A PLAY THERAPY GUIDE FOR PARENTS. By Joan Podrow Licensed Clinical Social Worker

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1 A PLAY THERAPY GUIDE FOR PARENTS By Joan Podrow Licensed Clinical Social Worker

2 A PLAY THERAPY GUIDE FOR PARENTS When parents bring their child for therapy they are often unsure what goes on in the session between the therapist and their child. The therapist usually tells the parent they will have weekly or biweekly sessions with their child, and they will do play therapy with them. Parents often have many questions as to just what constitutes play therapy. However, many parents often do not ask the therapist just what play therapy entails. To your question, What did you do in therapy today, your child may respond, Oh we played the games Guess Who and Ask Xandar (a fortune teller game). I also played in some sand with small toys and I drew some pictures. You then think, I have a child with problems, and all she does is play games with this therapist. How is my child ever going to get help? What kind of training and schooling has this therapist received? This guide will help parents better understand play therapy. Children ages 5 to 12 often cannot verbally express what problems they have. If the therapist asks a child what might be bothering him, he will usually respond, I do not know or everything is fine and nothing is bothering me. If the therapist asks, How is school going and how is your teacher.? The response will usually be, Fine, I am doing OK in school. If a therapist states, Your mother says you are constantly fighting with your siblings, can you tell what makes you argue with them.? The child will usually say I do not know, and I just am bugged by my sister and brother. Children 12 and under are usually not able to verbally share problems and issues when asked what is going on in their lives. However, play therapy provides a non threatening and non direct method for children to express themselves Children who are struggling with Attention Deficit Disorder, Depression, Anxiety, Low Self Confidence, shyness, aggressiveness, poor social skills and oppositional behavior can all benefit from play therapy. If your child has problems focusing, paying attention, and waiting her turn, then learning to focus on a game can be beneficial. If your child has little confidence, then mastering a game and trying a new game, can build confidence. If your child cannot openly verbally express what is bothering her, then creating a world of her own in a sand tray may help identify some of her hidden conflicts. The following Guide will help define play therapy through a description of some of the games and techniques that are used in play therapy. This guide can apply to children of all ages. Many children who are 12 and older can spend some if not all of the therapy session expressing themselves without play. However, some children will engage in play therapy way beyond the age of 12. Therefore, parents should be aware that therapists may use play therapy with children who are into their teens.

3 WHAT IS PLAY THERAPY? A child s play is a way for a child to communicate. Toys are what a child uses to communicate with the world. Through the language of play a child can communicate in a safe and non threatening manner. Adults communicate through words and children communicate through their play. Through play therapy, the therapist can gain an understanding of how your child copes. Does she tolerate losing a game, or will she become upset and try to change the rules? Can she follow the rules and wait her turn while the therapists, or in a group, other players take their turn? Is her sand tray a world that is safe, confused, hostile or loving? Can she cooperatively play with others, or must she always be in control? Can she express her dreams and fears in drawings and collages? Can she express her thoughts and feelings in games that ask her to talk about what is going on inside of her? Play therapy helps to answers these questions. An adult can verbally express thoughts and feelings to the therapist. A child has not developed the intellectual or verbal ability to express himself in the same way as the adult. By engaging in various play therapy techniques, the answers to your child s dilemmas become clearer. TRADITIONAL BOARD GAMES So your child comes out of her therapy session and says she has just played Clue, Monopoly, Guess Who, Ask Xandar (a fortune teller game) or Sorry. Your child shares no more than she played one of the many board games available. You think, What help can my child get from playing a board game.? Through a therapist s knowledgeable eye, much insight can be gained about your child by watching how he plays these games. If your child has a low frustration level, he may get very upset when he is losing a game. He may even try to change the rules to win. If your child is unsure of himself, he may not use his creative abilities and just stick to rules for fear of making a mistake. A child who is unable to read, may be so ashamed of himself, he may avoid games with any reading in it. In a group, a child who is impulsive will not wait his turn. All these behaviors are noted by the watchful eye of the therapist. Then the therapist can assess the actions and behavior of your child, and come up with a coarse of action to help your child. If a child keeps changing the rules of the game, the therapist may interpret to the child that it is hard to lose, but everyone experiences frustrations. The therapist can model how to stick by the rules and even show how she (the therapist) tolerates losing. The therapist might even point out in a calm manner, that the game cannot continue without the rules being followed. The child then learns the value of sticking to rules, and learns enjoyment can be gained from the game even if she loses. If a child is unsure of herself and stifles creativity in a game, or sticks with one game over and over for fear of trying something new, the therapist can give ongoing positive feedback and encouragement to get the child to be more creative or try a new game. The child can then gain confidence by mastering a new game. If a child has problems waiting her turn, the therapist can slow down the game, and stress that for the game to proceed, the child must wait her turn. The child then learns more self control.

4 Children show many different aspects of themselves by playing a board game. The therapist can learn much about a child by engaging in a board game. In addition, as the child relaxes with the therapist while playing the board game, he/she is more likely to feel comfortable opening up and sharing with the therapist. So now when your child finishes a session and says I just played a board game, you can now know that what goes on is more than seeing who can accumulate the most property and Boardwalk in the game of Monopoly. PSYCHOLOGICALLY ORIENTED GAMES Games that are psychologically oriented encourage children to express emotions, thoughts and to creatively come up with solutions to life problems. Some examples of these games are the Thinking, Feeling, Doing Game, The Pick and Tell Game, and Stop Think and Relax. In the Thinking, Feeling, Doing Game, a child goes around the board and picks questions that require him to talk about feelings, thoughts or part take in a action that teaches social skills. If he does what is ask he gets a chip. In The Pick and Tell Game, there are four bags: a bag of toys, faces, words, and acts to perform. When a player picks a word, toy or face, he needs to make up a story about that object. If he picks an action. he is requested to partake in some social skill activity. If he does as requested, he gets chips. In the above two games, a child s stories and answers often reflect some problem or issue the child is struggling to solve. The therapist then can gain some valuable insight into the child s internal struggles. In the Stop Think and Relax Game, the child is challenged to consider ways to slow down while also expressing thoughts and feelings. If he does as ask, he again get chips. In this game, a child learns to better control his impulsive actions. While the child engages in these, games she unwittingly reveals aspects of herself by answering questions or partaking in activities. The therapist models the ways to answer the questions as well as engage in the activities. Children often get creative in their answers and feel safe in sharing since it is in the context of a game. They also enjoy accumulating the chips! Children who are shy, often open up more because they get caught up in the momentum of the game. Children who are more impulsive slow down to do what is requested of them. So if your child comes out and says he played with a bag of toys, words and faces, you will know he was also part taking in an activity that helped him express himself in a safe non threatening environment. NON STRUCTURED PLAY THERAPY TECHNIQUES There are play therapy methods that do not involve games. These techniques are less structured forms of play therapy. Examples of these techniques are sand tray play, playing with toy soldiers, doll houses, puppets, drawing, using legos, and doing collages. In Sand Tray Play, a child is presented with a sand tray and various miniatures such as houses, cowboys, Indians, families, creatures from the sea, fairy tale figures etc. They are told they can create a world from these miniatures. They are given time to create the world and the therapist can ask questions and have the child describe

5 their world. Collages allow a child to pick pictures from a magazine and paste them on a poster board. They are then ask to describe what they created. While part taking in these play therapy activities, a child can reveal many aspects about themselves to the therapist. A child setting up a sand tray world can often reveal their fears, hopes, and perception of their family. Art work often shows the inner goings on of a child. While the child engages in these activities he becomes more comfortable with the therapist and starts to reveal more about his internal workings to the therapist. So when your child comes out of the session and says he has just played in the sand for an hour with little figures, you will know he was revealing some inner aspect of himself to the therapist. GROUP PLAY THERAPY TECHNIQUES Group is a good setting to help children develop their social skills. In group a child interacts with kids around her age. Many games that are used in individual can also be transferred to the group setting. Group play helps a child develop skills in cooperation, patience, listening and tolerance. Examples of games used in group are Guesstures, Girl Power, The Family Happening Game, I Spy, and the aforementioned games of Stop Think and Relax and Pick and Tell. In the game Guesstures, the players divide into two groups. Each group picks four words and acts them out to get their team to guess what is the word. The team with the most points wins. In Girl Power each player needs to gain 10 power cards to win. However, to gain those cards certain other cards need to be collected. Players need to help one another to get these other cards. In The Family Happening Game, players need to answer questions about themselves and family to gain chips. The player with the most chips wins. In I Spy each player tries to spot an object in a card as it is read. The one with the most cards wins. Some of these games require cooperation among members of the group. Others require that each child wait his or her turn and not impulsively take their turn. These games require that each child listen to one another especially the ones that ask the child to share thoughts and feelings. Also in some of these game there can only be one winner, so the child needs to learn tolerance when they lose. In addition, group members keep each other honest and so children learn not to cheat. All these group game activities enhance your child s social skills. Children in group will also engage in non structured play therapy techniques such as art work, creative non board games, and even making up their own board game. Examples of art work done in group are again collages. Each child will do a college and then share it with the other members. Also members will draw cards up for other members birthday, or make card for a special event such as mother s day. An Example of a non board game is to have one member go outside the room and change some things about his or her appearance and have the other group members name what has changed. Members can also make up their own board game. They are given a blank poster board divided in to game board spaces and are ask to give up with activities that they can do to earn points or chips. Children enjoy the challenge of creating their own game and then like playing what they have created. This latter activity requires cooperation among group members to create an original game. These activities allow group members to

6 share about themselves without directly having to say what they feel or think. These activities also encourage members to listen, and be observant with one another. Members can also show their creativity to one another and get supportive feedback. So When your child comes out of group and says he made up his own board game you can know he had to cooperatively work with other members to make up a game and then had to cooperatively share his time playing the game with his fellow members. You can be assured that he is learning to develop his social skills with peers through various play therapy techniques. SUMMARY Hopefully this guide can assist you to better understand what occurs in the play therapy session between your child and his or her therapist. Play is a way for your child to communicate. It is the method used by most therapists to assist a child in expressing his feelings, thoughts and conflicts. Play therapy helps to build the relationship between therapist and child Children live in a world of play and it is their medium of communication. When a child engages in play during a therapy session, the therapist is learning about the child, her conflicts, feelings, thoughts and her world. The child in turn is revealing aspects about herself and learning to trust the therapist. Through play therapy, the therapist can address your child s problems such as depression, ADHD, anxiety and oppositional behavior. So be assured that when your child comes out and says we just played Clue and drew pictures, you can know that much more is going on the session than just playing a game or a producing a picture. If you have questions about any aspect of play therapy ask your child s therapist to explain what they do in the play therapy session!