred seventy two dollars and thirty two cents. Plus one hundred dollars in costs and fees. For a twelve ninety-five book. JUDGE LYNCH: Well, Mister ADADA (Phonetically.) Lunch? LUNCH: Matter of case law. Public library of Farther East Overshot v. Helga T. Jensen. The library burned, records were destroyed, but they still collected the overdue fine. JUDGE LYNCH: An awful lot of book-burning here. How much did they get? LUNCH: (Consults papers.) Book was worth twelve ninety-five. Overdue two years. Forty one dollars and seventy seven cents. Plus return of the book. JUDGE LYNCH: And the outrageous amount? LUNCH: It s just mathematical magic. Compound interest. JUDGE LYNCH: Mister Morrow your motion to dismiss is dismissed. It s a matter of law, plus the magic of compound interest. If you have witnesses, let s proceed. Today, Mister Morrow. MORROW: Mr. Plank will testify in his defense. 9

10 Thank you for reading this free excerpt from ROUND TUIT by Terrence W. Walsh. For performance rights and/or a complete copy of the script, please contact us at: Brooklyn Publishers, LLC P.O. Box 248 Cedar Rapids, Iowa Toll Free: Fax (319)