Discussion Guide Preschool Parents Abuse Prevention

Discussion Guide Preschool Parents Abuse Prevention Materials: Preschool Parent Packet; Optional: Movie- Joey Learns Touching Rule; Worksheet Activities Main Points: Talking about Touching is the program theme. Talking about appropriate touch is very important for children and can help protect them from abuse.

1 Discussion Guide Preschool Parents Abuse Prevention Materials: Preschool Parent Packet; Optional: Movie- Joey Learns Touching Rule; Worksheet Activities Main Points: Talking about Touching is the program theme. Touch is very important for children. Communicates love, nurturing, safety. Talking about appropriate touch is very important! Topic can be difficult / uncomfortable for some, but as parents we can talk about this and it can help protect our children from this and all kinds of abuse. Kids listen more than you think. Remind them they are boss of their own body. They understand mine. They have their own lunch; own backpack; own space for clothes, etc. Others need to ask permission to use or share those things. Same goes for their body. Ø Ex: you re out to dinner and eating; if a stranger came up and sampled it, how old would child need to be to know that was wrong? 3-5 years? It s mine! Just like dinner, or their book bag or lunch, their body is not for everybody. It s private. Teach: this is yours (drawer, bag, room, etc.) people need to knock, ask permission. If you re not comfortable, say NO. Red Flags: (some things that should concern you) Be aware of the people who spend time with your child when you are not there. How well do you know them? (Babysitters, daycare, friends, even family...) Be aware of someone having too much interest in your child. Child doesn t want to be with that person Someone seems inappropriate in the way she or he acts with your child, Someone seems unusually interested in one of your kids and wants to spend time alone with her / him. Think like a predator: To safeguard your home, you should think like a burglar check locks, windows, lawn, newspaper and other clues. Child predators look for clues too: They look for kids who are very shy, naïve, neglected or troubled or just readily available. Predators want to separate you from your kids emotionally or physically; you need to talk to kids; give them tools; teach them to never keep secrets from you, especially about touching. Predators can be very charming They are like thieves; we alarm our car or home because some people may steal from us. We need to safeguard our children from people who may be molesters/predators. Protecting your child against abuse Talking with your child Be approachable. Respond, be open and encourage your kids to talk to you about their day. Ask specific questions: How was the spelling test? How s it going with that bully on the bus? Take advantage of natural teaching moments if they bring up a situation. Touching or bullying, etc. GOAL: ask one targeted question each day. Follow up each day with questions to give you a real conversation. Really Listen; don t answer your cell phone, etc; really listen to them. Don t overreact even if it really upsets you. If they think you get too upset, they won t talk to you. Use the real words for penis and vagina just like other body parts. Important for their understanding and adults understanding if something happens and they have to relate it to court, etc. Be open and keep the conversation going. Talk about appropriate touching along with teaching other safety rules; crossing the street safely, car seat/seat belt safety, etc. Touching is a safety rule just like other important safety rules. This approach won t scare them and children understand the importance of rules.

2 Teach the Safe Touch Rule: An older person should not touch your private body parts except to keep you clean and healthy. Private body parts are covered by a swim suit: between your knees and your nose, where your bathing suit goes. Talk about when and who would be okay to touch/see them there; doctor, bathing, toilet, etc If someone does try to touch you there, and not to keep you clean or healthy, Say: No! Run Away! And Tell a Grownup! Teach them: Never keep secrets about touching. Like all safety rules, important to practice and repeat more than once! Reinforce! Teach it is okay for them to have boundaries re: kisses, wrestling, tickling, etc.(kids too) Tell them: if I play too rough or do something that makes you uncomfortable or that you don t like, tell me! (May just be scratchy beard, strong perfume, etc) Safety is more important than manners. They need permission and the self-confidence to say NO to uncomfortable situations Family Violence: Stressed parents may become abusive. Practice breathing and relaxing techniques Living with daily anger and tension can cause kids to grow up afraid of everything and trusting no one. They might learn that hitting is how to solve problems. They may continue the cycle of abuse. Girls may act passive and withdraw from others. Boys may act aggressively and lash out at others. Preschoolers may cry more frequently; always want to be held or stiffen when held; stutter; hit, bite or kick more frequently; regress to baby-like behavior. Positive Parenting: Use positive comments and encouragement Show enthusiasm! Avoid combining encouragement with criticism Be sure you have your child s attention Be specific Keep it simple Be positive and encouraging to your child in front of others ACTIVITY: role play with parents: the child tries showing drawing to busy parent (cooking, at desk.) and they say: that s nice but don t really look or pay attention.too busy. Then do role play again with better reaction. Ø Think of someone who was really special to you when you were growing up. What made you think of this person? What did this person do that made you feel special? Ø Write down 5 positive traits, talents, etc for each of you children. Ø What are some ways to spend quality time and build positive relationships with your children? Ø What are the benefits of quality time? Ø What are the barriers to having quality time?

3 P.E.P. Talks - Activity Worksheets for Parents Ø Think of someone who was really special to you when you were growing up. Ø What made you think of this person? Ø What did this person do that made you feel special? Ø Write down 5 positive traits, talents, etc for each of you children.

4 P.E.P. Talks - Activity Worksheets for Parents Ø What are some ways to spend quality time and build positive relationships with your children? Ø What are the benefits of quality time? Ø What are the barriers to having quality time? NOTES:

5 P.E.P. Talks Intro: a few minutes on abuse and a few minutes on parenting; talking with your kids Abuse: Recognize red flags; teach kids what to do; learn parenting skills to help prevent abuse Affects of abuse: troubled families; crime; abused kids growing up to abuse their own kids. Abuse is: physical; sexual; emotional; neglect; family violence Physical: Sexual: Emotional: Neglect: purposely hurting a child by hitting, shaking, burning, etc. any sexual contact with a child, exposing them to adult sexual activity; repeated threats, insults, comments to scare, embarrass or intimidate lack of love, attention, food, clothing, medical care, supervision, etc Physical signs (may have ) Behavioral Signs (might ) Physical unusual / unexplained bruises, welts, broken bones, burns Wear clothes not right for weather- to hide injuries Seem withdrawn Seem afraid to go home Shy away from physical contact Be aggressive Sexual torn or bloody underwear Trouble walking or sitting Pain/itching in genital area Bruises/bleeding in genital area A sexually transmitted disease Have unusual knowledge of sex or act seductively Fear a particular person Seem withdrawn or depressed Gain or lose weight suddenly Shy away from physical contact Emotional speech problems Slow physical development Act too mature or too childish Have a hard time making or keeping friends Have extreme behavioral changes Neglect poor hygiene Slow physical development; seem underweight miss school often or arrive very early or late Little or no supervision at home be always tired or hungry Steal food Dress inappropriately for the weather.