Because of the Cross Forgiveness

Transcription

1 Because of the Cross Forgiveness Now the Kingdom of Heaven can be compared to a king who decided to bring his accounts up to date with servants who had borrowed money from him. One of his debtors was brought in who owed him millions of dollars. He couldn t pay, so the king ordered that he, his wife, his children, and everything he had be sold to pay the debt. But the man fell down before the king and begged him, Oh sir, be patient with me and I will pay it all. Then the king was filled with pity for him, and he released him and forgave his debt. But when the man left the king, he went to a fellow servant who owed him a few thousand dollars. He grabbed him by the throat and demanded instant payment. Be patient and I will pay it, he pleaded. But his creditor wouldn t wait. He had the man arrested and jailed until the debt could be paid in full. When some of the other servants saw this, they were very upset. They went to the king and told him what had happened. Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. Shouldn t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you? Then the angry king sent the man to prison until he had paid every penny. That s what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters in your heart. Matthew 18:23-35 Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors. (Matthew 6:12) What does forgiveness mean? o Is forgiveness the same as acquiescence? o Does forgiveness always mean restoration of relationships? o Is it possible to forgive what happened generations ago? o Are we supposed to forgive on behalf of other people? o What do we do with our feelings of anger, sorrow, fear, when trying to forgive? o Is forgiveness a onetime act of will? Is it a process? o Can we set limits and borders within forgiveness? o Can we leave another person or a community and still forgive? o Are there things which we should not forgive? o Is it possible to forgive ourselves when we have wounded others? o How do we forgive ourselves?

2 Is it possible to hurt others or ourselves by insisting that forgiveness be quick and clean? Consider these pieces of advice: Put it behind you. Rise above it. Put your mind on other things. Look on the bright side. Get on with your life. Pray harder. Think of all the things you ve done. Get rid of unhealthy emotions. Forgive once and move on. It s an act of the will. What is the difference between healthy and unhealthy forgiveness? What are the results of unhealthy forgiveness? Of healthy forgiveness? Forgiving Ourselves The words ought and owe come from the same root. To say I ought to do something is to say I owe it to God or I owe it to this person. Built into the human personality is an incredible sense of oughtness, of owing a debt, an automatic mechanism. We seek to atone for wrongs, to pay the debt we owe, or to collect the debt that someone else owes us. If we feel anger at ourselves, we say, I must pay in full. We won t let ourselves off the hook. (David Seamands) Unforgiven and unforgiving people don t have to wait until eternity to see the words of Jesus come true. Here and now, they are burdened with resentment, anger, and guilt. They live in a prison, tortured by all manner of inner emotional debts. (David Seamands) Forgiving Others To lick your wounds, to smack your lips over grievances long past, to roll over your tongue the prospect of bitter confrontations still to come, to savor to the last toothsome morsel both the pain you are given and the pain you are giving back--in many ways it is a feast fit for a king. The chief drawback is that what you are wolfing down is yourself. The skeleton at the feast is you. (Frederick Buechner) To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you. (L. Smedes) Anger and resentment against yourself, a refusal to forgive yourself these are just as damaging when directed at yourself as when they are directed against other people. Transformed or Transmitted: Your hurts and wounds will be transformed or they will be transmitted. Unforgiveness and unhealed anger get passed down the line to children and grandchildren just as surely as DNA. If your past hurts lie unforgiven and thus untransformed, they will be transmitted. They will leak out and get all over innocent people. It s the reason that anger is a legacy in some families. You can

3 trace it through the generations: father to son, mother to daughter. God wants to set us free. What is the legacy in your family of forgiveness and unforgiveness? There are two kinds of forgiveness: one in which reconciliation and restoration are possible because repentance has been evidenced and other in which we release the offender from our resentment but cannot restore the relationship (Flora Wuellner) What is the legacy in your family of forgiveness and unforgiveness? Forgiveness: Forgiveness is not First, forgiveness is a miracle of God s grace and power. Second, forgiveness is often a process. Third, forgiveness makes room for the truth. Fourth, forgiving is an act of power. Fifth, we are commanded to forgive. Sixth, forgiveness transforms the past and opens up the future. How do we forgive another? 1. Tell the truth. Ask: What really happened? Don t diminish or overstate the size of what happened. What is the result? What do I need from God? What does God ask me to do? 2. After telling the truth, mourn and be comforted. 3. Ask God s help to forgive. Ask, and it will be given you. Seek, and you will find. Knock, and it will be opened for you. For everyone who asks receives (Matthew 7) If you are struggling to forgive, you may, as you are ready, pray this: In the name of the living Christ, I set you free from my resentment and expectations. Go on your way in peace. Thanks be to God. Or if you do not feel safe in the presence of the person who has wounded you, Flora writes this: For myself, I ask the living, healing Jesus Christ to stand between me and a person who may hurt or drain me. Do not, even in your imagination, go into the encounter alone. Go accompanied by Christ.

4 How do we forgive ourselves? We can live in a perpetual penance of regret. We honor the gift of God s grace when we receive it. If you are learning to forgive yourself, ask yourself, What is the best restitution I can make, whether to this person or to others in his or her name? Flora adds this: Pray for God s help that your restitution flow from your center of dignity as a loved and forgiven child of God. Forgiveness and Power How can forgiveness be a powerful rather than passive action? Find God s power. Not denial, not submission, not ignoring, not rushing, not failing to guard or protect, not pretending, not aggression or force or returning the hurt in kind. Rather a willingness to think, feel, listen, consider and then tell the truth and then act in God s power. Christian forgiveness should not be a refusal of strength, but rather ought to manifest an alternative power; Christian love, whether of neighbors or of enemies, should be a sign not of repressed anger and hatred but of anger and hatred confronted and, eventually, overcome and transcended; it should not be an internalized guilt that further diminishes and destroys but a truthful engagement with the causes and motivations underlying the situation of brokenness. (L. Gregory Jones, Embodying Forgiveness) Instead of genuine forgiveness, our generation has been taught the vague notion of "tolerance." This is, at best, a low-grade parody of forgiveness. At worst, it's a way of sweeping the real issues in human life under the carpet. Jesus' message [of forgiveness of sins] offers the genuine article and insists that we should accept no man-made substitutes. (N.T. Wright, The Lord and His Prayer) God wants us to be merciful with ourselves. And besides, our sorrows are not our own. He takes them on Himself, into His heart. (George Bernanos, The Diary of a Country Priest) He that cannot forgive others breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass if he would ever reach heaven; for every one has need to be forgiven. (George Herbert, quoted in N. T. Wright, The Lord and His Prayer) [Forgiveness] cannot mean that we cover up a fault with the "mantle of charity." Divine things are never a matter of illusion and deception. On the contrary, before the sin is forgiven the mantle with which it is covered must be removed. The sin must be unmercifully yes, unmercifully exposed to the light of God's countenance (Psalm 90). (Helmut Thielicke, Our Heavenly Father) Prayer and Meditation on Forgiveness: So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1 Freely you have received, freely give. Matthew 10:8 Held by God s love, I ask God to help me name my hurt and need. Held within God s mercy, I ask God s help in naming what I did.

5 Oh Lord, I open myself to you. I will not hide, but come out into the open. I will hear what you say to me, see what you show me, follow where you lead me. I open myself to the light of truth and the balm of mercy. Help me to receive your forgiveness and let go of self-reproach. Right now I ask, and I receive, your forgiveness for old regrets and self-reproach I have been carrying Help me to forgive fully and to let go of resentment. Right now I forgive, with God s help, those who have wronged me I ask to be freed from these resentments that I have been carrying Help me to grow up into the fullness of life for which I was created. I pray, affirming that the cross of Christ is enough. Amen.