CHILDREN S GRIEF CENTER OF NEW MEXICO childrensgrief.org

Transcription

1 CHILDREN S GRIEF CENTER OF NEW MEXICO childrensgrief.org

2 When is daddy coming back from heaven?

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4 4 Principles Grief is a natural reaction to death for children as well as adults. Individuals have the natural capacity to heal themselves. Grief is a unique and individual experience Caring and acceptance help the healing process.

5 The Children s Grief Center

6 Stages of Grief Vs. Tasks of Grief Stages: Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, MD Denial Anger Bargaining Depression Acceptance Tasks: William Worden, Ph D Understanding Feeling the feelings Remembering Moving On

7 The first task of a grieving child is.understanding. Accept the reality of the loss What is the difference between alive and dead? Rudimentary acknowledgement that the person is dead Not accept as in acceptable

8 The 2 nd task of a grieving child: Feeling the feelings Sadness Sorrow Longing Anger At God The deceased The person who caused the death Fear Helplessness Vulnerability Randomness Guilt Failure to keep alive Survivor guilt Specific guilt

9 Grief Never Ends

10 I wish I could change

11 Grieving Men, Grieving Women Just as children experience and express grief differently than adults, men and women experience and express grief differently as well. When we re in a family with different ages and genders, being aware of some of these differences can be helpful.

12 Men s Grief navigating your way Give yourself permission to experience your loss in your own way. Cry if you want to it doesn t matter what others think. Give yourself time and space to mourn. There is no timetable. Allow yourself to slow down and focus on what you need. Use this experience to rebuild your life. He may be forced to cope with situations outside of his traditional role and this will be hard.

13 Women s Grief Women s Grief tend to feel more impact in the body physically need physical care often left to care for everyone else and put themselves at the end of the list. If a woman is going to lose herself it will be because she took care of others in her family, not herself. Give her permission to take care of herself. She may be forced to cope with situations outside of her traditional role, and this is hard. Remember that grief is like a blow to the head difficult to remember details, appointments, tasks. This is overwhelming. Women tend to be more easily verbal and benefit from communicating talking, journaling. Speak to her innate wisdom and strength help her identify as a survivor, not a victim.

14 The Grief Center Shows me that everyone needs a place to be ok with grief

15 The 3 rd task of a grieving child Commemorating Re-integrate the dead loved one into your mental and emotional experience. William Worden, Ph D. Finding a way to remember despite the pain of the loss. How can we talk about the worst thing to ever happen to us?

16 Memory Boxes

17 The final task of a grieving child.going On How to reinvest in life? Children will continue to look different from adult grievers. Developmental factors extend grief. We are healed of suffering only by experiencing it in full. ~ Marcel Proust

18 What helps? SINCE THE DEATH, I LIKE HEARING PEOPLE SAY She means so much to me. I miss her. I remember how she wore tennis shoes all over! She went for a lot of walks and every day we would see her. Our won t be the same without her. She had such a green thumb and her garden and violets were so beautiful. I brought this because I knew your mother would have liked it. Offer sincere condolences, I am so sorry. Do not put the mourner in a position to feel like they have to comfort you! Silence is ok simple contact a hand on the shoulder, a hug, taking deep breaths together can be very grounding. From a father whose 12 year old daughter died, give an ear, not words

19 What doesn t help? He/She is in a better place. I know just how you feel. It was God s will. You ll get over this with time. You ll find someone else, you ll see. (loss of a spouse) You ll have other children. (loss of an infant) You still have other children. (loss of a child) My father died the same way. (sharing life stories) My dog died, it was really hard.

20 Brene Brown on Empathy Vs. Sympathy

21 Hallmarks of Post Traumatic Growth A new appreciation for life A changed sense of priorities Warmer and more intimate relationships A greater sense of personal strength Recognition of new possibilities

22 I might have been beaten, but not broken.

23 From victim to victorious. From surviving to thriving.

24 Resources brochures, links, videos, support. National Center Locator Parenting Through Grief: The Attunetion Approach by Jade Richardson Bock and Craig Pierce, Ph D or Amazon

25 Be a resource! Contribute the Children s Grief Center is a 501 c 3 that receives zero state or federal funding, and never charges bereaved families for services. Share your expertise volunteer on a committee, the board of directors, or as a Bereavement Facilitator. Invite CGC staff to share this important message at your place of worship, civic club, business. Attend Healing Hearts our annual fundraising event every February. for details. It costs $750 to provide a child with an entire year of support groups! You can help heal a broken heart!