Guide To Untying The Knot

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2 Guide To Untying The Knot 10ThingsIWishIKnewBeforeHiringADivorceLawyer Laura M. D Orsi, Esq. All Right Reserved Copyright Laura M. D Orsi, Esq. Youmaynotdistributethisreportinanyway.Youmaynotsellit,orreprintany part of it without written consent from the author, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review. Disclaimer Theinformationcontainedinthisreportisprovidedtoyou ASIS,doesnot constitutelegaladvice,andwearenotactingasyourattorney.wemakeno claims, promises or guarantees about the accuracy, completeness, or adequacy oftheinformationcontainedinorlinkedtothiswebsiteanditsassociated sites. The law changes very rapidly and, accordingly, we do not guarantee that any information on this web site are accurate and up to date. Additionally, the law differs from jurisdiction to jurisdiction, and is subject to interpretation of courts located in each county. Legal advice must be tailored to the specific circumstances of each case and the tools and information provided to you may notbeanappropriatefitinyourcase.nothingthatyoureadorisprovidedon thiswebsiteshouldbeusedasasubstitutefortheadviceofcompetentlegal counsel. Law Offices of Laura M. D'Orsi, L.L.C. 52 Reckless Place Red Bank, New Jersey Phone(732) Fax(732)

3 About The Author LauraM.D OrsiisCertifiedasa Matrimonial Law Attorney by the Supreme Court of New Jersey. Ms.D Orsihasbeenlicensedasan attorneyinnewjerseyforover23years and has over twelve years of experience exclusively practicing divorce and family lawinnewjersey.shepracticesin Monmouth, Middlesex, and Ocean counties and also handles cases throughout the State of New Jersey. Ms.D OrsiisCertifiedbytheNewJersey Supreme Court as a Matrimonial Law Attorney. Only 2% of New Jersey Attorneys are Certified Attorneys. To become a Certified Attorney, one must establish eligibility and satisfy requirements regarding education, experience, knowledge and skill. Other Facts about Laura M. D Orsi, Esq. Ms. D Orsi is a Monmouth County family law attorney and has assisted hundreds of clients in divorce, alimony, custody, relocation, child support and post judgment matters. Ms. D Orsi is a Trained Collaborative Divorce Attorney and handles Collaborative Divorce cases and litigated divorce matters. Ms. D Orsi graduated from Lehigh University and Emory University School of Law. Ms.D OrsiisamemberoftheBarsofNewYork,NewJerseyandtheDistrict of Columbia. Ms.D OrsiisamemberoftheMonmouthBarAssociationandtheFamily Law Section of the New Jersey State Bar Association. Currently, Ms. D Orsi is co-chair of the Monmouth Bar Association Family Law Committee and is also a Trustee of the Monmouth Bar Association. Ms. D Orsi is a Certified Mediator. Ms.D OrsiisatrainedCollaborativeDivorceattorneyandisamemberofthe Jersey Shore Collaborative Law Group and the Collaborative Divorce Professionals. She is also a member of the International Association of Collaborative Practitioners

4 AsthePresidentoftheUnityGroup,anadvocacygroupforbatteredwomen,in EssexCountyfrom1996to2002,Ms.D Orsiwasinstrumentalinthe establishment and operation of a shelter for battered women and children. She donated hundreds of volunteer hours to help meet the needs of battered women and children. Ms.D OrsiservedontheWorkLifeBalanceTaskForceoftheNewJerseyState Bar Association from 2008 to 2009.

5 Guide To Untying The Knot 10ThingsIWishIKnewBeforeHiringADivorceLawyer According to the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale, which ranks 43 life events, divorce ranks as the second most stressful event you will experience in your life, second only to the death of a spouse. 1 Often, it is in the early stages of separation and divorce that people are the most overwhelmed by the stress associatedwiththebreakdownofamarriageandthefearofwhatcomesnext. Everyone has heard the horror stories of expensive drawn-out divorce litigation wherechildrenareusedaspawnsandonespouseendsupwitheverything whiletheothercanbarelymakeendsmeet. Those stories are not fiction. People's lives are ruined every day by divorce. The stakesarehigh,andthetruthisthatyourdivorcewillhaveafarreaching impact on your future. Your divorce will have a significant impact on your life, from your relationship with your children to your future standard of living. Unfortunately,itisintheseearlystageswhenitisdifficulttothinkclearlyand objectively, that people make one of the most important decisions of their lives: choosing a divorce attorney. The divorce attorney you choose can literally make all the difference. Itisnooverstatementtostatethatthedivorcelawyeryouchoosecanmean the difference between a positive outcome for you and your children or financial ruin. Not only is the final outcome of your divorce often dependent upon the experience and expertise of your lawyer, but how your case progresses through the various stages will also in large part correspond to the attorneyyouhavechosen. Thisiswhyitissoimportanttounderstandwhat

6 youneedtoknowandwhatshouldbeconsideredwhenselectingadivorce lawyer. Because of the overwhelming stress of divorce, many people simply choosetogetit"overwith"asquicklyaspossible,andsotheychoosethefirst lawyer they find. This is all very understandable. When you have been served with papers, it is frightening--you simply want to know that someone is handling it for you. Nevertheless, considering the implications and the potentially disastrous circumstances that can result from choosingthewronglawyer,itwillbeworthyourtimeandefforttoconsidertwo or three lawyers before making a final decision. People looking for an attorney will typically ask friends or co-workers for recommendations, do a quick Internet search, or ask other professionals with which they do business. These are all great ways to identify potential lawyers. After you have identified potential candidates, you should schedule an initial consultation. The majority of reputable divorce lawyers will not charge a fee for the initial consultation. It is during the initial consultation that you will be able todetermineifalawyeristherightfitforyouandyourparticularcircumstances. Thereisalotmoretoconsiderthansimplyhowmuchyourdivorceisgoingto cost. In fact, the other considerations will likely have a dramatic impact on the overalllife-longcostsofyourdivorceandnotjustasitpertainstolegalfees. Itisimportantthatyouhavealistofquestionsreadyattheinitialconsultation. Thefollowingisalistofconsiderationsforyoutoperusebeforeyoutakethe final step to hire a divorce attorney.

7 Does The Attorney Practice Family Law Exclusively? This is probably one of the most important considerations when hiring an attorneyforyourdivorcecase. Itisnotuncommonforpeopletogowitha recommendationofafriendortousealawyertheymayhaveusedinthepast for another matter simply because they know that person and have a comfort level.thiscanbeacostlymistake. Family law can be very specific and changes frequently. When you consider whatisatstakeintermsofyourfinancialfutureandyourrelationshipwithyour childrenwhywouldanyoneevenconsiderhiringalawyerwhodivideshisorher time between divorce, personal injury, and commercial litigation. Would you trust a general practice family physician to perform heart surgery? Of course not.thenwhywouldyoutrustyourfuturetoanattorneywhoisageneral practice attorney handling anything that comes his or her way. Yousimplyhavetoomuchridingonthisnottoputyourfutureinthehandsofa specialist who knows family law. An attorney who specializes in family law is goingtohaveextensiveknowledgeofthefamilycourtinyourvenue.heorshe will have years of experience working with the judges and other attorneys in your county as well as knowledge of the time requirements and deadlines. Missing important deadlines can have serious consequences for your case. In addition, for those paying or receiving child support, a mistake in calculations couldbeverycostlyoverthelifeofthecase. Don t take chances with your family s future. Hire an attorney that focuses exclusively on divorce and family law.

8 HowLongHasHeorSheBeenPracticingFamilyLaw? Thesecondquestionyouwanttoaskishowlonghasheorshebeenpracticing familylaw.thedivorceattorney thatyouchoose willbeacrucial factorin determining the final outcome of your case. You will be relying on this attorney to properly evaluate the circumstances of your case and to identify your options and strategies that will effectively protect your interests. Notonlyisitimportantthatyourattorneyknowthelawbutthatheorshe has realworldexperience.itiscriticalthatyourattorneyhaveaminimumof10 yearsofexperienceinfamilylaw.althoughitistruethateventhebestof lawyers has to start somewhere, your family and future is just too important to use your case as a training opportunity for a less-experienced attorney. Even ifyouthinkyoucaseisasimpleone,aninexperiencedlawyercandomore harm than good. When it comes to divorce and matrimonial law, experience matters. How Long Have He or She Practiced In Your Jurisdiction? Not only is it important that your lawyer have expertise in handling divorce and familylawcases,butyoualsowantanattorneywithexperienceinthecounty whereyourcasewillbeadjudicated. Besuretoaskhimorherwhetherthey are familiar with the local judges as well as the other party s attorney. Is The Attorney Certified As A Matrimonial Law Attorney Whenitcomestodivorcelawyers,onlythebestofthebestbecomeCertifiedby the Supreme Court of New Jersey as Matrimonial Law Attorneys. In fact, only 2%ofNewJerseyattorneysareCertifiedAttorneys.Inordertobecome a

9 Certified Attorney, one must establish eligibility and satisfy stringent requirements regarding education, experience, knowledge and skill. Those who meet the requirements and pass the screening committee are also required to take an extensive written test dealing with all aspects of matrimonial law. You can be confident that any attorney who is a Certified Attorney is extremely competent in family law. Certified Attorneys are also required to take ongoing Continuing Legal Education credits every year to remain certified. Can The Attorney Be Trusted? You must believe the following about the lawyer you choose: 1. thatyoucantrusthimorher, 2. thatheorshewilldoeverythingpossibletoprotectyourinterestsand achieve the best possible legal outcome, and 3. that your chosen lawyer is ethical. You can contact the state bar association as well as the Supreme Court to determine if any accusation of unethical behavior have been filed. How Are They Compensated and How Much Will Divorce Costs? "Divorceisexpensive.Iusedtojoketheyweregoingtocallit'allthemoney,' but they changed it to 'alimony.' It's ripping your heart out through your wallet." Robin Williams Anyonewhohasbeenthroughadivorcewilltellyouitisn tcheap. Thereare attorney s fee, court costs, mediation costs, and fees for parent education classes.

10 Ifthereisahouseorotherrealestateinvolvedtherewillalsobethecostsof refinancing and deed fees. There are also sometimes complex financial calculationsneededliketheprojectedvalueofa401(k)forexample. 2 Smart divorce attorneys will know the limitations of their expertise and will recommend that you hire an accountant to assist with financial matters. Sometimes forensic accountants are needed to uncover hidden assets. This can allreallystarttoaddup. The high cost of divorce can make those low-priced flat rate attorneys look very appealing. There is no doubt you have seen their advertisements. They promise afastandeasydivorceforonly$ whattheyfailtotellyouisthatsuch low cost packages only apply to couples who have already agreed on everything and only need legal counsel to help them write up the agreement. Most experienced attorneys in the area will charge somewhere between $ per hour to $ per hour and require a retainer of at least $ for the average case. More complicated situations may require a larger retainer. An experienced veteran attorney should be able to review your specific set of circumstancesandgoalsandgiveyouageneralideaofwhatitisgoingtocost whenallissaidanddone.butkeepinmindthattheprocesscanbevolatileand things can change as the case progresses. The average divorce will cost anywhere from $15,000 and up. Beware of tempting offers from cheap flat-rate divorceattorneys.thatlowflatratedivorcecouldendupcostingyouawhole lotmoreinthelongrun.

11 What Will Be The Attorney s Strategy For Your Case? After your prospective attorney has heard your story and the facts of your particular circumstances ask what type of legal strategy they will recommend. The following are some questions to ask regarding their legal analysis of your case. What are the potential outcomes based on the available information? Havetheyhandledsimilarcasesinthepast? Dotheyhaveconcernsaboutissuesthatmightbedetrimentaltoyour case? Whatdoyouhaveworkinginyourfavor? In the previous section we discussed the difference between low-cost flat rate lawyers and those who bill hourly and how the former option can end up costingyoumoreintheend.thisisagreatexample.athoroughanalysisof your case and thoughtful legal strategy will not be something that you get with aflat-rateattorneybutitcanmakeallthedifferenceinthefinaloutcome. Does The Attorney Have Time For Your Case And How Will They Communicate With You? The number one complaint about divorce attorneys, and frankly, lawyers in general, is related to communication and overall responsiveness. When the initialconsultationisdoneandyouhavepaidtheretainerfeecanyoucounton your lawyer to respond to your questions? Nothing is more frustrating to clientsthannotgettingaresponsetophonecallsor s.itisalsooneofthe primary reasons people decide to change attorneys.

12 During your initial consultation ask a lot of questions regarding the attorneys specific communication procedures. Find out what to expect in terms of a response to phone calls and s. Many times communication breakdowns happen due to a failure to discuss and outline expectations in the beginning. Youmaywanttofindoutwhowilltypicallyrespondtoyourquestions.Willitbe the attorney or will they refer questions to a paralegal or other support staff? Don t be concerned if the paralegal or legal assistant is the one responding to someofyourquestions.firstofall,itcanbedifficultforattorneystoreturnall communication promptly when they are in court for much of the day. Secondly, if you communication can be answered satisfactorily by the legal assistant or paralegaltheninmostsituationsthatisgoingtocostyoulessbecausetheir hourlyfeewilltypicallybelessthanthatoftheattorney. After you have hired an attorney if you start having communication problems or you re not happy with the responsiveness of their office bring it to their attention and revisit expectations before jumping ship and deciding to hire a new lawyer. Changing lawyers midway through a case can add significant expenseanddelay.thatissomethingyouwanttoavoidifatallpossible.that isalsowhyyoushouldaskalotofquestionsduringtheinitialfreeconsultation. With regard to ongoing communication with your attorney, it is also important tokeepinmindthateverytimeyoucallor yourattorneyitiscostingyou money. Therefore be sure to plan your questions and correspondence carefully. Thiswillnotonlyhelpyoukeepcostataminimumbutitwillallowthelawyerto provide a more thorough response while avoiding back-and-forth type s.

13 GoWithYourGut ThefinalpieceofadviceIhavewithregardtochoosingadivorcelawyeris simplytogowithyourgut.howdoyourelatetohimorher?doyoufeel comfortablesharingallofthedownanddirtydetailsthatmayormaynothave animpactonyourcase?foryourattorneytorepresentyouandprotectyour interest effectively they have to know everything. Youneedalawyerthatyou regoingtobecomfortablewithandwhoseemsto careaboutyourcase.don tbeafraidtoaskquestions untilyouhave that comfort level. TalkToALawyerBeforeYouDoAnything Divorce is never easy. It can be a frightening and terribly painful experience. Whether you are simply contemplating divorce or you have already been served withpapersbyyourspouse,youlikelyhavealotofquestionsandtheanxiety can be overwhelming. Unfortunately, in a time when people need more than evertobethinkingclearly,theiremotionscangetthebestofthemandcause themtomakerashdecisionsthatcanhaveadetrimentalimpactonthefinal outcome of their case. Thatiswhyitisveryimportantthatbeforeyoutakeanyspecificstepsoracton your thoughts of divorce that you speak with a qualified and experienced New Jersey divorce attorney. In fact, it is highly recommended that you speak with a lawyer before you even discuss divorce with your spouse. An experienced attorney can help you take steps to protect your assets before you approach your spouse with divorce.

14 Every situation is different. I understand that. I also understand that you don t knowwhattoexpectandthatpossiblymakesyoufeelaloneandafraid.during an initial consultation, I will take the time to learn about your particular situation and issues of your case. I will answer all of your questions and thoroughly explain our responsibilities to you as well as your responsibilities as aclient. Iwillguideyouthroughtheprocesseverystepoftheway.Iknowthatyou have so many questions. You re wondering whether you ll be able to support yourself and your children after the divorce? You re wondering whether you maybeentitledtoalimonyorwhetheryoumayberequiredtopayalimonyon behalf of your spouse? Iwillreviewalloftheseissueswithyoupersonally.Althoughthepainandthe fearwillstillbetherewhenyouleavemyofficeyouwillhavemorepeaceof mindbecauseyou llknowwhattoexpect.youwillknowwhatcomesnext.you willknowthatiwillbewithyoueverystepofthewaythroughthedivorce process. And before long this will all be behind you and you ll learn something thatseemsdifficulttoimaginenow.andthatisthatlifedoesgoonandthereis lifeafterdivorce.thereisarichandfulfillingfutureaheadforyou.anew beginning. Call my office at to schedule a consultation today. Sincerely, LauraM.D Orsi,Esq. Attorney At Law

15 1 DealingwiththeStressesofDivorce,byRobinMadellandMedicallyReviewedbyGeorge Krucik, MD,