How Can You Transform an Interview from an Interrogation to a Conversation?

Transcription

1 How Can You Transform an Interview from an Interrogation to a Conversation? Susan Bernstein, MBA PhD Fast-Track Career + Leadership Coach Some interviews are like tennis matches. In a tennis match, the ball goes back and forth, back and forth. One person serves, the other returns the ball. Your head turns, right to left, right to left, as you watch. Is this how you feel in an interview? For you, is the rhythm often something like, You ask me a question, and I answer it? You ask me another question, and I answer it? If that s the case, the interview may feel like an interrogation, as though the interviewer has you in place and wants to grill you, putting the pressure on you. Not too pleasant. In contrast, an interview can feel lighter, more natural, like having a chat. When that s happening, you ve got an authentic interview. So, why do we seldom treat interviews like casual conversations? One reason: the interviewer is usually a stranger to you. If you re like most people, you grew up hearing, Don t talk to strangers. Not such good advice in an interview situation! You don t need to feel like you re in an interrogation. You can make an interview more like a conversation, where there s an easy give and take, as though you were talking with a coworker. In this section of the Interviewing Authentically program, you ll learn how to do this: Let s get an overview of how to connect with your interviewer: Look at your thoughts about the interviewer, and how they affect your interaction and rapport. Think about what you can say to yourself to feel more at ease with the interviewer. Watch the interviewer s rhythm, tone of voice, and eye contact. Learn the hidden powers of your smile, the fine art of pausing, and the value of being yourself in an interview. Discover simple ways to effectively and authentically promote yourself.

2 Did you know that what you are thinking about the interviewer matters? Many people, consciously or unconsciously, treat the interviewer like the enemy or opponent. It s easy to imagine this enemy status, especially if you perceive that the interviewer is busily firing questions at you. Unfortunately, this position creates an adversarial relationship. Not a good idea. Instead, here s a vital piece of information: Almost all of the time, the interviewer actually wants you to be the one who gets the job. The interviewer wants to hire the right person, the one who fits best. The interviewer would love you to be the right person for the job. Why? Because then he doesn t have anymore work to do. You ve let the interviewer win. You ve let the interviewer find you, get to know you, bond with you, and give you the seal of approval. The interviewer then knows you re the one. Any subsequent interviewees will just not get the kind of attention as you. To excel in the interview, you ll want to do two things. Demonstrate that you have the right skills, experience, and knowledge. Make a connection with the interviewer, so you show that you have the qualities or personality traits that fit the company culture. Together, these two steps help you to become a shoo-in for the position. And if you re a shoo-in, you make the interviewer s job much easier! So, first, please know that the interviewer really wants you to do well. When you successfully convey the ways in which you match up with a company s needs, and demonstrate why you are the right candidate for the position, you make the interviewer s job infinitely easier. So, think of the interviewer as someone who wants you to join the organization. Someone who wants you on his or her team. By thinking of the interviewer as being on your side, you ll have already put into place a strategy for success. Well, that s great, you say, But, hey, let s remember, I probably don t know the interviewer. You might think to yourself, So I get kind of nervous around strangers. How can I feel more connected with this person I m probably meeting for the first time? That s a good point. Here s another way to put things in perspective and feel more at ease: I d like you to think back to your last job. If you can, I d like you to think of the first week on the job. You were a newbie. You didn t know the lay of the land. You probably wondered, What do all of these people actually do? How does the phone system work? Where s my desk? And heck, let s not forget Where s the bathroom? That first week at work, you can feel pretty awkward. Maybe even the first month or so. Over time, you come to feel more comfortable. You know who people are. You go out to lunch with them. They become less threatening, more familiar.

3 So, here s a big secret to making your interview easier: Look at the interviewer and mentally say to yourself (in your mind not aloud!), Someday, I m going to be working with this person. I ll feel comfortable and natural. I ll be at ease with them. So, if I can act like I ve already been working with them for two or three months, this conversation will be a lot easier. As you look at the interviewer, imagine that you already work with him or her, and act as if that is already true. OK, you say, that sounds like a good idea. I can act as if I already work with this person. But perhaps you are wondering, on a practical level, How can I act like I already work with this person? Isn t that a little weird? One of the best ways to create ease between you and another person is to notice that person s rhythm, tone of voice, and eye contact -- and then match those. People tend to feel more relaxed around people who are like them. So, perhaps your interviewer speaks more quickly than you, more loudly than you, and looks you right in the eye. You can generally help that persona to feel more comfortable by increasing your rate of speech and your volume, and looking back at them. You only need to do this for a minute or so, not for the whole conversation. I ve done some investigation into a field called neurolinguistic programming, or NLP. NLP is useful for transforming thoughts and behaviors and can be beneficial in helping people to become comfortable with each other. NLP practitioners find that most people like to be matched in their conversational speed, volume, and level of eye contact. Once you have made even slight adjustments to your speed, volume, and eye contact to match your interviewer, it is likely that this person will feel more at ease and can listen to you more fully. You need not spend the whole conversation in a style that is foreign to you just a minute or two at the beginning of the conversation. So, begin noticing the non-verbal communication signals of speed, volume, and eye contact in your conversations with others friends, colleagues, and especially strangers, like store clerks. Practice adjusting your speed, volume, and eye contact to match the style of others. Ideally, you ll try this out with strangers before trying this matching technique in an interview. And if you re lucky enough to meet an interviewer whose natural style is very similar to yours, that makes it much easier to establish mutual conversational comfort. You ll probably feel more at ease with this person, right from the start. OK, that sounds great, but sometimes I m still nervous in interviews. Any other suggestions? Yes! One of the most important non-verbal communication techniques you can use it to turn up the corners of your mouth. More simply put smile! Your smile is a super tool for making you appealing. And it helps you, too. Smiling in interviews makes you seem warmer and friendlier. The movement of the facial muscles involved in a smile can also trigger feel good hormones in your body!

4 So, you can put yourself and the interviewer at ease by thinking about having a smile on your face. A natural smile, of course. Not bearing your teeth in a silly grin, OK? Here s yet another suggestion for calming your nerves in interviews: Allow for pauses. Take a breath! All too often, candidates think they have to be on in an interview, constantly firing back with witty answers. Yet, in non-interview situations, we have natural pauses in our conversations. So, consider literally giving yourself some breathing space. Take a few seconds to think! Obviously, if you need a few minutes to answer an interview question, it s polite to ask for the time to do that. But, if you need a little breather, take it! In fact, literally allow yourself to breathe, so you re-oxygenate your blood. The oxygen is food to your brain, allowing you to think more clearly! So, if you find yourself feeling nervous in interviews, pause and breathe! Also, don t worry about trying to get the right answer to interview questions. Instead, be yourself! Sometimes, in interviews, interviewees feel internally pressured to give the right answer. They get anxious about saying what they think the interviewer wants to hear. You use up a lot of energy second guessing all of your answers when you are overly concerned about what the other person thinks. This creates a lot of extra, unnecessary thinking and tension. You can do some preparation to match up your skills, knowledge, abilities, and personal qualities with a future employer s needs. But if you re too worried about getting inside the head of your interviewer and really knowing what that person wants to hear, you re not too likely to be natural and be yourself. Please know that the interview is not a multiple-choice test. The interviewer really does want to get to know you. They want to see the real person they would be hiring. Don t try to be something you re not. Who wants to act one way in the interview and then wind up acting differently when they re hired? Boy, that takes a lot of work and energy! The most important thing you can do when answering interview questions is to be authentically yourself. Show the interviewer the person they will be hiring. What does the interviewer expect? He or she expects to hear not only about what s in it for you if you are hired, but also what you can offer to the organization. Keep this important point in mind and you can vastly increase your chances of being hired. You don t have to answer all the interview questions right. Just share a response that addresses the skills, knowledge, and experiences that you have to offer. Avoid saying something totally one-sided, in your favor, like: If you hire me for this job, I m going to get great training, a great title, lots of money... An interview is about demonstrating your fit. Be sure to discuss the employer s needs. Yes, of course, you want to take care of your own needs. But because you ll be joining a group, they ll need to know that you can be responsive to their needs, as well as your own.

5 You can effectively and authentically promote yourself by matching up what the employer needs with your ability to deliver on those needs. One way to do this is to actually show the employer the job description. Point out the key requirements, and tell stories that demonstrate that you match with the organization s needs. It might go something like this I ll give you a sample: Well, I ve looked through the job description. I notice three key things you re looking for. I ll start by telling you about the one that seems most important. The job description clearly states, We want someone with five or more years of progressive customer service experience. Well, I started my career as a customer service representative seven years ago. My first manager trusted me so much that within the first three months, she gave me only angry, irate customers to deal with. I almost always calmed them down quickly. I received five awards for my outstanding customer service in a three year period, and I even developed a training program to help other reps learn to handle angry customers. I was promoted to group supervisor after my first year, and managed 35 full-time reps and 25 part-time reps. I decided that I wanted a bigger challenge, so I moved to a bill collection agency and trained and managed a nationwide staff of 150 collections reps on the phones. I developed whole new protocols and realized we could do more than just manage collections. A lot of people who can t pay their bills have lost their jobs. So, I helped the company to start selling job loss insurance. This new financial product that I suggested brought in $1500 per day in revenue. It helped our department to pay for 30% of our overhead. I d love to bring my expertise in dealing with difficult customer service situations. I d be happy to make innovations for your company in how you train and manage the customer service function. Would this be important experience to add to your company? In this example, this person has highlighted the skills that best matched the job description. She also added a question at the end of her statement. What is the benefit of asking questions during an interview? By asking questions, you connect with the interviewer and create a conversation. Instead of delivering a monologue, you can create a dialogue in your interview, simply by adding questions. If nothing else, by asking questions, you can effectively wake up an interviewer who might not be paying attention. The questions need not be complex. In fact, sometimes very simple questions get the dialogue going. Here are some examples of questions you can ask to wrap up your responses: Was that responsive to your question, or would you like to know more? Can I provide any more details? It seems like this skill we ve just discussed is really important to the job is that correct? I have another story I can share with you about a similar issue. Would you like to hear it?

6 By asking questions, you can check that you have understood the interviewer and are answering what s most important, rather than simply guessing or winging it. If you need to clarify an interview question, you can start off by asking a question. For example, let s say that the interviewer asks you: So, would you tell me about your prior work experience? You might start to wonder what information would be most useful. You could just take a wild guess and then respond blindly. But, you could also be more strategic by first asking a question. Hmm, you might say... I could tell you about just my most recent job, or I could talk about all the jobs I ve had since I finished my degree. How much time do we have and what would be most helpful to you? If you re feeling bold, and if you sense a rapport or connection with the interviewer, at this point, you could ask a question like this near the beginning of the interview: I know we have this interview booked for an hour, and I d like to make the most of our time together. I assume you have some questions for me, and I m curious to know if I ll also have time to ask some questions about the position and the company. I d like to know how much time we can allocate to each of those, plus any other time we ought to budget? By asking that question, you can demonstrate that you: Respect the interviewer s time Are concerned about being organized and structured Care about communicating what s most important You ll have to sense whether you re comfortable asking a question like this (or something similar). Most interviewers are not accustomed to be asked how they plan to spend the time. Another strong question to ask at the beginning of an interview is this one: So, I m imagining you ve had a chance to read my resume to know a little bit about me before we start, and I appreciate the chance to elaborate on my background and how I can help your organization. Before we jump into the interview, if you re willing, I d like to know a little bit about you. Would you mind telling me a few basics, like how long you ve been with the organization and what job you do now? Again, you ll only want to ask this question if you don t know anything about the interviewer before the interview. You should ask it only if it feels comfortable to you. If you do ask it, I encourage you to ask it with the sincere intention of learning some things about the interviewer so that you can find and talk about some areas of common interest or expertise.

7 I hope you enjoyed this preview of the full 120+ PDF page guide and workbook Interviewing Authentically. You ll find it in my Sensational Shift shop at authentically/ If you d like to know more about working with me, visit my website, I wish you well in your career! Susan Bernstein, MBA PhD